Mean Demon

A Screenplay by YTCat123

INT. HOTEL OJ - AFTERNOON

Fat gameshow host MISTAH MEPHONE BOI is arguing with cool mom MS SOMEONE'S MOM BECAUSE YES. MEPHONE tries to hug SOMEONE'S MOM but she shakes him off.

MEPHONE
Please Someone's Mom, don't leave me.

SOMEONE'S MOM
I'm sorry MePhone, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.

MEPHONE
I am such a person!

SOMEONE'S MOM frowns.

SOMEONE'S MOM
I'm sorry, MePhone. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.

SOMEONE'S MOM leaves.

MEPHONE sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, cute co-host MISTAH MEPAD BOI barges in looking flustered.

MEPHONE
Goodness, MePad! Is everything okay?

MEPAD
I'm afraid not.

MEPHONE
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...

MEPAD
It's ... a demon ... I saw an evil demon kill a bunch of kids!

MEPHONE
Defenseless kids?

MEPAD
Yes, defenseless kids!

MEPHONE
Bloomin' heck, MePad! We've got to do something.

MEPAD
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.

MEPHONE
You can start by telling me where this happened.

MEPAD
I was...

MEPAD fans himself and begins to wheeze.

MEPHONE
Focus MePad, focus! Where did it happen?

MEPAD
Goiky! That's right - Goiky!

MEPHONE springs up and begins to run.

EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

MEPHONE rushes along the street, followed by MEPAD. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.

INT. GOIKY - SHORTLY AFTER

STEVE COBS a mean demon terrorises two kids.

MEPHONE, closely followed by MEPAD, rushes towards STEVE, but suddenly stops in his tracks.

MEPAD
What is is? What's the matter?

MEPHONE
That's not just any old demon, that's Steve Cobs!

MEPAD
Who's Steve Cobs?

MEPHONE
Who's Steve Cobs? Who's Steve Cobs? Only the most mean demon in the universe!

MEPAD
Blinkin' knickers, MePhone! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most mean demon in the universe!

MEPHONE
You can say that again.

MEPAD
Blinkin' knickers, MePhone! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most mean demon in the universe!

MEPHONE
I'm going to need knives, lots of knives.

Steve turns and sees MePhone and MePad. He grins an evil grin.

STEVE
MePhone Boi, we meet again.

MEPAD
You've met?

MEPHONE
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young MEPHONE is sitting in a park listening to some pop music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.

He looks up and sees STEVE. He takes off his headphones.

STEVE
Would you like some cookies?

MEPHONE's eyes light up, but then he studies STEVE more closely, and looks uneasy.

MEPHONE
I don't know, you look kind of mean.

STEVE
Me? No. I'm not mean. I'm the least mean demon in the world.

MEPHONE
Wait, you're a demon?

MEPHONE runs away, screaming.

INT. GOIKY - PRESENT DAY

STEVE
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.

MEPAD
(To MEPHONE) You ran away?

MEPHONE
(To MEPAD) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?

MEPHONE turns to STEVE.

MEPHONE
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!

MEPHONE runs away.

He turns back and shouts.

MEPHONE
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with knives.

STEVE
I'm not scared of you.

MEPHONE
You should be.

INT. MECLOUD - LATER THAT DAY

MEPHONE and MEPAD walk around searching for something.

MEPHONE
I feel sure I left my knives somewhere around here.

MEPAD
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly knives.

MEPHONE
You know nothing MePad Boi.

MEPAD
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.

Suddenly, STEVE appears, holding a pair of knives.

STEVE
Looking for something?

MEPAD
Crikey, MePhone, he's got your knives.

MEPHONE
Tell me something I don't already know!

MEPAD
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.

MEPHONE
I know that already!

MEPAD
I think Joe Biden and Donald Trump should live together, marry each other and have kids.

STEVE
(appalled) Dude!

While STEVE is looking at MEPAD with disgust, MEPHONE lunges forward and grabs his deadly knives. He wields them, triumphantly.

MEPHONE
Prepare to die, you mean cucumber!

STEVE
No please! All I did was kill a bunch of kids!

SOMEONE'S MOM enters, unseen by any of the others.

MEPHONE
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those kids were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! MePhone Boi defender of innocent kids.

STEVE
Don't hurt me! Please!

MEPHONE
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these knives on you right away!

STEVE
Because MePhone, I am your father.

MEPHONE looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.

MEPHONE
No you're not!

STEVE
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.

STEVE tries to grab the knives but MEPHONE dodges out of the way.

MEPHONE
Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?

Unexpectedly, STEVE slumps to the ground.

MEPAD
Did he just faint?

MEPHONE
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly knives.

MEPHONE crouches over STEVE's body.

MEPAD
Be careful, MePhone. It could be a trick.

MEPHONE
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Steve Cobs is dead!

MEPHONE
What?

MEPHONE
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.

MEPAD claps his hands.

MEPAD
So your knives did save the day, after all.

SOMEONE'S MOM steps forward.

SOMEONE'S MOM
Is it true? Did you kill the mean demon?

MEPHONE
Someone's Mom how long have you been...?

SOMEONE'S MOM puts her arm around MEPHONE.

SOMEONE'S MOM
Long enough.

MEPHONE
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Steve Cobs.

SOMEONE'S MOM
Then the kids are safe?

MEPHONE
It does seem that way!

A crowd of vulnerable kids enter, looking relived.

SOMEONE'S MOM
You are their hero.

The kids bow to MEPHONE.

MEPHONE
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Steve Cobs will never kill kids ever again, is enough for me.

SOMEONE'S MOM
You are humble as well as brave!

One of the kids passes MEPHONE an amazing internet

SOMEONE'S MOM
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.

MEPHONE
I couldn't possibly.

Pause.

MEPHONE
Well, if you insist.

MEPHONE takes the internet.

MEPHONE
Thank you.

The kids bow their heads once more, and leave.

MEPHONE turns to SOMEONE'S MOM.

MEPHONE
Does this mean you want me back?

SOMEONE'S MOM
Oh, MePhone, of course I want you back!

MEPHONE smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

MEPHONE
Well you can't have me.

SOMEONE'S MOM
WHAT?

MEPHONE
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a demon to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.

SOMEONE'S MOM
But...

MEPHONE
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, MePad.

MEPAD grins.

SOMEONE'S MOM
But...

MEPAD
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!

SOMEONE'S MOM
MePhone?

MEPHONE
I'm sorry Someone's Mom, but I think you should skidaddle.

SOMEONE'S MOM leaves.

MEPAD turns to MEPHONE.

MEPAD
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?

MEPHONE
Of course you are!

The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly MEPAD stops.

MEPAD
When I said I think Joe Biden and Donald Trump should live together, marry each other and have kids, you know I was just trying to distract the demon don't you?

THE END

Help me I wheezed too hard while making this and reading the results😭🤣