A/N: Second update for the week! Medyo kalma muna tayo ngayon.

LORELEI

THE NEXT morning was the calm after the storm. Hindi ako masyadong nakatulog nang maayos kagabi dahil sa dami ng iniisip ko. I couldn't shake the revelations off my head. I couldn't not think of Loki's face wet with tears and Luthor raising his voice at his brother.

Paggising ko nitong mag-a-ala-sais ng umaga, the food that I ordered was left untouched. Pinilit kong kumain kagabi kahit kaunti lang. But Loki didn't try to take even a spoonful of rice or a bite from the burger.

Hindi na nakagugulat pang makitang gising na ng ganitong oras ang roommate ko. He's already seated comfortably in the couch, still in his loose shirt and pajama. Binabasa niya 'yong librong hindi ko natuloy basahin kahapon. The Serenade of the Siren. I couldn't see his face dahil natatakpan na ito ng libro.

With everything that was going on, I didn't have time to focus on reading. Nababasa ko nga ang mga salita, pero 'di ko naiintindihan ang binabasa ko. Tapos binulaga pa kami ng pagbisita ni Luthor.

"Morning," bati ko sa kanya bago ako pumunta sa kusina. I couldn't add the word "good" dahil baka 'di maganda ang gising niya. Well, he didn't bother replying to me. Nagtimpla ako ng hot choco at umupo sa may dining table. I blew the steam off my hot drink and stared blankly at the space in front of me.

Should I talk to him about what happened last night?

Habang ine-enjoy ko ang aking inumin at pinag-iisipan kung ano ang aking gagawin, may narinig akong tatlong sunod-sunod na katok. May iisang tao lang na bibisita sa amin nang ganito kaaga.

Tumayo ako't binuksan ang pinto. Tita Martha's smiling face greeted me. Binati niya ako ng "good morning" sabay pakita sa akin ng isang supot ng pandesal.

"Kumusta ang practice n'yo kagabi?" tanong niya pagkapasok sa aming unit. "Pang-best actor na ba ang performance n'yo? Kailan ipapalabas 'yan sa school? Pwede ba akong manood?"

Mukhang sineryoso nga ni tita ang palusot ko kagabi. Napahaplos tuloy ako sa aking buhok. "Class assignment lang ho siya kaya walang showing."

"Ah, gano'n ba?" Tumuloy na siya sa loob at nahinto sa gitna ng sala. Nagbato siya ng tingin kay Loki at sandaling natahimik, pakurap-kurap ang mga mata.

Na-feel yata ni Loki na may nakatingin sa kanya kaya ibinaba niya ang libro. At last I saw his morning face. He didn't seem to be well rested.

Tita Martha shook her head. Kumunot ang noo niya sabay tanong, "Bakit ganyan ang itsura mo, Loki? Nakatulog ka na ba? Ang lalim na ng eyebags mo, ah?"

Matagal nang nakapinta ang makapal at maitim na linya sa ilalim ng mga mata niya, pero mas malalim ito ngayon. I doubt any of us could have slept sound last night. Maging si Luthor siguro, na sinuntok niya at sinampal ko, hindi nakatulog nang mahimbing.

"Hindi po yata maganda ang gising niya," bulong ko. I couldn't tell my aunt that he and Luthor had a sibling fight here last night.

"Paano niyan ang play n'yo?" tanong ni tita. Inilapag na niya sa mesa ang dalang supot ng pandesal. "Dapat may energy kayo kapag nagpe-perform! Medyo maaga pa. Baka gusto niya munang magpahinga?"

"Ako na hong bahala sa kanya." Ngumiti ako't in-escort palabas ng unit si tita. Wala na siyang naging tanong pa.

Pagkasara ng pinto, umupo ako sa kabilang couch dala-dala ang isang pandesal at ang aking hot choco. Muling itinaas ni Loki ang libro para takpan ang kanyang mukha.

This felt strange to me. Kagaya kasi 'to ng ilang movie na napanood ko na noon. The morning after a couple fight. Parang gano'n, pero hindi talaga gano'n.

