"Thank you for bringing me here," sambit ko kay Jhon Rey. Hawak niya pa rin ang stuff toy na ngayo'y kawawa na dahil sa leeg niya ito bitbit. Baka hindi na 'yon makahinga.

"If you have things you want to do, you can tell me," Jhon Rey remarked.

"I want to go to Tokyo Disneyland," bulalas ko. We're now walking toward the parking lot. It is just a short time here, but I really had fun.

Nakita ko siyang tumawa. "I'll take note of that."

"Have you been there?" tanong ko.

Umiling siya. "Why not Hong Kong Disneyland?" tanong niya naman.

"Mas gusto ko sa Japan. Malay ko kung makita ko si Kento Yamazaki ro'n."

"Kento?" Kumunot ang noo niya.

"He's my crush. Alam mo ba, 'yon ang ipinangalan ko sa baby natin. I mean, sa baby na nandito." Tinapik ko ang tiyan ko.

"Really?" Tumango ako.

Wait, hindi ko pala dapat binanggit ang tungkol do'n. He might think na feel na feel ko na may anak kami. Haist. I'm such a stupid person. Paano ko ba patitigilan ang bibig ko sa kasa-salita ng walang katuturan?

"Kento...hmm...it sounds unique. By chance, does it have a meaning?"

"Health," I muttered. He might be thinking that I am so ahead of myself. Sana hindi ko na lang talaga nabanggit sa kaniya ang tungkol do'n. Nakakahiya.

"I see. It was a weird name when I first heard it, but thinking it means health, it's okay."

I breathe out of relief. Akala ko maiinis siyang muli sa akin.

"The ring..." Napatingin ako sa singsing na suot ko sa kamay ko nang bigla niya itong ituro. "I was just kidding when I said that I was supposed to give it to someone."

Hindi ko inaasahang aaminin niya iyon. Although alam ko na ang tungkol doon dahil lihim akong nakikinig kanina, hindi ko maiwasang may maramdamang kakaiba dahil sa sinabi niya. Hindi ko rin alam ang sasabihin ko.

"Hindi mo ba talaga gusto 'yong design? Should we buy a new one?" may halong pag-aalala niyang tanong.

Hinawakan ko ito, bago umiling. "No. I was kidding too. I like it. I really do. It's simple, but it stands out in my hand."

Tumango siya. Hindi siya ngumiti, pero parang nakahinga siya nang maluwag.

"I am relieved. Let's go now. It's getting late." Inalalayan niya ako papasok sa kotse niya. Nagulat ako nang ibigay niya sa akin 'yong stuff toy bago niya isara ang pinto sa passenger seat.

Minamasdan ko siya habang naglalakad papunta sa kabila papasok sa driver's seat. I wonder if this is what Quency always feels when Jhon Rey takes good care of her. I get to see a glimpse of him being a good guy tonight. I remembered why I felt something when I saw him the first time, because it was how I imagined he would be if I ever got into a relationship with him.

And now we're getting married with no relationship in between.

Kinabit ko na rin ang seatbelt ko at niyakap ko ang stuff toy bago tumingin sa daan. Sandali lang ay nakapunta na kami sa Japanese restaurant malapit sa night fair na tinutukoy niya.

Ngayon lang din ako nakapunta sa ganitong lugar. The interior is something like an old Japanese house, and some Japanese phrases are on the wall that I don't clearly understand. The chairs and table are neat and organized.

Nagpunta na rin kaya sila rito?

I sat at the table. Jhon Rey is sitting in front of me, busy talking to the guy taking our orders.

"Two tonkatsu ramen, please, and two jasmine teas," Jhon Rey ordered. I let him order for us because I am unfamiliar with this place and with the kind of food they serve.

Tama, malamig kanina sa labas kaya we really need this. Inalis ko ang cap na suot ko bago ako tumingin sa paligid.

May mga kabataan ding kumakain dito, pero mabibilang lang. Mostly mga couples at matatanda na kani-kaniyang higop ng sabaw. Parang gusto ko na rin humigop ng sabaw. Natatakam ako!

Narinig kong kumulo ang tiyan ko. Gutom na ako!

