SPECIAL CHAPTER

Naiinis kong denial ang numero ni Mateo. Kanina pa ako naghihintay nang ngangatain kong pinadayo ko pa sa kaniya sa hindi ko alam na lugar. Nakita ko lang sa fb at natakam ako. Cravings. Basta basta na lang akong nagcra-crave kapag may nakita ako na gusto kong tikman. And day by day, Mateo suffers from  my wants.

"F-Fucking shit, Mateo! Asan ka na bang hayop ka?! Kanina ko pa hinihintay 'yang pagkain na pinapabili ko sa 'yo, tapos hanggang ngayon ay wala ka pa rin!"

"B-Babe, I'm on my way back okay. Don't shout at me, you're making me nervous. I'm driving, babe please have mercy on me." I calmly replied to me.

I rolled my eyes in the air and sighed.

"Be here before 3 in the afternoon, Mateo or else you will be sleeping outside for the whole week—"

"You really no have mercy on me, woman. That's torture!"

"Don't shout at me, Vejar! Sino nagsabi sa 'yong you can shout, huh? Did I gave you permission to shout at me?!" Inis kong balik sa kaniya.

I want to punch him right now. I don't care about the foods he bought. Tila nawalan na ako ng gana, at ngayon all I want to do is; pinch his nose, touch his hair, and punch him. That's all I want right now. Pakiramdam ko kapag nagawa ko ang tatlong 'yan, I'll feel better.

Rinig ko ang mahina nitong pagmumura sa kabilang linya. Agad na nairita ang pandinig ko doon at pinatayan siya ng tawag.

Bwesit!

Tumayo ako mula sa pagkakahiga ko at lumabas ng kwarto. Kaagad akong dumiretso sa kusina at naisipang magluto na lang. Wala akong tiwala na makakarating ng alas tres si Mateo. It's already 2:49 in the afternoon, it's so impossible for him to meet the time I said.

Before I could go to the kitchen, naaagaw nila Morgan at Ace ang atensyon ko. Nasa sala silang dalawa ni Morgan. Naglalaro at panay ang tawanan.

Nang maglandas ang paningin sa akin ni Morgan at kumuway ito sa akin na siyang pinangunutan ko ng noo. Lumakad ako palapit sa kanila. Nang makita ako ni Ace at tumayo ito at yumakap sa akin sabay halik din sa maumbok kong tiyan.

"Hello, baby Faith, pinahihirapan mo na naman ba si mommy and daddy? Please don't do it, be a good girl." Kausap ni Ace sa kapatid na para bang nailabas ko na ito.

When Ace looked at me. I smiled at him and brushed his hair using my fingers. Ang laki na ng panganay namin. 14 years old. Parang kahapon lang ay nasa mga bisig ko pa ito, umiiyak at gustong dumede. I feels surreal all along, and he's still my first baby. He's still my baby no matter what

"Asan sila Lyden at ang mga bata?" Baling ko kay Morgan nang bumalik si Ace sa paglalaro ng games nila kanina online.

"Nakay nila mommy." Tipid niya sagot. Ngumuso pa na para bang ayaw niyang nandoon ang mag-iina niya.

"Eh 'di ba sa boracay ang punta nila, anong ginagawa mo naman dito?"

"Lolo doesn't want me to join them. Probably because I don't have enough time for my family during this past weeks. Lolo immediately concluded that I gave in to other women well in fact, puro lang naman ako trabaho. Tanggap ako nang tanggap to the point na hindi na ako nakakauwi ng bahay. I know, your bestfriend hates me for that. Pero she's trying to understand me. Hindi ko alam kung papaano nalaman ni Lolo."

"Hindi naman magsusumbong si Manang Celly." Wika ko.

Tumango siya sa akin. "Alam ko naman. Hindi rin naman magagawa ni Lyden 'yun. Mas gusto niyang kami mismo ang umayos sa sarili naming problema. Ang hula ko, tinotoo talaga ni Lolo ang pagbabantay sa amin. Tapos na sa inyo ni Mateo, kaya sa amin naman siya kakatutok."

