Part 237: Table Talk

Shine's strategy worked. After a few strained minutes, Mirko could contain herself no longer and launched into pretty much what she'd said to Shigaraki, just condensed, because going over it twice made her edit herself.

Shine had a lot of patience, but even she was a bit overloaded with the amount of shame and anger Rumi was directing at herself, when she was usually so confident...

Shine had to think carefully about how to answer her while she was petering out...

[That feels like a pun because of Peter Rabbit, but I'm not sure it counts.]

Finally Rumi ran out of ways to say she was a bad person.

"You're not talking," she noted. "I thought you would say something by now. You know, tell me it's not so bad."

"If you expect that, then you wish to be reassured that you are not as bad as you think," Shine said.

Rumi stiffened, kind of crushed.

Shine pursed her lips. "I used to talk to my mom like that... I'd wait for her to tell me it was okay, that it wasn't so bad...that I wasn't...but instead, she confirmed what I thought of myself or echoed it back to me, and in later years, when I was more confident, she'd echo that back. I felt like I'd never really know myself if I relied on her, because she would never tell me the truth. Not sure she knows it at all."

Rumi looked at her oddly. "So what does that have to do with me?"

"It's horrible to feel like your parents don't know you," Shine said, "but neither of mine do. I'm always the devil to one of them and the enigma to the other. If I only echo back to you what you want or expect to hear, Rumi, you won't feel any different than me, because I think we are alike in this way. We want a strong answer, so we can agree or disagree. A weak one and we feel adrift."

This was...plausible.

"So you don't know what to say?" Rumi said dully.

"I don't want you to take it the wrong way if I say what I'm thinking," Shine said carefully. "You know how I view people, after all. All of us are screw ups. So you must try to understand, this is new to you, but not to me. Thinking of myself as a sinner and not good is par for the course. Some people call it morbid, how Christians think of humanity, but I call it honest. We all fail a lot, and we are not perfect, and our flaws are often not small ones--which one might be able to live with. You've lived with yourself for 26 years, and now you're seeing that it's not something to ignore, finally. To me...that was a given."

Rumi blinked...then she realized, Shine was right--this was all she ever talked about... What had Rumi expected her to say?

Somehow, she had to smile wryly despite the shame of it.

"I don't know what I was expecting..." she admitted. "You think I'm a bad person already."

"I've never had any delusions about you." Shine delivered that with a smile, somehow. "You were aggressive from the moment I met you."

Rumi reddened. "I know... Yeah...I made a terrible first impression..."

"Yeah." Shine was brutal.
But then she softened. "But I love you anyway. So it's okay."

Rumi looked up, then her tough shell crumbled right about then and she began to cry silently, sniffling miserably.

Shine handed her some tissue, ever the prepared one.

[Lindsey Stirling--What You're Made Of]

https://youtu.be/-OVO8ZJ-IpI

After she got herself under control, Rumi tugged her hair outward. "I guess you will understand this, since you always do in the most annoying way, but where I grew up, that was just how everyone was, you know? Maybe I knew it was bad, sort of, but I thought it was okay if no one got killed or hurt permanently--be as rough as necessary to get that job done."

"There is a time and place for it," Shine said.

"Just let me finish," Rumi said a bit tersely.

Shine was silent.

"Maybe on the job that's true, but like I told you, I can't turn it off." Rumi sighed. "My mother was right about me."

"Can I talk now?"

"Sure..." Defeatedly.

"Rumi, I study this sort of thing all the time," Shine said. "I can tell you exactly why you're upset right now. But you won't like it, and I want to know you're ready if I do."

Rumi looked up. "Shoot. I can't feel any worse about myself, can I?"

