Shawn

Janet pushed me forward with force, bending me over the dresser. I glanced at myself again in the mirror, feeling her lips against my back causing the hairs stand on my arms.

I needed to be stronger this. Was I really
going to let her think she could walk into my space and get what she wants from me? If she wanted me, it was her turn to work for it but first, I wanted her to want me bad.

I pushed my ass back against her and hissed. She moaned at the contact and her hands made their way around to my breast. She pulled me back up to her. Our eyes locked and she smiled at me through the mirror.

She made me face her and, "Up." I knew she meant the dresser. On the tips of my toes, i carefully sat on top of it. She took a few steps back and began taking off her clothes.

She pulled a black sweatshirt over head and tossed it to the side. No bra. She looked down and raised her eyes to me slowly, bit her lip and smiled as she pulled her sweats down around her ankles. No panties either.

This is what she came here for.

Janet walked up between my legs and I moaned as she grabbed my hips roughly and pulled me closer to her, causing me graze her with my wetness. She looked down at her stomach and smiled.

Touching the wet spot, Janet licked her fingers and moaned. "God I missed the way you taste." She said and pulled me into a kiss.

Kaz instantly began to bark startling us both. I glanced at Janet. "I need to go walk her." I said. She turned a way and I sent a quick thank you in the air.

"I understand," She said. "Should I stay here or should I come with you?"

"Nah, just get comfortable. I'll be back."

Janet watched me as I got dressed. She laid there, completely naked in my bed. I was tripping and falling over everything while trying to ignore the image of her laying there but you try ignoring a woman that was kissed by God Herself.

I sat down on the side of the bed and slipped into my shoes. I could feel her moving towards me and she crawled into my lap. She grabbed my hair gently and pulled my head back making me look at her. She kissed me passionately, swirling her tongue into my mouth. Janet moaned into my mouth letting out one of the sweetest and sexiest moans I'd ever heard.

She released my lips and I heard myself moan. She smiled. "Don't take too long please."

I grabbed her into my arms and stood up. She squealed and laughed as I laid her carefully down and covered her. "Be right back boo." I said and kissed her hand.

Once Kaz And I were outside, I put my hands on my knees and took a deep breath. My body was thumping. At this point all she needed to do was touch me and I think I might explode. I laughed out loud at myself. This was crazy.

"You can do this." I told myself over and over. I looked down at Kaz. "Or you could just help me out and buy us some time." I said and rubbed her head.

Kaz gave me about a 15 minute grace period and was ready to go back inside. As we approached the door I heard footsteps approaching. The person bumped into me, nearly knocking me down.

"Fucking excuse you... asshole." I said as I walked back inside. I glanced back towards the door, and shook my head deciding to not over think it.

As I walked inside I tried to be as quiet as possible. I left my shoes at the door, picked Kaz up and walked into the bedroom. Janet had fallen asleep. I let out a sigh of relief and pulled the covers over her. I knew she had to be tired after the day we'd had.

I grabbed a few covers for the dog and myself and we cuddled up on the couch. Kaz kept looking back towards the bedroom and wining. I smiled. "You can't go in there, she's trying to sleep." She licked my hand and laid her head in my lap. "I feel you though, she has that effect on everyone."

It wasn't long before I'd fallen asleep myself and when I opened my eyes the next morning, Janet was there. She had put on one of my T-shirts and curled up next to me and Kaz on the couch. I brushed the hair from her face so I could see her.

People always called her beautiful but until you've seen her this close, you can't possibly understand just how it feels to have her take your breath away.

I managed to get off the couch without waking her. Getting Kaz to leave her side was a difficult task all on its own. I even tried to trick her with treats but she was not leaving Janet's side. It was sweet actually.

Ultimately I ended up grabbing her and taking her outside. We didn't have to be at the studio until noon so once I returned inside, I didn't wake Janet. I just let her sleep.

I made her a pot of tea, a cup of coffee for myself and took a seat on the coffee table in front of her. I smiled and shook my head as I sipped from my cup. Even all this time, the effect she had on me blew my mind. We use to have so much fun and I have begun to act like that's not enough for me.

There was nothing ordinary about us, the relationship we have, or had. I'd began to take myself too seriously. I thought about last night and what it could've turned into but I wouldn't let it. I was afraid I couldn't handle being with her and her not being solely mine.

I needed to be more realistic.

She shifted and I knew she would wake soon. Her eyes fluttered open, she looked at me and smiled. It warmed me better than the coffee had. She rubbed her eyes and sat up.

