Reviewed by: HuntedAcolyte

Book title: Hero – Book 1 – Journey to the East Book

Author's name: Thewbs

This will be a spoiler-free review.

Title: 6/10

Given the book's post-apocalyptic setting and overall plot, I feel the title doesn't quite align. It doesn't evoke the sense of an adventure through the wasteland. Instead, it suggests more of a hero's journey set in ancient times.

Cover: 10/10

The cover is absolutely stunning, vibrant, eye-catching, and perfectly suited to the setting. The colors beautifully capture the post-apocalyptic theme, with the blacks and reds creating a striking contrast that demands attention. The attention to detail is remarkable, making the design truly stand out. This is a cover to be proud of for it is genuinely exceptional.

Blurb: 8/10

The description is well-crafted and intriguing, effectively drawing readers in and showcasing the story's appeal. However, it would benefit from including how the world fell, as learning about the collapse is often one of the most compelling aspects of a post-apocalyptic narrative. Even so, it does a great job of capturing interest and conveying the essence of the story.

Overall Plot: 6/10

The overall plot is intriguing and straightforward. The protagonist's journey to find Eden—a place rumored to be free of conflict, abundant with greenery, and where water is plentiful—is simple yet compelling. This goal provides a clear driving force for the story. Along the way, the protagonist faces the ever-present danger of the Freaks, a group of cannibalistic, mutated humans who seem to appear wherever they go. The protagonist must carefully navigate around them to avoid becoming their next meal—or worse.

However, the execution of this plot raises some issues. Eden is introduced as a mere rumor, and while it serves as the protagonist's primary goal, it lacks depth. Multiple instances of peril arise along the way, but these are often brushed aside, and the story quickly returns to the quest for Eden. At one point, the protagonist even halts their pursuit of this goal, only to resume it later with little motivation aside from a certain event. This unwavering determination feels hollow, as the protagonist never truly questions whether Eden exists or why they should go there. Similarly, the characters who share this goal blindly believe in Eden's existence and never challenge the protagonist about its plausibility.

To enhance the story, the protagonist should grapple with doubts about Eden. There should be moments where they reconsider whether pursuing Eden is worth the risk or even possible. Their desire to reach Eden should also feel personally driven—whether it's to escape their current reality, find redemption, or fulfill a deeply rooted emotional need and not because another character wants them to find it. Currently, this motivation feels underdeveloped. The protagonist never seems to weigh the risks of chasing Eden or consider where it might actually be; instead, they blindly head in one direction.

A stronger approach would be to plant clues that hint at Eden's existence while also introducing reasons to doubt it. These conflicting elements could create tension and force the protagonist to confront their choices. Perhaps they encounter someone who claims to have been there, fueling their determination to press on when they might otherwise have chosen a different path. By giving the protagonist a deeper connection to their goal and challenging their belief in Eden, the narrative would become more dynamic, engaging, and emotionally resonant.

Pacing: 5/10

While the pacing is generally smooth, and the story rarely grinds to a halt, there's a noticeable lack of depth in how the protagonist and other characters interact with the world. Although there are a few moments of interaction, they don't lead to significant growth or development for the characters. For instance, after one key incident, the protagonist and another character quickly become close, but this connection feels rushed. More time should be spent exploring these relationships and allowing them to evolve naturally.

Similarly, the story rarely gives enough time to explore the protagonist's emotional struggles, even though they experience moments of sadness, guilt, or anxiety. While these emotions occur frequently, they're often brushed aside too quickly to leave a lasting impact. The protagonist's feelings are stated outright—such as missing a certain character or being nervous or excited—but these emotions aren't deeply explored. This lack of descriptive depth prevents the reader from fully connecting with the protagonist's experiences and motivations.

