Immediately after, I took a cold bath hoping that it would cool me down.

When that didn't work to take my mind off of it,I cursed and made the water even colder.

I'd never been touched that way, never been kissed that fiercely - it was too new, too foreign.

And so so good.

I sank into the water submerging my head.

I always thought that I had some measure of self-control.

Apparently, that wasn't true at all.

I had absolutely no self-control. He might as well have flipped a switch at how fast I forgot Damien and kissed him back.

Stupid desperate lonely Emmy, I told myself.

It wasn't that I loved him, that much I knew. I respected him and somehow, suddenly had a major crush on him.

I loved Damien. Was in love with Damien. Wanted to be with Damien. Would destroy myself for him - to save him.

Because he did the same for me.

I couldn't bring myself to even look at Julian the next day when we met downstairs in the hall. Vy stood at the bottom of the stairs watching me all the while, Julian stood at her side with his arms crossed. It seemed they were deep in conversation over something but stopped as soon as they saw me.

"You don't look ready to go to the Winter Kingdom." I watched the twinkle in Vy's eye as she spoke to me, the mocking curved smile. "I'd suggest a heavy jacket, fur would be best." It was as if she knew about my personal disdain for fur and was making fun of me for it.

Julian shook his head. "We already have something packed. Naida made sure. The sneak packed them in my bag without me looking."

I couldn't help the amused smile that came to my lips, Naida must have had it planned that we'd stop there all along anyway.

"You didn't come to breakfast," Vy was smiling but I recognized the mock in her tone.

I couldn't even think of what to say. How could I tell them I purposely missed breakfast just so I could avoid being in the same room with them?

My mind kept going back to the night before. To Julian and how he kissed me gently, held me, pleaded with me when I ran away.

I couldn't look at Vy either. How could I? After what I'd almost done with Julian?

I only cleared my throat, barely addressing her. "I wasn't hungry," I lied.

While I wasn't looking, a jacket appeared in Julian's arms which he handed to me.

I took it and realized there were warm gloves inside the pocket. I shrugged the gloves and jacket on, and zipped it up just as Julian and Vy did the same to theirs.

I slung my bag over my shoulder and took Julian's hand as he reached for me.

I still wouldn't look at him.

Vy spectered us into the most freezing place I'd ever been. I could feel the cold air cut through the layers of pants I had on. I hugged my hands close, the gloves felt useless.

The ground was the deepest white I'd ever seen, the snow danced around us as the wind howled. In the distance, I could see snow-capped blue mountains the clouds swirling around them as the wind carried them. But nothing else. No road, no houses, no trees or living creatures.

We were all alone.

"The border should be east of here," Vy pointed to the distance as she yelled over the wind. "From there you can specter to the Frozen City as long as you have the lord's permission."

Julian turned away from me towards her and nodded. "Thank you Vy, I won't forget what you did for me."

She smiled. The most genuine smile I had seen on her the entire time I knew her. She looked genuinely happy. "Of course, darling. Come back soon. I so enjoyed our late night trysts these past two nights."

I couldn't look away from them. Past two nights?

Both nights we were there?

Vy noticed me staring and without a hint of hesitation, she leaned forward and kissed him squarely on the lips.

I turned away quickly and placed the hoodie on my head, walking away.

Both nights, she said. Was I his first choice? Was I his second? Did he leave my room just to sneak into hers? Inexplicable hurt stung my heart.

I heard the crunch of snow behind me followed by Julian's pleading voice. "Emylin, wait, it's not what you think."

I didn't turn. "I don't care."

Why was I jealous? Why was I shaking from fury? Was it because that for a moment, just one moment he'd made me feel alive for the first time in months? That it wasn't just flirting games ...

What the hell was wrong with me? I loved Damien not Julian.

"Please, Emylin, would you stop and look at me?"

And then I realized it wasn't any of that. He tried to use me. He had been looking for consolation after his parents died. It had nothing to do with me. He was looking for someone to help him forget his sorrow.

I was only a tool to him. And when I wasn't willing he probably went to Vy.

And it hurt more than I'd care to admit.

I took a deep breath. I didn't want any of it.

"Emmy, stop."

I did and turned fully on him.

He didn't expect that. He only looked at me, startled that I'd apparently listened.

"What?" I said with bite.

He shook his head. "It's not what you think."

I only watched him.

He paused. Could he see the hurt in my eyes? Could he feel the anger and disappointment? "I didn't sleep with Vy."

I shrugged and headed back in the direction I had gone in before. "I don't care."

"Emylin, she was saying that to make you jealous."

I tugged on the strings of the hoodie, closing it tighter around my face. It made everything quieter, muffling the howling wind. I shook my head. "I'm not doing this right now. I can't."

"Please, listen to me. I didn't go to see her, I only went to see you."

At his words, I stopped, spinning towards him in full fury. "Why? Am I some sort of conquest? A prize? Because I'm powerful? The last of my kind or some nonsense? Because I'm in love with Damien?"

