*James*

From the moment we get off the tour bus it's complete chaos. Both Casey and I slept a good amount of the road trip which was much needed. Then she helped me with my meals, played with the dog for a while, watched movies. Small talk. Nothing serious. It was a very relaxing trip, and I think we both needed that. God knows little Maggie here needed it. Poor pup. Being around Julia is anything but relaxing for her. I don't say that in a bad way. It's just the way it is right now.

I do miss the old Julia. The Julia who would sit with me for hours behind the desk in the Marriott hotel. Talking away...or not talking. We didn't need to talk. We could just be. And that was ok with her. She'd laugh at my jokes. She used to laugh a lot. Julia has a great laugh. Our trips to Griffith Park. Little things I took for granted. Then everything got complicated. Nate was thrown into the mix. Julia's past came back to haunt her. Her addiction became real. Jeremy came into the picture. Everything has been one disastrous event after another.

I can only imagine what Paul is going through right now as Julia begins her detox.

But she never began her detox, did she?

Casey is pissed at Jonah. Big time pissed. But she's a mini-Julia and to be honest, telling Casey wouldn't change anything. By the time Paul looked at his text messages the damage was done.   Jonah did the right thing by keeping us in the dark. There was nothing we could do while on the road. We had no idea what was happening, nor did we know the other tour bus had ever stopped. Our bus driver was told to keep going to the destination.

We were told what happened once Nate knew we were in Berlin and at our destination. By that time, a rescue had already met up with Julia's bus and took her to the nearest emergency room. By that time Nate, Jonah and Trisha were already at the hospital.

When Casey and I got out of the tour bus and took the dog for a walk around the venue, we had no idea what was going on the next town over.

Casey's phone rings and slows down our walking for a second to pull it out of her pocket.

"Heyy. We made it. Where are you guys now?  I thought you'd be here at the venue." Casey stops dead in her tracks. "WHAT?!!!"

All the color drains from Casey's face as she listens to the conversation. Then she turns to look at me. I just knew. It's something with Julia.

******

*Trisha*

By the time Paul looked at his phone the damage was done. He had the bus driver pull over and called rescue. We were already at the Arena getting ready for Nate's concert. His concert that starts in two hours.

When we found out, Nate officially wanted me dead. He didn't say two words to me the whole ride to the emergency room. He didn't say two words to Jonah either. His driver put the hazard lights on, and we went fast...too fast...per Nate's demand.... to get to the hospital.

Before Jonah and I can get out of the SUV Nate has already booked it into the hospital. Not caring about who he is or security. Only caring about Julia. And it's all my fault.

"Cmon. Let's go get more info." Jonah grabs my hand and helps me out of the SUV. I'm clearly distraught, there's no denying that. But Jonah is keeping it together for me.

"Right this way." The nurse escorts us to where Julia is while filling Jonah in. The look on his face is something I will never forget. He knows the terms. He knows the protocol and procedures.  I don't and am left in the dark. But when we get to Julia's room...  just the sight of her brings both me AND Jonah to tears now. She's asleep but she's restrained. Paul is sitting next to her exhausted and on the verge of tears. Nate is standing in the door in shock.

"We need more security." I hear someone say in passing.

"I'm so sorry." It's the only thing I know how to say.

"Leave Trisha." I don't even recognize the voice that came out of Nate, and it startles me. Paul lifts his head and furrows his brows at him.

"Nate..." I try again but he spins around to look me dead in the eyes.

"Find something to do." He growls and I nod frantically ready to burst into a sobbing mess. Paul stands up now and brushes past Nate in anger, taking me into another room.

"I didn't mean for this to happen!" I wail into my hands once Paul closes the door to a small vacant waiting room. 

"Nobody did. This is NOT your fault. Don't listen to Hollan." Paul grabs me hard and holds me tight. I have a feeling whatever happened was traumatizing for them both. I have no idea what happened other than she got into my purse and got ahold of my pills.

The bodyguard lets me cry in his arms for a while. Nate doesn't leave Julia's room.  I spend an hour fixing everything for the night. Talking to Leslie, Elliott, getting more bodyguards situated here. I'm exhausted and I should be. This is most definitely all my fault. I don't care what Paul says.

Once I'm done, Jonah comes in.

"Casey and James are on their way now." He says and looks at me with sympathy. Then..... he tells me what happened. Paul had to leave the room. He couldn't bear to hear it after going through it.

"Oh my GOD!" I cry out, now pacing like Nate would while Jonah fills me in.

"That's why she was in restraints. She had to be awake for it. Even people who are as calm as can be have to be restrained for this procedure. But she was anything but calm, obviously. I wanted you to know the details before James and Casey come here. Casey knows exactly what a Gastric lavage procedure is. It was one of the things we were taught in nursing school and if I recall, we both had to administer it a few times to college kids who came in with alcohol poisoning. But listen. I don't want to go in to detail with James. The stress isn't going to do him any good. Julia is gonna be fine." Jonah continues and I know what he is saying. James doesn't need to know these details of what a stomach pumping procedure entails. It's done. Over with. 

