Jiyong didn't write Seungri in the thank you section of his album booklet. He wrote everyone else but Seungri.

I don't have to, he told himself.

After all, every song in it is about Seungri and that's a whole lot more than just thank you.

They're Jiyong's words of I love you and he felt fool for wishing Seungri would decipher them someday.

He sings nobody else but Seungri.

***

"Hi," Seungri grins. "I hope you don't mind ramen."

Jiyong feels a smile tug on his lips like water, threatening to break the fucking dam of four years on hiding. "I was wishing for Chinese take-out something."

Seungri rolls his eyes. "I'll sign contract with the best one soon."

"So it's business? I thought it's dinner," Jiyong lets Seungri in and there are butterflies he can't shut down in his chest.

"It's marketing strategy, Mr. Kwon," Seungri's shoes are casual and his sweater has holes. His scent is night air and Jiyong's lungs breathe until its hurt.

"I won't let you take a picture of me with your business emblem stuff and upload it to the internet."

Seungri laughs, the sound is crystal clear against Jiyong's mind, powerful enough to tear all the awkwardness he thought would be there when they speak again; when they meet again. Seungri, in his own self, holds the hammer to every wall Jiyong has built and it scares Jiyong sometimes because his wants are supposed to be buried deep down inside.

***

Seungri's silence was unusual but not unpleasant. Jiyong's favorite was when the weight of his head pressed against his side and soft breaths hit his skin, when Seungri was quiet in his sleep and he's so near that Jiyong could wrap his arm around Seungri and had him so close that nobody could tell him Seungri wasn't belong to Jiyong; not even Seungri himself.

***

"How was work?"

Seungri shrugs. I couldn't, his mind says but his answer to the question is, "Fine."

"So you actually have a headquarter office something?"

"Not really," he picks the noodles with his chopsticks, buying time with actually chewing on his food. Jiyong waits for more, blatantly hopeful and Seungri can't look at him in the eyes although he doesn't know what Jiyong wants as answer; or if that matters at all for him to answer.

Jiyong blinks.

"Not one fancy office like yours," Seungri doesn't know what's the bitter in his mouth. Maybe his lies about his seven-floor building or the truth he's about to decide for them both. "It's not important."

"It is," Jiyong states stubbornly. "You're important."

But Seungri's mind is somewhere else between dreams and hopes that crash against the shore he barely hears himself breathing.

***

He came to Youngbae's wedding a little too early and hidden.

"Jiyong," Youngbae chuckled. "You look even more nervous than me."

Jiyong swore that his bestfriend's smile were up to reach his ears and the way happiness radiated from him was contagious that it tickled his cheeks. "Well, I've never been to your weddng before."

"Sorry, I have to steal the spotlight," Youngbae shrugged, his grin was somewhat dorky.

"You're the king today," he mocked playfully and they laughed.

"How's it?"

"It?" Youngbae stared at his tailored suit.

"Marriage. Getting married."

"Technically, I'm not married yet, Jiyong."

"Just five more hours," he rolled his eyes and Youngbae chuckled. "Can't wait."

They fell in comfortable silence as they sat. Jiyong's fingers itched to take his cigarette out and had some taste of it.

"It's different for each people."

"What?" he raised an eyebrow. Youngbae was watching him through the mirror.

"Love."

"Are you practicing a speech about being the first married man among us or –"

"Just because it's different doesn't mean it's wrong," Youngbae cut in. "And I'm sorry for being the married man."

"Don't," Jiyong hissed, suddenly mad at himself.

"I have to," Youngbae said, a relief. "Jiyong –"

"It's not your fault and I don't see it as your fault or anyone else's, Youngbae."

Their shoulder touched, the room suddenly grew so wide Jiyong felt he's sinking.

"It's not your fault either, Jiyong."

"Which one?"

They've known each other for long to know it's not a conversation Youngbae wished to have on his wedding day. They also understood, beyond unspoken words, that best was today.

"We couldn't help it," the voice didn't sound like his, but then again, he had wanted nothing but to crawl out of his own skin for the past year. "It had to happen."

"If you mean BIGBANG," Youngbae sighed. "It's always gonna be us."

"That's why you don't have to say sorry," Jiyong scoffed. "I want you to get married."

"Won't you be jealous?"

"Oh right, my fanboy heart," Jiyong laughed. "I already am, Youngbae."

Youngbae smiled a smile that reminded Jiyong at the day they were told that it's gonna be five instead of two, the day when every dream suddenly took a turn and they had to pretend like they weren't dreaming of being a duo all those times they spent together. A smile of reassurance that no matter what would happen, they would always be bestfriends.

"Can you believe it's been a year?"

Jiyong could because he's been counting days every day since the day Seungri left, but Youngbae was talking about their idol group. "Yeah."

"It felt like I was just standing on our debut stage yesterday."

"It sometimes felt like I just met you last night, Youngbae."

They laughed because memories erupted in their minds; laughter and tears trapped between pages of times they've been through.

"So, about love."

"Are you seriously gonna give me speech, Dong Youngbae?"

Youngbae grinned and knocks came from the door, signaling it's the time.

"It might be different but it's not wrong, Jiyong."

"Don't be late on your own wedding."

"I'm serious."

"Me too."

Youngbae patted his shoulder. "I believe that you can and that you will."

"Be late on my wedding?"

"Find your way," Youngbae marched his way to the door and Jiyong thought of the invisibility of Seungri's name tattooed on his ribcage with no ink but veins of his beating heart. "Maybe not now, maybe not yet. But you can, Jiyong."

Will I?, Jiyong thought as he watched his bestfriend stepped in to a new chapter of life.

***

"Hyung?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you listening to me?"

"What?" Jiyong comes slowly to his surrounding; of his half-full ramen bowl and empty glass; of Seungri's worried expression that makes his muscle taut with needs to smooth those wrinkle on his forehead, of the fact that Seungri is sitting across him.

"I asked you what you've been doing today."

"Not much," Jiyong answered and it's true because he can't remember. "Didn't feel like doing anything."

"Not going around with your friends?"

"I don't have that many friends in Japan like you do."

"Jealous?" it's a joke but Jiyong has to pretend he's paying attention to his food. "I'm craving for dessert."

"Should we order something? Do they take order from a hotel room or –"

"I was thinking about going out," Seungri puts his chopsticks down and Jiyong will be damned if he squeal but he can at least grin, can he?

"Your treat?"

"You're still the one with black card," Seungri pouts but he's already standing.

***