He only looked at me, his dark hair blowing in the strong wind. He looked defeated, his hands hanging at his sides. "You don't know what you're saying."

I shook my head.

This was too much. Just too much.

I closed my eyes and recited my new mantra.

Save Damien first. Save the faerie kingdoms first. Prevent war. Then worry about myself. Then find out who I am, how I fit, what it means to be a faerie. What it means to be the last of my kind. Don't let it crush me in the meantime. Don't let myself feel it.

Everyone else first.

Then me.

"It doesn't even matter." I sighed. "I'm sorry about your parents, Julian. I really am. I'm sorry about what happened last night. It shouldn't have happened. I really just want to put this whole thing behind us. Pretend it never even happened."

I watched him think on my words. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. Slowly, he nodded. "Fine."

I could see remorse in his eyes. As soon as I noticed it, it was gone.

He walked past me and led the way. "Then we should get to the border soon. I'm freezing my ass off out here."

We walked for what seemed like an eternity in the cold. I huffed and puffed as I followed behind him, trudging through the snow. Not once did he look back to make sure I was following. I could feel my hands freezing in my gloves. My teeth chattered wildly as my body shook involuntarily and I wondered how he managed to stay so warm.

It was absolutely miserable.

Julian, on the other hand, didn't seem to be disturbed by the cold. He kept pace, keeping his hands in his pockets then sometimes to his face.

"V-Vy couldn't get us a-any c-closer?" I asked, my teeth chattering.

"She got us as close as she could," he said plainly.

After a moment, he stopped. "This should be all right." He held his hand out which I took but he didn't hold me as he had previous times we spectered.

In no time we were standing in a large blue and black foyer.

The walls were some of the deepest blues I'd ever seen bordering on black. The blues were bright as if they had been carved from ice. Among the walls, the light source wasn't electricity or firelight. Pink crystal sconces lined the walls with artificial light coming from within them, as if the light emanated from the crystals themselves. Despite there not being many along the walls, it lit up the space enough to see the oil paintings on the walls, the furniture throughout and the many doors down the hall.

Above me, the pink crystal chandelier bathed the room in a warm glow. "Wow," I breathed.

Julian said nothing as he peeled his gloves off, followed by his jacket. He tossed them to the corner of the room, where the jacket landed on a coat hook. He walked forward through the foyer, opening a pair of doors on his left.

It was like he knew where he was going, was familiar with the layout of the home. "Axel," Julian announced as he went into the room. "I'm having your bourbon."

"Is that a statement or a question?"

A male voice spoke from within the room. When I peered into it, I found the owner of the voice was sitting by the fire in a large chair, an old book in his long ebony hands. He wouldn't turn towards us.

"Well, I didn't ask," Julian answered.

"Hmm," he turned the page of the book he was reading. "You should ask your guest if she wants any."

"I-I don't d-drink b-bourbon." I was surprised I could get even that small amount of words out with my teeth chattering and my body shaking so badly.

At once, the man - Axel, I assumed - appeared in front of me, causing the smallest breeze to stir in my hair in front of me. He held my shaking hands in both of his, warming them. "Julian, you're letting your Starlight freeze."

"I-I'm not h-his anything," I gutted out at the same time Julian said, "She's fine."

Axel raised his dark eyebrows. "My mistake." He led me to the fireplace that burned in the room. "Sit." A chair appeared behind me. The chair pushed my calves in, making me fall back into it. "Green Tea?" As soon as the hot cup and saucer appeared in his hand, I took it greedily, placing my hands on it to warm them.

He watched me curiously, as I breathed in the scent then started to drink. It instantly warmed my core. "It's delicious."

He smiled. "A Faerie tea, made specifically to warm immediately upon drinking it."

I breathed it in again. "It's perfect."

His bluish hair fell as he tilted his head. He looked so different from the faeries I'd met so far. He was dark skinned with incredibly dark almost blue hair and ice blue eyes. He smiled, revealing perfect white teeth. "Nice to meet you, I am Axel, Naida's husband."

I smiled back. "Naida has said so much about you." I extended a hand. "Nice to meet you too, I'm Emmy."

He took my hand and shook it firmly. "I've heard much about you as well." He looked over to Julian. "I'm sorry for your loss, Julian. Naida sent me a letter. She told me as much as she could."

He nodded but said nothing else.

"Emmy," his blue eyes turned to me. "Make yourself at home. My personal library is down the hall. Feel free to grab something to read if we take too long."

I was fine staying as close to the fire as I could in the comfortable oversized chair. I nodded. "All right."

He gave a small nod and a small plate of pastries appeared on the table nearest to the fireplace.

I realized I hadn't eaten since breakfast the day before and the pastries looked phenomenal. I grabbed one and began to eat just as they met at the door and turned to leave.

Julian still didn't meet my eyes as he left and I wondered if he felt as hollow as I did as he walked away.

[A/N]: Thank you again everyone!! You've been so great so far and it makes me so happy that you're enjoying it so far! I am so humbled and honored by your support.