Is this a waste of all of our times? Most probably.

 The Woman who Stopped Time Part One

 Lion settles into her new job until a strange woman comes blackmail ready. Meanwhile Sampson begins looking into the recent string of murders in the neighboring town. And so the main story heats up.

 (It's late, an hour before the bookstore is to close. Cheker, Erin, Lion, Wolf, Kronis and Sampson are the only ones in the store. Sampson now has a café apron on and Erin is instructing him on how the machines are supposed to be used. A radio plays music softly in the background.)

 Erin: Okay, Sampson, right here is where you hit with a wrench when the machine stops working. (She goes to froth some milk... and the machine doesn't work.)  Perfect timing.

 (Erin grabs a wrench which is kept near the machine and whacks at the machine a few times. Cheker rolls her eyes at the loud clanging noises. The music stops and a radio announcer begins talking. Cheker turns up the volume, interested in what he has to say.)

 Flynn Reels: Hello this is 104.8, Misty Pines best... and only alternitive rock station. This is the Haunting Hours, and I'm you host Flynn Reels.

 (Erin stops attacking the machine.)

 Erin: Flynn Reels, in reel life, he looks as sexy as his voice sounds.

 Sampson: Erin, you did not just make that pun.

 (Erin shushes him)

 Flynn Reels: We have reports of a third murder in Wicker Falls, and this time it was Emily Darkwell a small business owner in the town. Few details have been released, but an anonymous source with the local investigators said it was an attempt at a staged suicide. My source claims it was supposed to look like suicide by angry chicken, which was popular during the 30's in Wicker Falls. Sadly the body looked more like they had been stabbed to death rather than pecked to death.

 Erin: Suicide by chicken? Well then...

 Sampson: I knew her. (He shuts the radio off) She was friends with my cousin Samantha.

 Cheker: I'm sorry Sampson... 

 Erin: I'm just fascinated by suicide by angry chicken... that was a thing?

 (They ignore her.)

 Sampson: Cheker, it's been four months since the first murder... and still no new leads.

 Cheker: (completely unsure of what she should say) I'm sure something will turn up.

 Sampson: Not with the police in Wicker Falls? Have you seen them? They're almost as lazy as our police force. That's saying something.

 Cheker: This isn't you novel Sam. You can't just go around investigating this crap.

 Sampson; Why not. I have a fake I.D left from collage.

 Cheker; This isn't some undercover story, real life doesn't work like that. I'm repeating myself, this idea is so foolish.

 Erin; No, it's brilliant. Stupidly brilliant. Sammy here can be the next Austin Powers. Useless and stu-

 Cheker; Erin!

Sampson; I'll hold back for now. If there's no new evidence in the next week, I'm looking into this.

 (Sampson heads into the kitchen and Cheker looks defeated as she turns the radio back on.)

Flynn Reels; In other news, the winner of the town science fair was Paul Timber for his project on... Jesus Christ! No... I'm not reading that Ted. I. Am. Not. Reading. That. Uhhh..... cut to commercial! Ted.... cut to commercial! The Christians will revolt if they hear this! CUT NOW!

 (Over at the book store counter Wolf is reading and Kronis and Lion are playing Uno on a small TV tray.)

 Kronis: Uno!

 Lion; Make that cino. (She puts down a draw four) Red.

 Kronis; Evil bi-

Wolf; (not looking up from her book) Kronis, you already used that insult. 

Kronis; Snake eye-

Wolf; That one too.

Kronis; Stupid Flaming-

Wolf; You used it twice.

Kronis; Crazy Peanut Eating Snake Eyed Flamingo Female Dog!

Lion; No... just no.

Kronis; You No! You evil, evil No.

(Lion shakes her head as Kronis draws four cards. She then looks at Wolf)

Lion; Wolf, if it okay if I close the store tonight?

Wolf; Sure Lion. 

Kronis; Hey! I wanna help.

(Wolf ignores him as he plays a card.)

Lion; I'm sorry me amigo. But this is a job for one... responsible person.

Kronis: Come on No. I wanna help.

Lion; No.