I was waiting for him to start a conversation, but he said nothing. Nagpatuloy siya sa paglilipat ng mga pahina ng libro. No, he wasn't really reading. There's no way he'd finish two pages within thirty seconds. Malamang ginagamit niyang prop ang libro para iwasang magkausap kami.

"How are you feeling?" I asked nang makalahati ko na ang kinakain kong pandesal. Alam kong he's not feeling a hundred percent okay, but it's the best approach to strike a convo with him.

Hindi ko masabi kung nailabas na ba niya ang lahat ng hinanakit niya kagabi. Maybe there's still some resentment inside his heart. Hindi rin kasi namin napag-usapan ang lahat ng dapat pag-usapan. We'd only talked about Luthor's affiliation to M's organization.

Speaking of that, we haven't touched on how they pulled off the fake fire and Rosetta's fake death in the white hostel. Nor have we discussed how Luthor knew that Jaime Santiago is the founder of M's organization. Well, Luthor's revelation alone was already too much for us to process. Pwede pa naming pag-usapan ang mga 'yon sa mga susunod na araw.

"My cheek's feeling better," he replied.

Napapikit ang mga mata ko at iniyuko ko ang aking ulo. Nag-flashback na naman sa isip ko ang pagsampal ko sa kanya at sa kanyang kuya kagabi. I somehow felt guilty. I somehow felt I went overboard with the slap. Nadala na rin kasi ako ng emosyon ko noon.

Loki's not the type to beat around the bush so I might do the same.

"Last night, you asked me if I knew it already," I recalled, taking a three-second pause. Nakatingin pa rin ako sa librong binabasa niya. "Are you upset or disappointed in me?"

'Yan ang tanong na paulit-ulit sa isip ko kagabi. He said that he had already expected it. What I don't know was how he took my confirmation of his suspicions. Did he feel betrayed? Did he feel that I kept him in the dark?

Kung magagalit siya sa akin, maiintindihan ko. Pwede na niyang ibalik sa akin ang mga pinagsasabi ko noong nag-outburst ako sa pagtatago niya ng kanyang hinala kay Jamie. He could proudly call me a hypocrite.

I braced myself for impact.

"Why would I?" Loki lowered the book below his chin.

Eh? My eyes blinked as I stared at him. Tama ba ang dinig ko?

"You're neither upset nor disappointed?" I asked for confirmation. Ipinatong ko sa center table ang aking mug. Hindi ko pa rin siya nilubayan ng tingin.

"Is there a reason that I should be?" He began twirling a few strands of his hair.

My eyes narrowed into slits. "I knew about your brother's secret and I kept it from you for weeks. Ine-expect kong madi-disappoint ka dahil hindi ko sinabi sa 'yo."

Hindi ako naghahanap ng gulo ngayong umaga. Hindi ko rin ipinagpipilitan na dapat siyang magalit sa 'kin. Mas mabuti ngang wala siyang negative reaction tungkol sa ginawa ko. But I was somewhat in disbelief sa naririnig ko ngayon. Yesterday, he was like a volcano that erupted and went out of control. Today, he was as calm as the sea after a storm hit.

I don't know if he's kinder to me because I'm not his brother.

"Look." He put down the book and leaned forward. "I would have appreciated it if you told me what you suspected or what you knew. But you have no obligation to tell me every single detail that you find."

Well, he has a point. That works both ways. Wala kaming kontrata na nagre-require sa amin na i-inform ang isa't isa sa mga nalalaman namin. He and I could keep some info from each other. It's only a matter of trust and transparency.

"I started to suspect after the Cedric Castillejos case," Loki said, reclining his back in the couch. "You began to act more terrified whenever my brother's around. There's no doubt he's a terrifying man After all, he's best buddies with a young criminal mastermind."

Kahit noon pa man, nakaka-intimidate na ang aura ni Luthor. He didn't have to say a word or move a hand to make you feel intimidated. Just his mere presence was enough. Laging naninindig ang balahibo ko kapag nandyan siya.