I can't believe this is really happening.

*James*

Casey is downplaying it, but I can tell she is really concerned. She holds on to Maggie's leash tight as I follow her speedwalking to Julia's room.  No one questions us bringing the dog here but both Trisha and Casey have copies of her medical dog certificate so no one will say anything.

The door to Julia's room is closed and the nurse also shows us where the small waiting room is. Casey can't seem to muster up the will to go into Julia's room so she b-lines it to the waiting room where Paul, Trisha and Jonah. apparently, Casey knows exactly what a Gastric lavage procedure is and apparently it isn't pleasant but I'm sure they knocked Julia out, so she probably doesn't remember a thing. It's just Nate and Julia in the room when the nurse opens the door.

Julia is asleep. Nate is sitting next to her crying while holding her hand. Her lips are tinted grey and there is a cup with a straw hanging out of it. The substance inside is something black. What the hell is that?!

 I don't know what to say. I'm in a bit of shock, I think. Seeing her like this... Seeing Nate like this... It's a lot. I sit on the chair next to the bed opposite Nate and then notice the restraints dangling from her bed. I furrow my brows and look over at Nate.

"They have to keep them restraint during the procedure, so they don't pull the tube out." he whispers.

Wait. What?! A horrified look on my face shows Nate I had no idea what stomach pumping really was or the fact that you have to be awake for it.

"So... sh- she was." I stutter, unable to form a complete sentence through my tears. Nate nods, knowing what I'm asking.

"Yeah. She was awake."

I take Julia's hand and rest my forehead on it. I begin to cry. I pray and I cry at the same time. I don't fucking care if Nate is in the room. I cry and hold on to Julia's hand knowing we could have lost her. What the hell was she thinking?! WAS she thinking? Was she trying to kill herself?? No... No, I don't believe that. Julia was trying to get better. She WANTED to get better.

A nurse comes in to do a vital check so I back away and let her do her job. Paul comes into the room right after.

"Trisha, Casey and the dog are heading back to the venue. Trisha will figure out tonight for you but, Nate, you need to reach out to Banks." The bodyguard mumbles. Nate stands and begins to pace the room.

"And tell her what?! She shouldn't leave her fucking pills around, so the drug addict doesn't get them?!?" He snaps. I feel so bad for Trisha. I know how hard Nate can be on her.  And when it involves Julia, Julia comes first. He is very protective of her and thinks Trisha can handle it when he lashes out at her the way he sometimes does. Nate has a temper. And Trisha IS strong. But not THAT strong. This is probably eating her up right now.

"This wasn't her fault. Plenty of people carry medication." Paul sticks up for Trisha and gives me a little nod. I've known the man for years. He's a quiet man who keeps to himself. But when it comes to Julia, something tugs at Paul.  He looks worn down, mentally and physically and I wonder if he bit off more than he can chew with trying to take care of Julia. I also wonder how Nate manages to care for her and doesn't look the least bit worn down from it making me think maybe he had to take care of his sister on his own for a while and is used to this.

While the nurse is writing in her chart Julia starts to wake up. But the second she sits up, she vomits black charcoal all over herself and begins crying.

"I've got her." Nate insists and the nurse steps back. Julia is a whimpering mess after getting sick all over herself. It was pure charcoal, the only thing left in her body, that came up. The nurse said it's a good thing, but Julia wants a shower. Paul and the nurse quickly leave the room so we can care for her.

She's weak and it takes both Nate and myself to hold her up to take her charcoaled clothes off. Julia leans her head down on my chest and cries while Nate gets the shower going.

"Aww sweetie. You're ok." I whisper and hold her. It's devastating seeing Julia this way. It's also heartbreaking to know I can't help Julia in the shower. Sure, I could hold her up, but the room is way too small, and Nate will need room to wash her. I can't hold a fucking bar of soap. Just thinking of how I can never care for Julia brings a hard lump to my throat.  I start crying while holding her and the more upset I get the more my coordination will be off.

"I've got this." Nate whispers to me and takes over. I nod and leave the small bathroom.

That's when I lose all control of my emotions and ball my eyes out. I can hear Julia crying, wailing and throwing up in the shower. The nurse looks at me with sympathy and in a very strong accent tells me she will make me a cup of tea and shows me to the waiting room. I take her offer and join Paul.

*****

*Trisha*

The entire night is a blur. The concert has been postponed. Nate's face is already all over the newds. And Leslie is less than pleased right now. Once I've done my job, I head to Nate's personal dressing room and lock the door. I fucking lose it. I cry so hard and the only thing that interrupts it is a text message. Noah.

