------Author's Note------

Hey guys!

Brief note before the start of this chapter! It just occurred to me that Koto's quirk is technically a made up word, so I figured I should mention that I've been pronouncing "illuse" as "ih-loose." The word stems from the word "illusion," so it's pronounced similarly.

That's all for now, enjoy!

•°•°•°•

Why did hurting him make me feel better?

Because he's done nothing other than hurt me since I've met him. I've given him plenty of opportunities, but he just doesn't know when to stop. 

Or does he?

At the festival...he...he bought me food. And...as much as I hate to admit it, I feel like we have…at least some semblance of understanding between us. 

But we got into that fight the other day. There's no way he would ever listen to an apology. 

Even if I feel bad enough for it to be genuine. 

But...it would be genuine. 

Of course I feel bad.

But at the same time...didn't he sorta deserve it?

Maybe I shouldn't have taken it so far.

I should've just stopped when All Might called time.

But would he have kept on attacking?

Was this self preservation?

It might've been a little past that.

Why is this so difficult?!?

"Young Yamada?" I feel a hand gripping my shoulder and trying to shake me out of my thoughts. 

My vision swims as I look up at the number one hero's concerned face. I faintly register Bakugo snapping at people to get away from him. 

"We're going to the teacher's lounge," All Might says before turning to the rest of the class. "Everyone go back to the locker rooms and change, then head to your classroom. And Kirishima!"

Said boy looks up from Bakugo's side. "Make sure young Bakugo gets to Recovery Girl."

"I CAN GET THERE JUST FINE BY MYSELF," the blonde snaps as he shakily stands and begins to stumble back to the school. 

Kirishima grins and gives our teacher a thumbs up. "Don't worry, sir. He's safe with me!"

"I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP, SHITTY HAIR!!" Bakugo shouts as Kirishima runs to catch up with him. And just in time to catch him before he falls face first into the dirt.

All Might puts a hand on my shoulder and guides me in the building. Yeah, as if I'd run, I think.

He wordlessly brings me to the teacher's lounge. I turn my gaze down to the floor as he opens the door. I can feel almost everyone's eyes on me. 

"Hizashi," All Might calls in a less than jovial tone. My heart clenches at the thought of how disappointed Mic will be. 

I've never really gotten in trouble in school before. I mean sure, there was the whole Kati situation, but with the accident afterwards, there was never an actual punishment, considering I immediately transferred to a new school. But now, there's going to be real consequences. He's going to hate me. 

The gravity of my situation crashes down on me and I feel the stress of the day take over. 

"Koto! What happened?!?" Mic shouts, rushing towards me. I can't bring myself to look up at his worried face. "Are you hurt?!?"

The tears welling in my eyes finally fall. He is going to be so disappointed when he figures out. He assumes I'm hurt! I've never given him a reason to believe I would be the one to hurt anybody! But that's all I've ever done! It's like I'm cursed or something! It's not even that I don't try to hurt people!

In that moment, I wanted to hurt Bakugo. 

And it felt good to hurt him!

What's wrong with me?!?

I feel hands gently grabbing me and leading me towards the couch. I flump down, sniffling through my hysteric sobs. Somebody mentions talking in the hallway, but I can't figure out who. Ultimately, I'm left alone to cry to myself. 

At some point, Midnight walks in and immediately runs to my side, rubbing circles on my back. Her touch is like fire, burning and uncomfortable. I shrink away from her, detesting the contact. Her shoulders slouch at my action, but I don't care. I don't want to be touched. My skin still burns from the explosion. I touch my forearms where welts are already starting to form.

As much as I know Mic trusts Midnight, I can't find it in me to do the same. She was the only one of the pro heroes that Mic had introduced me to when I first moved in with him. More like, she walked right into the house and saw me sitting there on the couch, eating pocky. At first, I had assumed she was his girlfriend or something, but it turns out, they're just best friends. He had hoped I would be able to bond with her, but she just bugs me. Maybe it's the way she dresses or carries herself or maybe it's how she tried to act like some sort of mother figure or family member when I had just lost mine. Maybe at another time, she and I could've been closer, but it was just too soon after what had happened. She saw me breaking down and I'm sure she thought she could help. Any time she's seen me breaking down, she's tried to comfort me, but that just pisses me off. She has told me to call her Nemuri every time I've seen her, but I insist on calling her Midnight.

After a while of just sitting there, Uncle Mic and All Might come back in. Mic's eyebrows are furrowed in concern. For the first time in a while, I see a piteous expression on his face. 

God, I hate that look of pity. It makes me feel so weak. 

Midnight stands to give us some space. Mic takes her seat, putting an arm around me. The leather of his jacket glides smoothly across my singed gym uniform. 

"Tell me what happened. Are you okay?" He asks quietly. I turn to him in shock, only to see a solemn look on his face. The same expression from my parents' funeral and when we left Grandma. 

