the twentieth one 👁👄👁 look how far we've come jully 🥺 hope u enjoy owo
LAURENS207

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Philip: I need vacation-
John: It's the second day of school-
Philip: Exactly, I've been through enough-

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John: I'M TIRED OF EVERYONE SEEING ME AS A BABY! I'm not a child. I'm a smart, independent individual!
Alex:
Alex: What are we supposed to say-
Frances: Give him your gummy bears. That way he'll stop complaining and speaking-
John: HEY! I'M RIGHT HE-
Alex: Shush. Do you want the gummy bears or not-
John: THIS IS N-
Alex: Do you want them or not-
John: ...I do-
John: *gives John the gummy bears* There you go.
John, with his mouth completely full: Dis poves nofinn-

***

Alex: You all are not-
John: Y'all ain't-
Philip: Y A I N T-

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Alex: John we need to talk about your professionalism-
John, standing on chair: Those are some mighty brave words for a guy standing in lava-

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John: I am not a crybaby-
Alex: Toy Story 3-
John: They were holding hands in a furnace-

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John: Did you know the food you eat becomes energy?
John: *kicks the air* That's spaghetti!
John: *punches the air* That's nachos!
John: *karate chops the air* That's a cookie!
Alex: That's my husband-

***

John: Yoink is the opposite of yeet-
John: But it's just as fast-
Alex: IT'S ALMOST FOUR AM, GO TO SLEEP-

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John: The opposite of firefly is waterfall-
Alex: STOP-

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Frances: I mean, small animals are way more vicious. It's because their anger has less space to be bottled up in-
Alex: That's ridiculous. Give me one example of this-
Frances: Spiders-
Philip: Wasps-
Timmy: Terriers-
John: Angie-

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John: It's like 200 degrees outside! How are you not sweating-
Alex: I don't sweat-
Angie: He doesn't sweat-
John: Why?
Alex: Sweating is gross so I don't do it-
Frances: But aren't you afraid all that sweat's gonna build up inside you until one day you explode-
Alex, deadpan: I would love that-

***

John, talking to a banana while peeling it: May I take your jacket?
Alex: ...do you think other people can't hear you-

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Alex: Babe you need a hobby-
John: I have a hobby-
Alex: Staring at Koda's face isn't a hobby-
John: You're right-
John: It's a profession and I excel at it-

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John, crying while on his knees after making a bowl of popcorn without any unpopped kernels: This. This is it. I've peaked. This is the proudest moment of my life. Nothing will ever compare-
Alex, swallowing 19 unpopped kernels: :)

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Philip: Dad sleeps after us and is awake before us. Does he even sleep-
Alex: I think he periodically makes a whirring noise and then just shuts down-

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John, clicking page 2 of Google results: The deep web-

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Philip: Why can't penguins fly?
John: Because they don't believe in themselves-

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John: Everything I've eaten today had the consistency of mayonnaise-
Alex: What did you eat?
John: Mayonnaise-
Alex: Yep, I'm going to throw up-

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Alex: That's it. I'm not getting into any more stupid debates with you-
John, looking into space: Earth isn't a planet-
Alex: HOW IS EARTH NOT A  P L A N E T-

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John: Yeet-
Alex:
John: Yoot-
John: Yotun-
John: Yute-
John: Yeeten-
John: Yate-
John: Yeeth-
John: Yeeted-
Alex: Please stop-
Philip, an intellectual: No let him finish-

***

John: What should we have for dinner?
Alex, craving fast food: How about Sonic?
John, quietly: But he's so fast, how would we catch him-

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Alex, slightly scared: It's dark in here-
John: Don't worry I got this-
John: *stomps foot*
John: *Sketchers light up*

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[John learning modern slang]

John: *sees knocked over pile of trash*
John: Big...
John: *glances at Philip*
John: ...mood?
Philip: *glowing with pride*

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John: I'm not sure how many cookies it takes to be happy, but so far it's not twenty seven-

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John, watching Philip and Frances fight while Angie and Timmy act as cheerleaders: This is why some species eat their young-

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Alex: Do you think different laundry detergents have different tastes-
John: They do-
Alex: Why—why did you say that with such certainty-

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John, turning to Alex: On all levels except physical, I am a wolf-
Alex:
John: Woof-

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Alex: My body is a hotel for anxiety-

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[Out grocery shopping]

Alex: Do you have any bags?
John: The only bags I have are the ones under my eyes, and they're specifically designed to carry the burden of my existence-
Alex:
Alex: A simple no would've been fine babe-

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Alex: Who ate my sandwich while I was in the bathroom?
John: Probably evaporation-
Alex:
Alex: That- that's not how it works-

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John: I'm probably one of the strongest, most slick people in this entire universe-
Alex: ...why is your arm stuck in that vending machine-
John: I PAID FOR SKITTLES AND I'M GONNA GET MY SKITTLES.

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John: Do you have a favorite book?
Alex: 1984-
John: That's too many-

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John: Things I want: snuggles-
John: Things I receive: struggles-

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John: Goodnight Philip-
Philip: Goodnight Dad-
John: Goodnight monster that eats children-
Alex, speaking through an old baby monitor in the room: G O O D N I G H T-
Philip: (ಠ_ಠ)

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Alex: Can I admit something dark to you?
John: When you eat sushi you sometimes imagine the fish screaming too?

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Alex: How do you guys put on skirts-
Alex: Do you do it one leg at a time or do you jump right in-
Angie, affronted by the stupidity of the question: One leg at a time!
Frances: I jump right in!

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Alex: If there's a "heaven's no" and a "hell yes" why isn't there a "purgatory maybe"-
John: "Purghaps"?
Alex: OH MY GOD-

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John: *sneaks into the house in a huge coat*
Alex: Baby what's with the huge coat?
John's coat: *barks*
John: ...wine-

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John: I would walk through fire for my family-
John: Well maybe not fire. That'll set a bad example. Maybe a super humid room-
John: But not too humid because...my hair-

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[How they type]

John: *typing the keys on the keyboard one by one*
Alex: *types normally*
Philip: *typing at a rapid speed, growing an extra arm to type*

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[Skipping stones on a lake]

Alex: It's such a beautiful evening-
John, whispering: Take that you stupid lake-

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John: Babe-
Alex:
John: Hello?
Alex: Hey-
John: Lex I can't sleep-
Alec: I can. Goodnight-

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Alex: I watched a horror movie with John the other day-
Alex: He didn't even flinch-
Alex: He said it's because he's only afraid of capitalism-

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Alex: We have fun, don't we Angie?
Angie: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life-

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[Planning their wedding]

John: What are we serving at the wedding reception?
Alex: Looks-
John: Sure. Or, I was thinking chicken-

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John, googling: what to do raccoon bite
Google: Elevate and apply pressure
John, lifting raccoon really high: Apologize or else-

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Alex and John: *staring into each other's eyes*
Philip: *opens a soda can*
John: We're having a moment-
Philip: I'm having a cola-

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Alex: I'll be back by 11, so don't wait up for me!
Clock: 11:01
John: That's it, he's dead. I'm homeless now. Where else am I going to live. How else am I going to defeat anyone if the strongest man alive is dead. How am I supposed to keep up with all those weekend sales by myself-

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Alex, sitting with John: *sneezes*
John:
Alex: You're not even going to say "bless you"?
John: I'm sitting here with you, so clearly you've been blessed-

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John: My policy is if you see something, say something-
Philip: I saw a frog on the sidewalk today-
John: Outstanding! This is what I'm talking about people!

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