Depression is real, for I'm experiencing it. The dysphoric feeling permeates every fibre of my being as I sit by my bedroom window, watching the sunrise. In fact, I maintained my position until noon, until someone finally succeeded in opening my locked door after numerous attempts.

I tilt my head to find a concerned mum standing beside her fiancé. "I'll give you two some space," Christian tells us and leaves. I suppose he has a spare key to every door in this house. Of course, he does; this is his house.

Swallowing, I shift my gaze back to the window as Mum approaches and sits next to me. "Hey, honey." I only notice the mug in her hand when she holds it out to me.

Without answering, I simply stare at my tea, my eyes down on the tea.

"How are you feeling?" she asks with concern.

"Good," I reply, my eyes still fixed on the tea.

"What happened?" Her voice is filled with concern.

I can't bring myself to look my mum in the eyes because I know I can't cry about something I brought upon myself. "Just teenage drama, Mum, it's nothing," I lie.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" Her voice is sincere and reassuring.

With my head bowed and still staring at my tea, I say, "I know."

If only I could discuss this with my mother, the person I'm betraying by keeping this from her, the person who still sees me as the innocent and naive person I'm supposed to be.

I don't know when the tears started flowing again, but I almost choke on my breath. "I'm sorry, Mum."

And I truly am.

Suddenly, I feel her arms around me. "Oh, Ava." Her words only intensify my sobs as I let my tears freely spill onto her shoulder.

My head is pounding, every part of my body hurts. "Whatever you're going through, I know it will be alright. I'm here for you." Her voice is soothing, just like her hug and the gentle strokes of her hands on my back.

***

I decide to have a shower, hoping it might help me look less like a zombie. But it doesn't. Nothing does. I still feel disconnected from my soul.

With that in mind, I leave my room and notice that Lilith's bedroom door is slightly open. "Ava," she calls out desperately as she rushes through the door. "Can we talk?"

What does she want to talk about? Did they figure out the reasons behind my unexpected reaction and departure? Did Leigh spill the beans?

I don't reply to her. Instead, I meet her nervous gaze with an intense glare, for the more I think about it, the more I realise I'm starting to despise her. She is the reason I had to endure this unbearable pain. Not only did she insist on me spending the day with the girls, but she also did everything in her power to bring her brother and Embry together.

"Shit, you look pretty miserable," Lilith says. I can't quite tell if she's joking or genuinely throwing yet another jab at me.

But I know I look miserable. "Look, I'm sorry about yesterday. I shouldn't have chosen you. It's just that you're my sister, so it was easier," she says.

So that's what she's sorry for? Yes, that warrants an apology, but there's a long list of things she should be sorry for, like Embry humiliating me in front of everyone. "So you could also kiss and flirt with Leigh? Because he's your brother?" I raise my eyebrows at her.

Her expression instantly turns to disgust. "Ewww, gross." Her response hits me in different ways.

"That's what I thought." Disappointed, I shake my head and turn away from her, but she's quick enough to grab my wrist and stop me.

"That's not what I meant, Ava." She mumbles sorrowfully.

"You made it clear." I angrily shake off her grip and hurry down the stairs.

Seems like my personal hell keeps getting upgraded because right now, in addition to the pain I'm going through, I'm also extremely annoyed that I don't know when I started dusting the surfaces of the ground floor, from the tops of all the furniture to the undersides of shelves. I clean every handrail, picture frame, TV screen, mirror, and window.

I vacuum the house with a knife still stuck in my heart, trying to forget about Lilith, but I can't get over her words. She doesn't see me as her family, despite all the drama she caused, as I confide in Sawyer.

Sawyer! Just as the realisation of today hits me, the entrance door opens. Mum and Christian walk in, with Christian pulling a trolley bag behind him. Behind them is someone I haven't seen in almost two months.

"Oh my goodness, there she is." Sawyer nearly shoves the couple aside as she runs between them and over to me.

Her embrace suddenly brings comfort, and it feels so familiar. Sawyer's wild, flowery scent reminds me of everything that screams London—the first time we went on a search party for our neighbour's cat, the days we planted vegetables in our gardens, the days we climbed trees together. Right now, I know I need Sawyer more than anything. With her here, maybe it will do me some good after everything that happened yesterday, after learning that the people I thought were my family aren't what they claim to be.

Standing here, I'm overwhelmed with happy memories spent with Sawyer, rather than the jealousy I thought I felt because of her crush on Leigh. So while my cousin shouts and squeals with happiness, I weep tears of joy for finally having someone who truly knows and understands me.

