Trigger Warnings

//

Infidelity
Suicidal thoughts
Mention of: death, domestic abuse, drug abuse, sexual abuse / rape
(Please take caution while reading.)

Josh finally forced himself out of bed Friday morning in order to go to school. It took a lot of persuading from Tyler and Brendon to get him to take a full shower and eat breakfast with them, but he was able to do it. Josh was terrified to be away from Tyler for the six or so hours he'd be at school, but all he had to do was remind himself that he would be able to come home to someone who loved him, and it made it easier for him to actually go to his classes.

The day dragged on for him. His classes seemed dreadfully long - even longer than normal - and it seemed like everyone was looking at him, peering into him like they knew what had happened to him. Even the hour and a half break he had between two of his classes seemed to tick by unusually and agonizingly slow, when they normally seemed way too short for him to enjoy.

As he made his way to his last class, he kept his head down. He'd never been this terrified to just be around people, but he'd also never had a reason to really be terrified of people either. As much as he reminded himself that what happened to him wasn't his fault, he still couldn't shake the constant fear eating away at him. He was always going to carry the fear that it would happen again. While wrapped up in his thoughts, he felt his body collide with another on a stretch of sidewalk a few buildings over from his, knocking him right on his back. "Shit," the person said, "I am so sorry. Are you okay?"

Josh looked up at the person, taking in his appearance. He was tall - ridiculously tall - with brown hair and blue eyes, a concerned look etching his features. Josh shook his head gently as he stood up, ignoring the guy's outstretched hand. "I'm fine," he mumbled, barely audible. "Excuse me." He pushed past the guy without another word, leaving him standing on the sidewalk, staring after him with a guilty expression on his face.

Josh kept his head down the rest of the way to his class, not making eye contact with anyone, but still paying enough attention to not bump into someone again. He made it to his class with a few minutes to spare, slinking into a seat near the back of the room and pulling out his textbook and notebooks. After a moment, he felt someone's presence beside him and looked over in time to see the stranger he bumped into sliding in the seat next to him.

"Hi," the stranger said. "I'm really sorry about knocking you over earlier. I'm clumsy at the best of times, but never really 'knock over a stranger' clumsy, y'know?"

Josh blinked. "You followed me to my class to make sure you apologized to me?"

The stranger's face fell slightly. "I'm, uh," he started nervously, "I'm actually in this class."

Josh raised an eyebrow. "I've been in this class since the beginning of the semester and I've never seen you."

The stranger smiled brightly. "I just transferred from Utah," he said happily. "I've been here about a week, now. I like Ohio a lot better than Utah. Don't tell my parents, though."

Josh felt his lips twitch up slightly. "Well," he started sincerely, "apology accepted."

The stranger smiled and stuck his hand out happily. "I'm Dallon," he said with a wide smile.

Josh looked at his hand for a moment, eventually reached his hand over to cautiously shake the man's - Dallon's - hand. "I'm Josh."

Dallon nodded gently. "Well, Josh " he said amusedly, "I suck at logistics, so you think you could help me out here?"

Josh genuinely chuckled at that, opening his notebook to his last page of notes. "I've been out of class for almost three weeks, I may suck at this point, too."

Dallon laughed, not questioning Josh's absence as the two of them began taking the notes currently on the board. They helped each other with their assignments for the rest of the class period, getting all but a couple of problems finished by the time class was dismissed. As the two guys packed up their things, Dallon smiled at Josh. "Got anymore classes this afternoon?"

Josh shook his head. "Last class of the day," he said, shrugging. "But I'll see you on Monday, right?

Dallon nodded excitedly. "Absolutely," he said. "Hey, if you wanna finish today's paper and maybe catch up on what you've missed, we could get together sometime this weekend and work?"

Josh nodded. "Yeah, sure." He paused momentarily, looking at Dallon nervously. "Um," he started, "I don't want you to think I'm coming onto you or anything. I have a boyfriend, so I don't want you to think that this--"

Dallon cut him off by laughing gently. "No, no, no," he said softly. "I just wanted to be friends, dude. I actually have a fianceé who moved here from Utah with me. The four of us should have a double date, sometime! I think you and Breezy would get along great!"

Josh smiled, breathing out a sigh of relief. "Okay, awesome," he said happily. "Here, have my number."

Dallon smiled and he and Josh swapped phones to add each other's numbers. After, they bid their goodbyes and Josh headed for the parking lot. As he climbed in his car, he tried to call Tyler to let him know he was on his way home, but was sent straight to voicemail. Huh, he thought to himself, guess his phone must be dead. He needs to start remembering to put it on the charger when he isn't using it.

He shrugged to himself, putting his phone on silent and tossing it in the passenger seat before starting the car and heading home. He turned up the radio as Silverstein played, smiling to himself because he made a new friend today. He thought about how he could introduce Tyler to Dallon the whole drive home, imagining how fun it was going to be to add new friends into their group.

Pulling up to the house, he hummed quietly to himself as he saw no vehicles present in the driveway. Everyone must be at work, and Ryan and Brendon must be at Ryan's house. Josh couldn't help but smile to himself, thinking that now he and Tyler have the whole house to themselves. He pulled into the driveway and killed the car, exiting in a rush to get up the sidewalk to the front door.