"Okay, but I do apologize if this hurts." Shine drew a deep breath. "Your family is crazy, so what? Everyone is in some way. We call it generational curses or sins. I know I told Shoto or someone else this already, but you need to hear it too. All families have blind spots, things they let go unchecked. Either they don't see the problem, or they are too afraid to say something about it. It's addiction for many. For you, it's aggression--and anger--being the only way to handle it--Ah, Bakugo, I know I told him about this too... So you express anger over everything because that was all you saw your whole life in that household. Was your mom ever upset without getting angry?"

Rumi blinked at her.

"Uh...not that I remember..." she said. "Wait, you can be upset with your kids without being angry?"

"Yes," Shine said.

"News to me," Rumi said. "What would that even look like?"

"It's actually more painful, but it does less damage to the relationship usually," Shine said. "Actually, the blows we get from love, without the anger or violence, hurt most but heal the fastest. Anger is a drug. And at some point, kids who live in an angry household either start using the anger drug themselves and get angry back, or they find some other way to hide from it and numb or ignore the pain. I've tried both. My family has both. You get the idea. I've seen this firsthand. My dad was angry every day over anything."

"He's really a first class jerk, huh?" Rumi said.

"He has a lot of problems." Shine shrugged. "The point is, you're strong, right? So you used that anger as fuel. That's not so bad sometimes, but everyone who does this without knowing it takes it to weird extremes. Your mom is hard to please, right? I can read that off you because you push yourself to break every glass ceiling there is. That doesn't come from society alone, it comes from how we're raised. We just come to forget that part and focus on society. Society will reflect your parents to you, believe me, however you wish to see them. If you were never good enough for them, you feel you are never enough for the world. If they were always against you, the world is always against you. You see?"

Rumi's mouth dropped open.

Shine went on, smiling dryly, "My dad wasn't safe, so I never felt safe in the world. But enough about me. I think you see I know now. Here's the best part: We make some kind of stupid vow at some point when our pain has finally pushed us to the breaking point (it can be someone other than your parents, by the way, but that's the most common) and we live our life off it. Sometimes we never know the vow, but yours is pretty obvious, and again, sorry if this hurts. But...your parents thought you were a problem, right? From what I've picked up."

"Yeah, a problem, that's a good word for it," Rumi said.

"So they let you down, right?" Shine said. "No child should ever feel like a problem to their parent, especially on purpose... We internalize it even when parents never say it and don't think of it that way, but if they are that rash, it's even worse...and depending on the kind of person we are, we resolve something. Either to earn their love somehow or...to not need it."

Rumi hadn't been sure what she was getting at until then, but that last line hit her like a brick. She gave Shine a scared look, probably without knowing she did it.

Shine bit her lip, choosing her words carefully. "So...you don't need anyone, now."

Silence.

A very long silence.

Finally Rumi said, "So," and her voice sounded so dead, "my whole career, it boils down to I don't need anyone...and all that Hero stuff is just to prove a point."

"No, who's to say humans are ever devoted to one set goal at all times? Even the best of us waver between selfish and unselfish motives. And that's not even really so bad. God expects us to have some wishes for ourselves. He wants to make us happy, and we need to want that." Shine shrugged. "I'm not the in the group that condemns us for ever wanting anything for our own reasons. I only condemn people who cannot set that aside when it's clearly more important to serve someone else. You proving your parents wrong is not the only reason you do good. I'm sure you've been genuinely concerned for people before. Just because your drive is from one source doesn't negate all you've ever done for mixed reasons...but it won't change your life to focus on those reasons. It can to examine your drive. Does that make sense?"

Rumi was silent again, then she said, "Are you trying to make me feel better? Because it still sounds like you think I have purely selfish reasons for starting out this way."

"Rumi, listen, really listen," Shine said somberly. "We're talking about pain. Selfishness and unselfishness are always mixed very closely in pain. Sometimes we feel bad for hurting others, sometimes we feel worse for ourselves. Usually both. That's why it sticks with you. You're worrying too much about which it is. It no longer matters. All that matters is healing and moving forward. You could be totally unselfish and it still hurt. You could not want to need anyone because you feel like a burden... That seems common around here." She made a face. "By far I prefer the more spiteful version of that. It tends to break down a lot faster than that self effacing, self loathing kind."

