*Trisha*

"The flight from Los Angeles to London is approximately ten and a half hours nonstop." I remind Nate. He's not the least bit nervous about traveling with Julia? Because I sure as hell am. Actually, I think we ALL are. I'm just the one to actually admit it.

"She'll be fine." Nate huffs.

"And if she's not? Nate..."

"Jesus Christ, Trish. That's why I am paying for two nurses to travel with us?! You think Jonah and Casey are tagging along for no reason?" He places both hands on my shoulders and kisses my forehead.

"Stop thinking the worst. This is my world tour. You know.... what we've been planning for well over two years?! Can you just shut your brain off and help me pack already?"

Fine. I give up. I'm wiping my hands clean. I want no involvement when it comes to Julia. If she has some crazy bipolar episode, Nate can deal with it. I don't mean to sound rude or insensitive. I actually like Julia. But not as Nate's fiancé. She's stressful. His heart can't handle it.

Nate thinks I'm in the dark but I'm not. I know about his last few doctor appointments. I'm his Next Of Kin. Cara can't handle that type of responsibility. She's young and has her own issues. So I have access to all of Nate's medical files, appointment notes, everything.  I also see the way he holds his chest every once in a while from the sharp pain.

I've spent many nights with tears in my eyes reading the doctor's notes in the online portal.

Coronary Heart Disease-(CHD)- The most common type of heart disease. Damaged or disease in the heart's major blood vessels. Narrowed, limited blood flow to the heart, that kills approximately 375,467 people annually. Every 40 seconds someone in the U.S has a heart attack.

If a close family member has had heart disease at a younger than average age, you are at greater risk. Nate's father had one heart attack. One. It killed him at age 42.

If you have had a history of excessive alcohol consumption- Nate is a recovering addict who practically burned through his intestines and needed major GI surgery because of his drinking.

High blood pressure and stress increases the risk. Guess what? Nate's job? Julia and all her fucking issues? Cara? They all cause more stress than the average person is meant to handle.

There is no cure.

No cure.

On top of that news, they found another abnormality. The cardiologist wrote down in his notes that Nate has an arrhythmia. A malfunction of the heart's electrical system.

Apparently, it's possible the arrhythmia developed after the heart attack. In bold letters on the bottom read:

" Symptoms closely monitored. Pacemaker to be surgically implanted if further complications arise."

Why won't Nate confide in me about this? I'm his best friend. We tell each other everything. More prescriptions were added to Nate's chart that he has also yet to tell me about. I know he is trying to protect everyone from the added stress but it's not working. Not when I can read the appointment notes and charts like this. 

"Jonah has all your heart meds, right?" I ask.

"Yes, and my heart will be just fine. I'm not gonna have another heart attack. I've been sober for two months." 

"Nate. Sweetie. You can't blame me for being worried about all this. We are bringing a lot of people along. Nevermind the entire road crew, but now extra bodyguards, nurses, best friends and a fucking dog."

"Keep Maggie outta this. I actually like having that furr-ball around, ok?" Oh, grab Nate's Claritin for his allergies. I write that down in my notes as well while we prep. "And you even said yourself, she makes a great therapy dog." James's Golden Retriever is not an issue. I know that. Plenty of artist bring their pets on tour with them. 

"Seriously. Everything is gonna be just fine. Be excited. We're going to London in less than a week! I'm going to be up on stage at my sold-out concert. Wembley Arena!" He nudges me and I fake him a smile. Apparently Nate isn't gonna come clean and fess up to his latest heart health news. So I play the game even though inside my own heart breaks for him.

*****

*James*

"What's the matter?" I study Julia's face when she comes out on to the balcony. She sits down next to me and puts her phone in my hand.

Susan Hardy is at it again.  She really needs to find another hobby because her current one is killing Julia. The things Hardy comes up with. The fact is, the things she comes up with are true. Real solid facts. First announcing Nate and Julia's engagement. Then bashing the engagement saying two months into the tour they will call it off. Then writing about Julia's mental health. Her instability. How she will cope with life on the road. These are the things everyone under this roof worry about. What may happen if Julia has a manic episode while on the road. How will we be able to help her? Obviously we can't bring her to an emergency room when we have flights hours later. 

All I can do is give my worries to God and wrap my arms around Julia to comfort her. Words will only fall flat. Eventually, Nate comes out to the balcony and takes over. But Julia came to me first. That's what matters. She looked for her best friend before her fiancé.

 I like Nate, don't get me wrong. He's a decent man. He takes care of all of us and has a big heart. But he's gotta notice the disconnect they've always had when it comes to this stuff.

"There she is. Why are you crying, doll?" Nate pulls Julia up into his arms

"Didn't you read the shit Susan Hardy wrote about me? How I'm mentally unstable and will be too much for you to handle while on tour? She said she gives it two months before the engagement is called off. And did you see some of the comments under her article?" Julia cries.

"That's just Susan being Susan. You know that, love. Don't let her get to you. And don't even read the comments from haters. Hardy probably paid her minions to write that trash."

"What if she's right? What if I have a manic episode while we're away? What if-"

"Jules. If you have an episode, you have an episode. That's why we have Jonah and Casey. And Paul, if need be." He teases but the reality is, Paul has had to step in to control Julia before. 

"And you have all of us as your support system. Right?" Nate looks to me for help.

