Calum's son: Daddy, did you get another tattoo?

Calum: Yeah, but you can't tell mom.

Calum's son: But you can't hide that.

Calum: Not if you wear a sweater, son.

Luke's daughter: DADDY, UNCLE MIKEY'S SON IS BEING AN - wait, what's the word? - AN ASS!

Luke: WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT WORD?!

All the kids: Uncle Calum!

Luke: *glares at Calum*

Michael's son: Daddy, is this what you would call a fucked up moment?

Ashton: Oh my god, where do you kids learn these words? *stubs toe* MOTHERFUCKER!