Rumi shuddered. "That's not helping."

"This is not the part that helps," Shine shrugged. "But do you understand?"

"Yeah, too well. I wish I would understand less. That might mean it wasn't so easy to figure out." Rumi leaned on her hand. "So I'm that basic, huh? I never thought I was that complicated, but it could have been a little harder to figure me out."

"I'm trained to spot this stuff right off, Rumi, but most people aren't. You'd be plenty complicated to them, if it helps."

It didn't.

"But you're too perfect to think that way, right?" Rumi said bitterly.

"Oh no," Shine laughed. "I was so messed up...I spent years figuring out what vows I made to myself thanks to what I went through... I still fight them now. Trying not to rely too much on myself...but once you know what you do, you can control it. I also was too needy in other ways. You combine your stubbornness with hyper sensitivity on certain subjects, don't you? Only a few, but those few and you can hardly control yourself. That's the mark of someone who's covering their weakness with a facade."

Ouch.

"And it's a dead giveaway, going around insulting teamwork to show that you don't believe yourself to be worthy of love," Shine went on, like this was a normal thing to just reveal to someone. "We often are the most cynical about what we're the most disappointed by."

Double ouch.

Rumi began to see why Shine had warned her. She wasn't sure she could take more of this.

"All right..." she said shakily, "I think I get the idea. And so you saw this all along...but you didn't say it."

"I hinted at it, but you weren't ready."

"So I gather... And I am now? For what? To realize I'm a complete failure?" Rumi said.

Shine smacked her wrist, making her jump. "Hey!"

"Stop it," Shine said. "Having flaws doesn't make you a failure. Better to say that you're human."

"So I'm human." That felt weird to say. "So now what?"

"You know what I'll say." Shine leaned back and pointed upward. "Only One solution to this problem. Other than that, I got nothing. Therapy can help, but I've never found it to really cure anything without more outside of it."

"I'm still trying to get used to thinking I'm not the best Hero out there," Rumi grumbled. "I thought I was cool. This is the worst feeling, to feel like it was all a lie."

"Or at least, that it's not all you thought. It's not a lie, really. I think you're looking at it wrong." Shine leaned to the side. "You've just gotten too big for this narrow, little view of things. We outgrow folly. We go from glory to glory."

"Is this supposed to help?" Rumi said.

"I would really get more annoyed with your rudeness when I'm trying to help you, if it wasn't so painfully familiar," Shine grumbled. "Wow, I used to sound just like that. But I can't help you if you don't want to change, Rumi. What do you want?"

Rumi had to think.

"I don't know," she said. "I liked the way I was before."

"Did you?" Shine said.

Rumi blinked. "I was at the top of my game. I didn't take s--- from anyone."

Shine just stared at her.

"World was my oyster, you know," Rumi said. "I was always winning, not like this humiliating setback after setback. You know, Likstar I'd almost say whoever you meet starts to fail more often. From those UA kids to the LOV, people lose a lot more, or at least they don't win it as overwhelmingly, once you start pulling strings."

Shine raised an eyebrow. "Or are we just so above your level that the challenges we bring with us are ones you're woefully unprepared for, and so you fail hard? Come on, if all you needed to do was win one fight, I don't know that you've had any more problems doing that since we met, but if what you needed to really do was be patient and wait and learn, and that is what's hard for you, but you didn't run from it this time, then of course it looks like you've fallen hard, but in reality you're just playing a new level, and you don't have the moves down pat yet... Did that make sense?"

Actually way too much sense.

Rumi laughed wryly. "I see... Wow...I feel stupid now."

"You're lucky," Shine said seriously. "Not many of us are given a chance like this in such an upfront manner, and so we miss the chances to grow that are thrown our way. It's takes a life shattering event to move us. You are so much more helped than you think on this journey. The answer came right to you in human form. So many people wish it was that simple."