"Right. Try not to even think about it, Julia. Let's just go and have fun... on Nate's dime." I joke to lighten the mood up a little.

"One hundred and twelve million dollars, my friend. I think it'll be ok."

Yeah yeah yeah.

"C'mon, darlin. It's getting late." Nate walks Julia inside for the night to calm her down.

Trisha takes Julia's place and sits next to me on the patio couch. She's in per pink plaid pajama bottoms and a pink matching T-shirt. Her hair is thrown up in a messy bun and she has no make-up on. I like Trisha when she looks natural like this. She dresses up for her job daily but I wonder if she will continue to dress up on tour or let loose.

"She's already struggling isn't she?"  Trisha asks.

"She could never handle the media attention." I say softly. "I worry about her."

"I know you do, James." Trisha sighs. She gets it. She gets me and where I'm coming from. All of it is out of our hands though. This is between Julia and Nate now. All we can do is be there for them as friends to support them when they need us. We are just the best friends now. Nothing more. I know Trisha has a thing for Nate. She always has. She is in the same boat I am in and as much as she will deny it, I know the truth.

So me and Trish kinda stick together knowing our roles are the same even though we want more.

"How are YOU doing?" I cock a brow and look over at the blonde sitting next to me.

"Me? I'm fine. Why??"

"Trisha.. My dog only follows the people who need her attention. She senses when people are stressed or going through shit. Maggie has been by your feet constantly the last few days. What's going on?" I look down at my dog who hears her name and jumps right up on Trisha and lays across us both, wanting attention now.

"You're dog is delusional. Sorry Mags. You're kinda crazy though. I've seen you chase your own tail ."

"Trisha...."

There a long silence where she says nothing. Like the words just won't come out.

"Have you noticed anything different about Nate lately?"

*****

*Trisha*

I tell James what I know about Nate's health. I tell him everything, venting it all out while Nate is inside with Julia doing God knows what.

"This sounds really serious. Did the physician ok him to travel like planned?" 

"Only because he has two nurses going with him. I don't know, James, he is keeping this from me. He doesn't usually keep things from me. Not like this. Which means it's a big deal. It means Nate is worried about it but doesn't want me to worry about it. And.." I end up breaking down covering my face with my hands for a moment before regrouping. "All I can think about is what if one morning he just....doesn't wake up?" I cry. I don't cry often. But this is big. This is something that has been weighing on me for a few days now.

James comfort me. He's good at that. He doesn't try to fix anything or use words to make you feel better when words will do nothing. He wraps his arms around me and holds me. He lets me cry and doesn't judge me for it.

"I'm sorry. This isn't your problem." I try to pull myself together a little. I stand up but James stands up as well. His body close to mine.

"Hey, you know you can always talk to me, right? About anything. We're friends. That's what friends do." James looks down at me and smiles. It's the kind of smile that makes you melt. It's the kind of smile that has me staring at his lips longer than I should be.

"Aww, sweetie. Everything will be fine." 

James wipes my tears away from my cheeks but then... we both feel it. He keeps his hands on the sides of my face with his eyes looking at my lips, leaning his body against mine. My stomach ties in a knot.

We have been here before. So many times now. Where we are so close to each other. When it feels like everything is in slow motion. Our mouths are inches apart, and all I can think about now is what it feels like to kiss James. We've kissed before. It seems like a long time ago though and now...The urge to kiss him is overpowering. James leans his forehead on mine and we both close our eyes.

"I should go in." James whispers with his eyes still closed. I rest my hands on the nape of his neck, threading my fingers through his hair.

"Yeah." I breathe out. This is something we constantly do as well. Test ourselves to see how far we can go before giving in to each other. Each time, doing a little more.

"I really should go in." His lips brush up against mine just barely as he says the words. I feel James's  move his lips close to my ear and my pulse picks up in pace. "Trish." James says against my ear and then his lips brush against my neck. I let out  breath I apparently was holding and pull his head in closer. He kisses my neck softly and my entire body tingles. This is a step further than last time.

 I tilt my head to the side and pull his hair a little. James lets out a slight groan against my neck and he presses his body against mine.

"I can't back away." He admits and I pull him in more. I can feel him hard against my stomach, right through his grey sweatpants.

"So don't back away." I open my eyes a little when his lips stop moving. James lifts his head slightly like he's resisting the force of a magnet. Like it's hard for him to back up. His lips barely touching my skin. Then he drops his forehead on my shoulder and breathes out. I tangle my hands in his hair and nod. I understand. 

"It's so frustrating, isn't it?" I whisper close to his ear, still feeling his heart pounding against me.

James lifts his head and his eyes dart from my eyes to my lips and back again.

"What is?" He asks and I can feel his warm breath hit my mouth.

"Being in love with people we can't have." I swallow hard admitting  it out loud.

We are both in love with people we can't have. Our hearts will always be with Nate and Julia  even when lust takes over our bodies.

James nods. "Especially when those people are with each other." He catches on quick, though I think maybe he is like Paul, and was already questioning if I had a thing for Nate.

I brush my lips against his but then drop my hands.

"You're right. We should go in." I nod and walk inside. Leaving James frozen out on the balcony. We were so close to kissing. I can still feel the prickly heat on my neck from where his lips were and it travels right down to my core.

We pushed a little further than I'm used to and I'm feeling it now.

*****