(This post was supposed to be posted on Friday as that was the day of my birthday – but I got a little busy. Forgive my silence all this time, my plate has been full of good things.)

Today I woke to the sun pricking me with its fingers in my eyes. I blinked a few times ease the pain of its rays pouring over my retinas and held a hand up to ward off the bright glow of the day. There was no pain, no fuzzy feeling in my brain, no confusion or disorientation just the quiet of morning and my sweet meditation.

I didn't mean to rhyme but it happens all the time....Dang it!

I suppose I shouldn't complain about the rhyming – that, I feel, is life giving me a natural rhythm to the day. Not all rhythm rhymes but still – I look forward to seeing how this day plays out. I won't be stressed – as a matter of fact I refuse to be. I've been so busy lately that I have not written anything in what feels like months. Not a single solitary thing. Maybe it's more like weeks – I did write a short story for a writing group a little while ago. I keep meaning to post that stuff up here but something always takes my attention away...as one of my birthday resolutions it will be to get back on track with this as soon as things calm down.

Today, is my Birthday!!

I laid in bed an extra hour after waking up and pretended to be 21. At age 21 – I had what you would call – lazy waking. That's when you get out of bed when you feel like getting out of bed. Not because you have to but because you want to. My son was young then and we both decided that mornings weren't for us. We preferred afternoons and evenings. Our sleep schedules were so screwed up lol It was great!

Now he's a morning person and I still prefer afternoons. Unless the sun is on 100% like it was today with heat. At 10:00 this morning it was really warm outside and the day is just going to get warmer. I'm not mad about it. The sun is responsible for my attitude today and that's an awesome thing.

So I wanted to impart some 41 year old wisdom on the people today – as a gift. You know, Things You Should Expect When You Are Expecting (to become an adult). I don't think I have much in the way of wisdom as I do in experience...either way, I'll share and call it wisdom.

1) Stop lying to yourself and others. Self-explanatory.

2) Trust yourself. Those rumblings in your gut aren't just from the Taco Bell...they are your instincts kicking you in the ass and letting you know that something is up. You either need to do something, walk away from something, stand up for something or confront something or someone. Instincts are part of our natural make-up for survival, stop drowning it out with things and thoughts that are self-gratifying (things that you want instead of need and need to do). Trust me, life will go a lot easier and be more pleasant.

3) Just sat NO. No is not the bad word that some have made it out to be. Tell your kids no. Tell your friends no. Tell your parents no if you think you can't handle something. Tell your boss no if what they ask you to do compromises you in any way. Tell the world no when you feel it knocking at your door with nonsense and foolery. Tell people NO when what they are passing off as intelligence, wisdom and advice doesn't align with your own personal beliefs. (even me, even though I'm just sharing what I think is wisdom – you may not agree.)

4) Fortitude. Aptitude. Solitude. – Be strong in whatever it is you feel, you think, you say and you mean....do not allow another person to apologize for you when you feel strongly about something. That salt that you handed out is in truth the seasoning of the wise. Only a fool would consume a sugar coated lie. – Stretch your understanding, reach out to learn more than what you know. No man knows it all, but we can sure try. Learning doesn't begin and end with diplomas and degrees. There is a world full of life lessons that will build and shape you into a productive human being if you let it. Take in what you can but be wise to steer clear of false teaching and false people. Discernment is a highly sought after gift that some of us don't have. – Take time for yourself. There is nothing wrong with "me" time. It is not selfish to tend to your needs first before you tend to someone else's. What can you do for someone when you aren't feeling well, doing well or are drained and emotional unstable? A bunch of nothing. Do you! Be you and take care of you!

5) Express yourself! Love freely, Think freely, Act Freely, Sing and Dance Freely, SPEAK freely! It's a shame when you feel you have to guard your emotions at every turn because you fear they won't be received well. Honey, let me tell you something – whether or not a person can take your compliment, your love or even your thoughts and conversation is that person's problem, NOT yours! We bite our tongues when we feel strongly about something – we abate our feelings when we feel they may be too strong for someone to handle – and we hide our best singing voices and dance moves from others sight for fear of being judged. If you don't stop that...be who you were born to be, all others be damned! Well...maybe not damned but displeased. I have a friend that tells me to make sure I piss off at least three people a day by living in my truth. I don't know that I am but I get what she means. Haters gonna hate LOL and so what, let them. Everybody doesn't have to like us, just as long as WE love ourselves!

