Comment Topic: Name three characteristic traits of the Protagonist simply by reading one chapter. Sometimes authors portray a character a certain way when in reality, readers perceive the character entirely differently than what's being presented. (This is a tough one)

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Author #1: ChasingInfinity1

Book Title: Slowly but Shirley

Book Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/44957687-slowly-but-shirley

Specified Chapter: Chapter 1, Protagonist: Shirley Mariana Jensen

Summary Thus Far in Book: None

Author's Note: I just recently began writing on Wattpad, so I would love any feedback on my story :) If you like it, please don't forget to vote/comment/follow!

Moderator's Chapter Rating: PG

Genre: Teen Fiction

Winning Comment: First, I have to say, I was very impressed with the choice of vocabulary and the sentence structure. There weren't any punctuation errors either, as far as I could tell. This story grabbed my attention from the beginning, when I read the summary and the prologue before I read the first chapter. It's hard for an author to make their readers care for a character, but you succeeded in doing so! As I read the prologue, I felt a pang of sadness for Shirley, who trained for months and months to accomplish her dream, yet never had the chance to and was disqualified from the group after one simple mistake. I also felt frustration for whoever that guy was. The look of doubt in his eyes had caused this all, and I hated him immediately for it. Good job on that! It also left me craving for more, and left me in a cloud full of mysteries, like who is that guy? What happened to her afterwards? Will she get another chance? This is exactly the kind of prologue everybody needs in their stories. Prologues should give the readers a rough idea about what the story will be about, and you did amazing on that! Again, good job! Now, back to chapter 1 and the character traits. First off, I feel like Shirley is kind of stubborn /unforgiving, someone who holds grudges against another. I mean, her sister was gone for a good two years, and she still didn't forgive her (not like it's a bad thing). It quotes directly in the book: "Wow, so you left me in a crappy trailer and moved into a freaking castle? What the hell, Alice?""My middle name's Mariana, not 'freakin', but its not like you would know that, right?" "She had been so accommodating and kind, but part of me still despised her. It will definitely take some time before she could earn my forgiveness and trust." Like this, Shirley isn't the kind to give in and say "It's okay, I understand," so easily, and I like that about her.

Second, I think Shirley is a bit impulsive (I'm trying to come up with a better word for it). It is clearly shown that she speaks without thinking sometimes, like she did here: "'My middle name's Mariana, not 'freakin', but its not like you would know that, right?' I suddenly snapped, my voice laced with the hostility and anger that had been pent up inside me for the past years. It was a horrible retort, but I don't think my brain was controlling my mouth at the moment. She regretted what she said, saying it was a 'horrible retort,' and that her brain wasn't controlling her at the time. It means she was drowned by her emotions and failed to think of what she was going to say, and just blurted out the words her heart had in mind.

Finally, Shirley seems to be trying to stay strong, but in truth needs someone to lean onto. Like how she admired and loved her sister, and needed her so much that when she left, she was left hollow inside. And I don't know if the incident happened either before Alice left or after, but I feel like it was after. It states in the chapter: "you're stronger than him, you deserve to live your life." She left her home to go live with her sister. If she was all mightily strong and feared nothing like a typical stereotype MC would do, she would've punched down that guy and said 'I don't give a crap about losing! I'm strong! I don't care about my dream being shattered, I'm going to live my life here!" Instead, she searched for her sister, even after all that remorse and hate she felt for her after she 'abandoned' her. Overall, I think the characters are interesting, the plot is thrilling and unique, and it is something I definitely need to stick with until it's over! Great job on this chapter! I hope you continue writing, because you're an amazing writer! - swiftiegirl1010

Winner: swiftiegirl1010

Runner ups: GreatGustav

Runner ups: 5SOStuti

Final Author's Note: Thanks to each and every one of you who read my story! I appreciated both the encouraging and critical support, and I think this will help me to grow as a writer. I chose swiftiegirl1010 as the winning comment because she clearly points out three accurate personality traits about Shirley. For some of these, you need to read between the lines, and she does this accurately. Once again, thanks so much to everyone :)

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Author #2: Matthew Vanisko

Book Title: My Cold Dead Hands

Book Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/43805837-my-cold-dead-hands-wattys2015

Specified Chapter: Chapter 1, Protagonist: Vincent Walker

Summary Thus Far in Book: None

Author's Note: I'm looking for any kind of feedback, comments, and hopefully meet and talk to some new friends who enjoy reading what I have. If you enjoy, please follow and vote, and I'd be happy to answer anything you have to ask. Thank you.