"What happened to you, baby girl? You look like you've risen from the dead," she jokingly remarks, filled with concern. "And why are you cleaning? I never knew you worked as a cleaner." She smirks at me.

"That's how expensive Las Vegas is," I play along with her joke.

"God, I missed you." She hugs me again, full of excitement.

"What exactly is happening—" Lilith stops mid-sentence when her eyes provide the answer. "You must be Sawyer." She smiles at my cousin, who still won't let go of me.

Finally releasing her embrace, Sawyer smiles widely, as polite as I know her to be. "And you must be Lilith. Ava has talked about you a lot, don't worry, it's mostly positive, as she's always gushing about her sister." She informs Lilith in her thick British accent.

"Really?" Lilith responds with surprise, just as I correct Sawyer's statement. "She's not my sister."

"Ava," Mum scolds me.

"It's okay, actually, Mom," Lilith slaps me with another one of her attacks.

Mum? She just called my mother her mum. How dare she?

Though my mother is responding differently to my reaction, she appears highly emotional upon hearing her almost-stepdaughter refer to her as Mum. Her palms press against her mouth as she exchanges glances between her fiancé and his daughter.

Knowing that Lilith is doing it on purpose makes me want to scream. Fortunately, my cousin realizes my condition and kindly suggests the simplest way to escape the room. "So, Ava, lead the way. I'm so exhausted."

I take Sawyer's trolley bag from Christian, who has his arm around Mum. Just as we're about to follow the stairs, the entrance door creaks open, and the only person who holds my heart walks through it.

I freeze as he does when our eyes meet. Right now, I see his actual face, which has been replaying in my head, and it looks perfect beyond my imagination. Even with the deep, dark under-eye bags, wildly rough hair, and dehydrated, dry lips, he still appears tired yet strikingly attractive in his current state. The paleness on his face must be from the sudden encounter, as I'm sure I'm also mirroring his expression. Terrified.

"Leigh, where have you been, and what happened to you?" Christian's voice is filled with concern.

Leigh's lips open and close without any words coming out. Although I want to look away from the corpse-like boy staring back at me, I can't. My soul refuses to cooperate with my body; he has always had an effect on me, and right now, my eyes are fixed on the person I thought loved me more than anything in his world.

"He's been at Embry's," Lilith answers for her brother, or more accurately, Lilith finally pulls out the knife stuck in my heart and lets me bleed to death.

"Dear earth and heavens, what a creature—he's unbelievably handsome," Sawyer whispers in my ear.

My cousin's words have no effect on me because right now, I'm trying to find the Leigh I thought I knew, the Leigh I was just starting to become familiar with. We didn't even have much time together, and just like that, he ended everything between us. He destroyed everything we had.

I feel an extremely painful stomach discomfort and nausea. I force myself to breathe, to focus on survival. When I manage to lift my stiff legs, I rush upstairs, once again away from everyone.

Only this time, I literally have to vomit. My stomach is horribly hurting. How did my life come to this?

Helplessly sitting on the floor of my toilet, I press the flush button to clean away the mess I made. Just as Mum stands by the door with her hands on her hips.

"What's happening, Ava? I thought having Sawyer here would help? I don't understand anymore." Mum's voice is subdued and filled with longing. "I thought you were okay with everything. I thought you liked it here."

That's when I lift my eyes to meet hers. That's when the need to speak my mind boils up from my heart to my throat. "No, Mum, I don't. I want to go back home. I only lied because you seem happy and excited about your new family, but I'm not. I'm hurting. This isn't my family; this is torture. I hate them, but I have to smile and act all happy every morning because that's what you want. You're just selfish for your own good." I yell out between my tears.

Mum is taken aback by my sudden outburst. Her eyes suddenly fill with moisture as she says, "I don't know what you're going through, but don't let it consume you, Ava." With that, Mum leaves me alone in my mess.

I know it was unfair to unload everything on Mum, but I don't know how to control this feeling. I've never felt like this; nothing has ever hurt like this.

After minutes of crying, I force my lifeless body up only to find myself completely stained.

"No wonder. Periods can give you seven thousand emotions in a single second." I hear that thick accent similar to mine.

I turn around to find Sawyer grinning at me. "You should take medication for your cramps, or you'll keep looking like that for days." She playfully advises before walking back into the bedroom, giving me privacy.