"Simple," Rumi scoffed. "I would not call the last several months simple for me."

"Maybe not," Shine said, "but I've seen worse. This revelation you've had about yourself was inevitable if you were not cinderblock levels of thick."

"Wait, it's like you planned this," Rumi said.

Shine took a very deliberate sip of water.

Rumi did a double take.

"You sly vixen! Are you...? Did you think this would happen?"

"Oh, don't insult me. You think I don't know how my job works by now?" Shine was so smug. "Of course I can spot a learning opportunity when it happens. I was waiting for when you'd see it yourself. Not that I'm enjoying your pain, by any means, but I am very excited for what will happen if and when you choose to take the lesson from this, adjust your actions accordingly. I know you will be happier in the long run, so shouldn't I be excited for that? Some friend I am if I'm not." She sniffed contemptuously. "I never cared for friends who just encourage you to stay the same, awful person you've always been. Because they're too big a coward to change. I ever try that, I want you to slap me."

Rumi finally laughed.

Emi returned right then, so the conversation ended.

* * *

The three ladies didn't talk about much more of substance while they were eating dessert, and then they headed out.

"Well, shall we catch a bus?" Emi joked because of course, with Shine, they didn't need to do that.

Rumi seemed a bit less depressed now, so she smiled crookedly. "I think I'm faster than a bus."

"But I don't like the idea of you carrying me," Emi said.

Shine rolled her eyes. 

Suddenly someone ran past them, looking freaked out.

The two Heroes' instincts were immediately to be on alert.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Emi addressed the person.

Then she realized it was the same kid Shine had given things to earlier.

The boy only seemed to recognize them now that she'd spoken.

"Lady?" he said, surprised. "Do you have a cell phone? Did he follow me?" He looked behind him.

"Did who?" Mirko stepped forward warily.

"The..." The boy looked at her nervously. "I..."

Mirko grabbed him by his shirt. "Look, kid, if you saw a crime happening, you'd better spill. Your hesitancy could cost someone's life."

"Or he's worried for his own, Rumi," Shine said warningly, "and you are not reassuring him."

She tapped her shoulder.

Mirko lowered the kid, realizing this was just what she was talking about before. She bit her lip.

"Listen, I can send you somewhere away from here, if you tell us what you saw," Shine said.

The kid pointed back to a  corner a few blocks away.

"It... I think it was the hero killer...Stain...but he's in prison, so maybe it was a copy cat, but I think they saw me..." he stuttered.

"Stain?" Mirko took off before Emi or Shine could stop her.

"Dang it!" Emi cried. "Is she dumb or something? Shine, take care of him." She ran after her.

Shine thought fast. Stain was weak against multiple opponents... If it was him, then they should be fine.

But no one had told her he'd gotten out yet...so she thought, what if it was an imitator?

Better to have backup then.

"All right, listen, you go through this door," she told the kid. "You'll be with some people who can help you. You just tell them what you saw, okay? Say I sent you. If my boyfriend is there, just tell him I said to come find me."

The kid nodded.

Shine sent him through the portal.

Then she pulled out her phone and dialed Medea's number, while running after the other two women.

* * *

"What?!!" Medea cried. She got up and ran into the kitchen/sitting room of the house. "Spinner! Where are you?! Compress? Silk! Shigaraki!"

"What is it?" Twice popped up.

"Where is everyone?" Medea said. "We have a code red! Or whatever you guys call it!"

"What's all the yelling about?" Shigaraki came into the room looking grumpy.

"This better be important." Compress followed. He didn't even have his mask on.

Silk came too.

Spinner was outside, but he opened the backdoor and looked in.

"Shine's on the phone," Medea said. "She told me someone reported seeing Stain in this place downtown in XXXXX city. She wants to know if it could be the real Stain or not."

Spinner gaped. "Stain is down there?"

