If there's a way
I'll find it someday

-Put your head on my shoulder

🌸🔪🌸

Jangmi

---

It was a quiet afternoon. The rays of the sunset kissed my face as its light neatly spread on the ground. I can still feel the warmth on my cheeks. The trimmed, soft grass that tingled my small feet. The sky, the cottony clouds of orange with touches of pink that calmed me and gave way for my daydreams. The soft breeze that cooled me down despite the flattery in my heart for imagining that I, was a princess who was saved by a prince.

I was ten years old.

"Jangmi, don't play too much. You might trip."

"Shh." I told my mother. "Omma, he will find me. I'm trying to hide."

"Who?"

"My prince."

I grinned widely. And omma returned it with this sweet smile that appa said I also got from her.

"Why are you hiding if he is your prince? You should go meet him."

"Ani. In disney movies, the princess always hide from the prince because they're scared. Then he tries to find her. Until they finally get to know each other and become the perfect couple!"

"Did all of them hide from their own princes?"

I kept quiet for a moment and thought about my beloved imaginary sisters.

"Cinderella did... and Rapunzel too. Ariel hid her tail, Snow white ran away, Aurora... she's always asleep. She's an exception."

I was wondering, will she do the same thing after meeting his prince if ever she wasn't casted into a spell from the evil witch?

"What about Belle?"

I tilted my head to the side, realizing that I forgot her. But now that I remember her story...

Omma walked towards me and crouched down. "Did you know that she is my favorite disney princess?"

"Waeyo?"

"She did not ran away."

Right, she stayed with a beast.

"You like her because she's brave?"

"Yes. But there's one more thing."

"What is it?"

"They weren't immediately the perfect looking couple unlike the others yet they strived to be one. She loved the prince despite him being a beast inside and out. While that same beast, was ready to become better for her."

Omma took my hand and placed it on my cheek.

"She gave him a chance even if he scares everyone."

Then she placed my hand on my heart.

"She gave him a chance. Even if he is someone who does not seem to deserve it."

Does that mean I don't always have to keep on running away from my prince? Maybe she wants me to go out and find him myself and kneel to ask for his hand.

"And in return, the beast fixed himself. To become more worthy of his princess."

Omma fixed the strands of my hair and gently touched my chin.

"When you grow up, find a prince who's always ready to be a king for you. In that way, you can live happily together."

I nodded as I listen to every word she say.

"Jangmi, my sweet girl. You don't always have to hide. Be brave to love. Because..."

----

A tear escaped from my eye.

"Before we die, let's play a game, shall we?"

Mason grabbed my hair once more and made me face him away.

"I'm going to tie her body then throw knives at her."

My eyes widened. Mwo??

"Wait, I'm not yet finished." He added as if talking to the others. It seems like they reacted negatively as well.

"I'll take four tries. Boss,"

We both turned around and faced Jeon Jungkook.

"If I fail, you can kill either one of us."

"Yah!" Esther shouted. "I don't want to die yet!"

"Not you." He answered then looked at Lilac. "Just us two."

My chest felt worse due to palpitating from too much panic. He's gonna target me and he's betting his own life. I'm sure he won't let that happen. He will kill me today. This is it. The delay of the incident that was supposed to happen in Tennyson building.

"Mwo?! Andwae!"

I tried to take a glance towards Jungkook and all I caught was the satisfied smirk he showed Lilac as an answer to her plead. "You heard him."

"I was shot already you jerk!" Lilac spat at Mason. Her upset tone filled the entire room and I flinched a little because of it.

"Fuck off it wasn't even a real shot."

"How dare you!!!"

Mason ignored Lilac and he dragged me along with him. He forced me to sit on a chair and punched me in the stomach. I coughed hard.

It hurts. I haven't even said proper goodbyes.

Before I could do another thing he already finished his task and I gritted my teeth in frustration. Now I'm back on this seat. I feel suffocated knowing that I couldn't move a single inch again. I was able to hit him a lot earlier and it would have been a success if only he did not cheat.

On the other hand I cannot expect his boss to punish him in front of us or whatsoever. Mason is their ally after all.

I just wish Taehyung atleast tried to stop him.

Kim Taehyung...

I won't even have a chance to ask him why.

"There we go."

Mason carressed my head from behind. Then he walked behind the three. One by one, he did the same thing, as if annoying them. Of course, Yoongi and Jimin tried shoving him away with their own heads.