Napanguso na lang ako sa sinabi niya. Magsasalita pa sana ako ng bumukas naman ang front door at ibinungad nu'n si Mateo na halos habulin ang sariling hininga. May dala itong plastic at lumapit sa akin. He intended to kiss me but I refused him. Morgan on the other hand chuckled. When Mateo looks at his direction, he gave his brother an insulting smirk.

"Why the fuck are you here? Aren't you suppose to be with your family in boracay right now?" Si Mateo.

Hindi ko na hinintay pa na sagutin siya ni Morgan. Dumiretso ako sa kusina at hinain ang dala dala niya. Muli akong natakam na tikman 'to. Bago ko pa man maihanda ang pagkain, ay may umaga na nu'n sa akin. Nang lingunin ko ang katabi ko ay si Mateo 'yun. Nakakuha na siya ng plato at siya na ang nagsalin.

Inalalayan niya akong maka-upo at tumabi sa akin. Hindi ko na siya pinansin, nilantakan ko ang pagkaing pinabili ko sa kaniya ngunit gayon na lamang ang pagbaliktad ng sikmura ko.

Naging mabilis akong kilos ni Mateo na madala ako sa sink. Napapikit ako habang hinahalukay pa rin ang sikmura ko. Habang si Mateo ay nakasuporta sa akin. Agad na bumalatay ang inis sa akin. Nang makapag-mumog ako ay hinarap ko siya.

"Kasalanan mo 'to." Nag-uumpisa ng manubig ang dalawang mata ko.

"B-Babe, shit. Why are you crying? Did I do something to make you upset?" He was so scared and I like the reaction he's giving me.

"Ang likot likot mo kasi sa kamang depungal ka! Lagi mo akong kinukulit tuwing gabi! Tingnan mo, inananakan mo na naman ako!" Inis kong asik sa kaniya.

Halos mahulog ang panga ni Mateo sa narinig sa akin. Namula ang mukha at tainga niya at napalunok.

"Babe naman eh." Animo'y nahihiya niya saad.

"Bakit? Totoo naman ah! Kung hindi mo sana ako ginagapang tuwing gabi, hindi ko mararanasan 'to ngayon! Argh, kahit kailan ka talaga Mateo! Kapag tapos nito, hindi na kita hahayaang tumabi pa sa akin!" Padabog akong nilayasan siya sa kusina, ngunit bago pa man ako tuluyang makalabas ay natatawa na akong binuhat ni Mateo at inilapag sa counter ng may pag-iingat.

"Napakadehado ko naman sa lagay na 'yan, babe. Wag na mainit ang ulo mo, c'mon, ano bang gusto mong gawin ko huh? Do you want me to bring home another food? Don't you want to feel my presence?"

Napangiwi ako at umiling.

Ngumiti ng malawak si Mateo sabay halik sa magkabilang palad ko.

"I'm sorry for that, babe. Promise, last na 'yan. Please forgive me, hindi nakita kukulitin ulit after mo mailabas ang pangalawa na'tin, hmm. That will be our last—"

"Pero gusto mo ng limang anak." Putol ko sa kaniya. Natawa siya ng malakas at napapailing na isinubsob ang mukha niya sa dibdib ko.

"Kung ayaw mo na, wala naman akong magagawa don, babe. Tsaka, ayos na rin sa akin kahit ilan o kahit silang dalawa lang ni Ace. I know it's so hard for you, ayaw kong nakikita kang nahihirapan." Haplos niya sa aking mukha.

Pinaglaruan ko ang mga daliri ko.

"Tutuparin ko 'yang gusto mo, Mateo. I'll gave you another 3 child after."

"B-Babe, ano ka ba." Halos hindi na magkandamayaw sa pagtawa niya si Mateo. Ako naman ay labis na napapanguso.

"Sige, tawanan mo ako. Masusuntok na kita." Pagbabanta ko sa kaniya na ikinatahimik niya.

"You don't need to fulfill my dreams, Fayra. Kahit anong ibigay mo sa akin ay masaya ako—"

"Paano kung... Paano kung hanapin mo sa iba 'yang limang anak ha? Baka sinasabi mo lang 'yan para mapalubag ang loob ko, but deep inside, may plano ka nang magpunla sa ibang babae!" Galit na wika ko.

