Novella

Kass

Me

Is your character named after yourself or your screen name? (+1)

What? No, just... NO! Daphne sounds nothing like Kassandra or Novella!

Is your character described as beautiful? (+1)

Kit told me I am one time...

Yeah, and my mom tells me everyday

I punched him in the face

That's my girl

"Unusually" or "astonishingly" beautiful? (+2)

EWW!!!!!

The most beautiful Transformer who's ever lived? (+3)

*Face-palm*

Do the other characters feel intimidated or threatened by her beauty? (+1)

I'm just gonna skip this question

Are her optics an unusual color? (+1)

No, they're the normal Autobot blue

Unfortunately [+1]

Do they change color according to her mood? (+1)

Hahahahahah, no.

Does she have long, flowing hair? (+2)

Long, yes. Flowing, no . I hate my hair.

Same!

Do you describe it on the first page of the story? (+2)

I'm not that stupid

Do you describe it more than once? (+3)

Boi

Is she a recolored and/or "feminized" version of a canon character? (+1)

DAFUQ?

Is she a Seeker? (+1)

*sigh*

Primus, no!

A what?

Do you spend more than two consecutive paragraphs describing her physical appearance? (+1)

OMP why!!!

Do you make it a point to mention that she's as tall, or taller, than the average male? (+1)

I did

Yeah, about me!

Sorry

[+1]

Does she have wings?

Not a flying thingy

Bird

Yeah, that

Does she have wings on her butt? (-20 and you're excused from the rest of the test.)

Wtf? NO

Does she have more than one alt-mode? (+1)

HUMAN!!

No

More than two? (+2)

Oh boy

Is her robot mode surprisingly lacking in the "kibble" that would logically be necessary to transform into all these things (because then she wouldn't be as purty)? (+2)

Do what?

Does she transform via "magic" or some advanced and/or alien technology? (+2)

Jesus Christ

Is her name a painfully blatant feminization of a canon name, like "Starscreamia" or "Lady Optimus"? (+10)

*Slams head on key board*

Does she have any of the following abilities:

Telepathy? (+1)

Yes [+1]

Teleportation? (+1)

Nonononononono

More powerful than Skywarp's? (+2)

Who?

I haven't watched that much TFP

Super-speed? (+1)

NO!!!!

Faster than Blurr's? (+2)

Who?

Unusually keen senses? (Sight, hearing, smell, etc.) (+1 for each.)

#notmyfault [+3]

Yes, but I can't smell [+2]

No dur.

Telekinesis? (+2)

Also not my fault[+2]

Yes[+2]

"Magical" powers, often vaguely defined or whatever the situation calls for (including magical healing of self or others)? (+2)

Nope

Thank God!

Primus

Whatever!

Time-travel under her own power? (+2)

Different story

Control of the weather or other natural elements? (+2)

No, not me... my friends do though

The ability to communicate with animals? (+2)

Totally useless

Bindy doesn't think so

Shit, I'm so screwed

Precognition or a "sixth sense" regarding imminent danger (including precognitive dreams or visions)? (+2)

Damn it [+2]

*Sigh*[+2]

Any ability which no canon TF has ever been shown to have? (+3)

I hate my life[+3]

Shut up[+3]

No

ALL of the above? (+100 points and kindly never write anything again.)

Good God no! I'm not illiterate!

Is she:

A brilliant scientist and/or inventor? (+1)

I leave that to Wheeljack

Does being a tech geek count?

I think so.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1

Shit[+1]

So brilliant that she effortlessly solves problems that Wheeljack, Ratchet, and/or Perceptor couldn't? (+2)

I tried

And failed

Shut up

Is she a phenomenally skilled martial artist? (+1)

I've been taking Krav Maga for a while

And you suck at it

No I don't!

She actually doesn't

But there's no rhyme or reason to it!

It's Saudi Arabian street fighting! It's not supposed to be pretty, it's supposed to kick ass! [+1]

Oh...

In Metallikato? (+2)

I don't even know what that is

You don't want to

In some hitherto-unknown Cybertronian martial art that you just made up? (+3)

My God why

Is she the only female ever to be trained in this art? (+1)

*Face palms*

Is she an incredible sharpshooter? (+1)

Can't shoot a gun to save my life

Better with my staff

At any distance? (+1)

Who wrote this shit?

