The worst day by far was when Gerard's school called home, informing his father that he had been caught skipping class, and not only that, but kissing a boy as well - which he had been.

The cute new kid in his study hall period named Ryan had managed to convince Gerard to bunk off with him, and Gerard was so short on friends that he didn't think twice before sneaking out, not wanting Ryan to instantly assume that Gerard wasn't worth his time.

Gerard was pretty sure he was gay by this point, not that he had ever been given the chance to explore his sexuality before, but he had always found boys prettier than girls.

He leapt at the chance to spend time with Ryan, because he was gorgeous, and even if he wasn't interested in men, Gerard couldn't deny his initial attraction to him, so just being noticed by him had Gerard's stomach churning with what he could only describe as butterflies.

Ryan hadn't been at their school long enough to learn to avoid Gerard like everyone else had, and even though he would most likely figure it out sooner or later, maybe Gerard could manage to make a good enough first impression that he would stick around, or maybe not, but Gerard didn't want to think about the future right now, so he chose to live in the present.

Ryan immediately grabbed Gerard's hand once they had exited the classroom, dragging him outside into the abandoned courtyard, his small giggles breaking up the sound of their footsteps as they sprinted toward their temporary freedom.

They ensconced themselves behind a nearby wall, hiding their bodies from any prying teachers that might be lurking about, gazing around nervously to make sure that their impromptu escape hadn't caught the attention of someone in a position of authority.

"Thanks for coming with me," Ryan grinned, digging in his bag for a pack of cigarettes, handing one to Gerard who eyed it suspiciously before taking it gingerly.

"No problem," Gerard mumbled, his eyes gazing down at his scuffed up shoes as Ryan's knees brushed against his own.

"No - seriously, it was really sweet of you," Ryan insisted, holding up his lighter to the end of Gerard's cigarette, a bubbly laugh emitting from his chest as Gerard hacked painfully once he inhaled the acrid smoke. "I knew you seemed like the kind of person who would skip class with me, and I really need the company right now."

And even though Gerard wasn't sure what had led Ryan to this assumption, because he didn't think he looked like a rule breaker, he simply hummed in affirmation, letting Ryan do all of the talking as he tried not to cough too loudly while sucking on his first cigarette idly.

Ryan went on to explain how much he hated it here, and how unfair he thought it was that his mother had forced him to move just because she had divorced his father. She had made him leave everyone he knew behind, including his boyfriend Brendon, who had broken up with Ryan on their last day together, claiming that long distance relationships never worked, although he still loved Ryan supposedly.

Gerard listened intently throughout Ryan's tirade, feeling a kinship to the boy who seemed just as unhappy as he was, even though it was for different reasons, but still - Gerard could relate to Ryan.

He shared his anger, his hopelessness, his misery, but he didn't know how to convey that in words, so he found himself shyly grasping Ryan's hand instead, linking their fingers when Ryan smiled down at him in appreciation.

Gerard hadn't planned on kissing Ryan that day, or ever actually. It was obvious that he was still caught up on Brendon, but when the topic somehow turned to Gerard, leading Ryan to discover that Gerard had never been in a relationship, or even been kissed for that matter, Ryan suggested that he help Gerard out with the second problem at least, slating their mouths together when Gerard gave him a slow nod in return, his warm lips pressing against Gerard's as he melted into the intimate act.

For a first kiss, Gerard was pleasantly surprised. Ryan really knew what he was doing, and Gerard loved the way he tasted, the way he ran his tongue over Gerard's chapped lips, the way his long fingered hands came up to tangle in Gerard's hair when he whimpered softly.

But of course, a teacher had to walk around the corner they had secreted themselves in just then, her startled exclamation pulling the two boys apart a few seconds too late to save themselves from her wrath.

They had both been giving detention for skipping, as well as their public display of affection, but the call home was what Gerard was dreading the most.

He knew he should have avoided his father entirely that night, even if it meant sleeping on a park bench or something drastic like that, but Gerard didn't, only because he had no idea how bad his punishment was truly going to be.

Gerard's father was waiting for him in the living room, an almost empty bottle of Jack Daniel's balanced on his thighs, his bloodshot eyes stopping Gerard in his tracks when they landed on him. Gerard's soft whimper of fear only seemed to exacerbate his father's anger to a dangerous level.

"So you like boys do you?" his father asked, the calmness to his tone scaring Gerard more than anything else could, even yelling would be better than this.

"I - uh..." Gerard stammered out, tears clogging his throat as he tried to think of something to say to get himself out of this mess, but as usual, his mind instantly went blank.

"Shut up," his father snapped, slamming his hand down on the nearby coffee table with a surprisingly loud bang. "So it wasn't enough for you to be a fuck up in everything else, you just had to want it up the ass too."

"I'm sorry..." Gerard apologized, a hot spike of pain erupting across his face when his father backhanded him suddenly, the blow almost knocking him to the floor with the force of it.

"Oh you are now?" his father sneered, the dark shine in his irises inspiring Gerard to shuffle backward as quickly as he could, but that was obviously the wrong thing to do.

His father quickly snagged him by his shirt, throwing him to the floor roughly before straddling his back, keeping Gerard pinned down as he cried out in pain.

"Please stop," Gerard begged, his eyes welling over when his father yanked his arm backward, pulling so hard that Gerard felt his shoulder pop out of the socket.

"I bet you don't say that to whoever you are fucking, I bet you love it when they are rough with you," his father hissed, tugging harder on Gerard's damaged limb, releasing a tortured scream from him in the process.

"No - it was just a kiss, I'll never do it again...I promise," Gerard heaved out, his lungs burning as his vision began to spark at the edges.

"Whatever - go ruin your own life, I don't give a shit," his father huffed, finally releasing Gerard with one last twist of his injured arm.

He stormed off into the kitchen soon after, presumably in search of more liquor, leaving Gerard alone with nothing but his loud sobs for company as he muffled his face against the scratchy carpet in the hopes of escaping any more negative attention.

Gerard eventually made his way back up to his room once his father had returned to his prone body, sharply forcing his socket back into the joint so Gerard wouldn't have to go to the hospital, but even after everything was in the right place once more, Gerard still couldn't stop crying, the burning agony in his arm was secondary only to the ache in his heart.

Gerard never talked to Ryan again after that day, even though a part of him wanted to, but he couldn't look at the boy without being reminded of what his father had done to him, and although the injured looks Ryan shot him out of the corner of his eye in study hall caused Gerard's breath to catch painfully in his chest, the guilt was nothing compared to what his father would do to him if he allowed himself to get close to Ryan, and eventually, Ryan gave up on him, finding new friends just like Gerard knew he would.

Gerard refused to get close to anyone from then on, pushing away the rare classmate that actually wanted to talk to him, only speaking when he had to during group projects and such.

A few people didn't allow that to stop them, namely a student in nearly all of his classes named Pete who didn't seem to be able to take a hint to save his life. He presumably had latched onto Gerard without his permission because they had both been deemed misfits thanks to their appearances and oddities.

Still, Gerard kept him at arm's length, and he managed to remain mostly aloof for the remainder of his high school years.

* * *

This chapter still hurts me.

It will get better for Gerard though I promise.

Thank you all so much for the 100 reads on this story.

Chapter dedicated to soulpunkpatrick

((((good vibes))))

- starr