Chapter 7: Struggling Not to Lose the End of the Thread

~Find Yourself In A Song~
~ [Barbie Rock 'n' Royals]~

"Don't need to follow in
Somebody else's steps
We make our own rules
I think you know the rest

Just look around now
Look what you got now

Find yourself in the song
Bring up the beat and the melody, melody
Find yourself in the song
When we're together it's meant to be"

*aggressive puffing and stretching* you can write this chapter!

P. s. isn't the picture of Cole The Food beautiful?

WARNING: most likely will have some typos. I'm editing in a tight time frame at the moment, please don't judge.

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It takes a good bit for Cole and I to get in contact with one another. It seems I wasn't the only one afraid of making the first move. But after Mackenzie seizes my device and texted: hey hot stuff, conversation on how I was going to destroy all her favourite hats moved smoothly.

Eventually we picked a date and a location. I couldn't do my apartment. Mom was working and it wasn't appropriate for me to be home alone with a straight teenage boy.

"Mom?" I glanced around as I pulled my heavy coat out of the closet. It was starting to get cooler out and I was mourning the loss of the warm breeze of summer. I glanced back at where she was on the couch, rapidly typing and speaking in fast angry French into her phone.

I gently squeezed her shoulder. "Mom, I'm going to do a project with a guy in my class."

If this had been before...before everything changed she would've spun around, slammed the phone down, and demanded every single detail about this kid. Name, grades, family life, all that stuff. Especially if it was a teenage boy. It's a stereotype, I know, but in my defence some dudes can be pretty shifty. I know girls can be too but in mom's eyes it was usually the boys.

Now she just nodded distractedly and continued aggressively scrolling on her laptop. All I saw were price tags, numbers, and other important stuff. I felt saddened, a little niggling feeling of disappointment in the pit of my stomach but I shoved it away.

I'm so proud of my mother. She's a strong businesswomen in a world of sexism. She works hard everyday, promoting strong woman, feminism, and trying to make our world better. I know it's important. The world needs people like her.

But as I closed the door and slung my purse over my shoulder I couldn't help the fleeting thought in my mind.

I need her too.

*****

People talk about hating the subway.

And I get it.

It's pretty stinky, it's very crowded, there's a lot of suspicious people on there, and is a great place to get pickpocketed.

But I've been in Ninjago City my whole entire life. And through that whole lifetime I've always loved the subway.

Mackenzie calls me weird for it.
She hates the subway. She loathes it with passion. So much passion that she used the word loath.

"The humidity makes my hair frizz even more than it already is." She complains all the time to me. Usually pressing down on her newest hat choice.

My fingers curl against the cold metal rails, I stand amongst a crowd of strangers, the train lurches but I automatically absorb the movement. It begins to speed up, moving after and after until the walls outside the window blur. I can't help the small smile that graces my face as I gaze around. A university student at NCU is on his phone, backpack bearing the logo by his feet. A dad is attempting to wrangle two kids while talking to what I assume is his partner on the phone... wait no it's his mother. An old lady it perched in a seat, eyes focused on a sudoku in her lap.

And they're all strangers. None of them pay me any mind. And for once it doesn't bother me. They're all invisible people. We're all the same. Everyone will be the Forgotten Girl on the subway.

The subway slows to a stop, a line-up waiting to get in. People stand before the train stops moving and as soon as the doors open there's a war of shoving.

Time for the game of Who Can Make It Through the Doors of the Stinky Train First?

I wait a moment, letting the first wave go as I walk past the old lady. Her tongue was sticking out of the side of her mouth as she ponders the next answer.

I press the pad of my finger into an empty square. "That one is nine." I say softly. She looks up, a brilliant smile on her face.

My heart warms and I give her the typical well wishes and good byes before I get off and make my way to the location. I glanced at my phone as I made my way down the street. It was a quieter road of Ninjago City, with older style buildings. Y'know, more sloping shapes instead of boxed, less blacks, greys, and whites, more brick and texture, and less metal.