With any weapon? (+1)

Kill me now

If you've made Tech Specs for her:

Wait, what?

Don't know, don't care

Are they all sevens and/or eights? (+1)

N/A

Nines and/or tens? (+2)

N/A

Higher than tens? (+5)

N/A

I. We Are Family

Is your character the daughter of a canon character? (+1)

Eww, no

Is it Starscream(+1)

EWW I HATE HIM

Is it Megatron? (+2)

*Hisses like a cat*

Is it Optimus Prime? (+3)

Primus help us all

That your character does not originally know about? (+1)

We already covered this, asshole!

Because your character's mother (or father) hid her away to "protect" her from something? (+2)

-_-

Is your character the sister of a canon character? (+1)

Sam's my cousin

Doesn't count

Is it Megatron? (+2)

Dear, sweet Jesus not this again

Is it Optimus Prime? (+1)

Well, a Prime is a Brother/Sister to another... [+1]

HA!

Is it Starscream? (+3)

*face palm*

We're all gonna have concussions by the end of this

Does (s)he have a twin of the same gender? (+1)

I'm friends with a pair of twins

KIT AND SUNE DON'T COUNT

Of the opposite gender? (+2)

*Starts talking about Harry Potter*

Do they communicate telepathically? (+3)

Oh, God

Is she the product of a tragically doomed romance between an Autobot and a Decepticon? (+1)

Good Lord Jesus

III. Origin of the Species

Was your character on board the Ark or the Nemesis? (+1)

At one time, yes [+1]

The what?

Is she part-alien or part- any other non-TF creature? (+1)

I'm a demigod...[+1]

A who?

You'll see

Is she a non-Cybertronian mechanoid who joined the TFs for whatever reason? (+1)

That just sounds stupid

Is she a human who was turned into a TF? (+2)

Totally different story

No beating about the bush: is she you turned into a TF? (+3)

Sorry, Novella

Ah, Frag [+1]

Do you secretly believe that this is really going to happen some day? (+5)

I wish!

Seriously, though? (+10)

No.

Is she an alien (organic) who was turned into a TF? (+1)

Stupid

For any of the above: does she become a TF:

We covered this already!

Because she was badly injured by/because of a TF and this was the only way

they could save her life? (+1)

Also stupid

Because she wanted to Join In the Fight Against Evil? (+1)

Just plain idiotic

Because Megatron (or Galvatron or whoever) had the idea to turn humans

into Decepticons and use them against the Autobots? (+1)

That's actually not a bad idea-

Don't even

For another story, jeez

Because she was in love with a TF and this was the only way they could be

together? (+2)

Ugh, gag

Due to a Convenient Unexplained Phenomenon (a dimensional portal, an energy bolt from space, etc.)? (+2)

BEAM ME UP, SCOTTIE!!

For Mysterious Reasons of Her Own? (+2)

Get me out of here

Because she wanted revenge on an annoying ex-boyfriend? (-100 points and please send me the story.)

*Smiles evilly*I should start writing that!

Is she a member of a hitherto-unknown "third race" that fled Cybertron during the Great War? (+2)

Stupid

Is she royalty of any kind? (+2)

*Rolls optics/eyes*

That she does not originally know about? (+3)

More stupid

Is she a member of a non-allied mercenary group that Plays By Their Own Rules and Answers To No One? (+3)

That's a little overboard, don't you think?

Wouldn't put it past you to jump the shark

That sounds dangerous

It's just an expression

Is she the leader? (+1)

No, just no

Is this group made up of stunningly beautiful and incredibly dangerous femmebots? (+1)

Primus, why?!?

Are they Feared and Respected Throughout the Galaxy? (+1)

WTF?

Do they have their own spaceship? (+1)

No

Or did your character presumably come about in a perfectly ordinary way, because you don't feel her origins are worth going on about? (-30 and thank you, thank you, thank you.)