Itinulak ko pa siya ng bahagya. Hindi agad siya nakapagreact.

"Babe naman eh. Kung ano ano na ang iniisip mo. Hindi ko gagawin 'yun. You're my wife, kapag gusto ko magpunla, sa 'yo ko gagawin 'yun. Ikaw lang ang gusto ko maging nanay ng mga anak ko, wala nang iba pa, Fayra. Stop with that kind of thinking, that's bad for you. I'm always here, hindi ko kailangan ng iba, all I need is you. You alone."

Nagyuko ako. Agad na nahiya sa kung ano man ang pinagsasabi. I'm already 6 months and 2 weeks pregnant with our baby girl. Kung noon hirap ako masyadong pinahihirapan ni Ace, ito namang pangalawa namin ay masyadong matrabaho. She's giving us both hard time, lalo na ang daddy niya na lagi kong napapagbuntungan.

Pinaglilihian ko si Mateo. Sinabi ko na 'yun sa kaniya una pa lang. At alam kong sobrang haba ng pasensya na ibinibigay niya sa akin tuwing may tantrums ako. I hated it when I realized my words towards him, but it's too late to take them back.

Mateo

When Fayra fell asleep, I went down to talk with my brother, who's still here and seems to be bored enough. My son, Ace, left him playing alone. Probably, he'll meet up with Sébastien's daughter. His daughter probably needs something with my son, as always.

"I can say na mas malala ang paglilihi ng asawa mo ngayon, Mateo. Hindi naman siya ganiyan. Hindi kami masyadong nahirapan sa kaniya, kabilang na lang sa mangga na gusto niya galing pa dito sa Pinas during those times. Habaan mo lang ang pasensya mo, huwag mong puputulin dahil ikaw naman ang may kagagawan niyan."

"I know, Kuya. Hindi naman ako nagrereklamo. Gusto ko pa nga 'to, kabilang na lang sa pagsusungit niya. Mas lumalambing si Fayra this past month, pero mas madalas lang talaga siyang masungit."

"Well for me that's good. Atleast ngayon she do whatever she wants to you. She can throw anything at you. Nasasabi niya ang gusto niyang sabihin and so on. Para sa akin, mas gusto ko 'yun sa kaniya." Nanunuya niyang saad.

"Fuck you!" I hissed.

Tinawanan lang ako ni Morgan. "Oh, lil brad, we can't fuck, I'm not gay and don't want to be incest either—Damn it, Mateo! That was so close, you son of bitch!"

I gave Morgan my middle finger after I threw him a dart and did not say a word. He's doing this again. If I'm the one who teased him, he'll probably be out of his mind. This fucker, if he wasn't my brother, I'd punch him and send him back to his wife unconscious.

"By the way, what happened to that Giovanni? He's making it to jail, huh?" I sarcastically said.

"Mira did that to him. She sent him to jail because Gio was so stupid for punching her guy best friend. He's jealous, and that made Mira hate him even more."

I smiled and shook my head. Giovanni Rossi was so damn deeply in love with my sister-in-law. He's heads over heels for Fayra's sister. I don't know the story between them; all I know is that they had a relationship before and broke up when Mira decided to accept Fayra's offer to become a CEO. At first, Fayra was not in favor of their relationship, but it's already ended when she knows it. Mira told her sister everything. I don't know if Fayra's still not in favor or what, but after she lectured her sister, she outed herself in her personal life.

"Bibisita daw pala si Sébastien mamaya. Isasabay niya na sa paghatid kay Ace." Pukaw ni Morgan sa akin.

I was busy studying my document when I lifted my gaze at him. He's helping me with my company. I can't handle this onsite since Fayra and our baby need me here.

I grunted at his news. I don't want to see that Parisi all over my house. He's not good to go here. I don't want my wife to see his face. I would definitely punch him when Fayra averted her attention to him.

