(Sheare)

Pathos by izayoix

Chapter Count: 39 chapters + prelude + flash forward + epilogue

Genre(s): Adventure, Action, Medieval

Achievement(s): 1st Place in the Pokémon Watty Awards 2017; Best Characterization and Most Thought-Provoking in the Pokémon Watty Awards 2017

Description:  

[pathos: (n.) a quality that evokes pity or sadness]

•

It's horrible to don a mask.

Most don some kind of mask in their life—and for the most part, they're never of the best quality. All they cause is useless self-destruction and pain, but the good thing about them is that they can hide some ugly part of you that you don't want to show to the world.

They're always a step down from what you think they'd be, always a notch lower than expectations, and always lie to hide from the reality around us.

...of course there are those that can see through those masks too, and it's supposed that Arceus created these humans to keep the world's sanity.

That's all Avis wishes for, because it's nearly impossible to find any semblance of peace in this midst of war and chaos. To him, that's staying alone; staying out of others' business, and for the first seventeen years of his life, he's done that pretty well.

•

Avis can only hide in the shadow of his twin brother's strength, stranded in a country ravaged by the war and destruction—and he tries to live his life in the darkness peacefully. He doesn't need to be noticed by everyone.

The illusion of a functional, ideal life, however, is shattered when his family's balance is destroyed, and he thus dons his first mask.

•

For all his life, Avis had been taught that disaster was bad. For the most part, he's believed that much—he only needs to think of ungraceful piles of debris and blood-caked grounds to be convinced of that.

At eighteen, he finds himself starting to doubt it—just a little.

He can hate disaster for tearing his life to pieces, but he can't quite hate it for granting him something better than a miracle

•

Tonight, these children don their masks.

PLOT/CHARACTERIZATION 80%

I swear, this is the year of medieval fanfictions.

And I am digging it. All of them are completely different too! This makes me excited.

I like the setting of this book just as much as I like The Aura Within's. It is a time where people actually fought alongside Pokémon rather than just giving them orders on the side lines. It is extremely interesting.

The book starts with a flash forward, which is something I love doing myself in my own works. It reveals that Aiden, Avis' twin brother, dies in combat. But when the book picks back up again in the Preludes, it elaborates more on their relationship.

I am going to be completely honest here. I mixed up Avis and Aiden a lot. Throughout jotting down notes, I constantly mix up their names and it gets frustrating at times. This is why I tend to have the rule of one character per first letter of a name. For example, one significant character that starts with the letter A holds that exclusive letter for the entire book. It is just to add variety and prevent confusion. I admit, sometimes I break this rule too, but I like to stick to it more often than not.

I like the set up for Avis' development upon Aiden's death. Avis is less capable than his twin brother in terms of fighting, which generates conflict while the two of them are alive. This is standard things like jealousy, underlying insecurity, and other good dramatic stuff. However, Avis is shown to be ridden with grief upon his death and how he would sacrifice himself to bring back one of the world's best soldiers. The complexity of their relationship is something I notice to be really well-executed.

Overall, I think this book is extremely good both character and plot-wise. I am impressed by the pacing of it and the creative twists along the way.

However, there are some things that irked me. Stakes are not pressed as well as they should be. Fabio's past is slightly overkill.

The slight romance is also weird. I do not mind the fact it is chase at all except the couples themselves are just weird. The romance should have been between Yan and Avis in the end because it is set up that way from the beginning. They clearly have a more established relationship, so I am not sure why the author decides a more difficult route—especially since it's a romantic subplot. The choice just does not make sense for me.

LANGUAGE/STYLE 80%

I am happy to say—despite all this shit I have given this book so far—that this book is one of the only entries in this category to actually establish an effective voice and various moods/atmospheres when the situation calls for it. To be honest, I feel like the author was always somewhat good at this since I have read some of his or her other works in the past.

The more dramatic scenes are actually told as dramatic with language that reflects it. I am so happy to see that—beyond happy actually.

The vocabulary is nice and not too over-the-top. It really flowed well and helps bolster the preexisting atmosphere.

However, the perspective at times is slightly uncanny. The author constantly adds input that Avis could not see like:

"(On his way out, Yveltal stopped...)"

Expand the perspective if the current one is not as unlimited as needed.

I also want to address the author's overly 'esthetic' writing. This comes up in this category, the conventions, and the presentation category, so I dispersed the points taken off for this across all of them.

I really don't care for over-the-top symbols or convoluted descriptions or anything like that. The author just talks in circles and circles, getting to nowhere. He or she thinks certain things are being repeated for emphasis, but it only produces an annoying effect.