Sorry

IV. All You Need Is Love

Does your character fall in love with a canon character? (+1)

*Smiles nervously*[+1]

Is it Optimus Prime? (+1)

Uh...[+1]

Is it Megatron? (+2)

No

Is it Starscream? (+3)

After what my brothers did to him... *Smiles evilly* Not even close

Does she fall in love with someone from an opposing faction? (+1)

No

From a different continuity? (i.e. an Autobot and a Maximal)? (+2)

Do what?

???????

From an opposing faction AND a different continuity? (i.e. an Autobot and a Vehicon)? (+3)

Kill me

Did they fall in love within days of meeting each other? (+1)

Primus help us

Did they fall in love At First Sight or The Moment Their Eyes Met? (+2)

This isn't Romeo and Juliet, stupid

Do they defy anyone's direct orders to be together? (+1)

Kill me now

Does one of them defect from their faction so they can be together? (+1)

That's just stupid

Do they BOTH defect from their factions so they can be together? (+2)

Also VERY stupid

Do canon characters fight (or otherwise compete) for her affections? (+1)

Pft

*Snorts*

Does she "reform" a thought-to-be-irredeemably-evil character through The Power of Her Love? (+100 and pass me the Pepto-Bismol.)

*Gags*

Does your character have sex with the object of her affections? (+1)

'Scuse me, I am a teenager, sir

Same

More than once? (+2)

EWWWWWWW

This part has been deleted for rating purposes

Do they get married? (+1)

Already have

Do you describe the wedding ceremony? (+1)

No

For more than two consecutive pages? (+2)

Illiterate alert

Including giving the name of every single character who was invited? (+3)

Good God

Is the wedding attended by members of opposing factions, because they decided to set aside their differences in order to share in the joy of this wondrous event? (+20)

This isn't Wayside Story

Does this wedding ceremony bear an astonishing similarity to a late 20th/early 21st century American middle-class Christian wedding, complete with vows, veil, and bouquet, despite the fact that this is far from the only type of wedding ceremony that exists (or has ever existed) on Earth, so to expect giant robots from outer space to use this exact same ritual is PATENTLY ABSURD?!?!?! (Sorry.) (+50)

*Snickers*

Do they have a child together? (+1)

I don't think that's physically possible for them

More than one? (+2)

More than three? (+4)

Are any of them twins? (+5)

With telepathic powers? (+6)

No to all of the above.

V. It's a Sad, Sad, Sad, Sad World

Is your character an orphan? (+1)

Might as well be

They died pretty damn soon after Shad was born

[+1]

Were her parents killed in an attack by the opposing faction? (+1)

Yes...[+1]

In an attack by pirates, mercenaries, an alien invasion, or anything other than a canon TF faction? (+2)

That's stupid

Did this attack destroy her entire city or colony? (+2)

No, we were out and about, as the humans say

Her entire world? (+3)

Cybertron was lost to us, just later on

As a result of this attack, was she Left Alone To Fend For Herself In a Cruel Uncaring Universe? (+1)

0_0

Was she Forced To Do Terrible Things To Survive? (+1)

-_-

That she deeply regretted doing, because deep down inside she was still a good and kind individual? (+1)

QUIT IT, YOU'RE MAKING HER FEEL BAD

At any point in your character's history:

Was she kidnapped? (+1)

Yes [+1]

Was she sexually assaulted? (+2)

?

You REALLY don't want to know

By more than one individual? (+3)

I'm so confused

Don't ask...

By a canon character? (+100 points and shame on you.)

Shame!

Was she captured by the opposing faction or other evil persons? (+1)

No

Was she tortured? (+1)

...[+1]

Kass?

I don't want to talk about it

Was her mind forcibly read by a telepath or some kind of evil brain-scanning device? (+1)

Cough Scalpel cough cough

Was her mind altered in any way (false memories implanted, brainwashed into betraying her faction, etc.)? (+1)

No

Did she swear revenge on a particular group or faction as a result of Her Tragic Experience (whatever it was)? (+1)

No, not yet.

Boi no

Did she swear revenge on a particular individual? (+1)

My father

Megatron... several times

[+1]

Did she change her name, upgrade her body configuration, or otherwise alter herself in any way because of it? (+2)

Wha...

At any point in her history, does she change factions? (Going from Neutral to a named faction, or vice-versa, counts.) (+1)

I'm an autobot and proud!

