Emerging from the bedroom on Christmas day, still wearing my pyjamas, I squinted in the light as I followed the source of the smell.

The burdens on my heart felt lighter knowing I had shed some truth to Ben, even if I was still masking a lot. But it made my outlook on everything better.

As I walked past Ollie on the couch, evidently looking at me, waiting for me to meet her gaze, I did my best to ignore her out of fairness to Ben. Because, while I still had feelings for her, I had to ensure I did whatever I could to dull them. Which meant no more longing stares, as well as avoiding personal conversations with her.

"That smells amazing," I mumbled to Erica and Jayce as I peered at the spread they were assembling.

Erica gave me a small smile, concern swirling in her gaze as she was evidently curious to how things unfolded once they had stepped out, but she didn't press for anything. "Can you set the table?" she did ask though.

Nodding, I rummaged through the drawers for cutlery, glasses, and the like, slowly walking them over. But as I did walk to the table, passing Ollie again on the way, I couldn't help my head turning, meeting her gaze.

You barely lasted a couple of minutes, my conscience scolded.

Yeah, well... small steps. 

Worry permeated her face as her eyes took me in. But before she could see too much, I looked ahead, telling myself that was the only glance I could allow myself this morning.

Almost as if on cue, Ben emerged from the bedroom, heading straight to her and making a very obvious display of affection—rubbing salt into my wounds.

But before they could exchange too much saliva, Erica thankfully cut them off.

"Now that we are all up, shall we do presents?" Erica cheered.

With that, we all retreated back to our rooms, fetching the gifts we had brought along for each other. 

Staring between the two I had brought along for Ollie, I heaved a small sigh as I grabbed the one I knew was time to give her, and then headed back to the living room.

Gift-giving was honestly a tiring affair. Ollie and Erica relished in the process, being way too excited for their presents—even though Erica evidently knew everything she was getting and got the exact same present from me, Ben, and Jayce.

But then the moment came. 

Pulling the warmest smile I could, as every single memory of us flashed through my eyes, I handed over her present. As Ollie pried it from my hand, my mind whispered, Goodbye, Ollie.

And just like in the library on the first day we met, and just like when I came to woo her heart before Ben came into the picture, she eagerly grinned at it, evidently already knowing it was a book.

In an absolute haste, she tore the paper away, desperate to uncover what was underneath. And as the final shred of wrapping fell to the floor, her eyes caressing the cover, her jaw dropped and tears sprung to her eyes.

Then, ever so slowly, she turned her gaze upwards, pain echoing across the way, stopping me for the slightest moment to wonder if the part of her that loved me, buried deep in the memories she couldn't remember, knew what I was saying.

But she rapidly blinked the tears away and forced a smile onto her face, and I did my best to return it.

Ben's gaze flickered between the two of us, realising something was going on. But he didn't press.

Because as she eagerly exclaimed, "An original edition? Jane Eyre by Currer Bell? How on earth did you get this?" Ben knew she didn't understand its meaning, and Ben knew it meant a lot to me to give to her. Even if he didn't know why. Even if he'd never understand that I had promised her many months ago that I'd only give her this if she were in my arms again... or there never was a chance for us anymore.

So, shoving every ounce of me that loved the woman beaming at me from across the living room aside, I did my best to play the friend once more as I said, "It wasn't easy, but I knew it was your favourite classic."

"I love it," she gushed, then gently placed it on the table. Before I knew what she was doing, before Ben or I could stop her, she got up, took the few steps across the room, and threw her arms around me.

Hibiscus and watermelon overwhelmed me. 

And while her zaps were causing endless waves of agony all over my body, it still didn't compare to the shattering throbs in my chest as I whispered goodbye to my love. 

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I complained, "Ouch!"

But she merely whispered in my ear, "Shut up and deal with it for a moment."

And then the worst thing that could happen happened.

As she continued to hold onto me, as I continued to breathe in her intoxicating scent, as she began to relax into my body, her heart gave a slightly loud thud.

