Chapter 11: Spoiled Brat
Lio glared at his own reflection in the tinted glass of the hov window as it pulled away from Archcom Huseda's party. He wasn't entirely sure if he was fuming because of the exchange with that blustery idiot of a Mastali expert, or because of the way Ravi had towed him out the door. Not that he'd wanted to stay a minute longer. But the com should have at least asked him if he was ready to go instead of dragging him along by his wrist like a tantruming toddler. Everyone was intent on offending and humiliating him tonight.
In the seat opposite, Ravi had already pulled out his damn slate and was busy tapping away at it. Probably constructing a checklist that involved Lio scrubbing toilets again. He glared out the window, but there was nothing to see. The town lights faded behind them, the hov shining a single beam ahead that only illuminated endless dirt.
He was sick of going out of his way to prove himself to Ravi. Everything the com had asked of him, he'd done, and not a single word of gratitude or even acknowledgement came his way for his efforts. Narrow-eyed, he peered at Ravi again. Enough of this.
"You know," he said loudly, "I didn't appreciate being marched out of there as if I did something wrong."
Ravi didn't look up at him, but his hand stopped scrolling on the slate. For a long moment Lio thought he might maintain his sulky silence, which would have been unspeakably immature of him. But then he said, "That conversation was going nowhere. I did you a favor getting you out of there."
"A favor? You were helping, by treating me like a child in front of everyone? I'd prefer if—"
"You were acting like a child. And I don't care what you'd prefer. If one of my recruits is making our crew look bad, I'm going to stop them."
That was rich. As if he'd besmirched Opalina's stellar reputation. Ravi just didn't want to admit to the truth, which was that he couldn't get over feeling foolish about the night at the bar, and likely intended to take it out on him until the end of time. Lio swiveled away from the window, wrenching his seatbelt around so he could face the com.
"You know what I think? I think you have a personal problem with me. I think you're ridiculously sensitive about a stupid situation that you can't let go of, just because it undercuts your big, tough, com image."
The cover on the slate slapped shut, and Ravi glared at him. Light from the nav console glittered in his dark eyes. "I do have a problem with you, Lio, because you're a spoiled brat and a liar and I'm pissed I didn't figure it out faster."
He felt a bit like a lightship crashing into a wall. "Excuse me?" He tried not to shout, and failed. "I didn't lie! I didn't know who you were! And you didn't say anything either, so how are we not equally responsible—"
"If you had been where you were supposed to be, that night never would have happened." Ravi barely opened his mouth to let the words out, a vein in his forehead pulsing. "Your dispensation was up, but you didn't give a fuck. You were going clubbing, remember? Because the rules don't matter to you, and there are no consequences for all the times you break them."
"But I've been trying to repair things! I've accepted all the punishments you've doled out. Finished every task. You've seen it."
"That's not repairing anything and those aren't punishments. That's called doing your fucking job." Ravi closed his eyes and pressed his hand across his forehead. When he opened his eyes again, his gaze was cold. "Let me ask you this. Before I came to Opalina, what were you doing with your time?"
Lio crossed his arms and returned the withering gaze he was receiving. "I was conducting research. And building a sense of camaraderie among the crew. And yes, I'll admit I was loose with my dispensation hours, but I've resolved to be better about that, and that's hardly Opalina's primary challenge anyway!"
"Do you even hear yourself?" Ravi's voice was soft, and something in it sent unease wriggling across Lio's skin. "You spent eight months doing whatever you want. Running around on a treasure hunt."
His shoulders tensed, fingers tightening on his arms. He could hear the disdain coming, the dismissal of all his work and effort. His family might expect him to endure their lectures without comment, but he damn well wasn't going to sit silent for Ravi. "I refuse to accept the small-minded belief that we have nothing to learn from the Mastali. My research is not some fool's errand, it's—"
Ravi shook his head. "This isn't about the Mastali, Lio. It's about the fact that if you spend all your time either partying or reading up on legends and traipsing around the desert looking for artifacts, you're doing absolutely nothing to help your team. You've allowed Opalina to fail and continue to fail and it doesn't even register with you what that means for the rest of the crew."
That was outrageous. Aziri was the only person he'd ever met who took the Mastali just as seriously as he did, and the rest of the crew had always been interested in their discussions. "My friends support the time I dedicate. They believe me." They were the only people in the region who did. The only people who didn't laugh at his passions.
"If you can't figure out what it means for them that they're saddled with the shitty reputation of a consistently failing unit and have nothing on their resumes, then you're not much of a friend."
His breath hitched painfully in his ribs, and his heart plummeted straight into his stomach. Ravi seemed to know he'd stuck a nerve.
The com leaned toward him, twisting every blade-sharp word into his chest. "Your friends can't get contract positions after this, Lio. They can't get transfers to specialty units. They don't come from stupidly wealthy families with miles of cushion to land on when they finally flame out of their service years. You can fritter time away, and it won't matter, because all the doors will stay open for you. Not for anybody else on your crew though. You've screwed them over. And I know what that feels like. So yeah, I have a problem with you."
