Odessa

Life is a serious of events that leads to heartbreak and sadness. It is a deep motionless despair that crawls deep into your skin when you least expect it. No matter how hard you try to think life is good, it's not. It's as simple as that.

Life is a meaningless meagre to trick us all. We are conceived, and forced to participate in life's uncanny structure of work to keep the vicious cycle going until one day you eventually die.
No need to sugar coat the sheer bliss of it, we simply live and then we die.
Your brain stops working and you simply rot underneath the ground.

I believe this process of dying can happen even when you are alive,
because after what happened, I don't think I can ever live again.

It's hard for me to digest life after what happened. Nothing is the same anymore, even waking up doesn't feel right.

They say his body appeared from the depths of the water four hours after the accident.
His lips were cerulean and his body was frozen stiff. Nothing could have saved him, once he hit the water, he was a goner.

They told me that when I found out what happened, my lips didn't even part. I just simply stared at the pale walls in a trance.

The doctors thought I would have shown a teensy bit more empathy like the others, but my heart was still numb from the glacial water...

My emotions were nothing compared to my parents. My parents acted the complete opposite.
My mother screamed and wailed so loud, it is said the echoes of her screams lingered throughout the entire kingdom.
Her sobs came crashing down like lighting while my father's rampage of uncontrollable rage and anguish erupted like thunder; both of their fury shadowing all of our heartbreak.

The kingdom was in great distress after the fatal incident. Dark clouds covered throughout the once honey coloured sky. The kingdom was in total darkness and nothing could lift it.

Of course people were upset, their future king was dead.
Now they have no one to look up to, well except for James.

They all wish it was me who died, not Gerard. Gerard was the perfect son and the perfect heir to the throne.
He did everything right. He cared for everyone and always made sure everything was in order.

James can't handle anything like that.

I now sit in bed, recuperating ever since the accident. It's only been a month since it has happened and I can't do anything else but sit and stare.

The doctors told my parents that I was too fragile and that my mental and physical state would be at risk.
My parents though, didn't care. They wanted me home to avoid any more unnecessary publicity from reporters.
They said it would help me and the kingdom to recover quickly, but it has caused an opposite effect.

My legs are still numb and I still have a hefty cough, but none of that matters.

I am still what they call 'melancholic'. Nothing is right. Everywhere I look I see him. Every tiny detail in this room reminds me of him.
I can't take it anymore.

Because of the strict deficiency in my well being, my parents have put strict quarantine in my bedroom. I cannot leave and no one can see me, not even my siblings.

This is all so hard for them, especially for James.
Gerard was the eldest. They all looked up to him and now that he is gone, there is an empty void lingering around the palace.

The whole family depended on him. With his charming personality and good looks, he was adored by all.
He was the perfect brother.

Being strapped to this bed is driving me crazy.
I can't do anything. I can't even look out the window and see the cloud ripples in the sky or the birds soaring high in the sky. I can't simply walk around and stretch my feet. All I can do is breathe in stale oxygen as time passes ever so slowly.

I spend the morning and most of the afternoon curled in a ball on my bed. My maids bring me lunch, but I don't touch it. Mercifully, they don't insist on staying and let me be alone in my sadness.

No matter what, I can't pull myself together. I can't stop thinking of Gerard. I wonder if a time would come when I'd forget about him.

A hesitant knock comes at my door.
My maids aren't here and I don't feel in the mood of stirring.
After a brief pause the visitor comes in.

"Odessa?" James breathes in quickly.
I don't answer back.

I am startled to know he is here in the first place. No one is allowed to visit me, it's prohibited.

He doesn't speak for awhile, hoping if he stands there I would find the courage to speak.

"So how are you feeling? Are your legs any better?"

I don't respond.

Heaving a heavy sigh, James intrudes and flops on my bed, his weight lowering the depth in the mattress.

"Look, you can't lie around all day everyday for the rest of your life...you need to see the outdoors, come on, you do love going outside to the gardens..."

He's right. I do love fresh air and nature. But I don't look at him.

"Little Charlie is asking for you, along with Rosa, Ethan and Herald. Mother isn't in much pain, she has her good and bad days but it's almost soon. The maids are excited, already arranging the infant's room again..."

Oh great, as if I care.

There is an uneasy silence.

"Odessa Eleanor Rosa Blackthorn, you must get up...please, you are missing out on so much!"
From the corner of my mouth I see his lips curl up into a deep smile.

At once, a sudden vibration of vocal chords escapes from my parched throat.

"How can you be so happy? I mean, look at you, freshly shaven and wearing a suit. How on earth are you acting so care free, acting as if nothing has happened?!"

I wish I didn't say anything. A look of disapproval appears on his face and his lips quiver.

"Odessa I know you're upset but please, snap out of this!"

"Snap out of this?! How dare you! How can you possibly think I can snap out of this?! James our brother is dead! And it's all my fault..."

"Odessa none of this is your fault! You aren't to blame for this! Just stop being so selfish!"

I clench my fists as I hear the words.

"Selfish?! How dare you!" and before I can fully grasp what is happening, I slap him across the face.

Immediately he lets out an exasperated gasp and gets up.
I pretend to not even care and look away.

As he holds the door open he clears his throat and says "Goodbye Odessa"

Then he is gone.

And I break down all over again.

Hey you lovely people!
Thank you so much for clicking onto my story and reading it, I hope you enjoy it!
For someone who never had much confidence in my own writing, It would mean a lot if you could spare some time for some feedback, seriously, it would mean so much! Thank you ^^