Immediately, she released me, eyes avoiding looking anywhere near me as she returned to her side of the couch, evidently aware of how her body just reacted, her cheeks tinging with pink.

Ben's gaze flickered between us for a few moments and then he reached for her, as if he had to confirm.

But she just flinched away, grabbing the final present: his.

"For me?" she asked, trying to grin through the unease evidently spreading around the room.

And Ben forced a smile, trying to nod at her. 

Ollie turned her attention back to the paper, eager to unwrap it, while Ben casted a glance my way, betrayal in his eyes.

'I'm sorry,' I mouthed at him.

He gave a slight shake of his head, as if to say 'it's fine', closed his eyes as he took a deep breath, then pulled the smile back to his face as he turned back to Ollie.

And then I was forgotten all over again. As Ollie melted over the present Ben had made her—personalised jewellery—the two got lost in love, and Erica, Jayce, and I faded into the background.

But it all went on for a little too long, a growing discomfort falling around not just for me, but also Jayce and Erica. So I cleared my throat to make a point.

Ollie blushed, breaking away from Ben and looking to her lap.

While Ben lifted his eyes to meet mine, apologetic.

"Should we have brunch?" Erica asked, easing the tension.

"Let's!" Ollie enthused.

· · ───── ∘☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

Every time I passed Ollie on Christmas day and even the next morning, she had that look in her eyes like she wanted to get me alone to talk. Because she knew something was up, even if I wasn't glaring at her this time around.

But knowing I had committed to keeping my distance, every time we seemed to almost be alone in a room together, I took off to the bathroom, or outside, or suddenly called after Erica or Jayce, tagging along with them on whatever they were doing.

Yet once we arrived at the Giant's Causeway, she finally managed her goal.

Somewhat distracted myself by the hexagonal stones we walked on, I half listened to Ollie marvelling to Ben, Jayce, and Erica at the 'natural wonder'.

"This is ridiculous!" she exclaimed, eyes wide like a child in a sweet shop. "Was it actually a Giant's bridge?" she then asked Jayce as I trailed a few steps behind the group.

"Or a wall," he replied. "But yes. Giants used to live here a long time ago."

As they shared a grin before Jayce took off after his sister, I couldn't help the corners of my own mouth turning up to see how much the pair had warmed to each other. Ollie just couldn't help making friends everywhere she went.

But then my heart echoed a pang of pain, recalling all the promises I made her about how much everyone would love her when she met them...

Distracted by my memories of us, I barely noticed everyone had run ahead of us, only coming back to reality as I heard Ollie whisper to herself, "I wonder if my people got along with them."

Without looking up, I mumbled, "I bet they did." 

Then finally I met her eyes.

Ollie's gaze softened and I shared a smile back.  

But then I glanced around. 

Finally, I noticed it was just the two of us, standing on the rocks, the wind crashing around us.

Shit, I thought. I need to catch up with the others.

As soon as I realised though, she did too. 

Glancing over at Ben, Erica, and Jayce standing atop the biggest columns, she then whispered as quietly as she could, "Do you think they can hear us over there?"

Heart beating rapidly in my chest, I responded, "I doubt it..."

And so she immediately turned on me. "What's wrong?"

Trying to place one careful foot in front of the other, hoping we got close enough for Ben to become privy to the fact we were alone, that his jealousy would force him to intervene so that she couldn't break through the wall I had erected again, I warily looked her way as I lied, "Nothing."

But she just pressed her lips together, coming to a stop and holding her spot. "You've been different to me."

I, too, had to halt in my steps. Because if I did walk away while she stood there, adamant to get me to talk, it would be obvious that something was wrong. So I figured if I just distracted her from the topic... maybe we could get moving again. "I've been nothing but nice," I responded.

"Nice," she admitted with a nod of her head, "But... distant. I hate it."

And as those three words left her mouth, I could see the glisten to her eyes, stabbing my heart to know I had caused them.

Heaving a sigh, I glanced away from her studying gaze.

"Is this about the crush you have?" she then said after some moments ticked on.