He played with the knife he used against me earlier on his hand. Then went to ask the same weapons from his friends who were finally free from the guards. He already got three knives with him and just when his other friend was about to hand his own, Mason refused from taking it.

He turned towards me, throwing a curious look.

"Kim Jangmi, your boyfriend has his own, special knife right?"

Mwo? Is he talking about the knife engraved with a cherry blossom?

Mason kept on cupping Yoongi's pocket and the other gave him deadly glares. But of course, the devil just smirked. He is the type to enjoy other people's anger.

Once he found it, he waved it in front of Yoongi's face. "There it is."

"Just kill me." Yoongi spoke in outrage. "I'm sitting right here and there's no way I could stop you so just kill me now!!"

I couldn't take it anymore. Tears poured from my eyes as I try so hard to contain my sobs.

It was a plead I never wanted to hear.

"Mianhae. But I already changed my mind."

The moment Mason took one step back a knife was seen flying towards my direction. I heard Da Hee scream as I shut my eyes close. My heart pounded when I heard it hit some wood behind me.

I'm alive.

But that's just one. There's three more coming.

I opened my eyes widely and saw Mason in front of me already, grinning. Even though he is a bit far from my place the danger I feel wasn't lessened. Not even a bit.

"Let's begin."

He took something from his back pocket. A small bottle filled with some kind of dark brown liquid. He calmly extends his hands away from him as he open the bottle and pour this liquid from the three knives left.

What in the world is that??

Once the liquid had completely soaked all the knives, he eyed Jungkook and raised the empty bottle. "To my another boss, kamsahamnida." He bowed.

Another boss?

I looked at Jungkook but was confused when I saw his expression. It was the same as mine. We both don't understand the purpose of that liquid.

I then looked at the guy beside him.

Mason wasn't talking to his boss...

"What's that for?" Jeon Jungkook asked, equally confused as me.

"Who ever gets involved with this, will endure a slow death. First, the body will get numb, after exactly five hours there's difficulty in breathing. After two hours, the heart will stop to function, but in a slower pace. You see, it is purposely designed for torture." Mason explained.

"Kim Taehyung-ssi, this was actually more cruel than what I expected. But I like it. I mean, where's the fun in not seeing your victim suffer, right?"

I gasped.

Of course. I'll get badly hurt if I get stabbed with those knives but it may not be enough to kill me due to lack of impact. But with that liquid... it will be more than enough to take my life away.

How heartbreaking. He even invented that to help Mason destroy us.

But at least Yoongi will not be the one to suffer, right?

I'm fine. Seven hours is just quick.

It is... I'll endure it.

"Kim Jangmi. Everyone in this room knows why I chose to target you..."

He really wanted to take me away from Yoongi as a way to hurt him.

What a waste of life.

If ghosts are real, then I want to haunt him every night to remind him of this day. I want to give him bad dreams about dying. I want him to get nightmares about all series of deaths until he cries and beg the universe for a good night sleep.

If I die today, his soul dies with me.

"...so you better dodge well."

Another knife came flying towards me and hell it looked sharp. It spun around and its speed taught me that it's gonna hit me directly.

"Shit!"

I breathed heavily.

I pushed myself towards the ground and the impact with the floor hurt my arm that it might get swollen any minute now. Considering that I'm still tied with the chair.

I sighed and glared at him. With a bit of satisfaction building up inside me, I boasted with a raised eyebrow.

"I dodged."

At least somehow, there was a delay in my death.

I looked at the wooden wall behind me and almost freaked out after seeing the knife. It hit the wall directly and anyone can actually determine that this guy is good at using knives as a weapon. Maybe he had done this before to another target. Yoongi told us that his members were always in charge when it comes to killing their victims and Mason was the one who shot Jae eun. He sure is their real leader.

I stared at Jimin. Worry is written all over his face while looking down at me. But he still managed to show at least a bit of his encouraging smile.

"Well done." He whispered.

Now there's only two more remaining. In my current situation I have to admit that I won't be able to dodge anymore. Unless one of them gives me a chance and let me sit straight again.

But even if they did, Mason will still take his chance for sure. This is the third time now. The first hit was something like a way to make me panic while the second one was just luck.

I got goosebumps after realizing that I almost got stabbed. So close that it's surely over if only I did not fall.

But then again, it's not like I could think of a new chance to dodge the next knife.

"How are you gonna escape now?" Lilac tried annoying me. But I was already annoyed more than I could ever be so she's typically just wasting her energy.

It's funny how she had the guts to babble all over again even if her leg is hurt. I don't really think she's in the right position to scare me.

