Tegan's POV.

My hand feels empty when it is not holding Newt's hand. I do listen to Minho though. Minho is tall and tanned and dark haired which is the quiff style but I don't fancy him. I've already sussed, I'm the only girl with loads of boys, that has it's advantages for the boys so I know things could happen. But. I'm not like that. I saw Newt looking at me and Minho when he walked/ limped away. He had a sour look about him then. I wonder how he got his limp.

"Minho, how did Newt get his limp?" I ask all of a sudden, the curiosity overwelming.

Minho looks at me awkwardly, "That's not my place to tell." Minho says firmly.

"Okay, can I tell you my secret that you can't tell Newt?" I ask quickly.

Alby said he'd tell Minho but I want to do it. I need to do it. Some of it is bad. Some can't be helped. I just need people aware.

"Sure." Minho looks uncomfortable.

"I have Aspergers, anxiety, and depression. I also have trust issues, no self esteem and I hate myself." I say quietly.

"What's depression and Aspergers?" Minho asks hestiently.

He seems to know what anxiety and all the rest is. I explain. He looks really sad. I get sad too. He then sees me like it then distracts me with introducing me to other gladers.

"So yeah..." I trail off.

"Over there is Ben. He's a runner like me. Hey Ben! Come here." Ben smiles then trots over, "Ben meet the greenie girl." Minho says happily, and not meaning to offend me slightly.

"What's up greenie?" Ben asks politely but sniggers.

I glare at Ben and say sarcastically "The sky." And stalk off on my own into the forest.

Minho tries to come after me and jogs at the side of me for a minute, "What has offended you Tegan?" He asks unbeknowingly.

I stop dead in my tracks.

"Everyone calling me greenie and everyone is laughing at me, sniggering at me. Like your good friend Ben over there." I pause for breath, "Now shuck off I want to be alone." I hiss, not necessarily mad at him but at the whole situation and everyone and everything.

"Tegan... You're going into meltdown aren't you?" Minho asks quietly and patiently.

"Yes."

Minho looks as if he is rattling his brain for ideas. "I'll get Newt as Alby cannot be disturbed and tell him about your anxiety, Aspergers and depression then he can come and-" I interupt him before he can finish.

"Not Newt. He will not know. You understand me Minho?" I say firmly but the tears start flowing down my face like someone's turned on a tap, "Get Alby."

He sprints off into the direction which I think is Alby's tent. I get a tent to as I'm the only girl but I wouldn't of minded snuggling up to Newt. No, what did I just say? Ugh he's getting into my brain. I suddenly start shivering and shaking intensely, my whole body wobbles like a newborn dear who is trying to learn how to stand up. I fall down because I'm shaking that much. I was going to find my tent and go in there but I can't move. Great. Panic attack and meltdown on the first day. And, this panic attack is a gooden', I've got paralysis. Fan-fucking-tastic. Alby and Minho arrives finally, and it feels like it's been hours, though it's probably been a matter of minutes. When Alby walks up to me I am shaking violently, rocking myself whilst cuddling my knees on the dirty, forest floor. I'm covered in mud.

"Hey, Tegan, want to go back to your tent and talk about what's wrong in detail?" I nod and try to stand but I'm still shaking violently and I crash to the fall with a bang.

Also, I've got paralysis as it's a bad panic attack included with the meltdown. I then start sobbing and screaming at the top of my lungs. I'm totally helpless. I can't think straight.

Someone.

Help me.

In that moment Minho lifts my rattling body up then drapes me in half over his broad shoulder's. He's a runner so he's one of the strongest and fastest. Alby joins us in our walk. Alby was a runner but he stopped. He only fills in now. Minho starts to walk slowly, just talking to me. So does Alby. I think Alby filled him in on that booklet all about Aspergers, depression and Anxiety. Plus how to deal with it or help someone. Alby has also given me my booklet back. Minho is calming me down ever so slightly so I'm shaking less but I'm still shaking. So Alby says he'll leave me with Minho. Minho nods. People come running up to us. Following, asking questions. I can feel my whole body tense up as if I've just turned into a wooden doll. I glance at Newt who comes running in because of the commotion.

Newt.

"What the bloody shuck do you think you lot are doing?! Get back to work shuck-faces!" Newt roars.

His eyes are angry and if looks could kill, every single one of the lads would be dying a horrible death.

Minho pants a: "Thanks Newt."

Newt looks at Minho and said he'll take me to my tent. And that Minho should go talk to the others. Minho does as he's told immediately and places me on the floor with a thud.

"Gently Minho!" Newt yells to Minho's back.

Me? I just start swaying violently. Again. And start to fall. Again. Newt notices this just in time and catches me. His eyes are now scared.

He's scared of me?

Newt picks me up carefully and carries me bridal style to my tent. All the way to my tent Newt is saying to me tenderly, "Just calm down aright?"

Newt gently places me on my hammock. I turn over on my belly and start sobbing into the pillow I was given.

For the next hour I'm just sobbing and screaming into my pillow drenched in mud while Newt is sat comforting me sat cross-legged on the floor. He talks to me tenderly, like he likes me. No one likes me. As a friend or more. He calms me down. Never leaves my side. Strokes my arms. Talks about him, any jackass shit that comes to mind. He listens to me rant and rage on about how I hate myself etc etc. I eventually sneak a look at him though and he looks aghast. His face is red and he looks as if he's gotten teary. No, not Newt.

"So-o-r-ry." I tremble.

He looks up at me. A tear falls onto his beautiful face.

Beautiful?

I don't like where this is going.

I sit up. I motion for him to sit next to me. I then ask the time.

"Well, you arrived here at 10am. Later than all the rest. It's always been 9am the new gladers come up. It took you twenty minutes to then get yourself knocked out, so that's 10:20 we're up to,"

I giggle, it's not just what he said. It's how Newt's saying it, all sweet and funny, making me laugh. He's brought me out of my panic attack and meltdown. He himself seems happier that he made me giggle and smile at last.

"Oops, go on."

"Then you were out cold for three hours, you keeping track Teegs? It's now 1:20. Then it's been forty minutes just before you got like this. So that's two pm. Then I've been here with you for an hour. So Teegs, it's three pm." Newt says that last sentence with a florish.

I laugh heartily and he gives me a big bear hug. I'm confused but of course I hug him back. I pull back slightly and look at him straight in the eye, Newt looks at me. We are locked in that position.

Newt seems different somehow this time.

Newt is my height - average - but slightly taller. He's got thick light golden hair. Newt has gorgeous dark brown eyes. The colour of chocolate. Luckily for him I have a sweet tooth. Newt's body is slender, lean, skinny. He's very muscly, he's not buff but that's good I'm not into buff boys. I love Newt's smile. It just brightens my life. Today I felt myself trapped in a tunnel. I wonder if he's the light at the other end?

I can feel my cheeks burning ever so slightly and because I'm extremely pale this makes a big difference. I pull Newt back into the hug. Somehow this hug seems different, we grasp each other pulling our bodies nearer each other and I hope it stays that way forever. Suddenly I feel a cold trickle down my face so I know I'm crying again. This time about what just happened and what I did to others and the guilt.