"What's the meaning of this?"

Rowan's voice echoed in the training area. Both Seiren and Madeleine flinched at his raised tone. They'd never heard him shout before. Seiren jumped up as Rowan stalked across the arena, a scroll of paper in his hand. He looked like he was about to explode like a loaded orange rune. Behind him, his two guards glanced at each other before sliding the door shut, leaving Seiren and Rowan alone.

"What's the meaning of what?" said Seiren, eyebrow raised.

Rowan thrust it in her face, flushed. "This, you petulant child."

Seiren scanned the top and her stomach dropped. It was the report on her escaped experiment, except it didn't mention the details about her research. It was a summons for the nearest mages to assist in an escaped convict in Bicknor dated two days ago, probably the same one that called Tahir Portendorfer to Seiren's aid that day. All the other mages must know now, then.

"I go away for two days and this lands in my pigeon hole," Rowan said, biting out each word.

"What makes you think this has to do with me?" She tried to stem her racing heart.

He gave her such a withering look she thought her face would melt.

"Don't play coy with me, you little rascal. Your damned name is at the bottom."

Oh.

I'm not the only one who has an issue with this, huh? Madeleine said with sarcasm, not in the least bit sympathetic.

"Pray tell, Mage Nithercott, what was a convict doing in your hands at the Bicknor Research Institute?"

"The council gave me permission to do this," said Seiren, clenching her fists. Rowan's cheeks were flushed, his blue-green eyes bright.

"Cut the crap about permissions. What the hell are you doing with these living people?"

It was a long time before Seiren swallowed and met his glaring eyes again.

"I'm trialling healing and regenerative runes. I need humans for experimentation."

He reeled. He spluttered before finding his words, disbelief mingled with fury. "You are joking."

She bit her lip.

"Where are your morals? You killed people."

"People that would otherwise have been killed anyway!" She stamped her foot, fire coursing over her body. "It's the last good thing they can do before they die, to contribute to the good of society!"

"Good of society?" Rowan scoffed. Seiren wanted to punch him. "What's so good about inflicting pain and suffering? Are you just reassuring yourself you're not that much of a monster? Are you in any way better than them?"

"I never said I was better." This conversation was going nowhere. "It's not about me."

"No. But your hands, which are meant to help people, are actually killing people."

She stopped, her mouth going dry.

"How dare you?" she rasped. "You think I enjoy doing this? Madeleine is dead. It's my duty to bring her back and I don't care how many people I need to experiment on before I succeed."

Don't drag me into this. I never consented.

"Shut up!" Seiren said out loud. She snapped back to Rowan, who scowled. "Right or wrong? If you have problems with that, take it up with the Council of Mages. Don't spew your morality crap at me. If it's such an issue I would never have gotten permission for my research. You have no jurisdiction over me."

"I can report you if I have concerns about your capacity to act in the people's best interests. We state mages have that obligation."

"Obligation." Seiren snorted, throwing her hands in the air. "Of course. Rules, protocols, obligations. That's all you're ever good for. You have had this privilege passed down for generations. You were born as a mage. The rules save your ass, but don't think I have had that cushy childhood you've had."

"You think my childhood was easy and that's why I go by the rulebook?" He sounded incredulous.

"You know what? I don't give a crap. Not about you or your childhood. Tahir was right. Your rule-sticking will only ever be a burden."

There was a short silence.

"You've met Mage Portendorfer?"

"Yes. He was in Bicknor. He said I should embrace who I really am and not let rules restrict my true potential. Gods aren't made that way."

Rowan shook his head slowly, almost in pity, which made Seiren even more furious.

"Tahir Portendorfer is a dangerous individual. He spreads poison and encourages violence."

"He said you were the biggest disappointment of a student he ever took on."

Rowan scowled. No doubt hearing that from his former teacher must hurt his pride. Of course he would think badly of Portendorfer.

"You're young and you're misinformed. See the bigger picture. Did you really think having your revenge against Hanna will bring your sister back?"

"No. I think furthering my research into human regeneration will bring my sister back." She glared. "And it will."

"What will you move onto once you've killed all our inmates? Citizens next? Families? Children? Fellow mages?"

His lecturing tone ground Seiren up in all the wrong ways.

"I can do whatever the hell I want. You're not my mother."

"Hear how petulant you sound? You're putting people's lives at risk with that attitude. People will follow you, obey your orders, put themselves out there for your sake." He threw his arms up again. "If you think for a second you're above law or reason, you are sorely mistaken."

"The law?" Seiren laughed without mirth. "The law that allows state mages to carry out military missions, including reconnaissance and assassinations, without military training? That jails people for petty theft or discord with guards? I don't make it. I just follow it. Didn't you do the same? You're a hypocrite, Rowan Woodbead. You were involved in the conflict in Acrise only two years ago. Your own magic killed people, and yet you're lecturing me about doing the same thing for the betterment of the country? You sold your soul to the military and became their dog! So why are you complaining about your collar now?"

