October 26, 2019

Taehyung's POV

I was not okay. When I woke up this morning, I thought everything was okay, but an uncomfortable feeling in my throat made itself known soon enough. Now was not the time to get sick today began the last few shows on the tour. The time had finally come to wrap it up and what better place than Seoul to do them, where our biggest and first fans were located, it was a lot of pressure. I heard Jimin say his parents would be around and Hoseok's sister would attend too, that's how big it was. Thousands of fans would go out of their way to attend these few nights to see the end of an era.

Although we had done this show countless of times before it was like it was my first time as I clumsily danced to the music missing a few of the moves. Hoseok didn't say anything but I was sure he was scolding me mentally at how I wasn't able to get them right. I know it was my fault the stressful situation of my voice not being up to par plus the pressure of the show having to be perfect didn't allow me to focus completely.

Noticing I was not singing to the background tracks, one of our managers came up to me to ask about it. Explaining my situation, he decided it would be good to see a doctor in case I caught a sickness. He told me to keep rehearsing and when the doctor arrived, he would call me. Jimin shot a worried glance my way, but I dismissed him as I tried to keep my focus as to not slow them down on my behalf. They were so excited for the concerts they didn't need to worry about me.

Once the doctor arrived, I followed the managers through the stadium's hallways. Staff passed us by in a rush to get everything ready for tonight. The doctor was a man in his forties, he greeted me cheerfully, but noticing my gloomy mood he got to work to find out the source of my discomfort. After around half an hour of questions and examining me he let out the verdict.

"Taehyung there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with your health, you are in tip top condition," he explained with a smile.

"But my throat?" I frowned at him.

"Your throat is fine there does not seem to be any irritation and I made sure to check thoroughly," he spoke with a tight-lipped smile.

I glanced to my manager who was busy looking at his phone, no doubt making sure everything was going according to plan.

"Alright doc," I nodded, standing up, "Thank you."

"If I might add," he said before I left the room, "Sometimes our worries can manifest themselves in other ways, gotta be careful with that."

As soon as I got back to the main stage the band got back to work rehearsing the second half of the show. Since the doctor mentioned there was nothing wrong with me, I tested out my voice yet no matter how hard I tried I couldn't seem to reach the higher notes and when I danced too hard, I couldn't catch my breath. In fact, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't breathe properly, there was this weight in my chest that didn't allow me to. Nothing was going right. How am I supposed to perform tonight if I can't even keep up?

With rehearsal done, we were told to relax until it was time to get ready for the show. I took a long warm shower to ease my aching muscles, then I drank some tea and ate something light since my stomach was a jumbled mess of nerves. I thought of calling Nari but decided against it since she had a test today, I didn't want to bother her while she studied some more at the last minute.

With no one around I tried warming up my vocals to see if the tea helped. My voice failed to handle the exercises that we were taught to do and had done thousands of times. I had never felt more frustrated with myself in my life. I tried and I tried until my throat actually hurt and nothing worked. It's as if overnight I lost the ability to sing. Heart racing and teary eyes, I sat on the black leather couch in the room. I covered my eyes with the heels of my palms to stop the crying, it wouldn't do anyone any good if anything it would make everything worse. I wiped my tears away and took a nap to try and ease what I was feeling. An hour later chattering around me woke up the boys around me getting ready for the show that was in a few hours.

"Taehyungnie you're awake!" Jimin cheered, walking over to me and plopping on top of me.

"Jimin-shi," I laughed, pushing him off of me.

The nap did some good as I slept away the gloominess I felt before, yet the nervousness was still there. With the restored energy I entered the dressing rooms where the stylist handed me tonight's first outfit and then I was sat at the stylist chair to do my hair and makeup.

"Make tonight a great one boy's you're almost done," Manager Sejin exclaimed giving us a pep talk.

