We broke up about a year ago. I haven't seen him since. He's been in America so I didn't even have the chance to see him. Now he is back for BGT and so am I. Alesha and David did a great job at keeping me away from him over the past year, but now I am forced to see him again.

I didn't have another choice. I signed a contract for the next three years so I just couldn't not go. He must be as uncomfortable as I am with the media talking about this weird situation non stop and with his new girlfriend being angry about it.

It was an ugly break up, I'm not gonna lie. We both cried a lot and I still tear up when I think about it. My feelings for him never went away, but my need to be with him disappeared slowly as time went by.

I just got used to being alone again. I got pretty good at being alone and for most of the time I was happy with it. Well at least as happy as you can be in such a situation. We've been together for four years, even thinking about getting married, but at the end it just didn't work. We had a lot of fights and split up short after our anniversary.

Now that I am back and have to face the demons of my past, I gotta admit... it hurts seeing him. It's just so hard being in a room with him, nowing that I still love and care for him a lot. Seeing him with his new girlfriend is even harder.

He's just so happy with her and that makes me wonder what went wrong with us that made us grow distant. We were made for each other. Lovers and best friends at the same time... maybe that's the reason it didn't work out the way we wanted it to.

"Hey Amanda... Is everything alright?" Alesha asks worried and puts her hand on mine. "Yeah, I am fine..." I say even though I know she sees that nothing is fine. "It's Simon, isn't it?" she asks and I nod my head slowly, admitting that I'm struggling with the situation.

"You know... I thought it would be easier. I thought after one year I could stand being in a room with him, but I can't... It just hurts so much seeing him so happy while I am still in love with him," I say and she nods slowly.

"I know what you mean... After my divorce it took me a while to get over it and you are in a very difficult situation, but  it will get easier. I know your break up was nasty and it's hard seeing him, but you love your job so much. Would you want to give that up, because of that idiot?" she asks and knows she's right.

"No, I wouldn't and I won't... I love judging and Simon will never be able to take that away from me," I say and smile at her. "That's my girl."

....

As the four of us are waiting in our waiting room my phone starts ringing and Alesha sees the name of the caller before I can answer.

"Hey babe," Evan says on the other end of the line. Evan is my current boyfriend. Well I don't know where we'll end up, but I don't see me spending the rest of my life with him.

"Hey honey," I say and a smile spreads across my face.

"I wanted to ask if I can pick you up from work to take you out on a fancy dinner," he asks and I smile even wider. "Of course you can," I say and lean back a bit further, relaxing completly.

"Okay I'll see you later then," I say after a while of talking. "Love you," I include and Alesha smirks at me.

"So how's your daughter doing?" David asks and I smile at the thought of my beautiful six year old. "I haven't talked to her today, but my mum texted me, saying she's doing just fine," I say and David looks confused at me.

"And who was that?" he asks and I smirk. "That's her boyfriend..." Alesha says and I see a painful look on Simon's face. "Yeah, that was my boyfriend," I admit quietly. The tension between all of us is awkward and I avoid looking at Simon.

I shouldn't have answered the phone and just brushed it off as a friend. The situation is already awkward enough. "So you are dating somebody?" Simon asks quietly and I nod my head yes, finally looking into his eyes.

"His name is Evan," I say and Alesha and David leave the room to give us time to talk, making me even more uncomfortable. They make it look like we actually have some serious talking to do, even though it's none of Simon's god damn business.

"So how long have you been dating him?" he asks kind of angry. "You broke up with me so don't you even dare be angry about my decisions, because I wasn't the one who ended things." I say and he looks even sadder now.

"I'm sorry," he says and I just huff. That's what he always says, but rarely means. "You always say that... Sorry won't do it this time Simon," I say and he just nods slowly. "Do you love him?" he asks suddenly and I am completly taken back by his question.

"No," I hear myself answer honestly. "Do you love her?" I ask him, tears starting to come up.

"No"

Suddenly I find myself kissing him passionately. I know it's wrong, but it feels so right and for the first time in a while I feel truly happy so I keep kissing him. My arms wrap around his neck and he pulls me even closer.

We break apart, breathing heavily and looking at each other confused. Both of us don't know what the hell that was and what we want to do now that it happened.

"So..." I say and he looks at me with love and admiration in his eyes. Instead of saying something he just cups my cheek, kissing me slowly and making sure to make me feel just how much he loves me.

---

So this one shot is kind of crappy I know... I'll try to write more the next few weeks, but can't promise anything!