knock at the door and we all look towards it, none of us wanting to open it. We knew it isn't Jackson why would he knock? 

I feel the tears building in my eyes, I know he is gone. 

Liam gets up and answers it, he walks back threw with Marcus, the lovely Marcus, no longer joking, laughing or winking at me. 

His face down and broken. I don't need to hear the words, but I want to.

"I am sorry, we lost Jackson. Maxwell caused a fight again, someone started shooting, and barrels around us exploded. We all ran, but afterwards, Jackson was nowhere" 

His head fell, and I feel my world has just blown up, there is nothing left in this life for me, I feel like I am falling apart, everything that was keeping me here has gone.

I feel like I have nothing to live for, the pain is unreal, everyone looking at me, my vision blurred, all I feel is anger, anger at everyone, everyone I know for letting him go.

"No, no, he said he would be back!" I scream, I lunge at Marcus and feel like I need to hit him, he lets me, not that it makes any difference, I am weak, I collapse to the floor at his feet, crying.

Marcus moves down, his arms wrapping around me, his words trying to soothe me, but I can't hear them. He can't help me, he can't comfort me. 

Only Jackson can, I am broken and for a change, Jackson is leaving me broke, he has failed me and left me broken.

"He can't be gone, surely he got away and if you didn't find a body how can you be sure he has gone?" 

I don't want to accept it, I had a feeling he wouldn't be back, but it didn't make this any easier. I looked down and see my bump, it has grown.

"Jackson will be back, he has to meet his babies" 

I rub my stomach, crying and shaking. Marcus pulls me up, helping me back on the sofa, cuddling me, Georgina at the other side trying to hug me. 

I just don't understand, I feel distraught, and a broken mess.

"I want more details" I look at Marcus.

"I want to know everything, so I know for sure" He nods, turning slightly to see my face.

"We had just come to the local town, we were getting some items we needed" 

"Jackson and Maxwell were ahead of us making sure everything was okay. For some reason Maxwell hit Jackson. Jackson didn't fight back"

"Max, not Maxwell, Max" My words stopping him Maxwell isn't his name, saying it makes it sound like it is someone else when it wasn't. He looks at me and carries on.

"Jackson just pushed him back. Max though wanting to cause damage, threw something threw a shop window, when the people came out Max ran, Jackson left there in the firing line" 

He can't have gone, yet what he is saying is pointing it out to be the truth.

"He ran and took cover, we tried to get to him, one of the bullets hit a barrel and they all just exploded, we moved back and then ran forward again to get Jackson"

"He wasn't there, we searched the water in case he fell in backwards but had no luck. We should have left straight away two weeks ago, but we couldn't. We kept searching the towns for him, but nothing" 

Marcus looks broken, reliving what had happened every emotion, every feeling running through his body.

"And Max?" I ask, looking at him.

"No idea, we had no luck finding him either, we didn't get your message till we got back today. I came straight here the other lads are being treated for small burns and things, we had no idea Maxwell was Max, not until we got back" 

So, Max caused this, this is my fault, all of this. 

If I never accepted him to walk me home that night Jackson would be alive right now. I feel disgusted with myself, I am part of the problem. 

I am someone who caused this, I killed Jackson. I looked at Jackson's mum grief all over her face, I wonder how much she hates me now. I wouldn't blame her, Max was part of my life and now he has taken her son. 

She already lost her daughter, I can't imagine what she is going through. Marcus sat with me, trying to calm me, but I just can't, I feel responsible, I deserve to be left broke, he is dead because of me, I don't deserve to be fixed.

 I want to scream and hit someone. I want Jackson and I now know that isn't going to happen. If he fell into the river from the blast he wouldn't have survived, if he moved quickly enough they would have found him. 

Staying in the same spot I didn't speak for the rest of the night, I just sat here staring at nothing, I was given my life, a perfect life I finally loved and now it was snatched away. 

I lost everything I loved and the one person who knew what I needed, My heart is slowly being ripped apart, and I can't stop it, I can't do anything. Marcus looking at me like he feels he needs to stay. 

I don't deserve anyone's help, Liam looks broken, yet he is trying to be strong for me and Helen, he is trying to make us feel better, but nothing can. 

Only Jackson will make us feel better. I watch as Helen says goodbye and leaves, she is heartbroken, why is she being so nice to me still?

"We will stay tonight Alena" 

Georgina says as Liam sat down next to her. 

His face soaked from tears now that his mum has left. I had never seen this side of Liam before, Marcus stays sitting on the chair, refusing to go home yet, I don't see why, he can't help. 

I walk to my room I get into our bed, and cry, I spend all night crying, hoping it isn't real, but I know there is nothing I can do about it, and I know he is gone. 

The next few days are a blur, Jackson's funeral was planned, without the body, I don't want to go it would be like accepting he has gone. It doesn't feel like he has gone at all. 

Everyone is flocking around me the day of his funeral, but I don't want them, they are not what I need. All these people, all these people that care for me and yet I feel alone. 

I feel like I have no one, I feel lonely, I wonder will I ever feel the way I felt with Jackson again, I know I wouldn't. Marcus had been here the whole time, he isn't even the real Marcus anymore, he isn't joking, laughing or anything, he is like us broken.