All the boys cheered and hollered at his words excited for the concert. We were informed that there were fans already outside and would soon be allowed in. How was I supposed to make tonight a great one when I could barely sing earlier? I couldn't do this; I couldn't perform tonight I would just ruin everything. Getting up from the makeup chair I rushed out of the room, wandering through the halls to find somewhere to hide.

"I can't do this," I repeatedly whispered under my breath.

Finding an almost empty room, I slammed the door behind me sitting on the dusty floor that hadn't been cleaned in a while. Sinking my head between my knees, I tried calming my beating heart, yet all it did was speed up. I didn't deserve to be on stage I would only disappoint everyone. I wasn't good enough to be in it.

I stayed there for what felt like 15 minutes when somebody slammed the door open.

"Taehyung there you are," Namjoon sighed, "What's wrong?"

"I'm not going on stage tonight."

"What? Why not?" He asked me gently, "I thought the doctor said you were fine."

"I don't feel good and I'll only disappoint everyone," I muttered, resting my forehead on my bent knees.

"Taehyung, no, you'll be fine you have done this so many times," he encouraged, rubbing my arm.

"No, I can't Namjoon!" I exclaimed tears threatening to fall, "My voice isn't good, I failed today at rehearsal it was like I didn't know the dance at all."

"We all have our bad days Tae, but we get through them," he tried assuring me, "Come on let's finish getting ready."

"I'm not moving Namjoon," Stubbornly, I shook my head. 

With a sigh and hesitation on his steps Namjoon left the room, leaving me alone once again, embraced by the darkness and emptiness of it. Not a minute later, another person shuffled into the room, sitting next to me.

"Hyung?" he called.

"Jungkookie," I answered, surprised to see him I was expecting to see Jimin.

"Are you okay?" he answered, staring into my glassy eyes.

"No," I sniffed, trying to hold my tears and looking away.

Not saying anything else he grabbed my arm, making me turn in his direction and pulled me into a hug. The action made me lose any control I had over my tears as I let them fall on his shoulder.

"We need you on stage, okay?" he said softly, listening to my sniffles, "Without you we wouldn't be complete, so please, tell me what you need Hyung, and I'll do it."

Jungkook's words sparked something in me it was true, I needed to get on stage, but my confidence had been wrecked by my own self over the past few hours.

"I don't know if I have the energy or confidence to do it Kook," I responded pulling away from him.

"Don't worry hyung we will find a way," Jungkook patted his shoulder before running out of the room to look for the others.

Jungkook's POV

I ran to the lounge where the rest were along with Manager Sejin. We had to come up with something to help Taehyung, not only for him to perform but because he was our brother. While he's had bad days before I had never seen him like this, it was uncharted territory. When I came into the room everyone's head shot up to see if Taehyung was with me, but they were met with disappointment.

"What happened Jungkook?" Hoseok asked as soon as I walked in.

"He said he's doesn't think he has enough confidence to go on stage," I told them sadly.

"There must be something we can do," Seokjin added from his seat.

"What can we do to make him regain some confidence and stop his self-doubt?" Yoongi wondered out loud. 

"That's it," Jimin exclaimed, jumping up from his seat, "Yoongi hyung you're a genius."

Yoongi stared up at Jimin with confusion at his outburst.

"Nari once told Taehyung that whenever he starts doubting himself, he can just call her and he always does," he explained, "Nari is the answer."

"Didn't he call her today already though?" Namjoon asked.

Jimin rummaged through the table searching for Taehyung's phone which he had left behind. Once he found it, he typed in the passcode and looked through the recents to find that in fact Taehyung hadn't spoken to her today except for a text message in the morning. 

"I guess we owe Nari a call," Jimin said, lifting the phone up to his ear.

A/N:

I had a clear idea for this chapter and I did it.

But now I'm doubting it myself (ironic i know)

So please let me know, did you like it?

Will Nari answer the phone? More importantly, will she be able to help him?

As always, please, remember to vote, comment, and share with a friend.

-Nikki Marie 💜