To address this, emotional states should be shown, not just told. Instead of simply stating that a character feels sad or anxious, describe how those feelings manifest physically and mentally. For example:

Sadness: The weight of it settled heavily on his chest, pressing like an unseen hand. He stared blankly at the horizon, the vibrant colors of the setting sun blurring into indistinct streaks. His fingers fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, the motion unconscious, as if his hands needed to occupy themselves to keep from trembling. A lump rose in his throat, but he swallowed hard, unwilling to let it escape. His thoughts circled back to her—her laugh, her smile—and he clenched his jaw, as though by doing so, he could keep the memories from spiraling into pain. Anxiety: A cold sweat broke out across his brow as his pulse thudded relentlessly in his ears. His hands were clammy, his breathing shallow and rapid. He rubbed his palms on his pants, but the sensation of dampness lingered, his body betraying him. Every shadow seemed alive, creeping closer, and he couldn't stop his eyes from darting to the edges of his vision. His stomach churned violently, the unease twisting inside him like a coiled spring ready to snap. Excitement: His heart raced, and a smile tugged at his lips no matter how hard he tried to suppress it. Energy buzzed through him, as if he couldn't stay still even if he wanted to. His fingers drummed on his leg, his foot tapping rhythmically against the ground. Words spilled out faster than his brain could process, his voice rising in pitch with every sentence. His cheeks burned, but he didn't care—he felt alive, exhilarated, ready to leap into action.

By describing emotions in this way, readers are given the opportunity to feel what the protagonist feels, making their journey more immersive and impactful. This approach also improves pacing, as it allows emotions to resonate and develop naturally, grounding the protagonist's motivations in authentic experiences.

Writing Style: 6/10

The writing style, while effective enough to convey the story, feels lacking in descriptive depth. There's little sense of the surroundings, the emotional weight of loss, or the desolate atmosphere of the wasteland. For instance, the descriptions are mostly desert and mountains, but iconic locations like a rusting amusement park or what remains of Staten Island are mentioned without being fully explored or visualized. This lack of vivid detail is a missed opportunity, as I would have loved to see Hero passing through a destroyed city, the remnants of a military camp, or even something as small yet impactful as a ruined highway filled with rusting, skeletal cars.

Additionally, the chapters could benefit from more structured paragraphs. While the short, sentence-driven style works wonderfully for action scenes, creating a sense of urgency and danger, it feels less effective in calmer moments. The same fast pace makes these scenes feel rushed, detracting from their potential to provide contrast and allow the reader to breathe.

Creativity: 6/10

While the post-apocalyptic setting has significant potential, it feels underutilized. For a world where survival is meant to be brutal and trust scarce, trust is surprisingly easy to come by. The protagonist is never truly tested—there are no moments of peril that force them to make tough decisions, evolve as a character, or reveal their motivations. This lack of tension diminishes the impact of the setting, making the wasteland feel less harsh and unforgiving than described.

The first chapter is also problematic. It introduces a character who reappears much later, a villain who is never seen again, and a potential motivation absent in the protagonist. This creates confusion as readers wait for these elements to resurface, only to find they don't play a meaningful role. Additionally, while the story is set in the 25th century, presumably centuries after the world ended in the 21st century (as evidenced by items like iPads and cans of Coca-Cola), the passage of time feels irrelevant. There are no signs of four centuries of decay or evolution, which is a missed opportunity for enriching the narrative.

Another major issue is the over-reliance on exposition rather than immersive storytelling. Much of the world is described through dialogue or secondhand accounts rather than experienced directly by the protagonist. For instance, the amusement park, city ruins, and Staten Island remnants are only mentioned in passing, robbing the reader of the chance to explore these intriguing elements firsthand. The old adage "show, don't tell" applies here—having the protagonist interact with and navigate these environments and spoken events would create a much stronger sense of world-building.

Another weak point is the simplicity of the world's threats and characters. The Freaks are compelling but are the only real danger. The Swifters, nomadic wasteland travelers, are entirely altruistic. Despite being warned to trust no one, the protagonist trusts almost every person they encounter, and those people are consistently kind and helpful. This lack of moral complexity undermines the tension and stakes. Readers have noted this issue, and rightfully so—there are no betrayals, tough decisions, or truly dangerous human threats.

To strengthen the story, the protagonist needs to face real challenges and difficult choices that test their trust, morality, and survival instincts. The wasteland is described as unforgiving, but the narrative doesn't reflect that reality. Introducing bandits, betrayals, or situations where the protagonist's decisions have consequences would add depth and tension to the story, making the world feel as harsh and perilous as it's meant to be.