Moderator's Chapter Rating: PG13, minor cursing, no violence, no goriness as of yet I'm assuming :)

Genre: Apocalyptic Horror

Winning Comment: Not my usual genre, but I like it! Your writing really sets the mood and the chapter title really suits the content. While its "The Coming Storm" your writing really makes it feel like "the Calm Before the Storm." :P Character wise: I can easily describe Vincent in three words. 1) He's confident: he doesn't take anything the inmates say/do personally. 2) He's mature: he doesn't take advantage of his authoritative status. 3) He's calm: the news of Russia's bio-weapons doesn't bother him in the slightest. In fact, I think the only thing that concerned him at all was his facial hair. XD The only issues I had while reading this were the jump in tenses (but, come on, no one has perfected tenses) and the description of the secondary characters. You mention a lot of characters all at once, but they're all getting killed off anyways, am I right? However, the description of the inmates was fitting. It was like Vincent saw them as nothing more than their rap sheet, but still treated them like human beings. This story has really piqued my interest! Great job! - Kirby-Marcelle

Winner: Kirby-Marcelle

Runner ups: 4everdaydreamer2014

Runner ups: IVM992

Final Author's Note: I decided to go with Kirby-Marcelle's comment as the winner because she was one of the few (maybe the only one) who picked up that the descriptions were all "rap sheet" style to fit in with the jail theme, as well as recognizing that the story is third person limited, so using words such as "probably" or "maybe" is appropriate. Very smart reader, and I thank Kirby for the words. Overall, I'm very glad I was given this opportunity to hear from and speak with many of you. Most comments were helpful and provided me with ideas or suggestions that I haven't thought of before, and some comments were tossed out the window and disregarded. A big thank you to everyone who took the time to read my work and I truly hope to hear from you again. This is a huge learning process for me and has been really helpful. Thank you. Last but not least, big thank you to DawnStarling for the contest.

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Author #3: retaliates

Book Title: The Invisible Side of Alyson Dean

Book Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/41806705-the-invisible-side-of-alyson-dean-wattys2015

Specified Chapter: Chapter 6, Protagonist: Alyson Dean

Summary Thus Far in Book: Alyson Dean got a record deal in eighth grade and left school. But her senior year, she goes back to school in order to improve her image, because she's been losing a lot of fans. When she goes back, she meets again with a boy named Sawyer, who is the only person that doesn't absolutely adore Alyson. They get paired together for a project in Film class, and must make a video on a topic they feel isn't covered enough.

Author's Note: I want to know if I'm portraying Alyson accurately. She's supposed to act like a snobby celebrity but in reality she's like any regular teenager and has feelings no one really knows about. So just let me know how I'm doing with that please :)

Moderator's Chapter Rating: PG

Genre: Romance

Winning Comment: I liked this a lot. I can see this story becoming a successful YA book. I thought the chapter was sweet, and well-written, and the premise is brilliant. The three character traits of Alyson that stood out for me are: 1) she's clever. For example, she navigates the discussion between Mark and Parker rather well; she doesn't lose her head or retreat into herself too much despite the insult made; However Alyson's also 2) self-doubting: she may give Parker a narrow-eyed glance but she keeps her mouth shut when the boys discuss the movie she was is in, and she doesn't defend herself. Finally, Alyson is 3) kind of humble.... In other words, she's the opposite of snobby. For instance, she doesn't make a big deal when Sawyer says her celebrity interview idea isn't good; she immediately stops questioning Sawyer when he flat out tells her that he doesn't feel like explaining why sound and video are recorded separately. And a snobby celebrity wouldn't have sat back and listened to Parker and Mark with passivity I don't think. Basically, you did an excellent job portraying Alyson as your average insecure and emotional teenager (despite her celebrity status): she teases her brother, worries about boys and parties, is the target of gossip and moderate bullying etc. But where's the snobbishness? I get that Alyson isn't actually a snobby person. People might perceive her that way because of her celebrity status. And then there's that great line of yours where Alyson says that you can't ask stupid questions when you're a celebrity because you'll be publicly ridiculed: here we get a sense of kid who's had to mature really quickly because of her very public career. She feels like she has to be careful all of the time. Until Sawyer calls her out on it, that is. But does Alyson ever just buy into other people's perceptions of her and become that snobby person everyone wants her to be? I guess I'll have to go back to the beginning and find out! Overall, this was great stuff!"- IVM992

Winner:  IVM992

Runner ups: Abiitastic

Runner ups:  4everdreamer2014

Final Author's Note: none given