Name: Moonlily

Meh. Moon- is overused, and I've seen -lily once or twice. Change the prefix, definatly. You could use Streamlily, Dustlily, Nightlily, or Splashlily. Lilymoon could work, as in -moon is a valid suffix and Lily- is very untouched and underused.

Mate: Whiteshadow

Overused af name.

Clan: ShadowClan

New. Good, good.

Parents: Blackstar and feathersong

Wait, like CANNON Blackstar? Or is it Blackstar a made up charactor? Either way, I'ma bust yo butt about it.

- IF IT'S CANNON BLACKSTAR- OmSC. Don't do this. No. No. No. CREATE YOUR OWN CHARACTORS. 

- IF IT'S A MADE UP BLACKSTAR- That's a cannon name. He's badass, and deserves his own name. 

Litter mates: Bonefang, sungaze, Icecrystal, wolfspirit and lilypad

Problems with everything but Lilypad. Bonefang is strange and makes no sense, Sun- is overused, -gaze is very pretty and nice, Ice- is overused, but -crystal is new and seems mary-suish, Wolf- is overused, and I've seen the name Wolfspirit about 1000 times. That also means her Mom HAD FIVE KITS IN ONE LITTER.

Kits: Amberstream, shadeheart, mistytail and nightstorm

Amber- is overused, and so is -stream but I've never seen Amberstream before so yay, Shade- and -heart are both SO OVERUSED and so is the name, Mistytail is good, chill, and Nightstorm is one of the most common names I've ever seen.

Color(s): black and white (the white is on her back in the shape on crescent moons the rest of her body is black) and light blue eyes.

*slams Marysue alert button franticly* ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT *passes out* *wakes up* MOTHER OF FIRESTAR SWEET BABY BRAMBLECLAW SON OF A HUNKY HAWKFROST. Okay, for one, black and white is overused in it's self, and adding that "the white on her back in the shape of crescent moons" IS NOT POSSIBLE.  Maybe change it to pale gray with jagged black tabby stripes. This just almost SCREAMS Marysue. 

Also, those light blue eyes are sooooo overused I want to punch someone. *accidently punches Daniel in his (blocked for spoilers)-killing- leader-evil-face* Change them to a light copper streaked/flecked with emerald green, or a soft golden with orange highlights. Maybe amber with rings of blue.

 Personality: sweet, caring, funny puts her self before anyone else. Always looking on the bright side of things

Um, flaws? Also very overused personality. ,Maybe add like FOUR of these to balence out all of Moonlily's good traits.

- stubborn

- fiesty

- bossy

- easily provoked

- mean-spirited

-ruthless in battle

- prefers claws

-arrogent

- ambitious

- large ego

- hates the other clans

- fiery

- shrewd

- provokes battles often

- has a mean and very nasty streak that comes out often

- rude

- desperate for attention

- snappy

- sarcastic

- forgetful

Backstory: moonkit was always trying to help everyone she brought prey to the elders and she loved to hear there story's. She wasn't as rambunctious as her bother and sisters but she would play with them once an a while because she was always by her fathers side or her mothers.

When she was an apprentice there was a badger attack her father lost a life and her mother was killed in that battle. As she got older she had a soft spot for loners, one day she was out looking for prey there was a black and white tom on the territory she asked him why he was on ShadowClans territory all he said was "I'm hungry" she caught him some prey and gave it to him he said he was a loner named Whiteshadow, moonlily thought she could trust him and she brought him back to the clan her father wasn't happy about it but he seemed very loyal to the clan and let him stay. And they became really close friends and eventually became mates and had four kits

Amberkit, shadekit, mistykit and nightkit. One day out on a patrol she saw five rouges on the territory and one tried to suede her to join them of course she declined. But when she got back to the clan the rouges were there and killing her sister lilypad who is a medicine cat sadly lilypad was killed to the rouges each passing day moonlily got more angry by the day and killed the rouges that killed her sister, when she was heading back form killing the rouges she heard a small mew she found a tortoiseshell kit in the bushes wounding if that what the rouges wanted her for to mother this kit she takes the kit in and named her lilykit after her sister.

And that's her story

Well, for one, her beginning is overused and her and Whiteshadow's relationship is cliche' :/. This is all just a big jumbled mess. This is very awkward and basically one big sentence. 

OVERALL RATING - 4.9/10

Fix up her name, her backstory, her appearance, and add up on those other points to have to PERFECT OC.