It was as if the ground had been pulled from me, the air stolen from my lungs.

I looked at Julian beside me. He didn't move. He didn't look away from their hanging lifeless bodies.

I took his hand and I felt complete and utter sorrow overtake me.

His sorrow.

And guilt, so much guilt.

I could feel my heart breaking for him and there was nothing, absolutely nothing I could say to ease his pain.

I said the only thing I could. "Julian, I'm so so-"

I didn't even finish before he moved, taking his hand back so swiftly that he might as well had slapped me for what it did to me.

He moved out of view and Vy jumped into action. When I turned, they were both taking them down from the shackles that held their ankles. Julian moved gently with the woman while Vy, with equal gentleness, moved the man with her magic. They crouched low as they set them down on the rocky ground. Vy moved a hand over each of their eyes and shut them. Julian only stared at them, visibly shaken.

Vy placed her hands over them and with little effort, the bodies were instantly wrapped in black blankets held together by ropes along the length of them.

Vy placed a gentle hand on Julian's shoulder. "We will have revenge, Julian, on whoever did this." She nodded towards something blue and metal on the ground. "Whatever Ice bastard did this, we will get him."

Julian shook his head. "This wasn't done by the Winter Queendom," his voice was hoarse. "This was Robyn."

My heart stopped.

Vy shook her head. "How could you possibly know that?"

He nodded at the small knife close by. "I took that knife from Lord Baerod's cold, dead hands and gave it to King Warren as proof that his enemy was dead. It's been in royal possession ever since. That bastard Robyn is so sloppy. He wouldn't have known."

I felt my throat constrict at his words. "Robyn d-did this?"

His eyes held no warmth as he looked at me. "He sent me, he wanted me to find them."

I shook my head, unbelieving. "H-He sent you because the hounds attacked Skryen."

Vy sighed. "He placed them there."

I couldn't move.

"I checked the gates the morning of Saddaim the hounds were still here - none of this had happened. The hounds can't specter and it would take them a full day to get to Skryen not hours and not unnoticed."

Julian continued. "It would take someone of immense power to specter them from Tartus to Skryen- you saw what they almost did to Vy and she's the Keeper. Do you know anyone with that kind of power?" He shook his head. "He did this, he spectered them there - he made sure I would be the one to find the Hounds, stop them - to come here to find - this." He stumbled at the words.

Vy's tone was harsh. "He didn't need this much blood. He didn't need both of them drained to release them."

I reached for my throat. It was getting harder to breathe.

Vy scoffed. "What did you do to piss him off?"

I swallowed. "He saved me." My voice was soft. "He told Damien where I was - Julian and Naida betrayed Robyn."

The silence that followed killed me - and when I looked at Julian ... he knew.

He knew I was telling the truth. He reached that conclusion just as I did.

Vy shook her head. "Why involve the Winter Queendom?"

I licked my dry lips. "He wants a war."

Julian nodded. "I've been the one to successfully stop the Winter forces. Twice. Maybe he thinks that I'd be angry enough to join him when the time comes. Go back into training, fight along with him."

Vy shook her head. "I'm going to put them back then we can get the hell out of here." She stood fluidly, turning down the cave where I presumed the hounds had run down.

I couldn't bear to look at Julian as he slowly began to stand, taking in his surroundings. He ripped some of the fabric of his sweater and used it to pick up the knife on the floor, bundling it then putting it tight to his belt.

I leaned against the wall for support, still hollow, still empty. The familiar despair was back, creeping through me. They were dead because of me. More death.

I couldn't escape it.

I thought of my own parents and how devastated I would be if something happened to them. They were still safe, Julian had told me as such, consistently, anytime we spoke of Kymra.

The same couldn't be said of Julian's parents.

What seemed like hours later Vy reappeared. She reassured us the Hounds were locked up before she spectered us to her home.

Not a word was said between any of us and we were still silent as Nella and other faeries came and took the bodies inside the estate.

Vy followed them up the steps but didn't turn as she spoke. "I'll make the preparations for the pyre. We will start the cleansing fire at sundown."

I watched her figure walk into the dark house and I still couldn't look at Julian.

I couldn't say anything. The words wouldn't come.

How could I apologize to him? How could anything I possibly said help ease his pain?

I was the reason they were dead.

I didn't move until he did and once we were inside, he went into the room from the night prior and promptly shut the door.

It took everything in me to hold myself together long enough to make it to the room I was staying in. Once inside, I leaned against the doors as I closed them. Finally, I released the sobs that threatened to cut through me earlier.

It was all my fault.

They were dead.

Because of me.

Because Julian saved me.

Because Julian told Damien where I was.

It was all my fault.

I wiped my tears from my face with the back of my glove and stopped. I looked in the mirror across the room and took in my reflection. I'd been so confident in the morning taking whatever precautions I could to stop the Hounds if necessary. I looked like a warrior, ready for battle.

But I was no one.

I was powerless to stop the real threat. I was powerless to stop the madman from killing innocent people that had nothing to do with me.

I was ... powerless.

I was a girl pretending.

Playing dress up.

Quickly, I stripped, taking everything off as fast as I could. I bundled it all together and tossed it as far away as I could to the other side of the small room at the mirror. In anger, I grabbed the first thing I could off the dresser and tossed it at the mirror so hard the glass shattered.

I sunk to the floor and let the grief take me.

Nella had brought food for me but I didn't touch it.

I couldn't even look at it, it just felt revolting.

I didn't even want to see anyone, preferring to spend the day alone in the room.