(Time passes and Cheker and Erin are cleaning up the café counter. Sampson is sweeping.)

Cheker; You don't really have a crush on Flynn Reel... do you?

Erin; No, I just wanted to make that pun.

Cheker; The mug one you made a couple months back was better.

 (Erin tosses her papers towel in the trash.)

Erin; Shush.

 (Erin and Cheker put their cleaning supplies away and put their jackets on near the back door. Sampson is on his phone. Cheker looks at him concerned.)

 Cheker; Hey.... uh if you ever need to talk... I'm here. 

 Sampson; Thanks Cheker. But I'm good right now. I have an old friend that I'm going to talk to tomorrow.

 (Cheker stands there for a moment too long before leaving. Sampson looks at his phone. It's an article about the first murder, John Casey who's fake suicide was to be suicide by black widow. Sampson puts his phone away and walks out the door.)

 (Meanwhile in the store Lion unlocks the door and three people enter. Rico, Maxwell and Benny.)

 Lion; Benny?

 Benny; Thought you could be the only person involved with a fake mob?

 Rico; Fake?

 Benny; I mean very real and intimidating mob.

 (Rico smiles and sits down at a table. Maxwell runs over and sits down. Benny calmly sits down and Lion stands there for a moment before settling in.)

 Lion; How'd you get here Benny?

 Benny; Lost a turtle.

 Lion; What?

 Benny; Long story. You?

 Lion; I cheated in a game of poker.

 (Benny seems pleases with his answer. Maxwell pulls out his phone and starts playing Geometry Dash on it. Rico looks really displeased with this and everyone sits there for a moment in an awkward not quite silence as the games music plays. Benny starts whistling and Rico adjusts his tacky rings. He then clears his throat and Maxwell turns his phone off and slowly puts it away. He slouches in his seat.)

 Rico; Lion, before you ask, no, he won't be staying here long.

 (Lion nods slowly. Rico puts his suit case on the table and opens it. He hands everyone bingo flyers.)

 Maxwell; Oh cool! I love Bingo.

 Rico; We're not playing it dumbass. We're going to be... manipulating the game.

 Benny; We're stealing from old people? You sound like con artists. Not a supposed mob.

 Lion; Benny, they're old. They won't miss that money, besides they probably just spend it all on Martha Stewart pots and pans they'll never use.

Benny; Hey! My Grandmother did that! And she uses two of them! (Under breath) Out of a set of 19

Rico; Jesus! This is like working with two first graders and (he gestures to Maxwell) an infant!

 Benny; Ouch.

Rico: Just lemme talk. Lion we have some friends who have offered to go to bingo with their Grandparents tonight. They'll be keeping some of the money, but Lion here will be reading off numbers in their favor.

 Benny; That's stupid.

 Maxwell; Hey! It was my idea.

 Rico; (under his breath) One of your only good ones.

 Benny; We're robbing old people! We should be bootlegging liquor or selling opium. We should have this town in the palm of our hand!

 Rico; We need to start somewhere. And I refuse to sell drugs. They almost destroyed my life.

 Benny; Fine. What if we bring back the old ghost gag. 

 Lion; What gag?

 Benny; More than half the hauntings here were supposedly faked, its not public knowledge but Possum found something about it in the mayors office. If you wanna steal peoples money do it the honest way with a tourist trap.

 Rico; We're mobsters, not con artists.

 Lion; Fine. Let's just go with the bingo plan and discuss this later. 

 (Everyone gets up and leaves. Someone steps out of the shadows of the bookstore. Whoever it is turns off a tape recorder.)

 (The next day the usual gang is in the store. Wolf behind her counter, Lion and Kronis are playing Backgammon. Benny and Camera are sitting at the book signing table. Dark and Randomer are at the café counter talking with Cheker and Erin.)

 Randomer; Suicide by angry chicken?

 Dark; Oh yeah, that was a big thing in Wicker Falls. Required angering a rooster and putting chicken feed all over your body.

 Randomer; You Americans are strange.

 Erin; Please, Randomer, you Brits are stuck up, but I've refrained from saying anything until now.

 Dark; You should meet Canadians...