"So he's finally making a move," Shigaraki said. "Well, it won't matter much to us. We can't expose ourselves right now."

"No, you idiot." Medea was white as a sheet. "Mirko's already there. She was with Shine and Miss Joke, who's also there. She's gonna go fight him."

Everyone stared at her.

"Well, surely she can handle him," Compress said. "How did his quirk even work again?"

Shigaraki actually didn't know the answer to that.

"Oh, I know!" Spinner said too excitedly, then he remembered this was bad. "Stain's quirk allows him to paralyze people by ingesting their blood, sort of like Toga's but weaker, because it times out after so many minutes. The blood type matters. O is the shortest, then it's A, AB, and B, if I remember right."

"What if you have a blood type outside the common ones?" Compress said. "And does it matter if it's positive or negative?"

"I dunno," Spinner shrugged. "But if he is there, we should go there. I could meet him!"

"Oh, I want to meet Stain!" Toga had come in at some point.

"This is not a meet and greet. He'd probably try to kill us." Shigaraki looked concerned...which was unusual. He was usually so stoic.

"I'm sure two Pros can handle him," Silk said. "Miss Joke not need to get close to use her quirk, so she can stop him."

"Do you think he's acting alone?" Medea continued to be the smartest person in the League. "Who the frick do you think broke him out? Probably the Originals, and they have quirk blocking tech that they can modify to specific people. And if they gave him that, then he can fight Miss Joke and maybe even Mirko."

"All he would have to do is cut her once," Spinner said. "But she's faster, I think... I don't know."

His nerd brain was having a hard time crunching the stats.

"Well, are we all just gonna stand here or are we going to go assist them?" Compress said. "Personally, I think we might want to question Stain, if he is the real deal. Why do all our enemies keep getting broken out of prison by the Originals?"

"Boss?" Silk said.

Shigaraki looked annoyed. "Fine," he said, "but you all should be on your guard... We can't let the police catch us out there."

"Oh, please, they'll never know we were there." Compress put his mask back on and his hat.

* * *

Mirko rounded the corner the kid had pointed out in time to see Stain, or at least a dead on impersonation of him, holding a different Hero to the wall.

Based on their costume, they didn't have a very powerful quirk, maybe just a mental one.

Stain looked up as Mirko appeared.

"Drop her," Mirko warned, since it appeared to be a woman. Quirks could make it hard to tell right off.

Stain scrutinized her. "The number 6 Hero."

"Five now, actually," Mirko said. "What are you doing out of prison, Stain? If that is really you."

"You're not the one I want," Stain said. He drew back his arm and slid some small knives out of his sleeve. 

"Gee, think you have enough blades?" Mirko couldn't help but gawk at how many he managed to fit into his costume.

"No," Stain said, throwing the knives.

Mirko jumped out of the way of all of them and smacked him into the ground, which hurt him a lot, though he didn't make that much noise.

The female Hero didn't run away though.

Mirko tried to remember Stain's quirk... She hadn't thought much of him at the time. She was always on the move, not really his ideal target. She'd thought the news hyped him up too much.

Now she was regretting that slightly...but she could work around this. He wasn't unusually strong, it seemed.

"Don't let him..." the woman Hero, who was a bloody mess, began to stammar. "Don't..."

Mirko didn't know what she was trying to say. 

"What?" She cocked one ear at her. "Don't let him get away? I wasn't planning on it."

Then something sliced through her shoe.

Stain had moved a hand without her noticing somehow. He was pretty freaking fast.

But it wasn't much of a cut. Mirko had had worse stomping on the wrong thing in the past.

She moved her foot away from him. "What was that supposed to accomplish? Do you have poison on your blades?"

"Would kind of defeat the purpose, Hero," Stain said. Suddenly he moved his arm out from under her very foot and tossed the blade into his teeth, sticking his tongue out.

It was disgusting.

Mirko remembered just then what his quirk was.

Oh no...

Her whole body froze.