6) Compliment and Rewards. Do these things to and for yourself. It's a good therapy to compliment your own accomplishments and reward yourself for a job well done. It's not bragging but it's recognizing how far you've come with whatever it is you are doing. Rewarding yourself with little gifts for your milestones in life is an awesome thing to do. If it's a physical reward, you'll have a memento to look back on that particular thing years down the road when you start to question whether or not you can get over your current mountain...or molehill as they usually are.

7) Have a solid foundation. I learned many years ago that I couldn't get through my life walking a willy-nilly path. I needed structure. My life was begging for purpose and something higher than my own wants and direction. Living for myself was fine, but I had a family to look after so then I started living for them – when that proved to be more stressful than not...I turned my attention to what I had grown up learning. I was raised in church and was taught about Jesus Christ, God and the Holy Spirit. I was taught. I still had the option to accept this teaching and apply all that I learned to my life. When I was 16, I was taught again in much more depth about the relationship God wants with us. I was taught about the meaning and the foundation of faith that Jesus preached. I was taught about the love he has for us and how he wants us to not only live in that love but to share it with others. After turning some things over in my mind and in my heart – at the age of 16, I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior at my youth group. I accepted his love, his teaching, and his discipline over my life. The walk has been hard – honestly. There were some pretty big boulders and yes, molehills made into mountains as well as huge gaping gorges throughout the canyons that formed because I would stray off path and go "off-roading". As I discovered, while I grew to navigate the rugged terrain it was not what was planned for me. The further away I went off path – the deeper and harder the challenges became BUT it was nothing that God couldn't pull me back from. You see....architects, they plan for every little thing that could happen during their building projects – they know the terrain, the materials for building, the layout or design of the project from beginning to end. This architect though, doesn't care if it rains or snows...if there are storms, tornadoes, hurricanes or earthquakes – his building plans don't stop. I learned to weather the elements. Just think about it, people as cool as postal workers give me great insight – through all kinds of weather they still work very hard to deliver the messages we need to receive. Jesus is doing this for us every day. See your faith as a muscle that you flex every day.

8) Project your future. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having plans for your future. Set your sights high. Plan big things for your future and then act on making them happen for you. Don't be afraid of disappointing yourself should those things not happen – life surprises us all the time. Sometimes we get more than what we projected to have. Sometimes we don't get them at all – we get something better than what we wanted and sometimes we get a nice lesson out of it all. Either way we are gaining something in return. XP points!!! And definitely the gaining of wisdom through it all. The future doesn't have to be this big scary thing we are afraid to live in. having something to look forward to in life is alright. Living day by day is okay too – but even with that you have something to look forward to...the next day! The future is a gift you have yet to open up and marvel at. How many surprises have been thrown at you in the past – things you could not foresee happening? Much more of that awaits you and it won't always be negative. Learn to navigate your life even through the choppiest waters and the most terrible weather. I'm being a little cliché here but – see the silver lining not just in the clouds above but in the steps you take each day towards the goals you set for yourself. There is no feeling like the feeling you get from reaching the goals you set for yourself. Nothing like it. Similarily...there is also nothing like exceeding the goals you set for yourself. Whatever the goals may be - be realistic. Set attainable goals. See yourself in a future that both pleases you and compliments your life. Pray over your future, act on those prayers and watch God do what he does. Exercise your faith. Flex one time and show those who doubted you how strong you are! Our situations and circumstances are just that – they don't last forever. Don't get hung up on the negative things you experience, learn to look beyond them. Live in your moments and experience them for all they are worth – but also live with an attitude that overshadows tomorrow and the next day. Trouble doesn't last always...so the saying goes and it's true. Future...here we come!

