*James*

Nurse Ryan sees a huge difference during my PT evaluation. Ashley made the appointment for me now that I'm home. I sit in his office after my eval as he prints up some new exercises to do for me.

"How's Julia's leg doing? Is she still doing her PT exercise packet?" Ryan wheels his physicians chair over, handing Ash my paperwork.

"I wouldn't know. She's at The Avalon right now." I frown.

"Right. I thought I saw that on the news this week. How is she?" The nurse asks.

"She's getting the care she needs." I respond. I suddenly feel guilty. I've been to see Julia twice, each about an hour long before I need to leave for one reason or another. My sisters aren't too keen on bringing me to the Avalon. It's a beautiful facility but still.... a mental institution and celebrity rehab place. Not like just a normal hospital. A whole lot different than being with Julia 24/7 while on tour and I miss her. I miss everyone.

Little cues I didn't have to remind people of. Like Nate knew I couldn't buckle my seatbelt so would do it for me no questions asked. I had to remind Ashley today I couldn't do it. Just like I had to remind Kendall how I can't untwist caps yet so needed help with my water bottle. It gets tiring having to remind everyone the little things that my village already knew, and I find myself sometimes feeling depressed over it.

Nurse Ryan thinks my improvement is outstanding and says he sees me fully recovering. Dr. Giovanni reminds it takes a good year if not longer for a brain injury to heal. Especially a brain bleed, brain surgery and being in a coma. He reminds me how much I've overcome but I also know how I feel. I get frustrated easily and think maybe some counseling would benefit me. I've always been on Julia for things like this. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health/. Group therapy. Grief therapy, all of that has helped my tremendously so I really think maybe talking to a therapist would be a good idea. 

I also know some of my sisters don't feel the same way. We all had to go through years of counseling because of my asshole father. Some of us benefited from talking to a professional, others thought rehashing the past was just too difficult. Ashley, being the one who has somewhat taken the role of making all my doctor appointments seems to think it's a waste of time. But I need to bring it up to her since she IS the one who schedules everything for me.

I wait till we are in the car before bringing it up.

"Do you think you could help me find a doctor, Ash?" I ask before getting into details while she's driving me to mom's house.

"You want a new PT doctor? I thought that guy Ryan was great!"

"No, he is. I'm talking more along the lines of talk therapy." I keep my eyes on the road and purposely don't look at Ashley knowing she thinks none of that works. I'm proof that it does. I'd be a hell of a mess without therapy. But now Nate is paying for our medical, so I need to find a therapist under his plan. Plus, I think Dr. Healy, my old psychiatrist closed his practice and retired.

"You don't need therapy James. You're doing amazing."

"Ash... Can you help me, or no? I'd like to talk to someone. I've got a lot of shit going on in my head. Please."

"I guess, but you know it's a waste of time."

Yep, just like I thought. She's not on board. If I was with Trisha, she'd help me right away. 

Again, I miss my people.

*****

*Trisha*

They say sex is a good stress reliever. So, this morning while I took Jonah and Casey out shopping around town, we noticed a spicy little lingerie boutique.

"Casey, you're coming in and buying something with me!" I link my arm in hers and her face reddens right away. But Jonah's is redder.

"Oh, come on. You two have been dating for months. We are in Milan Italy for Chris sakes. They have some of the best lingerie shops!"

"Trisha.. This is weird." Jonah says as I open the door, practically shoving him inside while escorting Casey.

"Live a little Jonah. Anyways. I'm buying stuff. So, I'm going to leave my card at the register when I'm done and you two are going to buy something and pay with my card. My treat. don't even look at the price tags. Whatever you want. I expect to see my card and a bag in your hand when you come out!" I give the couple a wink and a smile and head off in a different direction to give them privacy. I've been in the boutique plenty of times and loved it so much I have things shipped to me.

I've had my eye on one specific set that I'd like to wear one night soon. Like I said- it's a good stress reliever.

****

"It's late, Nate. Why are you out here?" I rub my eyes and sit down next to Nate on the balcony. I knew he was talking to Paul, and I could tell it wasn't good news. I wrap the blanket around us and let Nate vent.

"She's not well." Nate stares out into the distance.

"Neither are you. This stress is taking a toll on you."

"And Cara is in rare form because I haven't called her to check in as often as she'd like." He shakes his head. I look up and wipe a tear from his cheek. 

"Don't take it personally. You know how your little sister is. She's just trying to get a rise out of you. She wouldn't even be there getting the help she needs if it weren't for you. She'd probably be in some dingy facility or strung out somewhere."

Nate continues to vent away to me and ends on saying how he should be back in L.A. right now.

"No. You're right where you should be sweetie. Right here, doing what you love." I kiss the corner of Nate's mouth, trying to shut him up about all the negatives. I kiss him again and he tucks his chin to see me.

"Trish....." Nate pauses. "Last night... Do you remember what you said before falling asleep?"