"Are you okay?" tanong niya. Tumango ako.

"Are you sure? The waiting time is 5 to 10 minutes. Do you want a biscuit?" he added.

Umiling ako. "It's fine. I can wait."

"Tsk. But the baby..."

Napanganga ako.

"Wait for me a second. I think there's a biscuit in the car. I'll be back." Agad siyang umalis at wala pang isang minuto nang bumalik siya.

"Here." Inabot niya iyon sa 'kin. Sinalingan niya rin ng tubig ang baso ko.

Nakatingin lang siya sa akin habang kumakain ako. I do not know why he's suddenly acting like this. Kapag ipinagpatuloy niya pa ang pagtrato niya sa akin ng ganito, baka hindi ko na talaga mapigilang mahulog sa kaniya. I might be greedy and think all this is true.

I sighed. Kumain na lang ako at kinuha ang cellphone ko. Magche-check na lang ako ng news habang naghihintay sa order namin. I don't want to insist on any conversation with Jhon Rey now. It's getting uncomfortable when he becomes so sweet and caring like this.

Nagulat ako nang biglang tumunog ang phone ko. Napatingin ako kay Jhon Rey nang makita kong nag-flash sa screen ang pangalan niya. Why is he calling me?

Sinagot ko iyon.

"Why are you calling? I'm literally in front of you," sagot ko.

"And yet you're using your phone before me," he sulked. The wrinkle on his forehead is cute. I can't believe that I can also witness that one.

"I'm just reading news," sagot ko, pero ang totoo'y nagbi-bisibisihan lang ako para hindi ako magkaroon ng dahilan na kausapin siya.

"About what?"

"A sudden news of a K-pop idol."

Nakita kong kumunot ang noo niya. "What happened?"

"He was found dead." My voice broke. Ang mga sinasabi ko sa kaniya ay ang mga bagay na nakikita ko ngayon sa screen na nahintuan ko kaka-scroll down.

Hindi ko alam bakit nakaramdam ako ng kirot sa dibdib ko. I am not a fan, but I listened to their songs back then, so I know him and his members. It was so sudden because, of all the idols I know, he has the brightest smile.

Hindi ko mapigilang maging emosyonal. Gusto kong tanungin kung bakit niya nagawang magpakamatay, pero naalala kong ginawa ko nga rin pala 'yon. Did he feel the same pain I felt?

"How did he die?" Mukhang invested na rin siya sa bagay na dahilan ng pagkabahala ko.

"There's no confirmation if it's a suicide, but they are doing an autopsy."

"I see. Do you want to discuss it over the phone or in person? How are you feeling? Do you want to cry?"

I don't know why I suddenly came to tears. I can't seem to forget myself when I was in that comfort room—agonizing for all that happened. It breaks my heart.

Napayuko ako para subukang itago ang mga luha. Maging ang phone ko'y bumagsak mula sa kamay ko. I was shocked by that news, and it triggered me too.

I saw my wrist. The scars will be forever here and in my heart.

Naramdaman ko ang pagsuot ni Jhon Rey ng cap sa ulo ko. "I'm sorry, it was my fault," he completely stated. "I shouldn't have said that before."

Umupo siya sa tabi ko. "I'm so sorry, Sheen May." Ang mga kamay niya'y pumatong sa balikat ko. Maya-maya lang ay naramdaman ko na ang mainit niyang yakap. Hinahaplos niya ang likod ko pero ni minsan ay hindi ako sinabihang tumahan.

He was letting me cry it all out. It was silent cries, but full of questions. And somehow, I felt lucky because I was saved. Kung mayroon lang din sanang isang taong nakapagligtas doon sa lalaki, sana narito pa rin siya. Masyadong maikli ang buhay para mas lalong paikliin.

A few minutes had passed when I calmed down. He chooses to remain, sitting beside me. Our orders also arrived, and I was eating quietly. Actually, I still cried whenever I remembered what happened to me because the news triggered those memories, but I tried to stop being emotional. It must be pregnancy hormones.

After we ate, he took me home. It was almost 10 pm.

"I'm sorry, you're going home late tonight," I commented. Jhon Rey also got out of the car, and we were in front of our house.