Like before, when I saw them walking all along the mall. I was busy staring at them from afar, and when Sébastien leaned closer to Fayra, I lost it. I drove to his unit and surprised him with a hard punch. He didn't make me either escape; we exchanged punches after punches until we breathed for air to take a break.

"You punched me because you're jealous, right, Mateo? But why do you need to do that when, in the first place, you and Fayra aren't together anymore? You dumb son of a demon, you can't act like you still have her."
 
When I heard it in his mouth, I grabbed his collar and pinned him to the wall. If I wasn't in my mind right now, I'd punch him even more until he breathes last.
 
"Stop what you're doing, Sébastien. We both know you don't like her. We both know you have someone you're looking at."

Sébastien laughs at me. He didn't move or try to move my grip away from him. He's looking at me intently.

"Hindi ko alam kung anong nakita sa 'yo ni Fayra. At kung ano ang hindi mo nakita sa kaniya, Mateo para basta basta na lang siyang ipagpalit. Dahil kung ako ang tatanungin at mailalagay sa posisyon mo noon, sa unang kita ko pa lang sa kaniya, alam kong mahuhulog na agad ako. Hindi mahirap mahalin at magustuhan si Fayra, kaya huwag kang magtaka kung isang beses, hulog na ako sa kaniya."

"Tangina mo, Sébastien! You can't love Fayra—"

"Why not? Dahil ba sa magkaibigan tayo? Am I breaking the bro code, Mateo? Kung ganu'n, kaya kong itapon ang pagkakaibigan na'tin para sa babaeng gusto kong maging katuwang ko sa buhay."

"You're fucking getting on my nerves, Sébastien. One wrong move with my ex, I'll hunt you. I'll take her back soon; don't try to middle."

He's been with my wife through up and downs when she's pregnant with Ace. And I'm not going to give him a chance for our second baby. All I want is myself to handle the situation.

I SAW MYSELF staring at Sébastien and Fayra, who were in the kitchen. They are having their best time while eating, and Fayra seems to forget that I was here with them. I'm fucking in front of them, but they didn't intend to make me join their conversation.

"Paano ko makakalimutan 'yun? The way you want my perfume makes me want to hide from you. Kabibili ko lang nu'n but then, hinihingi mo na agad."

"Ang bango naman kasi. Hindi mo masisisi. Nanunuot sa ilong ko ang pabango mo. Ang ganda ng taste mo sa perfumes, at isa 'yun sa gustong gusto ko."

My brown narrows I chucked hard, trying to get their attention, but then I failed. What the heck are these two doing? They shared the days that I wasn't by her side. It makes me feel devastated to drag Sébastien out of our line.

"That day, I almost proposed to you. I said many things, including that I could be Ace's father. Aakuin ko—"

"Okay, that's it! Get out of my house, Parisi! Go!" I stood up, making them both stare at me. I went to Sébastien's side and made him stand up. When he did, I pointed out the door. "Stay out of line, Parisi. Stop flirting with my wife!"
 
Parehas silang napatulala sa sinasabi ko.

"Ang pikon naman, Pare. We're just teasing you, chill the fuck out." Natatawang sabi ni Sébastien. Nang linguinin ko si Fayra ay nakanguso lang itong nakatingin sa'kin.

Napapikit ako. This is probably her idea. She's making a move to provoke me.

"What a jealous husband you got, Fayra. Tsk, may pinagmanahan talaga si Ace. Dugong Vejar talaga ang panganay niyo." Naiiling na wika ni Sébastien bago kumakaway na naglakad papakayo sa amin.

Bahagya pa itong dumako sa sala para magpaalam kay Ace. Muli siyang lumingon sa gawi ko na siyang pinaningkitan ko ng mata.

"Jealous bastard as always!" He shouted.

Nasapo ko ang ulo ko sa inis, umupo ako. Napapikit pa ako dahil pakiramdam ko, lahat ng dugo ko ay umakyat sa ulo ko. That Parisi, he'll pay for this. Gagantihan ko talaga ang gagong 'yan.

"Mateo," malambing na pagtawag ni Fayra sa akin.

Napamulat ako at pinakatitigan siya. Agad na naglaho ang inis at selos sa sistema ko. Lumapit siya sa akin. Nakatayo siya sa tabi ko habang napapalabi.

