Bon Voyage
Donut, Simmons, Sarge, Grif, Lopez, Slade, South and Caboose are all standing outside the Red Base.
Sarge: Get these water cans cleaned up while we're gone. How much water do you need to drink, Donut?
Donut: I was in a desert! Don't judge me.
Grif: Maybe we should learn from that and bring some water ourselves.
Sarge: Nonsense. It'll just slow us down.
Grif: Slow us down more than dehydration? Or death... by dehydration?
Sarge: I don't know, smartass. Let's say we try! I'll kill you, and then I'll dry you out! Who wants Grif-Jerky?
Caboose: Ah, no thanks, I already had donuts for breakfast.
Grif: ...Wait, what?
Slade: I packed a whole duffel full of canteens.
Grif: .... Please tell me that one is for me.
Slade: Ask me again when I'm in a good mood.
Sarge: All right, let's get going. Everybody packed?
Caboose: Yep.
Grif: Where's your stuff?
Caboose: Oh, I only carry a washcloth and six toothbrushes.
Grif: I'm gonna assume that makes sense to you.
Caboose: Yeah, it does.
Grif: Yeah, I thought so. We'll just go ahead and leave that one alone.
South: It's Caboose. Is it really that shocking?
Grif: Fair.
Sarge: Grif! Why'd you pack so much?
Grif: Me? I only did one duffle.
Sarge: Well, what are all these cases?
Donut: Those are mine!
Sarge: Donut, you're going with us?
Donut: No, but I wasn't gonna let you guys have all the packing fun to yourselves! That's the best part about going on vacation. I mean, beside airport security's full-cavity search—
Grif: Time to go! (heads towards the jeep)
Sarge: Lopez, I want you to take good care of Simmons and Donut while we're gone.
Lopez: [Me?]
Sarge: Feed them every day.
Lopez: [Do they eat Unleaded? Or Super Unleaded?]
Sarge: Exactly. And don't forget to let them out in the yard every now and then.
Donut: I love yard-time—
Simmons: (insistent) Goodbye!
Sarge: If we don't make it back from the mission, bury me and Grif as far away as possible. I don't want to get any corpse cooties.
Grif: Why do you assume I'll be dead?
Slade: Grif, it's Sarge. Coincidence?
Grif: ...Never mind.
Tejano music begins playing as Sarge runs for the jeep. Kan hops on the back of Slade's Mongoose.
Sarge: All aboard! Let's get this show on the road!
Caboose follows Sarge inside the jeep and takes the turret.
Sarge: Hey, be careful with the new gun. It hasn't passed any real world testing yet.
Simmons: It hasn't passed any fake world testing. It's passed zero tests.
Sarge: Which means the enemy can't possibly know about it. We've got the initiative.
Simmons: (quietly) Yay. We got something. Big dummy.
Sarge: We'll be back as soon as we help the Blue. And then we'll kill him.
Slade: No, you won't.
Caboose: Guys, I really appreciate this.
Sarge: See you soon! Try not to get into any trouble!
Slade: (looks back) Hey, Kan? Your mask has a breathing filter, right?
Kan: Yes... why?
The Warthog and Mongoose drive into the water and vanish, leaving behind only a trail of bubbles.
Caboose: Are we there yet?
Sarge: No.
Grif: Shut up.
Donut: Good luck!
Lopez: [Did they just drive into the water?]
South: And once again, the impossible has become unseemingly possible.
Simmons runs off.
Donut: Hey, where are you goin'?
Simmons: To blow up Blue Base.
Donut: Ohh, I think that's what Sarge meant by "get into trouble!"
Simmons: (flies off on the grav-lift) I don't give a fuck!
South: Oh, no you don't! Get your ass back here, motherfucker!
South then chases off after him.
-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/
The Reds and Caboose emerge from the ocean on a beach with the Tejano music still going.
Caboose: Can we stop again? I have to pee.
Grif: Again?
Caboose: Well, my suit leaks! And I had to drink a lot on the way here! (runs off towards the trees) A lot.
Slade: Just do your business, Caboose.
Grif, Sarge, and Slade exit their vehicles.
Sarge: Look, Grif! Sand.
Grif: Yeah, we're on a beach.
Sarge: Donut said there was sand. That means we're on the right track.
Caboose returns to the group.
Grif: Know what else he told us? The coordinates to where we're going.
Sarge: Another clue!
Grif: That's not a clue. There's no mystery. We're driving there.
Sarge: Come on, let's get going, before the trail gets cold.
Caboose: I have to use the bathroom again.
Slade: Caboose, just how much water did you drink before we left?
-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-
At Valhalla, Donut and Lopez are standing atop a hill.
Donut: Lopez, Simmons has been gone a really long time.
Lopez: [I don't care.]
Donut: If Simmons blows up Blue Base, Sarge is gonna be really mad.
Lopez: [Yes. He is stupid like that.]
Donut: I'm worried about him... especially if South kills him... literally.
Lopez: [Yes. Because you are stupid like that.]
Donut: I think I'm gonna go over there and check on him. Make sure South hasn't ripped off any off his body parts yet. (runs off)
Lopez: [Whatever.]
-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-
In a large desert, the Warthog flips through the air with Slade and Kan right behind them.
Sarge: (inhales) Yee-haw! (coughs as the Warthog lands and continues on like normal) I told you not to take jumps bigger than my yee-haws! It makes me look bad!
Slade: Sarge, quit complaining!
Grif: Okay. This looks like it.
Sarge: Be careful, Grif. We don't want to get spotted.
Intercom: Halt. Do not go any further.
Caboose: I think we've been spotted.
Sarge: Watch it, Grif!
Intercom: You are attempting to access a restricted area, and you have entered a mine field.
The Warthog ceases movement.
Grif: A what?
Intercom: A mine field, you idiot.
Kan: Well, this won't be good at all.
Caboose: Your field? Who says this is your field—You can't own a field!
Grif: Caboose, not his field! A mine field!
Sarge: You know, the Native American culture said the Earth doesn't belong to us. We belong to it.
Slade: Oi! He means underground bombs!
Caboose/Sarge: Ohhh.
An explosion then goes off.
Sarge: Oh!
Bạn đang đọc truyện trên: AzTruyen.Top