"Like what..." I kiss the corner of his mouth again trying to shut him up.

"You were saying how me and Jules aren't right for each other. Then said something like 'I can make you happy.'"

"Yeah, what about it?" I ask and begin kissing down his neck. I'm trying to distract him here but it's not working.

"You're trying to distract me, princess.... What did you mean last night?"

"What? You could use a distraction..." I know I'm starting to get to him when he sighs and closes his eyes. He beings talking again but I cut him off with a real kiss and climb up onto his lap. 

 "It's... it's not right." Nate says but grabs my hips, wanting more.

"Does it feel good, though? This is no different than any other time we have spent a year together touring."

"It IS different, though." He says one thing but does another, grabbing my ass, pulling me in more. I push him to lean back on the small outdoor patio couch.

"You're always worrying and taking care of everyone else. Let me take care of you." I whisper in his ear and kiss his spot on his neck. His spot. I know all of Nate's spots. Just like he knows all mine. We've known each other for so long. Nate gives in to the feeling and tilts his head to give me more access. I look around to make sure no one else is out on their balconies but it's late and dark and no one is out. I pull my tank top over my head and watch Nate's eyes darken. I undress in front of him and then start pulling his clothes off him before sitting back on his lap with the blanket somewhat over our hips.

"Let me take care of you."  I breathe out and drop my body down on him slowly watching his head fall back against the couch and groan. "Does this feel good?"

Nate opens his eyes and nods, unable to currently form words.  I move slow to tease him but it's teasing me too, so I pick up my pace on his lap until common sense kicks in.

"Wait." I pull him out. "We should go inside. What if someone sees us? That's all you need."

"Ok..." Nate agrees and we head inside.

This is my moment. I can wear my new lingerie tonight. Nate could use a little stress relief, and I could use a little.... Nate.

"Take all your clothes off and lay on the bed." I demand and surprise myself a little. This is so out of character for me... But I know Nate isn't the type of guy who minds being bossed around in the bedroom. As requested, he takes his clothes off for me and lays on the bed.

"Okkkkk." Nate gives me a little look, unsure what I'm up to. I hurry to the closet and get changed into what I bought this morning.

"I bought this while shopping this morning." I walk out wearing my new lingerie. A red coreset with matching garter belt and black thigh highs attached. I look hot and know it, and this is going to be so much fun. I have a few tricks up my sleeve I want to try. I've NEVER done any of this before and don't want to look like a dope either, knowing Nate has MUCH more experience than I do.

"You bought this while you were with JONAH and CASEY??"

"Relax. They were in there too. I paid before they did so no one saw the other person's purchase."

While he's chatting away nervously, I take this moment to grab his wrist and tie it to one of the brass bars of the bed's headboard with this silk piece of fabric. The restraints came with the outfit and are perfect for tonight.

 I spend the next hour teasing Nate, making him beg for more.  Making him forget about Julia Moretti.  And after we have sex, Nate collapses on top of me. He pulls the blankets over our bodies while still inside me and right as we start to fall asleep, I whisper in his ear.

"We fit perfectly, just like this. We're so good together, Nate. We could be good together." 

He knows we are so good together. And tonight, he's gonna fall asleep thinking of me and only me.

******

*James*

"This is never going to end, is it?" I hold on to Ashley's phone while Paul updates me on Julia. They had to sedate her again. Like really sedate her. An injection right into her muscle. All because of Jeremy Donovan. None of this would be happening if he was in prison. Julia could go to the Avalon and focus on her health without fear. But no, the asshole walks around and going near Julia any chance he can get. And Julia is the one to pay for it. Now she's gonna have to start all over again. Poor Julia.

I hand my phone to my sister when the call is over.

"Can we just go back to my house now?"  I was supposed to head back to my mom's for the day but now I just want to be alone. Yet I can't be left alone, can I? I turn to the backseat and pet Maggie's head a little. She's sitting up, sensing my stress.

"You can't let this stuff stress you out, Jamie. This whole thing with Julia."

Here we go.

"Please Ash." I turn to my sister now and she sees my tear-filled eyes. "Can you please just take me home." My voice cracks and Ashley nods when she sees my emotion. The rest of the car ride is quiet and when we get home, I head right to the back yard with my dog following me. Ashley starts making calls to update my family and to see who can stay with me in my house tonight. I really don't want to go to mom's and try to fake it. I really just want to be home so I can process all this.

I lay down on the grass just like I would in Griffith Park and let the sun hit my face. Maggie rests her head on my stomach, and I begin to cry. I think of all the times me and Julia have spent doing this exact thing right here. How calm she was whenever we would just lie on the grass together. I just want my best friend back. I just want her to overcome all this and come back to me so we can lay in the grass and feel the sun on our faces. I miss her so damn much it physically hurts.

I cry and I pray for Julia. 

This vicious cycle has to end for her.