I had spent hours each day watching movies with my children as we got to know each other. Every day I would learn new things about them, their favorite animals and colors (Emily liked Pandas and blue while Matthew preferred tigers and red), how they liked to eat something very different for lunch than they had the day before but didn't mind having the same thing for breakfast or dinner, how they liked to be tucked into bed every night before they fell asleep...

All things I was more than happy to do for the twins once I learned of them.

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Every day I wondered what it would have been like to watch them grow to this point, to see them take their first steps, say their first words... It should have been me they called daddy all this time. Sadly, they were still too uncertain to call me daddy, wanting to wait until they had their mommy, my beloved Shina, here with them.

But at least they were starting to act closer to me, accepting the occasional hug, letting me tuck them into sleep, setting at my feet during movies instead of on the other end of the couch like at first.

Although I felt bad for not going and getting my Shina already, I needed this time with my children, to get to know them and help them understand that it might take a while before Mommy was able to understand we could be a family again.

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Every night, after tucking them into bed and making sure they were asleep, I would lock their door and go to the room. I had to punish myself for making Shina wait for me to get her, for making our children wait for her to come back to them, for keeping our family broken for that much longer.

There was getting to be less and less skin under my shirts and pants that did not have lines and patterns dancing around the places her name was carved into my skin. I had begun retracing some of them, sometimes adding a new line to a part of the patterns on my flesh.

It was a good thing I had already soundproofed the room, since I am sure the moans would have woken the children up otherwise.

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At the end of the first week with the children, I decided we needed to move. The police were starting to get too close to town in their search for us and I didn't want to chance loosing the family I had managed to attain. Packing everything I could into the car, I buckled them into the back seat and began driving away from what should have been our home.

"Don't worry. I'll find us a better home this time. One where we can live as a family forever, once I get your mom back." I assured them both, not wanting them to be sadder than they already were. At hearing me speak of getting their mom back, the gave small sniffly smiles.

"I miss your mom too. She's my sweet Shina after all."Smiling at them in the rearview mirror, I began driving towards the mountains.

Maybe we could find a nice cabin somewhere.