When I finally found myself standing in front of the door, I wasn't sure what to do. I could practically hear Mackenzie's voice in my head:

"Just ring the doorbell, dork." She teased.

My finger was poised to press the button. Just as I went to jab it the door swung open. I stared dumbly as an adult man smiled down at me.

I wasn't sure what I was expecting when I envisioned Cole's dad... perhaps more of a bro kind of father. But he definitely didn't have the vibes of a "bro." He wore a beige suit, a crisp collared white shirt tucked underneath, and a red bow tie. His hair was dark like Cole's gelled back so it was perfectly straight. He had the same skin tone as his son and I could see little sparks of the boy in his face. But he had a different aura, I can't quite explain it but it was very...very strange.

"You must be Siena!" Mr. Brookstone greeted me happily, I jerked when he suddenly gave me hug.

Ho-kay. He's the stranger-hugging kind of dude I guess.

He pulled away, taking my hand and leading me inside. "I was so happy when Cole said he invited a music friend over." Mr. Brookstone told me, eyes looking me up and down.

I nervously yanked a piece of hair from my ponytail. Swallowing and observing the house.

The walls were a beige, a light tan colour. Ugly green wallpaper was pasted onto a few of the walls. The floors a dark wood, shiny with little dents and scratches from use, pictures hung all over the wall, each in little frames nailed onto the wall. I smiled an adorable image of little Cole, his eyes wide with that guilty expression kids' wear when they're caught. His hand was elbow deep in a chocolate cake.

I slowed as Mr. Brookstone rambled on, trying to look at every single frame. There was a picture of Cole dancing with his dad, riding bikes, eating- lots and lots of eating. I paused when I found a much older picture. The quality was older, focus off and grainy, but I could see a beautiful woman, holding a little baby as she smiled at the camera.

That smile.

It was Cole's smile.

"DAD!" There was a slam as Cole stumbled over the 'old man shoes' in the hall in attempt to stop his father from saying too much. "Let her come in the house!"

Mr. Brookstone sniffed and I almost laughed at the similarities in their peeved expressions. Except Cole was wearing ripped jeans, tennis shoes, and a band t-shirt inside out and backwards. Mr. Brookstone noticed it to, gesturing at the tag with an unimpressed eyebrow.

Cole started, cheeks turning scarlet and he turned around quickly, already yanking off the shirt before he ducked into a room.

"Typical teenage boy." Mr. Brookstone tsked, sifting me down onto the brown leather couch. "Now, tell me all about your music." He scooched closer, eyes waiting expectantly.

I suddenly felt very pressured. I glanced back at where Cole disappeared.

Please come back.

Please.

"Um... well, Mr. Brookstone, I play piano." I said carefully.

"Call me Lou." He cut in quickly. "It's my name." He added, in case I didn't know.

"Y-yes. Er- Lou." His grin spread wider, his moustache twitching with the movement. "I also am a guitarist. Uh... I-i do some singing."

"Really?" He burst out. I jumped. "That is magnificent! Care to sing for me?"

Oh dear.

Panic.

"Actually we have to work on our school thing, Dad." Oh thank first spinjitzu master. I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding as I stood.

"Maybe some other time." I said politely as Cole tried to rush me away as soon as possible.

More like never. Nope. Nope, nope, nope.

Lou's dazzling beam made me feel a stab of guilt. "I look forward to it."

Crap.

I struggled to formulate words, back peddling fast as I jabbered out indistinguishable protests as Cole steered me away and into a room.

Cole left the door half-open but as he turned around he paled. Hands grabbing the various junk around his room and stuffing them in open drawers and under his bed. It was what you would expect in a teenage boys bedroom. The bed wasn't made, shoes on the floor, a sock on the light fixture, band posters covering the walls. I smiled at a few bare polaroids of his friends, they all looks happy as they did various things like torture Jay and swim in pools.