The author's esthetic writing is more of a weakness than it is a strength. By focusing on how the writing looks and feels, the author sacrifices clarity. A lack of clarity can lead to a number of different issues: people can misinterpret, become confused, lose a sense of pacing, or miss a critical plot point.

CONVENTIONS/FORMATTING 75%

I really do not see too many consistent errors that are distracting. Except one.

Please put an accent on the e in Pokémon.

I would just note the constant overuse of dashes which kind of tone down the effect if used so many times. A couple of them could be replaced with commas or could actually be a whole new sentence just to not take away from the effect of the sentences that need dashes.

For formatting, I would have toned down with the pre-book stuff. The author has a theme thing in the beginning, a flash forward, and two separate preludes. It just seems like a little too much.

I actually like the way the chapters count down instead of up, mostly because it emphasizes how time is running out in the story.

ENJOYMENT/IMPACT 55%

The themes are incredibly forced.

Okay, before I criticize this section, I appreciate the fact that this book decides to actually have themes unlike a majority of the entries this year.

It is just horribly executed. Without reading the actual content of the book, I already know what the theme is, how it is complex, how it develops throughout the course of the book, how it will change characters, and everything I should not know until I actually read the damn book.

If you thought the sheer amount of information in the description reveals a lot about the theme, check out the part titled "Pathos" in the beginning where more information is given. This leaves no sense of mystery for the readers.

Themes are something that should resonate with readers after reading the book, so it makes no sense to just explain everything in the beginning.

PRESENTATION 55%

I have a game. Take a shot every time the author uses "don" in his or her description. Are you wasted yet?

...okay enough with the jokes.

This description is very...try-hard. That is the best way to put it.

This is one of my main issues with descriptions that get super dark and psychological. People just have to put forth the effort to not overdo it or else he or she will sound very convoluted and not understandable.

On top of this deep psychological thing in the description, readers then get an introduction into Avis. It is as if the author is trying to be psychological enough to get the theme across but suddenly decides to throw in context to give more information.

And that more information causes the description to be a million years long.

It helps that the author is incredibly established with over one thousand followers and that guarantees people will read it no matter what; however, I do not think it is an excuse to keep a description like this. The author loses me during the first "section" of the description when I notice he or she is talking around in circles. He or she tries to be mysterious and subtly information dumps, but it does not really work the way he or she planned.

Do not get me wrong, this is definitely one of the better descriptions throughout all the entries. But that is like saying this is the tallest dwarf out of the bunch. This description needs a bit of work just like a majority of them.

What I would do to fix it up? I would condense the psychological bit in the beginning to a single paragraph. That is another issue I have: the paragraphs are way too short and can be combined. Then, I would have the main bulk of the description introduce Avis and then somehow end with a concluding psychological statement or question.

And ditch the "don a mask" part—and by ditch, I mean ditch the five other times the author writes it after its initial usage. It tries so hard to push that theme that it does not let the work itself develop it as readers go through the actual material. It should be subtle, not scream at readers.

Also, the biggest thing this description does wrong.

I know what pathos means. I happen to be educated.

I beg of you, fellow readers: do not use definitions in your description, your chapters openings, your prologues, your...whatever.

It just assumes the reader is an idiot and has no idea what the word means. On the off chance the reader does not know what the word means, they can just look it up themselves.

Okay, if you readers could not tell by now, I am pretty satisfied with the cover for the most part. It is dark, dingy, and even has a slight edge. The only thing I would change is making the quote above the title more prominent, but then again, it reads something about to "don a mask." I swear, the author loves the word don and mask.

How would I rewrite the description?

bold indicates grammatical/conventional errors that have been changed

italics indicate any choices that I would personally make for clarity, formatting, word choice, etc

For all his life, Avis had been taught that disaster was bad. For the most part, he had believed that much—he only needed to think of the ungraceful piles of debris and blood-caked grounds to be convinced of that.

Living in solitary was all Avis wished for because it was nearly impossible to find any semblance of peace in this midst of war and chaos. To him, it was staying out of others' business that brought him solace, hiding in the shadow of his superior twin; for the first seventeen years of his life, he did that pretty well.

Avis hated disaster for tearing his life to pieces, but now, he can't quite hate it for granting him something better than a miracle.

FINAL VERDICT

After subjecting the category scores to weights and combining, Pathos by @izayoix receives a...

74.25% - B Class

Well above average, good, able to recommend to others

Overall, the plot and characters are solid, but the author does a poor job with the description. I recommend that the author reworks his or her incorporation of theme while choosing a more effective way to describe the contents of his or her story.