Sister goddesses help him. He looked back at the window so Ravi wouldn't catch the way his eyes were swimming. His throat was too clogged to speak. Some part of him wanted to fight back, but all he could think of was Teres, sitting next to him with her head bowed and hands empty in her lap.
Lio huddled back into his seat. Eventually, he let his head tilt to rest against the curve of the window. The only sound apart from the faint hum of the hov was the muted, resolute tapping of Ravi back at work on his slate. Everything bit of it was true. He was a terrible friend.
He had fought his entire family for his placement at Opalina, right in the heart of where the Mastali had camped. When he'd discovered the lack of organization at the outpost, he'd been delighted. More time to fling himself into his own projects. No one to hold him accountable to irritating tasks that took him away from unlocking the desert's remaining secrets. He'd considered only his own desires, because he was so tired of bowing to his family's plans. Ravi had just delivered the equivalent of a punch in the gut, but some part of him knew he should've seen it sooner.
Teres had never tried to use him for any connections or patronized him with false flattery or demeaned his interests. He repaid her with nothing. And he knew her well enough now to understand that she wouldn't take it kindly if he traded on his family influence to get her a job she didn't want with people who wouldn't respect her talents. Opalina should've been better for her. He should've tried to make it so.
Surreptitiously, he dragged his sleeve across his eyes and sucked in a shaky breath. No solution presented itself as the ride stretched on. The mag lane swung them up into the mountains, and all he did was discard one foolish idea after another. When the hov finally glided to a gentle stop, his limbs felt too heavy to drag him up from the seat.
Ravi climbed ahead of him, lighting the way with a glowtorch. Lio stayed in his wake. This might be the last time the com was forced to be alone with him. A last opportunity to try to truly make anything right. He couldn't waste any more time, and certainly not because he was too ashamed to speak.
"Com Endessen," he said hoarsely. "I'm sorry." He scrambled further up the trail to stand beside Ravi, who stared back at him mutely in the blue dark.
Lio tugged at the edges of his own still-damp sleeves. "You're right. What you said about...I shouldn't have been at the bar. And more than that, I've been awful. And selfish. I don't know what to do to fix it."
Slowly, Ravi spun the glowtorch in his hands. He said nothing.
The silent, wriggling feeling that had plagued him in the hov loomed again. "I do care about Opalina. The crew here are my only real friends. I don't want them to fail," he blurted.
"Then we won't let them fail," Ravi said quietly. "This outpost isn't completely beyond help."
It sent an absurd lurch of hope through him, that it wasn't too late, that futures could be revived, and that maybe Ravi wouldn't hate him forever. "How...how many commendations would it take to make Opalina a success?" he asked.
The com resumed walking, but he kept to Lio's pace this time. "A lot, I imagine. But it's not entirely about quantity. Some tasks are tougher than others, and the more difficult the commendation achieved, the more competitive the unit becomes."
Competitive. The word resonated in his memory, to when Alonso had completed his service years with his Engagement unit. The whole family had gone to watch his unit in some competition, where he won a debate commendation for his crew. It had been like a festival, row after row of commendation placards on display at the center of the circus. "Perhaps we could go to one of those commendation celebration events. Where everyone watches the contests? My brother was in one, and I think his unit earned several commendations in one day."
Ravi sighed, and Lio wondered what he'd done to offend. But when the com spoke, he sounded more resigned than annoyed. "Yeah, there are competitions. Cornucopia in the capitol. Bonanza in Bastonar. But those are no joke. I don't think Opalina's ready to compete at that level."
"What do we have to lose?"
"I'm not interested in showing up if we don't have a shot. Let's get at least one commendation under our belt. See how the team works first."
"Test flight," Lio said softly. A terrible comparison, given the way the test launch they'd both just witnessed had gone. He almost apologized again in case Ravi thought he was making light of their situation, but to his surprise, the com gave him a half-smile.
"Yeah." A quiet beat passed before Ravi cleared his throat. "For the record, I think what that old guy said about the Mastali not building real stuff was bullshit, and you should keep...uh...researching. Just not all day. After work."
Lio stared at the rocks underfoot, determined not to start blubbering again at such an awkward and gentle peace offering. Ravi was angry with him, but he was also still the man he'd glimpsed in the bar. Too kind, too good. Lio choked out fervent thanks and Ravi bobbed his head. They lapsed into silence as they reached Opalina's door.
"Ravi," he said, and the com glanced back at him. "About that night. I'm sorry I—"
"You know what you can do to make it up to me?" Ravi's hand clenched over the wheel on the entrance. "Never talk about it again. Pretend it didn't happen." He hauled the door open and practically fled into the tunnel.
He followed slowly. With how good that night had been, he didn't think pretending it had never happened was possible. But saying nothing about it was.
It was late, and his thoughts were a mess, but the sound of laughter in the lounge drew him away from the door to his room. He poked his head into the common area and couldn't help but smile. His friends shouted greetings as soon as they caught sight of him. Yorune peppered him with questions about the launch, Rosareen interrupted with questions about the high-ranking guests, and Aziri made fun of his outfit. Teres scooted over to make room, and he sat beside her, his heart aching. In eight months, these people had become his other home. His other family. He couldn't fail them again.
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