"It's fine. I told you. I also want to make it up to you when I leave you at that time. I was a total dork." He must be talking about when we went on our first date. Noong iwanan niya ako nang mawalan ako ng malay sa High Street.

"I understand. The love of your life was there. You must be really occupied at that time," I acknowledged.

"I'm sorry," he pleaded again.

It felt new to hear him apologize. I was yearning to hear it from him, and now he finally did. I'm astonished.

"Thank you for tonight. I really had fun," dagdag ko pa.

"Good to hear that."

I nodded and smiled. I was about to go inside when I heard him speak again.

"Should I greet your parents before leaving?" he asked. "I brought you home late. I should do that, at least."

I was just there looking at him, mesmerized by what he said.

"Are you sure?"

Muli, tumango siya. Masyadong malamig ang simoy ng hangin pero ramdam na ramdam ko sa puso ko ang init ng gabi dahil sa mabuting pagtrato niya sa akin. Hindi ko mapigilang mamangha. Kung araw-araw lang sana siyang ganito, hindi ko kailangang mangamba.

We entered the gate of our house together. The maids greeted us as they welcomed me. I saw Dad's car parked in the garage, so he must be here now.

"Sweetie!" bati sa akin ni mom nang makita niya akong dumating sa pamamahay namin. I saw her out of the kitchen. She removed her oven mitts and apron when she approached us.

"Jhon Rey, you're here too! Have you eaten dinner?"

Jhon Rey nodded. "Yes, we already ate together."

"I see. By any chance, do you want to bring some cupcakes to your home? I made some. You can also bring some for your mom," pag-aalok ni mom.

"Mom, he's living alone," I stated.

"Oh, I see. Alright. I'll pack some for you, Jhon Rey. Hold on and have a seat first."

Mom left. I was about to invite Jhon Rey to sit in the living room when we saw Dad coming down the stairs. He saw us.

"The son of Carpio, what brought you here?" tanong ni Dad. Agad akong napalunok dahil mabilis akong kinain ng kaba.

"I just want to bring your daughter home and greet you, sir, since I brought her late. Although I already informed her mom about this, I think I should at least say hi," Jhon Rey explained. So he was updating my mom?

"That's good to hear that you're being respectful towards us." Dad finally got down the stairs and came in front of us. "We will get along if you continue being like that. Anyway, I would like to invite your family tomorrow for dinner to discuss your marriage preparation."

Agad akong napalingon kay Jhon Rey. Tumango naman siya habang seryosong nakatingin kay dad. Napalunok akong muli. Napaseryoso nilang dalawang tingnan. Nakakatakot. 

I began to be curious about what they talked about when I was gone for three weeks lying cold at the hospital.

"I will inform them. We'll be here. I promise, sir."

"Great."

"Would you be alright?" I whispered. He glanced at me. "I'll be here tomorrow. Don't worry," he assures. Paanong hindi ako mag-aalala kung ang pinag-uusapan nila ay ang tungkol sa kasal namin? 

Thank God, Mom came with the box of cupcakes. Naantala ang pagtititigan ni dad at ni Jhon Rey. Mon gave boxes of cupcakes to the man beside me. Napatingin ako sa box na iyon at muli kong naalala noong bigyan ko rin si Jhon Rey ng cupcakes dahil siya ang nakapulot ng wallet ko at isinurender sa lost and found office. 

I saw him smile. "Thank you, Mrs. Carpio."

"Don't mention it. Take care on your way home. Inform me if you get home safely."

"I will."

Nagpaalam na rin siya sa akin, pero sinundan ko siya palabas ng bahay namin.

"Jhon Rey!" I called him without any hesitation. He turned to me. "Are you sure about this?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" Nakakunot-noo niyang tanong.

"About this marriage. I told you, you could back out. You don't have to come to the family dinner if you don't like it."

He walked towards me and patted my head.

"Don't think too much." I was surprised when he kissed my forehead as if he were brushing away all my anxieties. "I'm going home now."

Napatango na lang ako, habang pinagmamasdan siyang lumalabas sa gate. 

I held my chest.

Why do you keep making my heart call for you, Jhon Rey?