Another disappointing aspect is how the Swifters are portrayed. They only loot from Freaker camps and never scavenge from other locations, which raises several questions about their behavior and limits the potential for world-building. By having them scavenge ruins or abandoned settlements, you could have introduced the uncertainty and danger inherent in such activities, adding depth and tension to their role in the story.

Additionally, the absence of animal threats feels like a missed opportunity. While dogs are present, they are the only animals mentioned in the story. Considering your world was also destroyed by nuclear bombs, there's a natural opportunity to include mutated wildlife as additional hazards. For instance, the Fallout series effectively showcases how radiation creates terrifying creatures like mutated bears, oversized canines, and giant reptiles, which enrich the atmosphere and raise the stakes. Incorporating such threats would not only make the world more dangerous but also help flesh it out further, giving it a more vivid and immersive quality.

Characters: 6/10

While your characters are not poorly written, I rate them a 6 out of 10 because they lack growth. They don't stumble, break down, or make mistakes that would make them more relatable. At the story's start, something terrible happens to the protagonist, and while it does trouble them, it doesn't truly impact their behavior or decisions. For a character so young, I would expect poor decisions, emotional responses, or a drive fueled by the trauma of that event, but none of this is evident. For instance, they are an excellent driver despite no introduction of driving lessons, a pacifist who vows never to take a life—a promise that is told rather than shown—and they are inexplicably well-known and comfortable heading into danger without much explanation.

The romance subplot also feels unearned. While there's implied mutual interest between two characters, revealing both perspectives immediately undermines the tension and makes it feel forced. Romance in action settings is most effective when it develops gradually, starting with subtle interactions and growing as the characters face challenges together. Here, the characters don't spend much time together and share only one scene of danger. Adding more moments where they rely on and trust each other could make the romance more believable. Furthermore, keeping the perspective to one character during these moments would leave room for reader speculation and emotional investment, allowing them to wonder and hope if the other feels the same way.

The interactions between characters often rely too heavily on dialogue, where they simply tell each other their wants, personalities, or backstories. This approach can feel flat. Instead of telling the audience what a character is like, show it through their actions. For example, if a character loves working with cars, show their enthusiasm—describe them tinkering under the hood, speaking excitedly about parts, or always having grease-streaked hands. Let their actions and behavior flesh out their personality, rather than relying on exposition. These kinds of moments would make the characters feel more dynamic, relatable, and memorable, while also deepening the reader's connection to them.

The story's larger groups also lack depth. For instance, a particular character quickly becomes like a big brother to the protagonist, helping them and welcoming them into their group almost instantly. While this character is somewhat fleshed out, the rest of the group remains faceless and underdeveloped. Despite the protagonist's high regard for the group, its significance feels diminished because no other members are given meaningful interactions or moments to stand out. This lack of depth weakens the emotional impact when key events occur, such as losses within these groups, because the reader hasn't formed an attachment to the other members.

Adding to this, there is another character with whom the protagonist grows close, but they are not given enough time to develop properly. This character's disappearance happens off-screen, robbing their loss of emotional weight—not just for the protagonist but for the reader as well. To make their departure impactful, they should be introduced earlier in the story, allowing for a longer and more meaningful relationship to form with the protagonist. Have them interact regularly and create shared experiences that build emotional ties. When the character ultimately exits the story, don't let their absence be relayed secondhand—have it happen with the protagonist present, giving the moment real-time gravity.

This approach would not only deepen the protagonist's relationships but also allow readers to feel the loss more acutely, creating a shared emotional experience that resonates throughout the narrative. By fully fleshing out these characters and groups, their significance will feel more authentic, and their absence will leave a stronger impact on both the protagonist and the audience.

To improve, I suggest introducing more characters within these groups and giving them meaningful interactions with the protagonist. Let them form bonds, contribute to the protagonist's growth, and become vital to their journey. This approach would make the groups feel significant and allow emotional moments to resonate more deeply with readers. Developing gradual character growth, richer relationships, and more grounded challenges will enhance the story's overall depth and engagement.