As he entered the house, something felt off. The house seemed normal in itself, but Josh felt this immediate sense of discomfort as he passed down the hall to his room. He heard soft laughter coming from the other side of the door, and smiled knowing that it was Tyler's laugh. He turned the knob and pushed the door open, only for his whole body to freeze against his will.

There, in the bed that he and Tyler share, was Tyler sprawled out in his boxers under Pete fucking Wentz.

Josh really didn't know how to move. He didn't know how else to react other than to watch. eathc to see if it was the same. Did Tyler kiss Pete the way he kissed him? Did he grab onto him the same way? Did he whisper words in his ear to calm him down through his coke induced state? After a moment, he realized they were too busy to notice him, so he stepped out of the room, closing the door as quietly as he could and sped walked out of the house.

As he got back into his car, he felt himself start to lose his composure. He started the cat and sped away from the house, heading to the skate park downtown. A she parked in the gravel lot, felt his tests slipping down his face as he started screaming at his steering wheel. For a few moments, it felt good to release all of that pain. It felt like he was releasing everything from the last few weeks. The night at the club, the nightmares, the times he felt like ending everything, and now this.

Tyler cheated on him - is cheating on him. After saying he wanted to be with him so badly, crying like he cared when he thought he could've died, fought like hell to keep him grounded after his mother's death. nearly killing Brad after that night, after keeping him alive for the last three weeks. Did all of it really mean nothing?

Josh couldn't breathe. He grabbed his phone from where he'd tossed it in the seat, going to his contacts and calling the only person he could think of in that moment.

"Josh, hey," Dallon's cheery voice echoed through the receiver. "Perfect timing, I just got out of my last class like ten minutes ago and was going to call and ask if you wanted to--"

"Dallon, I need help," Josh rushed out through his sobs.

Dallon's demeanor changed after that. "Hey, what's going on? Is everything alright?"

Josh let out another sob. "I'm at the skate park in the middle of downtown and I don't think I can drive," he said softly, every word he spoke making him feel smaller and smaller.

There was some ruffling in the background. "I think I know how to get there," Dallon said gently. "Don't try to drive, okay? I'll be there soon. It'll be okay, Josh."

Josh just nodded to himself as he hung up the call, dropping his phone to the floorboard beneath his feet. He continued crying softly, his mind racing with every negative thought he's ever had. The only thing prominent was that he was missing his mom, wishing he could go to her just so she could hug him and let him cry his broken heart out.

About fifteen minutes later, there was a soft knock on his passenger window and he looked over to see Dallon waving at him gently. He unlocked the car and Dallon slid into the seat, closing the door gently after him. A few moments of silence ticked by before Dallon gently whispered, "You don't have to talk about it. If you just need me to sit here while you cry, I can do that. I'm here for you, Josh."

That just made Josh cry even harder. He couldn't do more but slip lower into his seat, attempting to pull his knees to his chest as he let out the most heart wrenching sobs Dallon had ever heard. He cried nonstop for about the next thirty minutes, all the while Dallon sat in the passenger seat patiently, waiting for Josh to be comfortable enough to talk.

When Josh finally did calm down enough to get a word out, he took a deep breath. "My mom died at the beginning of July," he said softly. "It was a car accident."

Dallon's face softened. "Josh. I'm so sorry."

Josh just shook his head. "That's only where it started to get bad."

Dallon braced himself for what Josh had to say, but what he was told he never could've prepared himself for. Josh doing cocaine, losing his mom, constantly fighting with Tyler - physically for the most part - the rape, and now this. "He was just," Josh stopped, letting out a quiet sob. "He didn't even seem like it was bothering him to be doing that to me at all. Does it mean nothing? Do I mean nothing to him, Dallon? What did I do to deserve this?"

At those words Dallon launched across the console and enveloped Josh into a tight hug. Josh flinched at the initial contact, before letting himself melt into Dallon's hug. He hadn't been hugged like this by anyone but Brendon long time, and it felt ridiculous that this hug was helping him feel better already.

"You didn't do anything to deserve any of this treatment, Josh," he said seriously. "You deserve nothing less than to be happy and to be loved properly. You know that, don't you?"

Josh felt himself hesitate before he nodded softly. "I just wish it didn't hurt so bad," he admitted. "I know our relationship isn't healthy, but I still love him enough to not cheat on him."

Dallon sighed gently. "People handle things differently, Josh," he said. "However, just because he's handling in his own way, doesn't mean it's right. I know you love him, Josh, but if I were you, I would seriously consider leaving him."

Josh felt tears prick at his eyes. "I know that's probably what's best for me," he said softly, "but, if I leave, I need answers. I need to know why he thought he had to do this to me. I need to know if he feels guilty about it. I need to know if he even loves me at all."

Dallon nodded. "I can go back with you, if you need me to."

Josh shook his head. "This is something I have to take care of on my own," he said softly. "If it does get out of control, I can call you. My friends might be home by now, though, so if I really need help, I'll just yell."

Dallon let out a breathy chuckle. "Okay," he said. "You're sure?"

Josh nodded. "Thank you," he said quietly. "I know you've only met me today, and I could've called anyone else, I just--"

"Don't apologize," Dallon interrupted. "You needed someone, and I was here. I'm happy to be here."

Josh smiled. "Thank you," he repeated, hugging Dallon and waving goodbye as he exited the car. He took a deep breath before starting the engine and pulling away from the skate park, almost speeding back toward the house.

He wanted answers, and he was damn sure about to get them.