My brow furrowed when I caught sight of something in the background of Cole and Kai's selfie. They were lazing around in Cole's room, maybe it was even messier than it is now. But there was an item in the corner...Something black... Is that-

Cole snatched them up, laughing nervously as he crammed them hazardously in his side table. "Some of those-" he coughed. "Some of those are weird."

They weren't that weird but then again I haven't looked at them all.

I could see what looked like rock climbing harnesses hanging out of his closet, opposite of it was his guitar propped up against the dresser covered in video games.

Cole flopped on his bed, hand blindly grabbing at the notebook he had at the base. "I tried writing songs but they all come out stupid." He grumbles, sitting up. His already messy hair was sticking out even more from laying down. I fought back a snort as I sat down in his beanbag, brushing crumbs off its seat.

"I don't know how you do it." Cole flicked through the pages before showing the messy scrawls and blots. "I literally did three lines on vegetables and it's basically just the same thing over and over again."

I snickered, lowering the notebook from my face. "Music is about more than rhyming a few words and placing a melody to it."

Cole sighed, pouting a little. A traitorous part of my brain was taking about how adorable that was. "I know that... I just... can't seem to make anything meaningful."

"Well, do you have a topic? Something that gets your creative juices flowing?" I smiled whimsically, as I thought about writing a song. "Something that you really care about?"

Cole chewed on his bottom lip, there was something in his eyes I couldn't read. He stood, moving slowly and picking up his guitar. He stared at it.

There was something in his eyes. The mood change was so drastic. His slumped shoulders, downturns lips, shaking hands....

"This guitar..." he said at last. "It's..."

His tone was slow, slightly breaking, a heaviness to it that made my heart break. "It was my Mom's."

Oh.

It was a well known fact that Cole's Mom passed away. I heard it in passing and I remember the heavy feeling in my soul. I remember thinking about how devastating it would be if Mom passed away. Where would I go? Would I just be lost in the world?

Cole sat down on the bed again, this time much closer to me as I kept my gaze on him. His own eyes were glued to the instrument. "It was an anniversary present from my Dad, shortly after they married." Cole smiled, a gentle smile. A kind smile. A loving smile. "She used to play it to me before I went to sleep when I was little."

Now in the movies the person listening to this always is so natural, but in real life it's slightly more awkward. But I pushed through that wall of awkwardness and skimmed my finger along its neck, tracing over the initials.

L. B.

"Lilly Brookstone." Cole told me. He gripped the guitar. "Maybe that's why I held on to music. Because I wanted to do it for her. Also for my dad... but I wanted to play on her guitar. Hear the notes again. I want... I want..." I let him breath before he started again.

"I want to write a song for my Mom." He whispered.

It was silent for a moment. I wasn't sure what to do. But something guided me, my hands grasped the guitar. "May I?"

He paused for a moment. Before swallowing and released his grip. I took it before moving onto his bed, raising my leg so that I could play comfortably.

My nail caught the strings, my hands pressing down, the metal digging into my strings as I began to play.

"We can't control what we loose. Loss is just life's daily does. We can't control how much it hurts. We can only stop it from getting worse. And I know it will never be the same without them ever again. I know it is hard, it's part of being human." I could feel Cole's eyes on me, I couldn't quite tell what he was thinking but continued anyway. "But I know that their spirits walk with us. And I know that their love is still there, it must. Because who would stop loving you. Who would ever stop doing what they'd always do. Even when their heart stops beating, even when their soul is bleeding..."

I paused, stretching out the beat before my strumming began to quicken. "Love is forever, no matter if you think it ends. Love brings us together, every family and friend. And I know it feels like that rope was cut loose. But love isn't lost if you choose."

Music is magical, it invokes emotions, the words get to your heart, and the sound tells all the lyrics can't. I've never really seen the magic as much as I did at this moment.

"Waiting alone waiting for them to come back. Waiting alone feeling like a potato in a sack. Feeling alone like you're soul is empty and black, but life's waiting for you to crack. So don't let yourself crack." I closed my eyes, extending the last note before launching back into the chorus.