Character Development: 3/10

The most vital aspect of any form of literature isn't the plot, the villain, or even the world—it's the characters and their growth. A great example of exceptional character development is Zuko from Avatar: The Last Airbender. Zuko begins as a vengeful, honor-obsessed exile, driven by bitterness and desperation. Over time, through his struggles, failures, and moments of introspection, he transforms into a self-aware, compassionate individual who fights for a greater purpose. His journey is compelling because it is rooted in authentic growth, hard choices, and personal evolution.

Unfortunately, your characters lack this depth. The protagonist doesn't struggle or grow, and that is deeply disappointing. For instance, despite starting their journey at a young age, they don't face significant challenges or moments of self-discovery. They should have to struggle with learning how to survive, perhaps initially having difficulty operating their vehicle until they gradually learn through trial and error. Instead, they are inexplicably capable from the start, with help conveniently provided at every turn. This robs the protagonist of the opportunity to face hurdles, make tough decisions, and develop into a seasoned, hardened survivor. A timid, uncertain character who grows into someone confident and resourceful would be far more engaging.

Another major issue is the lack of a clear antagonist or purpose for the protagonist to survive. The Freakers are mentioned as knowing the protagonist well, but there's no explanation for why. This critical detail is simply stated, with no context or events to justify it. Additionally, the USR faction is introduced through exposition rather than active involvement in the story. They could have been a compelling antagonist, creating tension and obstacles for the protagonist. The villain from the first chapter, who had potential to be a recurring threat, is never revisited, leaving a glaring gap in the narrative. Without a strong opposing force, the wasteland feels less dangerous, and the protagonist's journey lacks urgency and stakes.

The second protagonist you introduce starts strong, with a fantastic initial interaction that sets high expectations. However, they also fail to grow meaningfully. For example, they wield a crossbow and are immediately a perfect shot, never missing or struggling, which makes them feel less relatable. They lack defining traits or flaws that could make them stand out from the first protagonist. Their relationship with the main protagonist also develops too quickly. While you have one excellent moment of conflict between them, it is immediately resolved, and they trust each other without hesitation. This undermines the supposed harshness of the wasteland and takes away opportunities for tension and growth in their dynamic.

To improve, focus on creating perilous situations that force your characters to struggle, make mistakes, and confront their flaws. Have them distrust each other more at first, building a gradual bond through shared hardship and mutual reliance. Introduce more antagonistic elements, whether it's the Freakers, the USR, or the first chapter's villain, to create conflict and drive the narrative forward. A truly unforgiving wasteland demands that the characters evolve to survive, and showcasing their growth will make the story more compelling and relatable for readers.

Grammar: 10/10

The grammar and descriptions in your story are excellent. If you hadn't mentioned that English is your second language, I never would have guessed—it's truly impressive. Despite the story's flaws, I had no trouble following the narrative or visualizing the environments you described. Your writing paints vivid pictures that effectively immerse the reader.

That said, I do have a minor personal pet peeve: your use of the British spelling for "tire" as tyre. While it's not incorrect, it did catch my attention every time I saw it, as I'm more accustomed to the American spelling (tire). Another small note: crossbows don't use arrows; they use bolts. Unlike arrows, which are longer and designed for traditional bows, bolts are shorter and heavier, specifically made for crossbows. It's a minor detail, but one worth mentioning for accuracy. Beyond these small points, your grammar is impeccable, and your descriptions are beautifully crafted. Great work!

Total Score: 66/100

Overall Enjoyment: 7/10

Despite its flaws, I thoroughly enjoyed your story. Your characters, while not without their issues, remain intriguing and compelling. Hero is a fascinating protagonist, and Emily adds depth and interest to the narrative. The Freaks are a brutal and effective antagonist group, and the Swifters bring a unique perspective to the wasteland, enriching the world you've created.

If you take my feedback to heart and make some adjustments, I truly believe this could become a fantastic story. That said, even as it stands, it's an engaging and entertaining read that I highly recommend. I'm excited to see where you take the story in Book 2 and look forward to your continued growth as a writer. Keep up the great work!

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