"You can't anymore. Just give up. Give Yoongi up."

Yeah... I know.

"What a desperate little bitch you are."

"So? At least you're dying."

"And so are you."

"Honey, I've accepted that I was shot because of a person stronger than me. He is my boss. You want to live? Then you should do the same, give up because it's pretty clear that we will win this war today."

I'm losing hope.

"Jangmi, trying to act strong when you're actually the weakest person in the room only makes you look stupid."

That face and that voice. It makes me want to vomit. I hate her so much for trying to bring me down all the time.

Ever since I was young, I knew that there's great courage and optimism within me. When some friends feel down, I was there to cheer them up. When my parents are sad, I just hug them tight until they get overwhelmed enough to forget what's bothering them. When Seokjin oppa doubts himself because of people who judged his talents in cooking, I make sure to help him in the kitchen more to reassure him that there's always room for improvements.

Of course life is not always about joy. I feel sad and upset sometimes but what can I do? I could even match Hoseok's energy.

Promoted as a manager in a well known coffee shop, it fulfilled my goals. But just when I was about to live that goal I reached, everything changed. And until then, my eyes were forced open in a world where optimism... courage and joy was never known.

That was the chapter of my life in which I can picture a pitch black surrounding with sounds of faint thunders everytime the memories comes back to mind. A very depressing yet remarkable chapter. It taught me that some people exist with a living body but dead hearts. Some lets their egos overcome the sense of humanity. It taught me that in this world full of me and Hoseok and Da Hee, there's also a world full of Mason, of Lilac...

...of Taehyung.

This life also taught me that no matter how hard things get, or how cruel some people could be, a day will come where you can just have a day off. Maybe even a week off.

I was the happiest after getting to know the other Kim family, when Da Hee and I felt so much delight just because we share the same surnames.

And I was the happiest living with my family along with Yoongi and Jimin. Even if it was only a short time, I know to myself that those days were the golden moments of this life of mine.

Those golden moments before this chaos.

Literally...it was the calm before the storm.

"Haven't I told you before? You are on your way to your own grave. Now you have arrived."

I clearly remember that time before new year when they cornered us. It was the day we found out about their new powerful leader who is Jeon Jungkook but at the same time, that was also the day she threatened our lives as if she's so sure of it.

---

"You're on your way to your grave. And you know what?" She smirked despite of her condition. "Min Yoongi is going to be mine. Or if not, I will gladly bury you with him in the dirt you actually belong."

---

She even threatened to kill Yoongi. The girl is not in love, she's obsessed.

"Do it." Lilac commanded Mason and he nodded once before raising his hand with a knife, getting ready to throw me another shot.

I weakly raised my head to watch Hara suddenly get her phone and rush to call someone. I don't know who it is, maybe a few more people coming over to kill my three friends remaining. It's who they are.

I have to accept it now. I think I'm good to go.

"Jungkook, Taehyung, they're here."

"Secure target!" Jungkook commanded and suddenly... the tables have turned.

I gulped. What is he talking about?

Why the hell is every guard behind Mason pointing their guns at him?!

"Mason," Taehyung's deep voice raised the pressure in the room.

Something's wrong.

"It's over. Don't even try."

"Kim Taehyung..." Jimin stuttered as his eyes are fixed on his friend. I couldn't even say anything. I don't understand.

My eyes went wide when we finally heard the sound of police sirens just near us.

"Shit." One of Mason's friends cursed. "Mason the police are here!"

"Damn you! I knew you were our enemies! Fuck!"

"Stay there." One of the guards ordered Mason.

Out of anger Mason tried to attack Jeon Jungkook including Hara and Taehyung but he was immediately hit with a baseball bat. He collapsed on the ground and coughed blood.

"I will kill all of you!!! You messed with the wrong person, I'm gonna destroy your lives just like how I did with them!"

"Of course not. You're spending your life in jail." Hara responded quickly. "Didn't you realize? We never tried to hurt you all this time even if there were hundreds of chances."

"Death is not enough for you, Mister." Jungkook gave him a smug look. "You just told us, where's the fun in not seeing your victim suffer, right?"

Damn.

Does it mean that we're finally going home?

They were not our enemies after all and Taehyung did not betray us. He is still our friend!

Loud murmurs were heard right behind the door and in just a split second one guard immediately let the officers in. Now I get it... it's a trap.

I looked at Jimin and couldn't help but cry again. We're saved. Everything is finally over.