It was later in the day when someone knocked on the door again. It was a different girl this time with a bundle of black clothes in her hands. She looked to be a little younger than me, shy, unable to look me in the eye.

She cleared her throat quietly and spoke as quiet as a mouse, "Lady Vyssen wanted to give you mourning robes for tonight's pyre. She didn't think you packed any."

I nodded and shut the door after I took the robes from her waiting hands.

The black soft hooded robe had gold embroidered hems with dark delicate patterns embossed throughout. The bottom of the sleeves were long enough to reach the knees and onyx buttons down the front kept the robe closed. Beneath it all, I wore a black shirt and tights with the boots I'd gotten so used to wearing.

After I dressed and went downstairs, I stood at the sidelines as the help of the home bustled around setting up a small dinner in one of the rooms.

I felt like that ghost again.

Present and not present.

As the sun began to set the small girl from before led me to the back of the home and down a path that led to a large river. The river held two small boats barely big enough to hold two people and each of the boats held large pyres with the bundled bodies on top.

Vyssen showed up not long after, followed by Julian who was still silent and would still not look at me. Vy wore robes like mine while Julian wore a similar jacket but cut closer to his body and not quite as flowing with dark pants.

As the sun set, Vyssen spoke to everyone that gathered. I recognized the girl from earlier and Nella but none of the others. She spoke of life and death. Of returning to the earth from where we came, of eternal love, of fated mates, of the love they shared after being fortunate enough to find each other and spending lifetimes together. She spoke of how their love wouldn't die and live on as their souls did, even though their shells could no longer contain them.

I tuned the rest out and didn't move until the pyres were set alight and pushed out into the water. They drifted downstream and, eventually, were out of view. I wasn't sure who else was still there, didn't care but I tuned them out too. As soon as the pyres were no longer visible, everyone quietly began to leave. I followed their quiet steps back to the estate, ignoring them and made it back to the room where I was staying where I sat on the chair closest to the back window that I gazed out of.

It felt like hours later when someone knocked on the door again.

Expecting Nella again, I froze when I saw Julian standing at the door instead.

He looked exhausted, his coat from earlier casually unbuttoned. "I didn't see you at dinner," he said plainly, not a hint of emotion in his voice.

I shook my head. "I'm not hungry."

He eyed the room behind me. I watched as his gaze went over the untouched plate of food on the table by the door and then stopped at the mirror. "Can I come in?"

I stepped aside and let him pass. I left the door slightly opened as he made his way across the room and inspected the broken mirror. "We won't be invited back if you break Vy's things."

I cleared my dry throat. "Sorry."

He placed a hand on it and the mirror repaired itself back again into one piece.

He turned back returning to where I was. "I've already let Naida know what happened. We're leaving in the morning. Vy offered to specter us as close to the Winter Kingdom as possible so dress warmly. Layers if you can. Her people will take the horses back to Isma."

I nodded, not quite meeting his gaze as he walked back. "Okay."

He stopped when he finally reached me at the door. "We won't leave too early. Sleep in a bit it's been a long day."

I nodded again. "Okay."

He placed his hand out and pushed against the door, closing it fully. "Emylin, this wasn't your fault."

I wanted so badly to believe it. I wanted to believe it wasn't my fault. My heart tightened in my chest and I could feel the wrecking sobs come back, bubbling through me. I couldn't meet his eyes. I could only look at the floor. "Julian, I'm so sorry. You don't know how sorry I am."

"Look at me."

I shook my head. How could I? How could I look him in the eye when I was the reason his parents were dead?

"Please look at me?"

When I, again, wouldn't look at him, his warm hands grasped my cheeks. He gently tilted my head towards him and I couldn't look anywhere but him. "This isn't your fault."

I found myself shaking. Shaking under his loving gaze. He was calm, collected, calculated. He didn't seem as upset as I was. "How is it not my fault? He did this because you helped me."

He shook his head. "Robyn is a sick bastard who will do anything crazy when he throws a tantrum. He did this. Not you. You can't be held accountable for his actions. None of us can. This wasn't your fault, Emylin."

Was that what he was telling himself? Was that what made it so that he could actually look at me and not fall apart like I was?

His thumb brushed against my wet cheek. I didn't even know I was crying.

And gently, with such heartbreaking gentleness, he planted a small kiss on my cheek. Then the other.

My heart beat like mad in my chest. I was sure he could hear it.

I couldn't stop him.

I didn't want him to. Even as he slid his thumb gently over my lower lip, his eyes watching me the entire time. He was being so gentle - like he was afraid he'd break me if he pushed too hard.

He pulled me closer and with the same calm and measured approach he used to kiss my cheeks, he pressed his lips against mine.

I was on fire.

Everything in me exploded and I felt myself falling. My body edged closer to him. My arms wrapped around his neck and pulled him closer.

I opened my mouth to him and he deepened the kiss further sending new sensations through me. His hands moved away from my face and moved to my middle, holding me tight against him.

I couldn't get enough. I needed more.

Somehow, I could feel the desperation in him too.

I stopped cold.

What the hell was I doing?

He pulled back, his eyes were shut tightly. He looked as conflicted as I felt. "We should stop."

I nodded fiercely, pulling back as I did. This was wrong. So wrong. "I-I don't know what came over me."

Gods. Damien.

I loved Damien.

Didn't I?

I swallowed still unable to look him in the eyes.

He grabbed the door handle behind him. "I'll see you in the morning," he said quietly as he disappeared behind the door.

I placed my fingers to my lips in stunned silence, still feeling the fire.

[A/N]: