This tag challenge was created to talk about something very important and very sensitive. Reading it might make you uncomfortable, and, if you are sensitive to certain triggers, it might make you more than just uncomfortable, but it is also crucially important for you to read this if you are uninformed about what sexual harassment is or what to do when it happens, and it is also crucially important for you to pass this on if any of your Wattpad followers are uninformed.

If you are one of the people who are sensitive to this trigger and you are still reading, I understand if you would like to stop. If you choose to continue anyway, I would like to deeply thank you for helping us to spread awareness to others.

For everyone else: I sincerely hope you don't stop reading this chapter just because it's unpleasant to think about. It's because it's a difficult topic that it is so important for us to be taking this effort. By reading this and passing it on, you might end up making a world of difference in your life and in the lives of others.

I'm sure you've all heard of sexual harassment, but there can be a lot of confusion and misinformation about what actually "counts" as sexual harassment. A person who is sexually harassing others might swear up and down that he or she was only joking, that she or he thought that the other person really wanted what was being done, or that what he or she did was perfectly normal and acceptable. A person who is sexually harassing someone will tend to do everything in her or his power to continue controlling the victim, including persuading him or her that what is being done to her or him isn't sexual harassment at all. Such a person will also tend to do everything in his or her power to convince other people that there is nothing wrong with what is being done. And sometimes these people can be so good at manipulation that witnesses, bystanders, and even the victims will believe these lies.

That's why it's important to know exactly what sexual harassment is and to know it so well that you will never allow yourself to be manipulated into thinking otherwise. Harassment is any kind of behavior that disturbs or upsets another person. It's characteristically repetitive, meaning that the behavior happens over and over again. Sexual harassment is any behavior of a sexual or romantic nature that disturbs or upsets another person.

Now, the most important part of that explanation is this: "disturbs or upsets another person". Sexual harassment is not defined according to what the behavior is. You can't look up some list that will tell you what specific actions count and what do not. Nor can you look up a list of what words or gestures count and what do not. It counts if it disturbs or upsets a victim. The person who gets to decide when it counts as sexual harassment isn't the person who did it. It isn't any person who witnessed it or heard about it and wants to give an opinion. The only person who gets to say whether it counts as sexual harassment is the person who suffered because of it. If it is making the victim uncomfortable, it counts.

That being said, we can give some general examples of what sexual harassment might look like on a site like Wattpad. First of all, sexual harassment can occur without any actual sex being involved. It might be the case that a person is sending messages that repeatedly ask the victim to give up his or her address so that they can meet there and have sex. It might be the case that all of the interactions are online and the person is pressuring the victim to send nude photos or to engage in sexual roleplaying.

It might not even be as closely linked to sex as that. The word "sexual" can also refer to things that most of us would commonly refer to as "romantic". It can be sexual harassment if the victim is being pressured into simply going on a date or returning feelings of affection. Sexual harassment might start out looking just like an innocent confession of romantic interest where the person being confessed to does not return the interest. It might not become a problem until the victim begins to feel uncomfortable or upset because he or she has already told the other person that she or he is not interested and still that person continues to send messages asking the victim to reconsider or trying to pressure the victim into saying something romantic in return or agreeing to start dating. It can even count if the person doesn't seem to be asking for anything but is still sending romantic messages after the victim has asked for it to stop. If the person is saying or doing anything after the victim has said that it upsets him or her, it is definitely harassment.

What do you do if you find that you're being harassed online? If a person has done something that she or he might not realize made you upset or uncomfortable (especially if it only happened once), start by speaking up. You need to clearly tell the person how it made you feel and ask for it to never happen again. If this is enough to make the person apologize and he or she really doesn't do anything like what happened ever again, then you can feel good about maybe having put a stop to things before they even turned into harassment.

If, on the other hand, the person continues even after you've spoken up, it's time to start protecting yourself. If the person is sending you messages on Wattpad, you can block him or her by going to her or his profile, clicking or tapping on the three dots next to "message", and selecting "Mute". For more information on what this means, see the link in the comment on this paragraph. 

You should also think about protecting other people so that they don't become victims of the same behavior. You can find the option to report someone right underneath the mute option. More details can be found at the link in the comment.

It is very important for you to do everything you can to protect yourself from a person who is sexually harassing you. Even if the person is or was your friend, it is never acceptable to allow sexual harassment to continue. It will only cause you more suffering while encouraging the person who is causing the suffering to continue hurting you. It might make him or her believe that what she or he is doing isn't all that bad or even that it isn't wrong at all. At the very least, it will show him or her that nothing bad will happen if she or he continues doing it (because he or she obviously doesn't care about your suffering if it's still going on after you've been clear about it), so why would she or he ever stop?

It's often extremely difficult for the victims of sexual harassment to talk about what happened, but it can often be a very good thing to do if it helps you or anyone else. If the person who was harassing you keeps popping back up with different accounts or is communicating outside of Wattpad with other people that you know, you might be able to save someone else from becoming a victim.

If you're a witness to sexual harassment online or if a person being harassed has told you about what is happening, it is very important for you to offer support to the victim in whatever way you can. If you witnessed sexual harassment happening, you should report the person. If a victim is telling you about what happened, you should encourage her or him to report it and take every other action described above. You should not spread around the story to anybody else without permission from the victim. As I mentioned, it can be extremely difficult for the victim to talk about what happened, and putting the story out in the open can actually cause more pain. Don't speak for the victim, encourage him or her to speak for her or himself. The only exception to this is if you happen to be in a position where it is your responsibility to take action in order to protect other people. If the harasser is part of a group account on Wattpad, for example, you might have to report the problem to the leader(s) of the account so that appropriate action can be taken to protect everyone else in the group. Another example would be if you know someone who might be at risk and you want to warn her or him before anything bad happens. Even if you do this, though, you should only give as much information and proof as is absolutely needed to protect people, and you should talk to as few people as possible unless you have permission from the victim.

                                                  ***

Since this is a tag challenge, I will now be sharing a personal story/reflection with you.

I've been incredibly fortunate in my life; I don't have any stories to share about a time when I have personally been the victim of sexual harassment. Instead, I am going to take this time to tell the story of how sexual harassment, assault, and abuse tore my community apart.

I usually avoid talking about religion on Wattpad because I've been afraid of the possible reaction. There are some people who would judge me for my beliefs. I've been worried about fights in the comments section, about people choosing not to read my books based on who I am rather than whether the book is good, about getting caught up in an endless attempt to correct misunderstandings. But this topic is too important for me to remain silent. As much as I know I'm wading into dangerous territory, I am here to talk about the tragedy of sexual abuse within the Catholic church.

I am Catholic. I was baptized as an infant. I was taught at Catholic schools. When I was old enough to ask the big questions about life, I found answers in that same religion. I freely chose to be a part of it. I fell in love with it. I know it can be difficult for those who aren't religious to understand the depth of that devotion, but I hope that you've witnessed the passion of people who have dedicated their entire lives to something, that you've loved someone so much you can't bear the thought of losing them, that you've experienced something so powerful that it changed the course of your entire life. It's all of that and more.

The first time I remember hearing about a priest who had been accused of sexual abuse, I was young enough that my parents wouldn't explain it to me. I remember them asking me if I had heard anything at school about one of our former priests. I knew he must have done something that was terrible, so terrible that adults couldn't talk to children about it. I knew that all of the adults were talking to each other, whispering just outside of earshot, struggling to find the words, weighed down by the burden of their dreadful knowledge. I could see how it affected them, and I was frightened.

I slowly understood more and more. The news reports went on for years. I watched dioceses go bankrupt from all the lawsuits. I met a friend who confided in me that he didn't like to tell people that he wanted to become a priest because so many would immediately suspect him of being a pedophile. I have seen it tear apart the church I love. I have seen it be the cause of so much pain, and I have never even met or talked to one of the victims. I can't even imagine how deeply and permanently they've been scarred. I feel guilty to even be using the word "pain" to describe the reactions of people like myself, knowing that it must be nothing compared to what the victims have experienced. And it's not because "pain" is an exaggeration for the former but because it is the only word that I can think of for the latter and is so completely inadequate. And new cases are still being uncovered. Maybe some of you have heard the news from Pennsylvania last month.

When the story of one single incident is a tragedy so awful that I can't even find the words to properly describe it, all of it put together is unimaginable. My brain is not capable of comprehending the amount of pain and suffering that has happened. My heart cannot come close to handling the amount of empathy the victims all deserve.

I've heard many people talk about why this happened. There have been so many incidents that none of the people I've met have studied them in anything resembling the depth required to make such an assessment, and yet we try to find a simple story to tell, some kind of explanation we can understand, some kind of lesson we can learn. Some people tell the story of a cover up, of church leaders who knew what was happening but did everything they could to keep the news of it from destroying the reputation of the church. They protected the organization instead of protecting the people, and their silence allowed all of the abuses to continue. Others tell the story of priests who freely went to their superiors in order to confess what they had done, who admitted to absolutely everything, who demonstrated that they knew how wrong it was, who showed true remorse, who promised to never do anything like it ever again. And their superiors gave them a second chance because they didn't understand that these men had an illness, that no matter how truly sorry they were or how genuine their promises, it was not possible for them to change without receiving treatment for it. In some cases it may have started with a smaller offense just like the examples of sexual harassment that I explained above. The Catholic church teaches that God forgives our sins in the sacrament of Reconciliation. Our faith teaches all of us to forgive the people who have wronged us, to love our enemies, to show compassion. But we also have a duty to protect.

I am here to say: "Never again." I have vowed to do everything within my power to prevent and put a stop to sexual violence in all its forms, including sexual harassment. It's an issue that can't be brushed aside or taken lightly. It is the responsibility of each and every one of us to stay informed and be prepared to act. We cannot be people who stay quiet when we need to speak up. We cannot be people who make the wrong decision due to lack of understanding. We need to stand together.

You can help this cause right now by using the information above to spread awareness on Wattpad. I will be tagging three people, asking them to share the first part of this post (you can copy it directly from the Google Doc linked in the comment on this paragraph) and add a personal story or reflection of their own. It might include any additional information related to the topic that you feel is also important to be shared. It might include your own personal story of a time when you were a victim or a witness. It might just include your own personal thoughts about the topic. It's purposely left open so that everyone can add whatever they might have to share. Anyone reading this is encouraged to do the same. Please help us to share this message to create a safer website and a safer world.

Sheare

Dictator-Chan

ImberLapis