"What time is it?" She asked.

"It's just a little past 8, so if you want to go get in the bed and sleep longer, feel free."

She yawned and I smiled. "You know, today I just might do that. What are you drinking?" She asked.

"Coffee but there is tea waiting for you." I said. She smiled and went to stand. "Sit, I got you. Still with honey only?"

"It's the only way I'll drink it." She said following me into the kitchen anyway. I turned and bumped into her.

I laughed nervously. "Excuse me." I said, reaching around her to grab a tea cup.

We sat on the couch in silence for a moment. She kept looking at me. I know there was something she wanted to say, but she remained quiet. More realistic, I said to myself.

"Do you love me?" I asked, breaking the long silence.

"You know how I feel about you Shawn."

"It's a yes or no question." I said.

She nodded. "Yes of course I love you."

I took a seat on the coffee table in front of her. "Then why won't it work? We keep trying and things get messed up. Do you think it's because we're not meant to be."

"Shawn why do we have to be anything? Do you remember how things used to be with you and I? We used to have so much fun and "being" is starting to feel like the thing that complicated it." She said.

"So does that mean you never want to be with me?"

"Shawn, since I turned relationship after relationship. I haven't given myself time to breath. I guess want to take that time for me and still have you." She paused for a moment. "Wow, that sounds really selfish now that I say it out loud."

"So we're going backwards? You think that we can just go back to being friends?"

"No, but we can evolve and be a mix of the two." She said, stood up and straddled me on the table. "I want to be your homie, your lover and friend all at once."

"How does that work J? Do we only see each other, do we see other people."

"Why does there have to be rules. I'm not trying to be under anyone but you. You have me baby." She said and kissed my lips. "You're worried but look where I am. Look who I stayed the night with, even though you blue balled me." She joked.

I didn't laugh. I didn't see the pros. I could only think that this left things open for her eventually find someone.

"Don't play with my feelings J."

"I'm not Shawn." She said.

"Then don't talk around this. Tell me how you feel."

She paused for a moment. "I guess I'm tired of being tied down. But things with you started to happen so fast and I didn't want them to stop even though I knew I wasn't ready. Not only have you made me feel loved, wanted and protected, you have given me the gift of friendship. I don't want to lose that just because I'm not labeled as yours."

"To me, that means that you want me around to fill that void until some one worth it comes along. That's what I'm hearing J."

She stood up and got off my lap. "Okay Shawn you asked me to tell you how I was feeling and I've done but I see that it's not getting us anywhere. I'm just going to call Preston and have him come take me home." She said.

I nodded and smiled as I stood to my feet. "Okay J, do what you do best and run away, just make sure you lock my door and leave the key under the mat." I said leaving her standing there by the coffee table and made my way into the bathroom.

I heard the front door open for a moment and then it slammed shut. She was angry with me. I assumed she'd left.

I started the shower and just as the water began to come down I heard her footsteps behind and she pushed me right under the flow of the water drenching me.

"What the fuck Janet!" I said throwing my hands in the air and slinging water everywhere.

"Why are you doing me this way?" She yelled and shoved me again as she stepped into the shower with me.

"I refuse to keep playing these games with you!" I yelled back at her.

"But Shawnette I love you."

"Stop saying that! You don't love me!" I screamed as I began to cry. "Not the way that I love you. I am not something you can just put down and pick back up when ever you feel like it." I paused for moment. "No," I continued, "fuck that and fuck you for doing it to me." I heard myself say.

She was silent, staring at me with hurt in her eyes like she couldn't believe I'd just said those words. I instantly regretted them. And it was my turned to follow her. Janet turned without saying a word and walked away.

"Janet don't!" I said.

She opened the door and I slammed it shut.

"Leave me alone!" She yelled walking away from me in frustration.

"No you're not running this time. You're gonna stay here and deal with this right here, right now!" I said following her through the kitchen. I reached out and grabbed her by the wrist.

"You don't tell me what I can and cannot do!" She cried snatching her arm from my grasp. She turned around, slapped me across the face and gasped.

I glared at her, grabbed her and kissed her. She continued to fight me off and turned her around and bent her over the counter like she down me earlier. My free hand was under her T-shirt as I tugged at her panties.

"No!" She yelled and pushed back against me, causing me stumble backwards and fall into the counter behind me.

We were quiet, for a second.

Only our breathing echoed my ears. What the fuck was I thinking?