 Randomer; I'd rather not meet anymore Dark. You and Camera are pushing it.

 (Cheker walks up to the counter.)

Cheker; (acting like she doesn't know him) Sir, could you please stop antagonizing my customers, sir.

 (Randomer rolls his eyes.)

Randomer; Caramel macchiato please. Medium... and can I buy one of those Pillsbury cinnamon rolls?

 Cheker; Sorry, we ran out.

 (Randomer shrugs, pays and walks away. Lion enters the book store dressed casually. She walks right up to Benny.)

 Lion; Can I speak to you privately? We have a problem.

 Camera; Whatever you say to him. You can say to me.

 Lion; You don't wanna get involved Camera.

 Benny; He got involved when I lost my turtle.

 (Lion looks dumbfounded and struggles to find words to respond. Instead she just makes a weird noise.)

 Camera; Benny... I think we broke Lion.

 Lion: Bu-But.... turtle?

Benny: Turtle. Lost. Cam, help me here.

 Camera; Owe money. Contact dude.

 Lion; Shut the hell up, we'll talk in the back room.

(Lion storms away.)

 Camera; I'll buy some cookies for the meeting.

 (Camera rushes over to the café counter and Benny sits at his table wondering what exactly he did to screw his life up.)

 (Meanwhile in the café area Sampson and an old friend are talking. Mike Webler is his name and he looks like a young priest.)

 Sampson; Mike, it's good to see you.

 Mike: Sampson, how are you?

 Sampson; Okayish. I'm just concerned about the state of things.

 Mike; Sampson, all is well when you have the Lord.

 Sampson; Can you please cut all that Lord and Savior bullcrap ? That's all I heard when I was talking to you last night.

 Mike; Look, this murder will burn in hell. His punishment cannot be found on this earth.

 Sampson; I thought all of you Catholics... or whatever you are... believed in salvation and forgiveness?

 Mike; I prefer the Old Testament. Religion dear boy-

 Sampson; Can we please talk about the situation at hand without religion?

 Mike: Don't look into it. You'll do something foolish.

 Sampson; I knew Emily, and there are no leads. I looked into it, John Casey used to work at the Misty Pines Mayors Office, and Emily and him were researching the hauntings nearby. Second murder. Lucas Noonchester was a leader of one of those hobbyist paranormal research teams that was working with them. Samantha worked with them, and what if she's murdered and that murder never sees a courtroom or a prison cell? It's all connected, and the people I love are going to get hurt.

 Mike; I give up with you.

 (He stands up and walks away, leaving Sampson alone. Sampson picks at Mikes cinnamon roll. In the back of the store, Camera enters with a plate of cookies. Lion is holding an envelope. She opens it and drops a tape recorder and a note on the desk. Benny cautiously turns on the recorder and the conversation from last night plays. Camera looks at the note, then looks at Benny and Lion horrified. The note says: Murders! Your gang will pay for their blood.)  

 (In the back of the café, Cheker turns on the radio and the noon radio duo, Larry Herring and Lacey Snapper are talking)

 Larry Herring; I'm Larry Herring.

 Lacey Snapper: And I'm Lacey Snapper. You're listing to 104.8, your local alternitive rock station. This is the Noon Wraiths Chat, for all you ghost lovers, can you name the ghost in the Herringburrow Haunting right here in Misty Pines? Text 334-5792 with your answer with a chance to win a gift card to Milky Martians.

 Larry Herring; I'm afraid we have to get down to some grisly business. Last night, local janitor Iv McPeters was found dead last night in another staged suicide attempt like in Wicker Falls. (Cheker perks up and starts listing) We don't have any details, or any clue as to who the murderer is. This is not believed to be a copy cat.

 Lacey Snapper; That's right.... this is the fourth murder, and local officials know nothing. State Police have started investigating.

 Larry Herring; But... lets put off some of this dark business with some Lord Huron. Here's Lord Huron with The Yawning Grave.

 Okay then.... Cheker, can I write a minor romance story with you and Sampson, or do I eternally friend zone you two?

 Uhhhh.... I had something to say... I don't know now....