"Then you became more interested in him," Loki continued. "I thought you might have developed some feelings for him—which is a tragic mistake, by the way. But I doubt you'd easily fall for someone who's been literally carved from marble. My brother may have the looks, but he isn't a boyfriend material."

"Kung alam mo naman pala, bakit pinipilit mo akong i-ship sa kanya noon?" tanong ko. Whenever I brought up his brother's name in our discussions before, he wouldn't miss the opportunity to hint about me having feelings for Luthor.

"I had fun teasing you," he replied, smirking. "If you knew or suspected what I have already suspected, I wanted to see and study your reaction. Did you feel disgusted with the idea of being linked with him? Did you feel embarrassed? That sort of thing."

Nakakaloko ang ngiti niya, ah? But I felt relieved to see that curve in his lips.

"Something happened between our island trip and the Black Dahlia Hotel murder case," pagpapatuloy niya. "You seemed less terrified. You seemed slightly relaxed in his presence. Maybe you finally got the answer that you've been looking for. And you weren't disappointed by it."

"I confronted him habang naghahanap kami ng mga panggatong," sabi ko. Wala na rin akong dapat na itago pa sa kanya. "You mentioned the Cedric Castillejos case. When you were brought to the hospital from the warehouse, pumunta roon si Luthor. He was called as M by Cedric so I thought he's the person we've been looking for."

"So when you had a chance to be alone with him, you asked him the million peso question?" Loki asked, raising an eyebrow. "Weren't you afraid that he could have harmed you if your suspicion was right? Or deep inside, you knew that he wasn't the monster that you thought he was?"

Napaisip tuloy ako sa sinabi. Baka nga tama siya. May part sa sarili ko na naniniwalang imposibleng si Luthor si M kaya naglakas-loob akong komprontahin siya. Maybe the confrontation wasn't about me confirming that he's M. Maybe it's more on reassuring myself that he's not M.

"Doon na niya ikinuwento sa akin ang rason kung bakit siya sumali sa organisasyon." My eyes looked down, reminiscing the scene in the island. "He's consistent with his story. He joined the group because he wanted to protect you... and the people around you."

Loki blew off some air. A few seconds of silence ensued before he spoke again. "That explains why you weren't surprised at all when he revealed his motivations. But you looked extremely shocked when he said 'I am one of them.' You didn't expect him to come clean last night, huh?"

"Ayaw niyang pasanin ko pa ang burden na 'yon," sagot ko. Now that Luthor's closely guarded secret was revealed to his brother, a weight has been lifted from my chest. Ilang linggo ko ring itinago ang sikretong 'yon. Ilang linggo kong tinanong ang sarili ko, "Paano kapag nalaman niya?" "Ano kaya'ng magiging reaksyon niya?" Parang nabunutan ako ng hindi lang isa, kundi sandaang tinik sa lalamunan.

"I initially thought that he forced you to shut your mouth about his little secret," he said. "I don't know? Maybe he blackmailed you or threatened to have you expelled from Clark High. But looking at you and listening to you, it seems like a conscious decision."

I took a deep breath and mustered the courage that I had this early morning. "Ayaw kong magtunog na excuse ito, pero inisip ko kasi kung gaano 'yon makaaapekto sa 'yo. M hurt you. Luthor is your brother. Hindi ko ma-imagine ang sakit kapag nalaman mong connected ang kuya mo at ang taong matagal mo nang hinahabol. Ayaw kong pangunahan ka, but if I were in your position, the truth would shatter my heart."

Kahit ano pa man ang opinyon ni Loki tungkol sa kanyang kuya, kahit ilang beses niyang ipakitang tila wala siyang pakialam dito, alam kong sa loob-loob niya, masasaktan pa rin siya. What happened last night was proof of how deeply wounded he was by the revelation. His face may show that he's doing well, but his scars are inside. He can hide them, but he cannot not feel the pain.

"You don't have to make an excuse or an explanation," Loki replied. "I already told you, didn't I? Should the day come that you need to keep something from me, I would totally understand. Whatever decision you make that involves both of us, I know that you will always have our best interest in mind."