No, no I'm not.

Looking down at my lap, I slowly shake my head. Mic pulls me to lay my head on his shoulder while I cry. Nothing that's happened has been okay. I got into two fights with Bakugo! Not just one, but two physical altercations!! I can't stop crying and I don't know why! 

I can't feel anything!!

And yet, I feel so overwhelmed at the same time. What's wrong with me? Why can't I figure out what's going on in my own head?

My thoughts are so jumbled up, I can't think straight anymore. Nothing makes sense. I just…

I need a break. 

I need to figure out what's happening. But will a break even help that? I don't know what I need. 

Maybe I need to buckle down and work. Maybe I'll figure out what's going on if I give myself something to do and be sure to recognize how it's affecting me. I also can't just step back from my school work. I would never be able to catch up if I got behind. 

But at the same time...I REALLY don't want to do work. I don't know what else I would do though. 

Mic rubs my shoulder slowly. "I spoke briefly with Uraraka in the hallway. She's coming over tonight to keep you company while I'm on patrol and then in the studio."

I sniffle and briefly nod, rubbing at my eyes. Keep me company? Yeah, right. He's put her on suicide watch. I know that look in his eyes. As if I'm going to pitch myself out the window if he says anything wrong. It makes me feel so angry.

"I can call Endeavor and postpone the meeting if you want," he says, already pulling his phone out.

Think before you make a decision. 

Do I actually want to see him today?

No.

But would I any day?

No.

Will it be better to go some other day?

No.

I'll just do it and get it over with.

I put my hand on his phone, holding it out of the way. "I'll go through with the meeting. It'll be in and out. I'll be sure not to stay too long."

"Koto are you sure about that?" He asks, appalled. 

I nod definitively, wiping the last of my tears away and setting my jaw. Yeah, I can do this. It's just a meeting. That's all. 

"Well…only if you're sure. You should get going, though. School just got out five minutes ago, little listener."

He ruffles my hair and stands up, going to his desk to finish his work for the day. Taking a deep breath, I push myself up and walk out. 

I change as quickly as possible and run back to the classroom. Thankfully, nobody is still here, so I grab my stuff and head for the door. Although, something catches my eye. 

Bakugo's bag is still slung over his chair and his towering stack of internship requests sits on his desk. I sigh, figuring he's still probably in Recovery Girl's office. 

Ugh, I should probably go apologize. But should I bring his stuff so he doesn't have to come back up? That's what any sane person would do, but he might get mad. He would probably think I don't have confidence in him to make it back up the stairs. I don't know how he organizes his backpack anyway, so I wouldn't want to put the papers in the wrong spot and risk whatever he'd do to me. 

But at the same time...I can at least try to do something nice, right?

I take my bag off my shoulder and pull out an empty folder I had bought for heroics class, but goodness knows All Might doesn't give us any worksheets or anything. I put all Bakugo's papers in, trying my best to keep them from getting dogeared or bent. When I am confident they won't fall out, I put both backpacks over my shoulders and exit the classroom. 

I head straight for Recovery Girl's office, clutching the folder tight to my chest, almost acting as a barrier to the verbal onslaught I'm preparing myself for. As I approach the room, screaming echoes down the hall. 

"I told you, ya wrinkled sack!! I feel fine! Let me go!!"

"For someone who practically had to be carried in here, you've got some nerve. Frankly, with my healing, your muscles are too exhausted to walk all the way home," Recovery Girl's even voice replies to the angry screeching. 

"You didn't have to call my old hag!!!"

"That's no way to talk about your mother, young man," she says sternly as I approach the door and quickly turn the knob. 

Better to get this over with quickly. 

They both fall silent as I enter, Recovery Girl shooting me a thankful smile while Bakugo glares daggers at me. I do a quick once over of the room to make sure we're alone. I only see empty beds other than the one Bakugo is trying to push himself off of. 

"Yes, dear? What do you need?" She asks in a jovial tonne, as if she wasn't scolding Bakugo a second ago. 

I gesture with my head towards the boy and she nods in understanding, leaving to go to one of her other rooms. 

"Whaddya want, Mute?" Bakugo growls at me lowly. 

Well, this is going better than expected. At least he's not yelling yet, I think to myself as I place the folder down on his bedside table, being careful to stay out of arm's reach. I take his backpack off and lay it by his bed as well. 

He just glares up at me, waiting for me to explain why I'm here. I sigh and raise my hands to sign, "I'm really sorry. I don't know what happened back there. I couldn't stop myself from using my quirk on you, and I don't know why."

"Why the fuck are you crying?!?" He practically shouts. Sure enough, tears are streaming down my face. I wipe my eyes, angry at their betrayal. "Never apologize for giving me a good fight," he says sternly, leaning back on his bed and looking at the wall opposite. 

