Type: Songfic

Inspired by: Haunted by Taylor Swift

Pairing: Sherlock x reader x Greg

Warnings: self harm, suicidal intention

You and I walk a fragile line, I've known it all this time

He wasn't dead.

He couldn't be dead.

This was Sherlock Holmes you were talking about, he was probably lurking somewhere around 221b, ready to pop out at any moment.

You rolled the cigarette between your fingertips, letting another cloud of smoke escape your lips.

I never thought I'd live to see it break

He'd left you.

You were so stupid for thinking that you were good enough for him.

It's Sherlock Holmes, he probably didn't feel anything for you.

You wrapped your arms around yourself, you missed his touch, you missed his lips, you missed the racket coming from the kitchen as he'd blow things up, you missed him.

It's gettin dark and all too quiet

You stared ahead, bringing your legs up. You were now left with a dull ache in your chest, even when your mind shut up, and all your doubts and worries seem to stop for just a fraction of a second, it still hurt.

And I can't trust anything now

You looked around 221b, the ghost of who was once bustling through was all that remained. His things were left untouched, you hoped that if you left them that way, you could preserve his presence. You bit your lip, it wasn't fair.

Why did he have to leave you?

A sudden anger shot through you, he left you here alone. He'd been your rock, your anchor, something that kept you from floating away, and now he was gone. You stood, pacing back and forth.

"He didn't love you."

"Why would you be enough?"

These thoughts raged throughout your mind, you held your head in your hands.

"You're nothing to him."

"Shut up!" You yelled, flipping the coffee table over with your hand, a couple t cups shattered, papers flying every which way. You didn't care.

Holding my breath, won't lose you again

You whirled around and punched the wall behind you, a sharp hot pain flew through your arm and you cried out, plopping back down on the couch, cradling your wrist.

It was nothing compared to the raging pain inside.

Somethin made your eyes go cold

You stared ahead, tears ran and you heaved sobs until you couldn't anymore. Your door flew open, you didn't acknowledge them.

It could be an axe murderer and you'd welcome them with open arms right now, begging them to end the pain you were in.

"What the bloody hell?" A voice murmured, stumbling over the couch, Greg Lestrade walked over to you, putting his gun away. "Are you alright? I heard a crash and a cry of pain." His brown eyes glittered with concern.

"I'm fine." You lied softly.

Come on come on don't leave me like this

You bit your lip, you thought you'd figured out the last of Sherlock's puzzles. You thought you finally understood him, well, as much as a person could understand a sociopath.

I thought I had you figured out

You felt the couch sink next to you slightly, indicating someone was sitting next to you.

You didn't care you looked like crap in one of Sherlock's button ups pulled over a cami.

You didn't care that your leggings were torn in the knee.

You didn't care you smelt like cigarette smoke and booze, and hadn't showered for a few days.

You just didn't care.

You thoughts returned back to the fall, maybe he had a reason? Maybe it was something unknown to you?

Somethings gone terribly wrong, you're all I wanted

You felt Greg move your wounded arm, you winced slightly at the raging pain. He began to roll up your sleeve, you heard the gasp.

You didn't care.

His voice blurred in the background, you probably seemed dead.

Dead seemed nice.

Come on come on don't leave me like this

"Y/N!" Greg called, he raised his voice, breaking you from your trance. "Hmmmm?" You turned towards him. He murmured dork thing about it just being a sprain before a gasp escaped his lips. He was staring at your newly scarred arm, "what have you been doing in here?" He whispered, his voice sounded as if it may crack at any moment.

"It hurts." You whispered.

"We aren't talking about the wrist are we?" He asked, and you shocked your head. He opened his arms, and you laid down, head in his lap.

"It hurts." You whispered again.

I thought I finally had you figured out.

He stroke your hair gently, "I miss him too." He said softly.

"Why did he have to leave us?" You asked quietly.

"He's Sherlock Holmes. We never know why he does what he does."

You closed your eyes, why couldn't it stop hurting?

Why couldn't you just move on?

Can't breathe whenever your gone

Can't turn back now I'm Haunted

"How about you go take a shower, because you smell, take a moment and relax, then we'll talk and eat somethin, alright?" He gave a soft smile and you nodded.

You didn't see a point in eating when you wanted to fade out of existence, but if it seemed to make him happy you might as well.

You slowly got to your feet with some assistance from Greg, you walked towards your bedroom, you walked inside. You slipped off your leggings, you slowly pulled off the button up you'd kept on for days. You stared at it, you sat down on the bed, holding it close to your chest. His scent still lingered.

