Dear _____ ,

I wish I could go back home. I'm scared. I'm scared for Zuandro, I'm scared for it all~ I miss everyone, and I want to see my therapist. I wonder what mum would say to that.

All I could hear was the erratic, sharp beating of a metallic heart, the rhythmic, perfect pulse, the echo of metal against metal. It was the cacophony of my mind.

Oh, and how it hurt my ears!

And then, it all stopped. Absolute silence. I didn't have the strength to get up, off the ground from where I knelt beside him, my hands shaking as I gently pushed the lids shut over the blue eyes.

Absolute and infinite silence. It was back~ it was back, to gut me just as it had gutted the boy whom I had loved so dearly-

I woke up again, screaming Zuandro's name, paired with the word no over and over and over again, until my voice was raw and I was too winded to say another thing.

And he was there. He was there to calm me, to hold me down as I struggled on the table, and I could feel the light inhale of suction cups against my throat and cheeks and hairline as I moved.

"Shh. Shh, Felix," Zuandro had breathed, and for a moment he reminded me of Sara- all calm and gentle and loving. He left me as soon as he'd come to me.

Two hours later, I lay in Zuandro's bed, still shaken, and he sat next to me and fed me some odd-tasting broth to help me keep my strength. A chessboard lay across my legs, and all around me rested scattered black and white pieces.

I told Zuandro that I was sorry for being so weak. He laughed in response and did his best to reassure me. "Most people are the same way after they've been through the sim," he'd explained. "They target people you're close to and check your reaction. It's the final test," he whispered. "Your turn."

The final test. Had I passed? I looked back over at Zuandro and wondered who they might have put in the simulation had I not fallen so inexplicably in love with him.

I let him spoon some broth into my my mouth and then sighed once I'd swallowed. "You don't need to feed me, you know."

He didn't answer, just smiled. I rolled my eyes at him and moved my knight forwards.

"I'm flattered, you know that?" He suddenly said, setting the bowl and spoon down. I didn't mind. I'd had enough plain broth for an evening.

"Flattered? Flattered because when I thought you were dead, I completely and utterly lost it?" I was almost upset with Zuandro, though I could hardly blame him. Why him, though? Why, of all people, did it have to be him?

Zuandro tossed his platinum bangs to the side and then proceeded to clear the game of chess away before he slipped underneath the blankets with me, making me scoot over so there'd  be space. I turned my back to him and curled up as he slung an arm over my waist. "Get some rest, yeah?" He whispered. "You'll need it, tomorrow." He leaned over and kissed my temple.

I wish that had been enough to lull me to sleep.

***

They say that infinity is an endless number, and that there is no number greater than infinity.
I disagree.

If 2¹ = 2, and 2² = 4, shouldn't it be the same thing with infinity? If x is any rational number greater than 1.0, shouldn't x, to the power of infinity, be innumerably greater than infinity itself?

That is my opinion on the matter.

And therefore, I conclude that I love Zuandro as x^infinity when x>1, and therefore more than infinity itself.

That reminds me of the galaxy, and I think that's beautiful. We are beautiful and infinite.

I fell asleep in the early morning, with my face pressed up against his chest, breathing in the galaxy that was us.

Yours always,

Felix