"Love is forever, no matter if you think it ends. Love brings us together, every family and friend. And I know it feels like that rope was cut loose. But love isn't lost if you choose." My fingers worked the frets, I hummed alone as I speedily plucked the notes.

"Keep your chin up. They always say. Don't ever give up, don't let it darken your day. But some days you just need a moment for yourself. Some days all the smiles won't help. They leave an empty place in our heart. They leave something even when they part." The strums were slower now, going in between each line. "But I'll do anything to make my loved ones proud. So let's sing this glorious song out loud."

"Love is forever, no matter if you think it ends." My brow furrowed when suddenly a male voice joined in." Love brings us together, every family and friend."

Cole was singing! His voice wasn't bad, a little rough around the edges but I couldn't help but smile as I harmonized along. Our tones swirling together, musical and beautiful and bright.

"And I know it feels like that rope was cut loose. But love isn't lost if you choose"

"Love isn't lost if you choose." I riffed off of the last word. My eyes meeting Cole's, a small smile on his face as he breathed out the line again.

"Love isn't lost if you choose." He echoed.

"Love isn't lost if you choose." Our voices seemed perfect together. There was something about how they mixed so beautifully, I was suddenly aware of how close we were, face to face, nose to nose. I quickly pulled back, clearing my throat awkwardly and handing the guitar to him.

"Did... did you lose someone too?" Cole breathed.

I gave a sad smile. "My grandfather. I wasn't that close with him but..." I hesitated.

Did I really want to pour this all out to a boy at my school? Usually I wouldn't want to. I wouldn't even think of doing it. But there something about those eyes. The vulnerability. He didn't have an ounce of judgement in those eyes. I could see the slight tears that he shed during the song. It was okay to open up. I could do it. I could open my heart to Cole.

"It was particularly hard because it was right after my mom...mom and my dad divorced." I winced. "It...it wasn't a good divorce. It left us all scarred. I remember feeling so useless. I felt like I couldn't do anything to make my mom feel better."

I played with the music charm on my necklace, it was quiet. Quiet and awkward. It was hard to get this out. It wasn't exactly something I talked to just anybody about.

"But... I remembered how much she loved it when I would play." I laughed a little. Small but not empty. "She'd sit with me and let me smack around on the piano. We would make up little songs. "

I heaved out a deep breath. "So I wrote her a song. One night was...a really bad night for her. I picked up the guitar and sang for her." I blinked. "Music.... music is a language that speaks to your heart. Sometimes it heals it, just a little bit. For a little while."

Cole smiled at me, a soft one. The curve of his lips lilting so perfectly. I felt something brush my fingers, I looked down to see him twining his hands into mine.

My heart seemed to flutter.

I could hear my pulse in my head.

"Your music is healing." He said softly. "There's something about it that seems to sew your soul back together in a way no other music does." Cole squeezed my hand. "Thank you." His voice was barely a whisper. So soft, but my eyes were on his lips. I could read them as they formed the careful words.

When he talked I just seemed to trust him.

For a moment, a shred of a moment, a split of a second, a blink of an eye... I considered kissing him.

But before I could decide what to do the door creaked farther open and Lou stuck his head in.

"How's it go'n?"

Authors note*****

I realized that these are my songs and characters are all like "these are the best songs ever" and it's sort of like I'm complementing myself... oof.

I don't mean it that way I swear! 😂 I just don't want to plagiarize other peoples songs and I really wanted to write some of my own on WattPad. So just pretend they're really awesome for the sake of the book. Lol.

Another note: that song is not talking about toxic relationships. You'll miss the laughs but not the cries sorry- I'm quoting another one of my songs- not trying to self promote!- I just... whatever. What I mean is... you'll love the good moments. And that love of what you used to be will always be there, slightly tinged blue but still there. But don't direct this in the wrong way, if you're in a toxic relationship I'm not saying "Love isn't lost if you choose" about that sort of stuff.

Just clearing that up!

Anywho, thanks for reading!!!!

LuckyBugBooks 🐞