Rowan's hands curled into fists and his face darkened.

"The military has many faults," he said in a quiet voice, each syllable tremulous. "The best way to change a system is from the inside. My family are militants; I became a mage to avoid precipitating war."

Just as Seiren thought. The Woodbeads were entwined with the military for generations, with most of them becoming generals or other related leaders; a few like Rowan became state mages, but none strayed from that tradition of becoming nothing more than human weapons.

"Oh, woe. You did a great job, didn't you?" Seiren ensured to drip venom with every word from her mouth.

"I seek peace. You seek revenge, which will never be successful regardless of the outcome. You'll always be the one to lose the most. Don't become a monster just for pettiness."

"Cut the fake wisdoms. You're barely into your mage-hood. Don't patronise me!"

"I've seen more than most and I tell you: reviving Madeleine under these situations is the worst thing you can possibly do."

"What the hell do you know? You've had everything handed to you on a platter! You have no idea what it's like to lose everything and everyone you love," Seiren yelled. Her whole body was on fire. She pointed a finger at him. "What do you know about hardship? I bet you just waltzed into that state mage title!"

The heavy silence that followed told Seiren she'd said too much. She wasn't sure if she should be concerned or impartial, given that at that point she didn't care what Rowan thought of her. He could fail her, report her, whatever. He wasn't fit to be her tutor.

Heat prickled all over her body; her tunic stuck to her armpits and back. With a tsk noise, she whirled around, plucked up her cloak, and sprinted out of the arena, her heart pounding.

Seiren. Seiren, stop.

She ignored Madeleine's voice during the entire train journey back to Bicknor. She just wanted away from Benover, away from the pressures of presenting to the council of mages and of Rowan's expectations that she would play by the rules just like he did. She couldn't. Not when she had such an important mission to bring Madeleine back and pay the consequences for that illicit spell she did six years ago.

She couldn't take in the countryside views as the train zoomed past. She didn't need his approval anyway; he could judge however he wished. It didn't matter. Perhaps he'd reported her to the council already. Perhaps they would apprehend her at Bicknor train station and that was her career over.

What are you doing? Talk to me. Seiren, come on!

"I'm going to kill him," she muttered, staring, not seeing, out of the window.

You can't kill a state mage!

I'm not stupid. Seiren sighed and rubbed her temples. A headache was brewing. Her whirlwind thoughts didn't give her much peace for the rest of the journey; Madeleine's regular interjections did not help in the slightest.

Seiren hit the ground running as soon as the train pulled to a stop and sprinted to the nearest cart, dropping coins in the man's hand and barking her destination.

Don't become a monster just for pettiness. Rowan's words cut deep. Her desire to restore Madeleine and her guilt over her family's massacre was 'petty'? God forbid anybody else wanted to change their lives without wanting the world to hold hands and sing prayer songs.

The receptionists didn't give her a glance when she stomped into Bicknor Research Institute. They were probably used to the idiosyncrasies of the researchers and mages on a daily basis. Her boots clacked along the marble corridor, the sound echoing off the runed walls. The guard outside laboratory eight leapt to his feet, flustered, tucking a piece of paper into his pocket. Seiren paid him no heed, storming past to her table, which was piled high with scribbled notes and dog-eared textbooks. She fingered through the sheets and took out her last rune.

Seiren, don't work when you're so angry. It'll only end badly.

What does it matter? Rowan will get more angry at me? Seiren's elbow nudged a book as she scratched away with her quill. With a grunt, she shoved it off the table and it tumbled down with a thump. Her bookmarks inside exploded everywhere, sliding under shelves and cabinets. She swore under her breath.

Your head isn't clear. Don't make bad decisions.

Oh, I've made bad decisions all my life. It's hardly time to stop now.

Seiren sealed Madeleine off; her sister's voice dimmed to a muffle in the background. Her sister's presence wrestled back with surprising vigour.

Don't push me away! Madeleine yelled.

I don't need you. Stop interfering!

This is all about me. You never asked me what I wanted! Madeleine's voice bounced inside Seiren's skull, causing the tension headache at the temples to throb steadily.

Seiren opened her mouth to call out to the guard to bring in another inmate, but her throat seized.

What the...?

You never asked my permission to do all these horrible things for the sake of bringing me back. Even when I tell you 'no', you don't listen. You say it's all in my name, Madeleine's voice grew shriller, but I've had enough, all right! That's enough! No more!

What on earth are you talking about?

Madeleine's next words stunned Seiren to the core. I want to die!  

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