I'm loyal to my death

Does she change factions more than once? (+2)

More than twice? (+3)

Do the other characters get so sick of her faction-swapping that they finally just haul off and shoot her? (-50)

Didn't that almost happen to Yoko?

*Snort* Yep

Is she insane, or suspected of being insane? (+1)

*Smiles sadistically*[+1]

Does she experience flashbacks or other mental lapses? (+1)

Yes...[+1]

Does she suffer from a pathological phobia of clowns? (-20)

*Screams*

*Takes step back and shivers*

[-20]

VI. Don't Fear the Reaper

Does your character die? (+1)

No

Not yet at least...

You better not kill either of us!

Okay, okay

Does she sacrifice herself to save the object of her affections? (+2)

Jesus, I'm not stupid

To save her entire faction? (+3)

*Sniffs* I'm slowly drowning in my bodily fluids

To save Cybertron and/or Earth? (+4)

That sucks

To save the galaxy? (+5)

IKR?

To save the entire universe/multiverse/space-time continuum? (+10)

Why is this happening?

Does she repair a time paradox by dying? (+2)

I have Viral Rhinitis

Does she cause one? (+2)

What?

Is her death witnessed by five or more canon characters? (+1)

A cold

Do any of them cry? (+1)

Oh

Does anyone shout "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" at any point? (number of O's and exclamation points may vary.) (+2)

Yeah, I feel like I'm dying

Is it more than two paragraphs long? (+2)

I give you my sympathy

More than two pages long? (+3)

Thanks, shwem

Does she sing "Don't Cry For Me, Argentina" in a loud, bellowing voice? (-10)

I hate being sick

Do you describe her funeral? (+1)

Does anyone like it?

Is it awfully similar to an Earth-type funeral? (See the question about weddings.) (+2)

Tu shay

Do the attendees make moving speeches about how wonderful she was and what a difference she made in their lives? (+3)

*Face palms*

Deleted because of stupidity

(is she resurrected) More than Optimus Prime? (Never mind, that's not possible.)

I agree

We all agree

VII. And, In the End...

Have you written (or are you planning to write) more than one story centered around this character? (+1)

. . .

Frag

I'm sorry!

[+1]

More than two? (+2)

Shit. Yes

[+2]

More than three? (+3)

Stop stalking me! (hides under bed)

Boi! [+3]

Do you ONLY write stories centered around this character? (+10)

Hell no.

Have you altered the canon in any way to favor her (i.e., changed the plot of an episode, re-written the Movie so a character doesn't die, etc.)? (+1)

I altered, but not for her.

Has she appeared in more than one continuity? (G1, BW, etc.) (+1)

Look, it's a TFP/ Bayverse mashup

[+1]

More than two? (+2)

No, not stupid

More than three? (+3)

I haven't seen that many

As soon as you hear of a new TF continuity coming out, do you immediately start thinking of how you can involve your character in it? (+5)

Holy shit, you think I'm an idiot

Do you get cheesed off when readers don't adore and worship your character? (+3)

People like what they like, I let them make their own decisions

Do you resent the suggestion that stories based around your fanchars are not as interesting to other people as they are to you? (+5)

Not in any way

And finally, while taking this test, did you feel periodic stings of recognition, flashes of annoyance, a temptation to say, "So what's wrong with THAT?" or "You're making fun of ME, aren't you?!" etc. etc. etc.? (+1 for each time this happens.)

I thought most of them were stupid, but I didn't get pissy about it.

Scoring:

A negative number: What are you still taking this test for? Go write!

0 to 15: Ehh, it's pretty hard to avoid everything on this list. Don't worry about it.

16 to 30: A few Mary Sue tendencies creeping in. Might want to re-think a few things so people don't start making fun of you.

31 to 45: Definite Sue-ishness. Do some honest self-criticism and see if you can't make the character more interesting.

46 to 60: Warning! Mary Sue in progress! Re-think this character immediately and don't write another fic about her till you do!

61 or higher: Please remain where you are. An actual competent writer will be along shortly to take away your computer and/or break your fingers. Thank you.

My score: 9/8

Not too shabby