Head whipping up, my eyes immediately sought her out as I said, "How do you know—"

"Ben told me you two spoke about some crush you have," she explained, "And you don't want to tell me about it?"

We said we'd keep it a secret! "Fucking Ben," I got through gritted teeth.

"Why can't you try with her?" Ollie then pressed, but echoes of regret swirled her gaze.

"I just... can't, Ollie," I said back.

"I think you should." Though her tone lacked conviction.

"Do you?" I pressed, calling on her lie, seeing the flicker in the determination she was trying to uphold.

"Yes," she said, trying—and failing—to sound firm.

"Why?" I asked, knowing it was dangerous territory we were heading into.

"Because you're an exceptional guy, and any girl would be an idiot to not accept you," she said like it was matter-of-fact, shooting arrows right into my chest.

I wavered, opening and closing my mouth a few seconds, before I whispered, "Telling her is only going to hurt people, Ollie."

"Hurt?" Her brows furrowed together as she took a step closer to me.

But as she tried to move towards me, I moved a step away.

"Why are you..."

She tried stepping again, and, again, I moved with her.

"Lukas," she whispered, offended.

"Please... Just... Leave me alone. Stop reaching out."

"Stop—" She paused, pout forming on her mouth, eyes glistening yet again. "Why?"

"I know you're doing this because a part of you still worries about me... still remembers me. But I give you permission to fully forget me."

"Forget you? What are you talking about?"

"We aren't ever coming back, Ollie. So just... be with Ben. Fully. If I'm what's still holding you back... Let me go and be with him. We tried. It was an amazing run. But the mission for us failed."

Her eyes continued to well with tears, one making it down her cheek that she wiped away. "I don't get what you're—"

But I cut off before she could say anything by pulling my magic to my eyes and making her forget everything up to when she told me that I'd make any girl happy.

And before she could realise she had cried, I pulled up a ball of water from the ocean behind me. Forcing a grin onto my face, I said, "Hey Ollie?"

"Yes?" she asked, voice croaking, still a little woozy from the memory wipe.

"Think fast," I said, splashing her with the water.

I immediately ran. And ran. Throwing her grins over my shoulder as her body consumed with anger, eyes lighting with a rage the colour of her hair. But the moment I turned back to my path, the smile dropped.

"Get back here you jerk!" she shrieked.

We spent a while like that, running around our friends and over the hexagonal wonder.

All the while, I let her chase me. 

I let her throw insults me.

But I never let her catch me.

· · ───── ∘☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

That night Olivia and Ben did take the final step in their relationship—a fact I learned in their whispers to each other on the way back to London the next day.

I never did know if it was coincidence that she just simply was that used to him, knowing we were heading back to a familiar place and that she'd be moving her things in with us, or if it was what I said that finally allowed her to take that leap.

But they continued to grow close over the months that followed. As she finally got rid of that tiny dingy apartment and moved into our house, they made love almost every night. 

And then she quit her job before uni resumed.

As the days and months went on, the only time we were ever completely alone together was when we went to the gym to train—but even then, I ensured our training stayed focussed as I counted her improvement as progress towards our end goal. 

And once my uncle was gone from this world, I could finally remove the final ties of her around my heart.

There were still times when we'd be hanging out as a group and share a glance or a smile, and her face would soften and her heart would flutter, then Ben would wrap a protective arm around her, shooting me a glare... But she never acted on anything. And whatever stirred within her was easily forgotten the moment her actual partner afforded her attention.

Everytime Ollie's heart did skip a beat for me, I reminded myself that soon it would all stop, and that the only reason it was happening was not because Ben's Ollie actually liked me—it's because my Ollie was still trapped in there, waiting to be released from the bond that still tethered us.

So, for the most part, I learned to live with losing my lover. Even if being close and sometimes alone with her swayed me, the promise that one day these feelings would disappear propelled me forward. I just had to get through training her, get rid of my uncle, and I'd be free of the trappings of love.

At least, that was my plan... until Ben's birthday rolled around, setting off a catalyst of events that ultimately led to the ruin of us.