9) Pay close attention! There are things and people around us letting us know every day how we should handle them. Part of living a good life, having a pleasant experience with your existence and getting the best of your future is learning what to let in to your life. Now...there are things you should stay away from. Anything that brings you down, makes you feel less than who you are and is all out bad for you – you should avoid. Only you know what these things are. Sometimes we get to a point in our lives where we accept these things as a part of life. We accept the things that hurt us because we think we deserve or ...it is what it is. Not so! Living a good life has a tremendous amount to do with what we allow. Now there are situations that make it hard to change. Abusive situations, addiction and other things that aren't so easy to get away from...but I tell you, the first thing that changes in all of that is the way we view ourselves and how we view our lives. People who get out are often tired of being the victim, they are tired of and are in danger for their lives and want the change. They begin to think and know for themselves that they deserve more and better than what they are getting and what they are going through. These are big things to defeat...but life does have a way of letting you know when it's time to move on from those things. Sometimes it's something as harsh as a doctor telling you, you need to quit said habit before it ends you, a stay in the hospital from the abuse that nearly took your life or friends and family fleeing your presence because they can no longer deal with what is hurting you...people are strange like that. This is one thing I've experienced personally. People don't know how to react to your situation and feel it's best that they not be within the vicinity of that which is hurting you. It hurts, it truly does but it makes us think as well about what is happening to us. It sucks that these people can't help or won't help...it sucks that we lose friendships and support from family members...I won't deny that. They are just being who they are. In the end we have to decide – when we overcome our situation if we still need people like that in our lives. It's about the quality of living ...not the quantity of friendships. I'm friends with everyone – but there are still just a small circle of people I can depend on. My support system is made up of people that actually care about me and I care about them. Look at what's around you. Is it good for you, are they good for you? See the signs as they present themselves. Listen to your gut and don't ignore your feelings about things and people. We are intuitive by nature. If something feels bad, wrong and off – question it enough to see whether you belong in that situation. Don't force yourself to deal with things that harm you. That discomfort you feel is a sign that whatever happening around you isn't for you. Don't ignore that.

10) Enjoy your life. Make your life what you want it to be, not what someone else wants it to be. Living for others is a dangerous thing to do. You have to do what you enjoy – get the most satisfaction out of life. Contorting to fit someone else's image of you is hardly enjoying your life. We are all guilty of this...of becoming what someone wants us to be versus who we are comfortable being. The box of conformity is a ball and chain on the life you live. Break free of the bondage that keeps you from living in your truth- whatever that may be for you. So what others don't like it – piss them off and be you! Do things you enjoy, if you want invite someone else to enjoy that thing with you- if they decline, continue as planned. Once you make up your mind to really LIVE this life, you'll see a major difference in your quality of living. It's not about cramming a bunch of activities into your schedule at once to get a feeling of elation. Think more of the time you spent doing that thing that brought you so much joy and how it affected you. If it affects others as well that's a plus but this is about you. Do what makes you happy. Remember the last time you actually felt happy about something? Something you did, you achieved, helped or even didn't do. There is much enjoyment to be found in avoiding something that would put us in a bad disposition. Dodging bullets of unfortunate situations or not giving into the negativity of those around you – managing your happiness in a messed up situation is an awesome POWER to have. I say it's a power because we often get sucked into things that aren't meant for us and it takes a super strong ability to get out of it. The more you let negativity roll off you like water on an oily surface, the better you'll feel. So many of us are living to die. Instead of dying to live. Day in and day out we go to our 9 to 5 with no enthusiasm, we meet friends with lackluster and fall into a routine of living. Routines aren't bad but when you feel like your life is monotonous it takes a toll. For those of you who don't have this problem, good on you! You are doing something that works for you. Kudos! I'm speaking of getting more out of life. Dying to live, to me, means that you wake up ready to get life under way. It doesn't always happen – trust me – there are times when I have to motivate myself into a good attitude because I woke up on the wrong side of the bed...any side of the bed was the wrong side of the bed for a while there ...lol I had to shake off the bad attitude and get into doing the things that I enjoy and live in the freedom to do them. I was waking up at 8am every morning in a bad mood – then I thought about it...I can wake up later if I want! I'm on my own schedule – no one else's. I'll tell you, that right there did a ton of good for me. I know what my body needs – rest! Not just sleep but rest. Rest periods, for me, entail me doing absolutely nothing to doing very little and enjoying my time doing so. I often take the time to pray and feed my spirit when I rest. It's refueling and rehabilitation for me especially if something pretty stressful has happened in my day. There was once a time that I could thrive in stressful situations. I recognize now that I cannot do that anymore. Stress triggers too much in me, so I live in a way that keeps the stress to a minimum. If I could get rid of it all – it would mean that I am performing some sort of witchcraft or dead. As of yet, I steer clear of witchery and I have a pulse. Yay me! The stories I could tell of my former life...ah....we best not. This thing is long enough. The older I get...the more I realize how much life I have lived and how the strange things that I got myself into have contributed to my personality. Dude...I don't know whether to laugh, cry or pray for a reprieve of all that I have done....or do them all in that order. I like to think that Jesus has a sense of humor and laughs with me most of the time – and even at me. I do the dumbest things at times. I'm sure God gets his daily fill of the dumb things I do. I bet my guardian angel asks me all the time what the hell I'm doing and why...just like that. If I had to answer – it would be, I don't know yet but let me find out real quick if this is something good. Sometimes it's good...sometimes I just need to listen to that inner voice that I keep shushing. LOL

Listen not a one of us is perfect. If so, there would be no need for religion, for salvation or apology for that matter. The world would be a vastly different place than the one we live in. But we live here as it is. This rock is teaching us stuff every day that we live and breathe on it and it's up to us discern what is good and right with us. Let me tell you what wisdom is born of.