After cleaning myself up, I return to my bedroom, where Sawyer lies flat on her stomach on my bed, already asleep. If only I could sleep as peacefully as her, if only I were deserving of peace.

Sawyer only wakes up for dinner and then goes back to her room. If I'm in the mood for making jokes, I would tease her for behaving like a seventy-year-old granny, but I'm drained of energy.

Once again, I don't sleep on my bed that night. I curl my body on the bed bench while my eyes fixate on the wall. I can't sleep; I don't understand why it hurts so much. Maybe because I've never wanted anyone this way. Maybe because what I was doing was wrong, and my torment had to be this terrible. Either way, I deserve it, for I failed my mother, Christian, and everyone who believed in my innocence.

I'm sure it was very late at night when I heard my door audibly squeak shut. I immediately know who it is—I can sense the fresh scent I was trying to escape from invading my universe. Unable to hold back the stingy tears in my eyes, I angrily wipe my cheeks. I won't let him see how vulnerable I've become, how much he's affecting me.

"Ava?" His voice is calm yet filled with fear as he whispers.

"Get out." I respond flatly, my eyes fixed on the walls. I vow not to look at him, not to let him get inside my head.

"Give me a minute, just a minute, and I will leave." He pleads and moves closer on his knees in front of me.

"Leave my room," I growl, avoiding eye contact with him. I forbid myself from doing so.

"Ava, please... I know you're angry, and I know there's no excuse for what I did, but I'm begging you to forgive me. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He rushes his words.

If the blood spilling from my heart were visible, I'm certain this room would have turned into a pool of red. In this moment, I'm not only bleeding on the inside; I'm weeping internally while maintaining a cold exterior. This is what he did to me, what the attractive senior with green eyes across the hall did to me.

"Leave my room, Leigh," I repeat, suppressing the excruciating pain I'm enduring.

"Please, Ava, I can't sleep, I can't rest, I can't function, I need you. Please," his voice is desperate as his fingers move behind my neck, directing me towards his deep, earthy—almost black—eyes. I fail to uphold my vow; I always fail when it comes to anything related to how I feel about Leigh.

I shake my head at him. "You don't. You never did. Whatever this was, it's over," I tell him, escaping from his touch. I'm glad I found the words for him—words that seem to have the impact he deserves.

Frowning, he sighs and swallows, uttering words that squeeze the last ounce of strength from me. "You said you'd never leave me."

"You said you'd never cheat on me."

Shaking his head, Leigh takes my hand in his cold ones. His eyes teeter on the brink of tears as he hurriedly pours out his words. "What can I do to make this right? I'll do anything, please, Ava. I promise to do anything. Just let me hug you. I can't sleep... I couldn't sleep."

How can he be so selfish? Does he have any idea of the pain I'm going through? I wasn't the one who kissed Arlen in front of him. If there's anything he should do, it's to undo what happened, wipe away the fresh, vivid memory from my mind.

"Get out of my room." It pains me to hurl those words at him, but his scent, his eyes, his touch—they evoke unwanted emotions in me, things I wish I could simply switch off, things he shared with Embry right in front of me.

"Ava, please." He looks vulnerable, like a child pleading for his mother's warmth.

"If you don't leave, I will scream," I inform him with dry eyes. "Leave me alone, Leigh." I howl, causing him to rise to his feet. "Get out." I find myself barking into the silence of the night.

As he pauses at the doorway, with my door half-open, he takes a few seconds to look back at me, hoping I'll change my mind, while a single tear escapes his eyes, unbeknownst to him. He immediately turns away and leaves my room upon noticing it.

And just like that, I am left with nothing but my lonely self in the dimly lit room. I finally let my soul weep. The pain doesn't seem to diminish, though. I am burdened with an intense throbbing headache. I spend hours sobbing, progressing to weak, shivering cries, and once again, I stay awake until sunrise.

Sunday.

I apologize to Mum, using my monthly period as an excuse, and she completely buys it, to the extent that she takes the three teenage girls in the house for manicures and lunch.

Granted, I'm not as lively as I should be, and I'm not okay with Lilith, but I try my best as I assist in showing Sawyer around the places I know in my new home: Vegas.

We have a long day, the four of us, and when we return home, Sawyer and Mum quickly prepare dinner, which only benefits the five inhabitants of the house, leaving one chair empty—the chair opposite me. The chair that has been empty since breakfast.

On Sunday, I neither see nor hear the sound of the Chiron. I know I pushed Leigh away with my words, but he pushed me away with his actions. He brought this upon us. And I am drowning in it.