[Are you ok??  Nate Hollan is all over the news. Just checking in to make sure you are well.]

He's showing concern for me. He barely knows me. Ok, well he knows me a little now..... but still. That was kind of him to reach out. To even think of me. Lord knows Nate won't be reaching out to check on me anytime soon.

[Thansk for thinking of me. Yes. I'm ok. Just a mess here. Legally I can't say anything but yes, everyone is fine.]

[Oh good. I was worried. Is it that girl Julia? I know she has some......issues] 

Wow.

Ok. He's not concerned about me, is he? He wants know if Julia is ok. Or am I being overly sensitive.  Maybe he is just asking casually. By now I'm sure he is no longer in the dark on our lives. It takes one click of the internet to fill him in on everything.

[She's ok. Thanks for checking in] 

I think Noah can tell I'm being short with him now.

[I've been thinking about you nonstop... since..... you know]

He softens the blow a little and for the first time, I crack a little smile. I wish I could say the same, but we were a little preoccupied.

[what part of me were you thinking of??]

[ALL the parts. But seriously. Just being with you in the coffee shop getting to know you..... I had a really nice time. To be honest, I've been so hung up on my past I haven't put much thought into dating. I really enjoyed my time with you, Trisha.]

Ok, now he's just being sweet. Making me melt inside. All through text messaging.

[Maybe we can facetime each other sometime? I know you are obviously very busy today. I have the news on right now. Trying to drown out my colicky baby nephew.]

[You really do need to move out, ha-ha!]

[Tell me about it.  Working extra hours in hopes to get back on my feet. There are a lot of fires to put out]

I laugh at that thinking of my phrase after we had sex, telling the fireman he put out my fire.

[Let's touch base tomorrow and facetime, ok?]

[Sounds good]

[Have a good night, Fireman Noah] 

I plug in my phone and look around Nate's dressing room. It's all set up and ready for him, but he won't be coming here. He'll most likely stay in the hospital by Julia's side. We have a good crew hired. They not only make sure Nate has all the things he loves, but they also always put together a little "Trisha" basket knowing I am always with Nate. I lean over and grab the basket full of different types of popcorn and junk food in my basket in comparison to the dried fruit, nuts and expensive protein bars in Nate's. I roll my eyes at my crunchy organic best friend and grab a bag of caramel popcorn to feed my face with.

 I should text for an update.

[ Nate what's happening???]

I highly doubt he will get back to me anytime soon. He's furious with me. He has every reason to be. I fucked up.

[sorry I snapped at you.]

Nate replies instantly and I sigh in relief

[You should be!]

I retort sarcastically but then get serious.

[ Nate, I never meant to leave my purse there. I changed quickly in the bathroom that night because my dress was in the tour bus. I would never do this on purpose.]

[ I know. None of this is your fault. What's going on there? Is Leslie fuming?]

I breath out hard. God she is fuming all right. But I think she's out back smoking weed with one of the bandmembers, so she is calm as a cucumber now. Some people are just a different breed of humans. I was and not into any kind of recreational drugs or alcohol. I don't knock those who are. Being part of the Nate Hollan Show is very difficult.

[Sure is. But I can handle her. I had to tell the band the truth though. You're all over the news but Moretti isn't. Not yet. Elliott's trying his best to iron things out but you will have to make up this concert at some point.]

[Well aware]

Nate ends the conversation there and a wave of relief washes over me. He's not furious at me. At least I don't think so.

*******

*James*

Once Julia is showered and back in bed she wants me with her. Nate leaves the hospital room to check on Paul and Jonah.

We lay together in her bed, and I hold her and kiss her cheek. Julia is quiet. Too quiet and I wonder if she's in shock of some sort now from the events of today.

"Babe, what happened?" I ask but it's too soon. Julia shakes her head and buries her face in my chest.  She hasn't said two words since I've been here, and I wonder if her throat hurts or she just shut down. 

The nurse comes in, ready to give Julia her IV since she is so dehydrated, but Julia starts to have one of her episodes. She sits up and pushes the nurse hard and starts yelling at her.

"She just needs to get fluids into you." I say as I climb out of the bed. When Julia gets like this you need to back away. Her adrenaline takes over and she WILL hurt you.

"Get out." Julia glares at me.

"Babe..."

"Get out, GET OUT! GET OUT!" She screams and I inhale sharply and walk out of the room, closing the door behind me and praying for that poor nurse who is assigned to Julia tonight. I stand outside of the door with my arms folded over my chest while hearing her shout at the nurse. Nate comes down the whole with a shitload of bodyguards behind him now and stops when he sees me.

"She doesn't want to see me right now and she's giving the nurse a hard time getting the IV in."  I shake my head. But Nate knows he can handle Julia. He can handle her better than anyone else can. Better than I can. He gives me a nod and pats my shoulder before entering the room. 

Good luck, Pal.

*****