Ben
January 1, 2005

*

Next day

*

Holy fuck.

My mind can't even comprehend what just happened. That kiss was... there aren't even words. It was like the earth stood still. It took all of my will power to stop myself from taking it further, but I didn't want to give her more of a reason to hate me.

I feel like I'm going to explode. She is incredible. I need to know her. Her mouth, her touch, her scent, it was way too much. I'm struggling to bring my brain back to reality, but all the blood is flowing in the opposite direction.

"Ben?" Her voice barely breaks through the roar of noise as I desperately try to focus on her.

"Hrrhh?" I think I made a noise, but I can't be sure.

"Ben? Ben, are you okay?" Her face is inches from mine as she tries to break through the noise surrounding us.

Oh shit. She looks really worried. I need to snap out of this. What the hell is wrong with me?

"Yeah... what?" I try to sound nonchalant, but it comes out a few octaves higher than normal.

"Oh god. Don't do that to me!" She smacks my arm and all I can do is stare at the place she hit me. "You scared the crap out of me."

"Sorry..." I wasn't sure what to say. To be honest, I wasn't sure what had happened.

"Was it really bad?" She asks, sounding concerned and incredibly insecure. She is so adorable... and stupid.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" She flinches from the harshness of my question. I had to stop myself from shoving her onto the table and she's worried that it was bad? Where does she come up with this shit?

"The kiss." Her eyes are wide as she looks warily at me.

"What about it?" I'm feeling defensive for some reason.

"Was it bad?" She looks genuinely worried.

"Bad isn't the word I would use." I smirk.

"Oh no... It was worse than bad? What did I do wrong?" Her face falls and her eyes glaze over. Oh shit, is she going to cry? The thought of her crying makes my chest hurt.

"Shit. That's not what I meant, Kat. It wasn't bad, at all. It was pretty good." I look at her, hoping she believes me. I'm seriously failing at being nonchalant.

She sighs. "Okay, if you say so." She still looks unconvinced.

"Oh, I do say so." I resist the urge to grab her hand and show her just how hard I am since that would probably earn me a slap.

"Then... why did you stop?" She blushes. Maybe hurricane was an accurate description of her. She is definitely a whirlwind. I haven't been able to tell up from down since I met her.

"Honestly?" I want to be completely honest with her and this feeling scares the shit out of me.

"I think so..." A part of me was hoping she would say no.

I sigh. "I didn't want you to hate me even more than you already do." She tries to hide her gasp. Maybe I shouldn't have been quite so honest. I am totally screwing this up. I think I left my "game" in my car, next to my brain.

"What?" She looks pretty cute when she's anxious.

"You wanted honest." She did ask for it, but I still kinda feel bad for scaring her.

"I... uh... I don't hate you." As she struggles to get the words out, I wonder if she really means it or if she's just trying to be nice.

"Really?" I smirk. Maybe she likes me. Maybe I have a chance.

"No, of course not. I don't hate anyone." Well, shit. I'm just anyone. I should have known I wouldn't mean anything more to her. Wait, do I want to mean something more to her? She has my head all messed up. I can't think straight.

"Oh okay..." It's hard to hide the disappointment.

"Why do you think I hate you?" She sounds so sincere, but I don't know how to answer this question. Shit. Why did I have to say I would be honest? I've backed myself into a corner.

"Seriously?" Shouldn't she know the answer to this?

"What?" She looks confused.

"You haven't exactly been friendly. I figured you hated-err... didn't like me." I try to defend myself without getting too defensive.

She sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose. Am I giving her a headache?

"Hey... you okay?" I rub her arm, hoping to comfort her. It feels like there's electricity flowing between us, drawing us closer.

She just stares down at my hand, without saying anything.

"Oh, shit. Sorry." I pull my hand away, realizing I probably offended her... again.

"It's uh... it's fine." She tries to smile, but it looks strained and uncomfortable.

"Seriously Kat, if you want to talk, I'm here." I try to sound earnest, but I don't usually listen to girls when they talk anymore.

"Right..." She looks skeptical, and for some reason I feel the need to convince her.

"Seriously, I'm totally a good listener." I'm totally full of shit, I barely listen to Nate.

She laughs, a real laugh. I feel like I won the fucking lottery. It's like music and I can't get enough. I need to hear that again.

"Okay, that's a total lie, I'm a terrible listener." She laughs louder this time.

Yes, jackpot. I love that sound.

"Now, that I believe." She smiles.

"I'm willing to try. For you." And I mean it.

She rolls her eyes. "Oh my god. Has that line ever worked?"

I try to hide my surprise. "It's not a line."

"Riiiiigggghhht." She rolls her gorgeous eyes.

"Seriously, talking isn't something I usually offer." I try not to look pleased with myself, but it's hard when you are just good at what you do.

"Nothing but trouble." She smirks, shaking her head in mock disappointment.

"I'm guessing you don't want to be friends then?" I try to hide my disappointment.

"I never said that, but I have a feeling a guy like you doesn't want to be friends." She gives me a pointed look, like I should know what she's talking about.

"A guy like me? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" She flinches at the harsh language. I'm guessing she isn't a fan of cussing. Great. What am I getting myself into?

"Oh please. Don't play innocent. I know your type." Damn, she thinks she has me pegged. If only she knew...

"Listen, I don't know what you are getting at, but I figure if my best friend is hooking up with your best friend, it's in our best interest to play nice." I try to go with the most logical approach.

"Oh." She sucks in a breath. I feel a little victory for catching her off guard. "I guess you have a point. We should be friendly, you know, for as long as it lasts."

"Right, obviously." I try to go back to nonchalance, but ruin it by leaning in to whisper in her ear. "Wait, do you think it's not going to last?" I pull back to see her reaction.

She leans in to whisper back. "I didn't say that. Why? What do you think?"

I lean so close that I my lips brush against her ear. "I asked first."

I pull back to smirk, but she's looking at me through heavy lids. Her lips are parted and she's practically panting. Does she want me to kiss her? Or is it just the alcohol affecting her?

Shit, I usually don't have to think about this stuff. She is seriously messing with my head. I lean forward to test her reaction. I can feel her breath on my lips.

I'm probably about to make a huge mistake.