You sat there for a moment, putting it down and removing the rest of your clothing. You grabbed what you would need before stepping into the shower. The warm water felt good, but at the same time it stung on newly found scars. You closed your eyes for a moment, the night raged before you. You bit your lip, your last face to face conversation had been you calling him selfish and arrogant when you thought your poor landlady had been shot. You'd tried to apologize on the phone but he'd only told you about how you were right.

Stood there and watched you walk away from everything we had

You slowly washed yourself, your body adjusting to putting effort into it again. You soon finished up, threw on some clothes, and walked out of the bedroom. You'd carefully moved around Sherlock's things in the bathroom. You felt somewhat fresher.

You remembered the night before Moriarty's whole ordeal with the children and everything else went down. You and Sherlock laid in bed for a majority of the day, just finding comfort in being in each other's arms. You'd told him you loved him numerous times.

I still mean every word I said

You looked around the living room, the coffee table had been restored to its original position, papers and tea cups had been cleaned up. Your beer bottles that had littered every open space from what it seems had been thrown away. You wandered into the kitchen, to where Greg had a bowl of soup waiting.

He will try to take away my pain

"Nicely done Lestrade." You said softly, you had been alone for days, not talking to anyone, so your voice was still adjusting to being at normal levels.

He apparently didn't see you coming and managed to elbow his coffee cup off the counted, bumping his knee. He managed to catch the empty cup, looking slightly flustered. You felt yourself smile at the whole situation, "good job."

And he might just make me smile but the whole time I'm wishin he was you

Greg looked very proud of himself for making you smile. You sat down stirring the soup, working up the motivation to actually eat it.

"Have you visited his grave yet?" Greg asked gently, looking at you.

You shook your head, you'd been unable to make yourself . That would confirm that he was dead, you were perfectly fine with believing he would pop out any moment saying "surprise."

Holdin my breath

"Maybe we should. Maybe a sense of closure or something?"

"Greg Lestrade did you google how to help me?" You smirked slightly.

"No." He looked away innocently.

You felt the pain in your chest ease slightly.

"Maybe at some point." You nodded, and Greg smiled.

****

You'd finally allowed Greg to rope you into visiting his grave. You'd asked him to stay in the car, you'd managed to put on a bit of make up and black jeans with your favorite t shirt. You saw the grave stone, sherlocks name engraved. You bit your lip, gently kneeling down and placing the flowers down carefully.

Won't see you again

"Sorry I'm late." You felt a bit silly talking to a piece of rock, but you did it anyway.

"I uh, I didn't want to believe you were dead. I wanted to believe that I'd walk into 221b to find you rustling around, blowing up our kitchen. But i can only dodge reality for so long, eh?" You chuckled darkly, shoving your hands in your pockets. "I'm sorry for what I said Sherlock, you aren't selfish, you aren't arrogant. Ok, well maybe just a little, but it's some of the wonderful things that make-" you stopped, you heart breaking as you corrected yourself "-made you you. I love you Sherlock, so much." Tears pricked your eyes. "But we all have to say goodbye. Don't we?" You sniffles. "Goodbye Sherlock." You turned away.

Somethin keeps me holdin on to nothin

You wiped away the tear rolling down your cheeks. You had to let go, he was dead.

I know you're not gone you can't be gone

You bit your lip, you had to accept the fact that Sherlock was dead. Why was it so hard?

You walked towards the car, Greg leaned over and opened the door for you.

Come on don't leave me like this I thought I had you figured out

Something's gone terribly wrong won't finish what you started

Can't breathe whenever you're gone

Can't go back I'm haunted

"You alright?" He asked gently.

"I'm fine." You smiled, nodding.

Greg nodded, "We'll get through this."

He offered a small smile, he reached over and took your hand in his. You looked down at it, feeling the ache lighten a bit. "Yeah."

You and I walk a fragile line

I have known it all this time

The two of you drove away, leaving the graveyard in peace.

Once you were far away, something emerged from the trees, and that something was Sherlock Holmes.

I never thought I'd see it break

Never thought I'd see it

a/n

So here's the first part of my trilogy as I like to call it. I do need a title but I'm not creative enough to come up with one.

GOOD NEWS, me and drayizzle are hosting a writing contest! The details will me posted on firstnameisdrayizzle soon, so if you haven't followed that account yet you totally should ;)

Two updates in one day, Wooo

Love y'all

bye bye for now