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"I believe that if you have problems, as a woman you deal with them, you don’t play victim, you don’t make yourself look pitiful, you don’t point fingers."
C. Joybell. C
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Metisha

So when people say "uncontrollable tears", this is what they mean.

I keep on dabbing my eyes but the tears just keep falling. It's as if a tear tank located somewhere inside my eyes has been forced open.

I blow my nose and risk a glance at the last two people I want to cry in front of.

I really want to stop these tears, but I'm afraid that if I do, I might end up dying from suppressed emotions.

Why didn't I stay at Margot's?

Why did I come running when they asked to see me?

And why the heck can't I seem to stop crying!

The doorbell rings, and all three pairs of eyes look toward the door. I don't know whether to be relieved as the tension in the room has now reduced considerably. But since I have no idea who is at the other side of the door and what their business is, I can't say I'm happy for the interruption either.

I start to rise from my seat but Father Nathaniel signals for me to sit back down. "I'll go get it," he says in a somber tone.

I reply with a nod, reaching for the face towel on my lap.

"Father, what are you doing here?"

I experience a moment of absolute shock as I hear Jules' voice. I am sure Father Nathaniel is shocked too because it takes a while before he answers.

"Jules, how are you?" I hear him ask.

"I am fine, Father." I look behind me to see her making her way past Father Nathaniel. I can't help but smile at the unshielded look of relief on her face as she sees me.

"Thought I had finally succeeded in seducing him?" I ask, grinning despite the situation.

"Yeah. I was expecting to see you naked," she deadpans.

Father Nathaniel clears his throat, looking very uncomfortable, while Paige shifts in her seat.

"But sleeping with my brother wouldn't be appropriate, would it?"

Jules looks lost for a second. "What are you talking about?"

"Jules, meet Paige Baxter, my mother, and Nathaniel Baxter, my brother."

"What? H..h..how?" she stammers, looking at everyone in the room, from me to Father Nathaniel to Paige.

"Apparently, I am a result of Mrs. Baxter here cheating on her husband, who is Father Nathaniel's father with my dad. I was more or less an unwanted baby."

"Metisha," I hear Paige call weakly.

"What? Don't tell me you had the intention of getting pregnant while fucking a man who wasn't your husband."

"Metisha," This time, it was Father Nathaniel who called my name forcefully.

I look at him, ready to retaliate, but something in his expression shuts me up.

"So you mean to say the story of your mum leaving your dad for a rich man had been made up?" Jules asks, her eyes welling up as she sputters the words.

I swallow hard, my own eyes threatening to release another ocean of tears. "Yes, Jules. For the past thirty-six years of my life, I had been lied to by my own father, made to believe that my mom had left us for a rich man, whereas she had only gone back to her husband who was ready to accept her back despite all she had done."

"Oh dear." Jules comes to where I am seated and engulfs me in a long, deep hug.

Something in her tone and the way she hugs me gets the waterworks to start again. Jules gently pats my back as I cry all over her.

When once again, I'm finally able to stop crying, Jules pecks me on the cheek and wipes away my tears. "It's gonna be okay," she whispers, "You're gonna be okay."

"Thank you," I whisper back.

Her words give me the strength to turn and address Father Nathaniel and Mrs. Paige Baxter.

"I appreciate you coming here today, Father. And I'm really grateful for the truth now revealed to me, though I must say it hurts, like a bitch." I take a much-needed deep breath. "However, I will need time to sort out some things. Such as my feelings for you," I add after a short pause. "Because I won't lie to you," I sniff, "all this is too overwhelming."

"Take all the time you need, Metisha. I understand," Father Nathaniel says soberly.

I turn to address Paige, but before I could, Jules stands up, and Father Nathaniel does the same.

"We'll give you room to talk," Jules says. From the tail of my eyes, I could see Father Nathaniel nodding in agreement.

For ten solid minutes after Jules and Father Nathaniel left, silence took dominance over the room.

I had so many things I wanted to say, but rather than say them, all I could do was just stare at my rainbow flip-flops, my insides bleeding, a million words stuck in my throat.

"Say something, please."

The words sound foreign. I was too deep in thoughts that for a moment, I didn't realize they were directed at me.

"Why won't you say something? This silence Is too much to bear," she says, her voice trembling.

I surprise myself by smiling, then my smile turned into a chuckle, and my chuckle finally turned into ground-shaking, belly-rumbling laughter.

Paige's eyes widen. She looks at me like I'm a psychopath. I don't blame her though. I'm sure I look like one right now.

"Okay, so.. where should I start?" I pretend to ponder for a minute. Then, like a light bulb suddenly turned on in my head, I snap my fingers and click my tongue.

"Oh. I know. Maybe I should start from the fact that you abandoned me for thirty-one good years."

"I am sorry," her solemn voice replies.

"Or should I start by telling you about those days when seeing other kids with their mother made me badly wish I also had mine."

"Metisha," For the first time since she entered the room, Paige met my gaze. "Words can't describe how much I regret my actions, baby girl."

Maybe everything would have been fine, maybe my heart which was starting to soften would have finally forgiven her. But then she called me "baby girl" and all hell broke loose.

"Know who else used to call me that?" I watch as her pleading expression turned into a confused one.

"Sam, my father's best friend, right before he forces himself into me," I said all these with the attitude and tone of someone talking about the weather, or getting their nails done, so I guess that is why it took her a minute before reacting.

And what a reaction it was.

I wanted to hurt her, badly. To make her feel the pain I'm feeling right now.

And I just achieved that. The look in Paige's eyes says it all.

My mother looked like she was ready to murder someone.

"Who did what to you?" She spoke very calmly, too calmly, and though I'm reluctant to admit it, I can now see where I got my "calm in the storm" attitude from.

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Now that I think about it, Metisha's gone through quite a lot😔