QUESTION:

Can hope ever be lost?

I've believed I've lost all hope many times in my life. Situations where, everywhere I looked, everything I contemplated and everything I said and did... offered no reprieve. Nothing changed; despite every nerve ending poised and hoping for change, for redemption... for reprieve.

I know well the symptoms: A gradual waning of everything- kinda like the light dimming over a period of time. A sense of... restlessness but also lethargy; starting and stopping things, going back and forth yet... feeling as though standing still; seeking distraction and then, distraction from the first stupid distraction.

Moroseness creeping in- things looking, sounding, tasting, smelling, feeling... less enjoyable. Less deserving? But also, an astute knowing: I am perfectly aware (least I believe I am) that this - whatever it currently be - is in fact, 'hope-less'. There is no hope of it ever changing. 

Here's the thing, and it occurred to me very recently: This may well be a warped view. It does not take into account the rest of the 7+ billion and what they may be up to. And how suddenly, whatever they maybe up to, collides with our whatever (out of nowhere) and then- there's hope again!

We look at 'hope' as something personal. Internal. Conversations we have with ourselves or with whoever holds our faith, in private.

But what if 'hope' is universal? Your whatever might appear to be hopeless; but his whatever hope materializes- in the form of you! Or him. Or me. And so on. Meaning whilst we may consider ourselves as having lost all hope, others might look upon us as their only hope; else hope for us- and this impacts us- and it is this simultaneousness (everyone/everything being each other's hope) which makes 'hope' something we do not ever solely possess, therefore, cannot lose.

Suicide is one exit from this state of believing that all hope is lost. Depression is another. Addictions, compulsions, avoidance, too, all stem from this: "My face is to the wall and all I can do is stare at it." But what if we altered our thinking to include universal hope? What if we could stare at that wall with the certainty that no matter how 'long' it seems to take, we will eventually be redeemed? Someone or something will either break through the wall and release us or at the very least, get our own mind working on a solution.

(Note I said "face" because if one's back is to the wall, there are options: Fight or flee... or at least, hope for a compromise.)

Terminal loss of a beloved one; loss of a love; loss of one's fortune; loss of one's health, carrying far too many responsibilities for too long- these all produce induced states of hopelessness. I've had them all. Times when"I" became insignificant to the situation; so insignificant life dumped me; left me in some barren nowhere place with time ticking yet standing still, far as I was concerned.

But other lives were being lived elsewhere- lives in places unknown to me; else in situations unfamiliar to me. Their hopes were for either finding someone akin to who I was, or something in me I could help them with. To those strangers about to re-introduce hope to me without prior knowledge of my circumstances I was assumed to be... full of it. (It was they who lacked and who subsequently sought and found hope in me!)

And others still, hoped for me. Whether familiar to me or someone I just met, I induced a need in them to feel hopeful for me. Their hopes filled the space of my missing ones.

It all sounds confusing. Headachy stuff- especially to anyone battling hopelessness. (Though I don't place emphasis on anything of a 'terminal' nature in this write, there have been far too many instances where there, too, a certain 'miracle' occurred and hopes were answered.)

I guess what I am trying to say (as usual by way of self-reflection) is that hope may feel like it has died in us, but it continues to live elsewhere; it is a shared thing- bit like a comfort blankie covering all of us - so it never really 'dies'; it merely shifts away a little in one person or another but soon reaches out and covers them again.

I may have it wrong. In fact, as I write this, I am staring at a new state of 'hopelessness'. Feeling the symptoms I described above. Right now, everywhere I look, I see no way through. The restlessness is back. Maybe I am writing this because I am attempting to rely on past instances to 'get me out of this similar state'. Telling myself someone/something yet to be known by me but moving on a collision course in my direction will... alter things. Maybe this is just me trying to inject hope- in hope.

Are you with me or have I gone on a lone tangent? Can 'hope' ever be lost? Have you faced a state of hopelessness and then suddenly had it overturned through the actions/words of others unexpectedly? Is hope a universal, shared thing?