Wha- but…he's not mad I beat him?

"I'm just pissed I couldn't break out of it. I should be stronger than that!!" He screams, running his hands through his hair angrily. It sounds as though he's more angry with himself than with me. 

Taking a few steps towards an almost certain death, I walk over and sit on the foot of his bed as he silently rages to himself. I snap my fingers to get his attention. 

"You're plenty strong. The problem is when I use my quirk on someone, their muscles just stop listening to them. Nobody can blame you for not being able to fight it."

He scoffs as I lower my hands. "If I'm 'plenty strong,' then why the fuck do I keep losing?!?" His voice is strained, almost as though he's asking himself instead of me. I'm not sure whether to respond or not, but he keeps going. "That weakling Deku beat me in the battle training at the beginning of the year and that fucking icyhot bastard wouldn't even use his full power on me!! He thinks I'm fucking weak!!!"

"Trust me, anybody who's met you and seen you fight, wouldn't think in their right mind that you're weak. Conceited, yes. Arrogant, definitely. Egotistical beyond belief-"

"Yeah, yeah, I fucking get it, Mute," he snaps, cutting me off. 

We sit there for a few moments, just staring at each other, before he looks down at his hands. A tense silence fills the room. I shift lightly on the bed, running a hand through my hair and getting ready to make my escape, when he speaks up again. 

"Did I do that to you?" I glance up to see his eyes directing at my hand that is in my hair. I quickly put it down and pull my sleeve further over my wrist to hide the burn, but he leans forward with a groan and grabs my arm. I gasp at the pressure he puts on it. "Dammit," he growls. 

I look away as he pushes back my sleeve lightly and examines the blisters lining my arms. "We need to get Recovery Girl back in here," he says, turning to call into the other room, but I smack my hand over his mouth. He pushes it away, asking incredulously, "bitch, what the fuck?" 

"It's not that bad. I'll take care of it when I get home," I sign. He scowls, but doesn't argue. 

We sit for another moment before we both realize he's still holding my arm. I roll my sleeve back down as we both pull away, cautious to not irritate the burns. I only notice how warm his touch was in its absence. Part of me chastises myself for making him let go. It's only a small part, though. The rest of me is screaming to get out of this room with the ticking time bomb.

"What's that thing you did to my arm at the festival?" His voice is quiet and holds no malice. 

I raise my hands to sign, being very conscious to not make him raise his voice again, "I could tell your arms were tense from using your power, so I hit a few pressure points to relax them."

He returns his gaze to his hands when I stop signing. After a brief moment, where he seems to contemplate deeply, he looks back up, his deep red eyes glinting in confusion, and simply asks, "why?"

"Why did you buy me food?" I reply with a small grin. 

"Answer my fucking question, Mute!!!" He shouts in my face. 

I sigh and comply. "I knew you weren't going to go to the infirmary for it, but it looked like it would inhibit your next match if it wasn't fixed."

"But why care?" He sneers, slowly but surely calming down again. 

"I don't know," I answer honestly. "Now why did you buy me food?" I quickly ask before he can say anything more. 

"Cause I knew you weren't fucking gonna eat if I didn't," he mumbles, looking away. He runs a hand through his hair as he continues. "It just pisses me off when you don't eat anything. You shouldn't be able to properly function without food, yet you're somehow one of the strongest in the class. But now it makes sense, with that death wish you have," he growls.

I sigh, internally debating how much to tell him. My stomach churns with nerves, but I push that feeling away. I look down at my hands as I sign, not wanting to meet his eyes, "It was a while ago. I was stupid, but it felt justified at the time. I'm not like that anymore, but when you told me to kill myself, it brought me back to where I was then. And it scared me…As for the food thing, I just have such bad anxiety that I can barely eat anything. It's not a choice. I can't force myself to eat any more than I already do. Even now, it's a struggle."

That's a whole lot more than I wanted to tell him. But I guess the cat's out of the bag now. 

Still not looking at him, I stand from his bed and start walking to the door, but it suddenly shoots open, revealing a woman with shaggy blonde hair and angry red eyes. 

Oh. My. Lanta! His mother looks exactly like him, I think in amusement. 

Her fiery glare immediately locks onto her son. "What the hell did you do this time?!?" She screams. 

"The fuck do you mean?!?"

She stalks over to him and smacks him hard on the back of his head. I have to put a hand over my mouth to stop from laughing. 

"You and your fucking pride keep jumping into shit and look at what happens!!"

"And why the fuck do you think this is my fault, old hag?!?"

Before they can start what might turn into an actual fistfight, I sneak out the door and run down the hall. When I make it outside, I take a deep breath of the rainy air, open my umbrella, and start on my walk. 

Ugh, Endeavor. At least talking to Bakugo and seeing his mom harass him put me in a slightly better mood. Now I can't say all of today was dreadful. 