Wisdom is the culmination of all the experiences we have had in our lives. We gain experiences by making many mistakes and a few good decisions. A FEW. I'd say the ratio on decision is about 25% good 75% bad. I think we seem to remember the bad more because of the type of impact it has on our lives. I can remember a few good things but not like I remember the bad stuff. The bad stuff influences our decision making. We remember the last time we found ourselves in a similar situation and think – NOPE, Never Again! Thus gaining wisdom through said event. We try different methods – hopefully, because of the rule of insanity (doing the same thing over and over is in fact insane). Those things sit with us and we are careful to share those experiences with others. My former brother in law warned me about taking advantage of a bank error. He was so serious, I had to ask the man why. All he could give me was a strong "Don't f around with those people". I believed him. This bank error put more money in my account than what was warranted. My young mind at the time was like – that's the bank's fault, I'm about to splurge! But after much debate on the subject and the warnings of many – I did not touch the money in my account – not even the money I knew was mine until they cleared up the matter. I don't know what prison fashion looks like now but from what I've seen on the tele – I don't look good in stripes, orange jumpers or anything that speaks to institutionalization. Blue jeans, I like blue jeans.

But from that, I've also warned others not to do such things because of the consequences that I would have incurred. I would have been prosecuted for grand theft. In Missouri grand theft gets you 5- 15 years in the pokey. "Ain't nobody got time for that!" I refuse. Therefore I remain crime free. When the bank explained that to my 25 year old self, I all but ran away from my banking institution, went home and waited for them to fix the problem. It was a tax refund gone horribly wrong. I convinced myself that it was a blessing in disguise when what it felt like, after I learned of the penalty, was a set up. I'm not the one. 25 year old me knew enough not to dip into the account for anything at all. Good thing I had a little bit of cash to handle other needs.

All of that is to say, this – learn from others what you can. LOL. That is a big "DON'T DO IT!" I have never been arrested for anything minor or major. I've had parking tickets but that's about it. I can't sit in jails – I'm allergic. The police officers around here do not know me by name and I aim to keep it that way. So far the only thing that they know, if they are paying attention – is that I like to stand on my porch every two – three hours and smoke a cigarette. That I always decline strangers when they ask for one – cause for some reason that seems wrong to me – even when they offer to buy one from me. "Can I buy a square (St. Louis slang for cigarette) from you ma'am?" Me, always: Nope, it's my last one. And one day it will be.

I've been looking into smoking cessation groups and at the patch to help me quit. Everything in me is screaming for me to quit but my mind is convinced that it is needed so that I don't go ballistic on the unsuspecting and those who warrant it. Again, jail is not an option. Neither are mental health hospitals, done with those. Life is good because I think rationally enough to avoid certain situations and I don't turn a blind eye to the probable consequences of my actions. I always think – should I do this? What good will it do? Will I feel better long term? Do they really deserve it? Answers: No, None, Nope, and they deserve worse. LOL

Be wise. The footsteps you make as a parent are the ones your young people will follow. The footsteps you make period are the ones you have to look back on. Imprints on the conscious are a forever thing. Make sure you make good ones. Learn from the bad things that happen but don't dwell there and learn to enjoy your life...is all I'm saying. I've learned many a thing over these 41 years. Some pleasant, some not so pleasant. Overall, I've learned to stay alive when so much threatened to see me end. But don't get me wrong, life isn't just about the existing or the survival – it's about the quality and the learning. I've learned much of that too and am still learning. As much as I can, every second of every day. School is always in session for me. I am forever a student until I am called to be otherwise and that's alright by me. I love to learn.

I bid you all a great and wonderful day. I pass on the blessings given to me unto you – may your lives be lived to the fullest each and every day, may the living not be in vain for there is much to be had in Heaven and may you all find the love you so desire, meet the goals you are determined to meet and have lived a life that is praiseworthy.

Don't be afraid to live.