MARA: I screwed up. Big time.
(literally anyone who knows her): Given your daily life experiences, you're gonna have to be more specific.

—

MARA: I brought batons to a lightsaber fight and didn't lose.
POE: So you won?
MARA: ...I didn't lose.

—

REY: I have an idea. It's very uncool, but it's not illegal, technically. But it IS a dick move.
MARA: I love it.

—

DORI'N: (upon meeting Mara) Oh, you're the ex?
MARA: Yeah.
DORI'N: I'm the upgrade.

—

MARA: As your best friend-
POE: No, I'm his best friend-
FINN: Rey's my best friend.
POE:...
MARA:...
BOTH OF THEM: As your BEST friends....

—

ROSE: So what was it like growing up with General Hux as a brother?
MARA: Once I asked Armitage for a glass of water while he was mad at me. He brought me a glass of ice and said "wait".

—

MARA: I'm gonna break your nose.
ARMITAGE: You won't be able to reach my nose. You're too short.
MARA: You've sunk low enough to reach my level.

—

POE: You know you've made it when you see your picture up everywhere you go.
MARA: Those are wanted posters.

—

FINN (to REY, POE, and MARA): Guys, you have to tell me why we're committing a felony before we do it.

—

MARA: I did something and I need advice, but I don't want criticism or judgement.
CALLISTO: And you came to me?

—

MARA (after crashing on Jakku) : I didn't understand why people care so much about dumb desert planet people until I got a dumb desert planet person myself.

I've only had Rey for a day and a half, but if anything happened to her I'd kill every living thing in sight and then myself.

--

FINN: Good morning! How's the First Order turncoat and Hero of Starkiller feeling today?
MARA: I don't know man, how are you doing today?
FINN: *choking up* Fine.

--

KYLO REN: Any last words?
MARA: If I detach my bionic leg and swing it at your head....am I hitting you or kicking you?

--

POE: We gotta find a way to cut down expenses. Guys, what can we live without?
THE REST OF THE RESISTANCE: Probably Mara.
POE: No!

—

FINN: What's the worst decision you've ever made while drunk?
MARA: I don't mean to brag, but I don't need alcohol to make bad decisions. It just makes me feel less bad when I do.

—

REY: How did you find me?
MARA: I heard someone yelling like a feral animal in the distance and thought "Huh, who could that be?"

or alternatively

ARMITAGE: How did you find me?
MARA: Oh, it was easy, really. I just listened to the sound of complete and utter betrayal and followed that.

—

LEIA: Your brother has a lot to answer for.
MARA: I know. I keep an itemized list. BB-8 has it on file.

—

MARA: Okay, think! How do we usually get out of these messes?
POE: We don't. We make a bigger mess that cancels out the first one. It happens, like, every time.

—

and so breaks my update hiatus. today, i bring you a shitty incorrect quotes meme from a 2019 draft. tomorrow? who knows.