Bumuntong hininga ako at inusog ang upuan ko. Hinila ko siya at pina-upo sa kandungan ko. I groaned when I felt that she was giving me a hard time immediately.

Isinandal ko ang sarili ko sa balikat niya habang nakayapos ang braso ko sa baywang niya.

"S-Stop moving, F-Fayra. Baka dito kita maangkin." Mabigat ang bawat paghinga ko.

Imbes na sundin ako ay mas lalo lamang gumalaw nang marahan si Fayra sa taas ko.

I left with a soft moane and kissed her arms. Fuck, this woman will be my cause of death. She's giving me a hard fucking time! After this, I know she won't make me enter her. T-This is torture!

"F-Fuck, Fayra. W-What the hell are you doing to me. Nagpipigil ako, babe." Pabulong kong saad.

Fayra encircles her arms around my neck. She leaned forward to my ears, and that voice of hers made me feel arouse.

"I'm making an apology, babe," she said.

I can't hold on anymore. I made her stand and carried her like a bride. Before we went upstairs, Ace called me and her mom.

I can't hold on anymore. I made her stand and carried her like a bride. Before we went upstairs, Ace called me and her mom.
 
"I'm going outside, Mom and Dad! I'm done with my homework; I'll be back before dinner! I love you both!"

Hindi na ako nakasagot pa. Mabilis na lumabas ng bahay si Ace dala ang helmet niya para sa bike. Nang balingan ko si Fayra ay ganu'n na lang ang pagkadismaya ko. She fell asleep in my arms.

"This is how you say sorry, babe? I need a cold shower for this," I said, making my way to enter our room.

When I put her down, she slightly opened her eyes and wrapped her arms around my neck. She then kissed my lips passionately, and as a response, I made sure she would moan.

When I heard it, I couldn't help but smile. When our lips parted, I rested my forehead on hers.
 
"You need to sleep, babe. I won't force you."

"I'm sorry for making you jealous; I just love to see you being teased. You know, hormones."

"I know, baby. I know. I'm not mad or jealous anymore. I'm already sober to it, now. I need you to take a rest and prepare yourself for me later on. I'll eat you until dawn."

Fayra giggle. I can't help but laugh at her cute reaction. I kissed her again, but not long enough because I was trying not to savor her body.

For Pete's sake, this woman is a living temptation I can't resist, but not this time. I'm reminding myself every damn second that she needs a full rest.

"I love you, Mateo. I love you."

I smiled.

Nothing in my life gave me so much meaning. I get what I want and who I want. I became selfish, not knowing that I could hurt somebody. I was foolish and stupid in my early twenties. All I want is someone who can make me feel the thrill of my life. I thought I was having it when I had Rosemarie in my life, but then Fayra came into the picture. She's an angel who meets the devil.
 
Made her feel that she's not enough, but rather than staying or running away, the angel chose to stay with the devil, whom she loves more than herself.

She enters, knowing what will happen to her. She's trying to be a good wife, but the devil seems blinded by his anger toward her. Not until one day did he realize that he had lost the angel who only wanted him to be happy.

He realized things too late. It's too late to take her back. But then, the moment he feels that he's lost, he finds himself staring at her from afar. Laughing and doing what she wants. She had a healthy life. A perfect picture of a happy woman who accepts her faith, and behind those, there's a man who's hoping to bring her back to her arms. Not to harm her or make her feel less, but to make things right between them.

Fayra is a blessing that any man could wish for. When I'm with her, I feel the love and care I never felt before. She's giving all she can, and to exchange that, I tried to be better day by day to deserve the chance she gave me. I'm trying not to hurt her. I'm trying to balance everything so I can have time with them. I don't want to commit the same mistake again. I don't want to be in that situation again, where I'm lost and trying to find my light.
 
 "Je t'aime Fayra Amora Fabian Vejar. You're my soleil et lune. Without you, my life wouldn't be gleaming."

Love is so full of surprises; it either hurts you or gives you pleasure. When you feel hurt, you can either walk away or stay and forgive.

Jena.