I splash down the hill, rain boots squeaking on the wet pavement. I suddenly see my shadow grow in front of me and hear an engine behind me. I hop over to the side of the road in just enough time to see a gray minivan speeding past. 

Huh, I wonder who that is, I think sarcastically. 

I'm surprised, however, when the car comes to an abrupt stop and begins backing up. I stare at it, brows furrowed as it stops right next to me. The window rolls down for me to see Bakugo's mom smiling at me kindly while he sulks in the passenger seat, not looking at me. I notice he has changed out of his soaking gym uniform and back into his regular UA uniform.

"Excuse me, dear, but do you need a ride somewhere?" She asks in a sweet voice, much different than the one she uses with her son. I quickly shake my head no, not wanting to bother her. "Are you sure? I would hate to think you had to walk all the way home in the rain."

I nod, signaling I'm sure, and continue walking, but the car just rolls along beside me. "Really, dear. It's not too much trouble!"

"Just get in the fucking car, Curly!" Bakugo groans from his seat. 

"That's no way to speak to your classmate, Katsuki!!" His mother screams, smacking him this time in the face. 

"Watch it, hag!!" He screams back. 

This car could explode at any moment. 

"Really, I have no problem driving you," her voice has regained it's sweet tone. I sigh, not sure how to get out of this. 

"Give her the front seat!!" She screeches at her son. 

"And why the fuck would I do that?!?"

"Maybe cause I'm your mother and have blackmail on you," she says smugly. I watch as the boy's face flickers briefly with horror before it returns to anger. 

"This family is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE!!!!" Bakugo screams, angrily throwing open his door and moving to the back. I sigh again, knowing they won't take no for an answer. 

I rush over to the other side, folding up my umbrella as I sit down. "Thank you," I sign when I get situated. 

The woman's smile falls for a moment, her eyebrows pinching together. 

"She said 'thank you,'" Bakugo growls from the backseat, crossing his arms and looking out the window. 

His mother's face becomes one of pure joy. "Oh! You're very welcome, dear!! I guess you must be the reason Katsuki is learning sign language, huh!"

I glance back at him, but he is still staring intently out the window, jaw clenched angrily. So he's learning sign language outside of my lessons, huh? I turn back to his mother with a smug smile and give a shrug and a nod. 

"Aww!! Well I'm glad to see that sack of shit is making friends!"

"She's not my friend!" Bakugo snaps from the backseat, but his mother ignores him. 

"You can call me Mitsuki, now where is it I need to take you?" I take out my phone and pull up the location. 

Hmm, it's in another town, but it's not too far from here. I should go to the station. 

I snap at Bakugo to get his attention and then sign my request. 

"She says she has to go somewhere in another town, so just bring her to the station," he grumbles before seeming to come to a realization. "Wait, I thought you said you live in town."

I pause for a moment before nodding. "I have something else I need to do before I go home."

"So what're you plannin' on doing 'bout your arms?" He asks angrily.

"What's wrong with your arms, dear?" Mitsuki asks, mildly alarmed. When I pause, she speaks up again. "Roll up your sleeves."

Her voice has that same commanding tone her son has. Unsure of how to get out of this situation, I just comply, rolling up the sleeve closest to her. 

Immediately, I can sense her anger. "KATSUKI, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!! IS THIS WHO YOU GOT INTO A FIGHT WITH?!?" Mitsuki screeches at a volume to rival Mic's excited speaking volume. 

"IT WAS FIGHT TRAINING, YA OLD HAG!!!"

She turns around in her seat and smacks her son repeatedly on the head. "APOLOGIZE!!!"

"Fuck, no!! She knew what was coming to her when we fought! It still didn't stop her from attacking after the time was called!!"

"You know full well that I couldn't stop that attack if I tried!" I illuse, defending myself. "That was a split second after he called time!"

Mitsuki looks at me with wide eyes, unsure of how I'm speaking while not actually speaking. 

"Yeah, that's her fucking quirk or whatever," Bakugo grumbles. "She can make sound, but never fucking uses it to talk like a normal person."

"I'm sure she has her reasons," Mitsuki says, sending me another sweet smile as she leans over to the glove compartment, pulling out a first aid kit. "I've kept this in here ever since Katsuki got his quirk. Never gonna know when you'll need burn cream!"

She pulls out a roll of gauze and a round container. "Take off your jacket."

I hastily do as she says, rolling up both my sleeves so she can assess the damage done to my forearms. While Bakugo grumbles in the back, she applies the salve to my arms and wraps them tight in bandages. I sign, "thank you," and roll down my sleeves again. She sends me another bright smile when her son translates. I know she won't let him live this whole experience down for a long time.

"It's really no problem. Now, to the station!!" She cheers, stepping on the gas. 

Huh, she drives like Uncle Mic, I think with a small grin as we weave through the traffic.