One guard helped me get out of my chair and once I was already untied I firmly placed my hands on the ground for support. My body was suffocated too much and it felt hard to grasp some air. Especially my lying position earlier.

Still, we could finally go home now. I will wait for Seokjin oppa to recover and help get his restaurant back. I can become a manager for real, but only if it is still available. There's a lot of plans going on through my mind now.

This was it. Optimism, courage, joy. There's still room for those three.

All of them got captured by the police and Mason was the hardest to get hold of. I looked around and watched the bad ones getting handcuffed and pinned to the ground while some guards near us helped my friends get out of those chairs. Jungkook, Taehyung and Hara were staying at one corner while talking to one of the police officers as if reporting them about all of what occurred in this room.

"Watch out for that guy. Make sure he's handcuffed before leaving this room with him. If he tries to escape, use the taser device."

"Yes chief!"

All of them were now handcuffed and cornered...

No. All of them but one.

There was one missing.

My smile disappeared.

"AH!"

My vision went blurry as I open my mouth in shock.

That one person who went missing... someone who should've been captured a bit earlier than the others.

Because the rage of that particular person towards us was overwhelming.

Too overwhelming that despite this almost safe time with the safest people around us, that person still managed to hurt me.

Lilac....

"Kim Jangmi!"

"HYUNG LOOK OUT- ANDWAE!"

" Unnie! Oppa!!!"

I struggled to breathe.

The last thing that I heard was Da Hee's loud scream. Then followed by everyone else panicking. Until all of those voices began to echo inside my head and clouded my mind. I could not understand a thing anymore. All I can feel is the burning sensation on my shoulder.

Voices... they are all echoes inside my head. Everything seems so messy. Too loud. Too suffocating. If only I could get out and go to another place.

A quiet one.

---

The rays of the golden sunset soaked me with the warmth it possess.

I was ten years old.

I happily danced along with the faint music from the radio. It seemed like those old songs grown ups used to love. But until now that song is a famous one. The unique, mesmerizing voice of a man serenading his beloved.

Faint sound. The radio from inside the house could barely be heard, but enough for me since it's all peaceful in here.

((Now playing: Put your head on my shoulder by Paul Anka))

🎼Put your head on my shoulder

Hold me in your arms, baby
Squeeze me oh-so-tight
Show me that you love me too

Omma's words are the advices I shall never forget.

I'm not playing hide and seek anymore. Instead, I'm dancing. Because my prince is with me right now, we found each other. Not by me running away or him chasing me, but because we met each other halfway. We both had courage, and I love it!

Omma told me to be brave. She actually told a lot but that's what struck my heart the most.

'When you grow up, find a prince who's always ready to be a king for you.'

Well, maybe I misunderstood her. She does not wish for me to kneel and ask for a prince's hand but instead, she wants me to be brave and wise in finding my own king.

'In that way, you can live happily together.'

I smiled and danced more gracefully. I'm excited to meet the prince I deserve, who will also be my king someday. Just like omma and appa.

'Jangmi, my sweet girl. You don't always have to hide.'

'Be brave to love.'

'Because you don't always find people who have strong courage about things. If you love someone there would be no excuses.'

'So if you finally found that person, never let him go.'

---

I opened my eyes and saw Yoongi sitting in front of me. He seems weak.

I want to caress his face even if he looked tired and different from the calm guy who mesmerizes me with his looks. My hand slowly went up to his cheek and once our skins made contact, he gently pressed his cheek against my hand more.

My heart is beating faster. But now it is a soothing feeling because he's the one making my heart beat.

I love him so much. I just do.

No matter who he was. No matter who he is or who will he be in the far future.

My smile disappeared when his head slowly drifted towards me. He isn't controlling himself anymore, he's bound to sleep.

I know you're tired.

Without moving, I just allowed him to get closer, until his head unconsciously rested on my neck. Seeing a knife on his back hurt me too much. Mason was right about hurting Yoongi by hurting me. That's exactly what I'm feeling right now.

I can feel my own eyes close by itself, probably because of the liquid. So before I lose my consciousness, I wrapped my arm around him to feel him once more, because I need his existence with me. And if I die today, I want his presence to be the last thing that I will remember.

I gently kissed Yoongi's forehead.

Omma, I found him.

---

🎼People say that love's a game

A game you just can't win
If there's a way
I'll find it someday
And then this fool will rush in

Put your head on my shoulder
Whisper in my ear, baby
Words I want to hear
Tell me, tell me that you love me too

---

🌸🔪🌸