I can't help but smile, thought I tried to hide it. Parang nagliwanag ang aking mukha at gumaan ang pakiramdam ko. He may have said those words with a straight face, but I could feel in his voice that he's sincere. Hindi niya sinabi 'yon to make me feel better or to make me feel not too bad about myself. He said it because he meant it. That's what I felt from him.

Nangilid ang luha sa mga mata ko. I was terrified on how he'd react once he learns of his brother's secret. But I was also equally terrified kung paano siya magre-react sa akin. I thought he'd be angry with me. That he'd go ballistic like the way he did last night. I don't think I'm prepared this early morning sakaling gano'n ang naging reaksyon niya.

Last night, I saw a different side of him. This morning, I saw another side of him again. And I felt glad about it.

"If I reacted to you the way that I did to my brother, I'd deserve the Hypocrite of the Year award," Loki continued. "We've been on the same boat, Lorelei. I kept the thing about Jamie from you because I thought you'd be hurt. You treat her as a friend after all. You kept the thing about my brother from me because you thought I'd be hurt. Our intentions were pure and genuine. We can't really fault ourselves for thinking what might be best for the people that we care about."

I agree. Noong una'y 'di ko maintindihan kung bakit niya ginawa 'yon sa 'kin. Kung bakit 'di niya ako nagawang pagkatiwalaan. Soon, I realized my own hypocrisy. Tama siya. Nasa parehong bangka nga kaming dalawa. We were in each other's shoes.

I'm also a contender for that Hypocrite of the Year award whenever I look back to how I reacted during the hotel confrontation. I went overboard. I let my emotions get the better of me than my sound judgment.

"The one who deserves my wrath is not you, but my brother," Loki said. Muling naging seryoso ang mukha niya. "He's the one whose hands are dirty, not you. He's the one who stabbed me the deepest, not you."

I can't speak for his feelings dahil magkaiba ang pinagdaanan namin. But I wanted him to look at things from a better angle.

"Hindi mo ba na-appreciate ang ginawa niya kagabi?" nagmatapang kong tanong. Tinimbang ko ang aking mga salita. Ayaw ko kasing mawala na naman siya sa mood. I had to tread carefully with this topic. "It took some courage for him to tell you the truth. He knew that you'd be angry. He knew that you'd punch him in the face. But he still decided to go with it."

"Telling the truth doesn't absolve him from whatever stupid decision he has made." Loki looked away, letting out a long sigh. Unti-unti nang nagbabago ang kanyang mood. "He thought that by associating himself with M and getting closer to the core of the organization, he's doing me—or us—a great deal of favor. No, he isn't. He's become an enabler of evil in Clark High. Whatever his intentions are, he cannot wash away the blood in his hands."

He had a point. And I understood where he's coming from. "But that couldn't have been an easy decision on his part, right? He pretended to be one of them so he could—"

"Since when did you become my brother's spokesperson?" Loki cut my words short. Muli niyang ibinaling ang kanyang matalas na tingin sa akin. "Are you siding with him? Would you rather have him as your roommate than me?"

"What? No!" My brows furrowed. "Wala akong kinakampihan sa inyong dalawa. Tinitingnan ko lang ang sitwasyon mula sa isang neutral na perspective. His stupid decision—if I may borrow your own words—doesn't make him beyond redemption. He wants to correct a wrong—"

"—With another wrong?" Loki scoffed. "I wonder how my parents would react once they find out about this."

Wala akong nagawa kundi mapabuntong-hininga. Mukhang 'di ko pa mabubuksan ang isip ni Loki. It might take some time before he opens his mind. His judgment was still clouded.

I looked at the clock display on my phone. May pasok pa kami mamayang seven. "Oras na pala. Mauna na akong maligo."

The good thing is, nalaman kong walang issue sa kanya ang pagtatago ko sa sikreto ni Luthor. I admire how he dealt with it maturely. He surely has changed. Kung ang dating Loki siguro ang nakausap ko kanina, baka nagwala na siya at nabato na ako ng libro sa sobrang galit.

I'm thankful for a calm morning. But dark clouds were brewing over Clark High today. We better prepare for it.

q.e.d.

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