Jungkook arrives at the campsite, his heart quickening in an anxious rush that he never felt before his skin-picking reached a peak. There will be more cameras today, and Beomgyu will be hosting his very own reality show. Jungkook will have to be at his best.

The new tattoo on his arm throbs, like it's going to grow legs and walk right off his skin.

When he exits the car, Beomgyu waves at him with a pair of tongs. The scent of charcoal and meat reaches him, and the crackle of the fire grows stronger as he approaches.

"Hyung, thank you for making it!" Beomgyu points to the meat. "I just got started. We can eat soon, hope you're hungry!"

Jungkook is hungry, but he doesn't feel like eating at the same time. He feels like the top of an iceberg, lonely and between the land and the sky—just hovering there. Even so, he sits beside Beomgyu and starts cutting the pork belly with a pair of reddish scissors.

Halfway between slicing up and portioning out the meat, tears begin to prickle his eyes. He draws back, looking at the canvas of the open-air tent. Just count, Jungkook. One, two, three—

"Is it the smoke?" Beomgyu sets down his tongs, dramatically fanning his hands toward the barbecue. "Am I helping?"

If Jungkook was himself three months ago, he'd laugh until his abs hurt. Instead, he tries to smile and then actually begins to cry.

Beomgyu's face goes through all stages of confusion, until he reaches into his shirt pocket for a package of napkins. "You know napkins are rare these days. I wish I had wet wipes, but that's for another day."

Jungkook takes a few napkins, bundling them up and pressing his under eyes. "Thanks, Beomgyu. Now I know why they call you the mood maker."

"Oh, I haven't started yet," Beomgyu says. "This whole day will be even more moody."

Jungkook wants to correct him, that moody would mean more tears.

But Beomgyu is actually right. Jungkook cries even more on three occasions—when he takes his first bite of meat, when they start cooking the ramyeon, and when they begin filming the "casual talking" part of the show, in which Beomgyu shares a story about almost setting the TXT dorm on fire.

The whole time, the campfire melts the makeup off his face. He knows that he doesn't look normal.

"Jungkook-hyung?" Beomgyu is a trooper, not at all questioning Jungkook's tears and continuing to talk like normal. Jungkook appreciates that, the normalcy of just filling the air. "I was going to say that I cried last night too. You know, I haven't seen my parents since last year. I missed them so much along with my parrot Toto. So it's totally normal to cry!"

Jungkook manages to finish up the rest of the camping trip without a hitch, although he does want to sob a bit more. In the end, he wraps Beomgyu into a hug, and the younger boy returns it with a hesitant yet warm laugh.

Back at his apartment, Jungkook searches on his phone for more people struggling with excoriation disorder. People all around the world share their battle with their urges, the inner spiraling that sometimes even claims lives.

By the time Jungkook goes to sleep, he feels the nightmare taking over. He wishes he was with Beomgyu—he has a lot of energy, but still a calmness that feels like spring rain.

Jungkook wakes up in the middle of the night, and like a zombie, heads toward the bathroom. All his tricks—keeping the lights low, covering his face, putting gloves on his hands—they don't mean a thing.

He doesn't think he could spiral any lower. He touches the rough texture around his nose, his forehead and lips. He falls again, but this time feels different. The pit he's in is closing all around him, snuffing out all the fresh air. As he's buried from ankle to head, his fingers are the only part of his body that moves.

He doesn't stop. Control is the one thing he thinks he has, but really it's the opposite. He's not controlling anything, only pouring cement over his already-trapped self.

A/N: Thanks for reading! You're amazing for making it this far in the story.  Much love 💜.