[So, for you nerds, her blood type is O. Miss Joke's unknown, but I'd guess A or AB. Compress referred to unusual blood types: Rh null is the rarest blood type in the world. It has no special proteins. Only 50 people or less are known to have it. My guess is Stain's quirk would not work on someone with Rh null because it probably affects the proteins of the other types that a null person would not have. But it's highly unlikely he'd ever be able to test that.]

Stain knocked her aside easily.

"Mirko," he said distastefully. "Not who I came here to kill. But I can't let this opportunity slide by."

He drew a sword. "You're the worst type of Pro Hero--only in it for yourself. Undoubtably you should be purged."

"Wait a minute." Mirko could still talk, she realized. "Before you kill me--"

Crap, what would Shine do at a time like this? Miss Joke and her were right behind her. Mirko only needed to buy a few seconds. She was faster than Joke, but surely she'd catch up any moment.

Shine would probably get this guy to talk about himself, right?

"--I just want to know, why are you doing this? What's your problem with Heroes?"

"I thought the world was well aware," Stain said.

"I'm on the go a lot. I don't keep up with all the local gossip," Mirko said savagely.

"This society is corrupt." Stain actually fell for it. "Heroes are nothing but attention-seeking posers. They are not worthy of the title. Only All Might was, and he's nothing now. No one is worthy to kill me..."

This guy was a lunatic! Mirko thought. Shigaraki was right about him--impossible to work with... Why was she thinking that now?

But her ploy had worked...sort of.

Miss Joke came into view.

Stain looked up.

He had the reflexes of a trained Pro. He didn't wait, he just tossed more knifes at her.

Miss Joke was not ready for knives to just fly at her that fast. She ducked, but one grazed her cheek.

"Oh, shoot," she said. She dove for it. Stain did too and rammed into her. She was much smaller and lighter than him, so he knocked her aside and snatched up the knife.

Miss Joke tried to use her quirk, but it wasn't the work of a second, and it was too late. Stain paralyzed her also.

"Uh oh..." she said.

Mirko could only hope Shine decided to get the frick over here now.

"Wait," she said, "how do you know she's not worthy? Miss Joke is a great Hero--selfless, kind, you know, all that crap you were saying isn't true. She's not even that famous."

Miss Joke saw her plan.

"That's too kind, Mirko, but really, Stain, you should let her live. She's a noble Hero. She's doing a lot of good, challenging the system. She's really on your side. She thinks Heroes are too careless and complacent too."

Stain actually hesitated. "From all I know, that's not true."

"But it is. Do you research your victims?" Miss Joke talked fast. "Mirko is famous for holding herself to a higher standard of excellence. Just like All Might."

This was stretching it a bit but close enough. As long as he bought it.

"Miss Joke isn't in it for money. She works as a teacher," Mirko went on, "and she's gone on missions she didn't get paid for to rescue innocent people."

"So has Mirko, secret missions," Miss Joke said. "Both of us. I swear."

"And why should I believe you? You're all fakes," Stain said.

"That may be," Miss Joke said. "That you can't trust us. But if you found out later you were wrong, would that be a cause for concern?"

Stain paused.

"And how could I verify what you're saying?" he said.

Mirko didn't know how.

"All Might himself could verify it," Miss Joke was bold, "or even that Deku kid you spared."

Well, that claim at least shook Stain's resolve a bit.

But then he seemed to remember something. "Well, even if it's true, you're in the way, so I should eliminate you. You're on the list. My apologies, Heroes. Even if you're worthy, I can't allow you to go free." He glanced at the other Pro who was still against the wall. "But I'll kill you last. This one will be the first to die."

"No!" Miss Joke and Mirko cried. "Don't!"

But neither of them could move yet. Mirko had at least 3 more minutes at best. Miss Joke had longer.

But thankfully, Shine found them right then.

Stain turned yet again.

"Stop!" Shine yelled, seeing him about to kill the Pro Hero.

Everyone froze.

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