A/N: Discussion on SH. I suggest not skipping since it is important to the plot of the story and the chapter. That's my recommendation. It's not a heavy discussion but it's still presentable.

(4439 words)
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September 21, 2024

Aidan and Isaiah might not have hung out as much as one would think. After all, they had their individual lives to live.

When Isaiah turned 21, he moved to live with Karlos, just as they always planned. With Isaiah having a job and Karlos's dad providing him with financial aid until he finishes school, they finally decided to make the plan come true.

Isaiah was offered a job as a child development specialist while he worked on his master's in psychology. Karlos was studying to be a technical director, one who imagines set designs for Broadway stages and builds them with the help of a crew. Those were their dreams and they were working hard to achieve them.

So far, having a roommate wasn't bad, especially since they were best friends. Some nights, they would stay up until the early hours of dawn watching movies or shows, resulting in the two having to drag each other out of their apartment to get to work and school on time.

Isaiah always liked to have a plan, a structure on how his day would go. He includes his newfound responsibilities, his job, and his long-time friend into this schedule. And, now and then, Aidan is added into his plan, as promised.

Aidan has been doing well with his individual life as well. At 18, he moved out of his house to an even smaller apartment than Isaiah and Karlos. He works at a grocery store on weekdays during the day and a waiter at a local bar at night during weekends. His salary isn't enough to cover him so he's registered with food stamps and his mother sends him money every month since they managed to gain a good relationship before he left.

He was always busy and exhausted, yet he still made plans to spend time with Isaiah. Often, they were working at the same hours so marking dates on their calendars to hang out was somewhat easy for the two. Yet, none of them wanted to jinx their luck so they never spoke of it.

Today was one of those days they had planned to meet up. They were set to go to the cinema and currently, Isaiah's alarm was annoying the living fuck out of him.

Last night was one of those nights Karlos and Isaiah stayed up until 3 in the morning rewatching their favorite film trilogy. Isaiah doesn't remember what time he went to bed. The last thing he remembers is falling asleep during the 3rd movie. He guesses Karlos carried him to his room, as he often did whenever Isaiah passed out from fatigue, before heading to his room.

Isaiah groans, squirming to turn off the alarm, and grabs his phone off the nightstand, scrolling through Tiktok to let the funny videos wake him up.

By 8 o'clock, he was leaving his bed and heading to his somewhat empty closet. He opened it, settling for a white dress shirt and black trousers, the same outfit he wears every day for work. He brushed his hair with his comb, applying hairspray for it to stay in place. When he was satisfied with his look and opened his bedroom door, his first view was Karlos sitting by the kitchen table, sipping on a mug of coffee while scrolling through his phone.

Upon hearing the squeaks of Isaiah's door opening, Karlos looked up, a soft smile casting on his lips when he spotted the other.

"Morning," he greeted, not taking his eyes off his best friend as he dragged himself to the kitchen.

"Morning," Isaiah mumbled. He headed over to the countertop where an empty mug and a half-full pot of coffee stood. He yawned as he poured himself a cup, the cream and sugar already in the mug so all he'd have to do was stir and drink it.

"You working early today?" Karlos asked, now with his eyes back on his phone.

"At nine." Isaiah sat down next to Karlos. "You?"

"I was planning on staying home and finishing my homework."

Isaiah hummed, taking a sip of his coffee. "Hey, after work, you wanna do something? Maybe go out and eat?" Karlos set his phone down.

"Can't. I have homework too. I should have done it last night but that didn't happen. Besides, I already made plans with Aidan like a week ago. We're going to the movies."

"Ah ok," Karlos nodded, grabbing his phone again. "Busy day then?"

"Yup," Isaiah replied, popping the 'p'.

Karlos's smile grows wider, finding it funny how apathetic Isaiah gets when he's worn out. Don't get him wrong, he was just as tired but for the sake of teasing Isaiah, he was not going to show it.

"You want me to look over the videos they sent you and write down notes for you?" he gives Isaiah the puppy eyes that he knows annoy him. And it works because, in response, Isaiah rolls his eyes.

"Could you?" he copied, hoping he was irritating the other just as he irritated him. "Your notes are always so much easier to understand. But of course, if it's not too much."

It doesn't work. "No, I'll do it. I'll even attend your meetings since I seem to know more about your major than you."

Isaiah rolled his eyes again, playfully punching Karlos's arm, who let out a light laugh. "Stop it, psychology is hard, okay! Besides I don't understand how you find time to do all this, I don't even have time to do all this."

"I don't have a job Isaiah." And Isaiah knows Karlos will do as promised.

Karlos gets up, takes his empty mug, and heads to the sink.

"I wish I had you there for testing too. Their wording is difficult," he pouts. The sound of the faucet turning on and the water running directs his attention to Karlos, who is rinsing his dirty mug.

"Yeah, that's why you read."

"I do read!"

"Fanfictions don't count!" Karlos remarks as he walks towards Isaiah.

Isaiah pouts with his eyebrows furrowed. "You woke up mean today."

Karlos chuckles, reaching over and ruffling Isaiah's hair when he's close enough, muttering a quiet 'cute'. Isaiah's stubborn pout doesn't disappear.

"Well." Karlos takes Isaiah's empty mug. "I'm going to go study now. I'll see you later, alright?"

Isaiah nods, standing up to grab his keys and mask off the countertop and his coat from the coat rack. He bids his friend goodbye, the other returning it before he exits his apartment, heading to work.

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Isaiah spent the whole day with a little boy, a new client accompanied by his mother. He watched as the kid played with the toys provided to him and took notes on his behavior.

It wasn't difficult or new for Isaiah, who was used to his job by now. However, he never liked seeing these children suffer problems so young.

Isaiah always remembers how happy he was when he was a child and it saddens him how these children, the children he sees daily will never get to experience the phase of childhood innocence.

Most of the time, when a child entered his office, they looked anxious, nervous to be close to him. Isaiah understands, he was a stranger after all, so with a caring voice, patience, and calm aura, a child learns to trust him enough to be comfortable in his presence. What motivates Isaiah at his job is the fact that he can help in giving the child a brief glimpse of childhood happiness. Even if it's just for a moment.

He found his purpose, as he liked to label it, something he always questioned.

For many years, he believed he didn't have one because he learned to accept that there was never a point in living. His job changed his view on that opinion.

He found his purpose to live now.

He's grateful for being alive.

Because of the love and motivation for his job, his day went by relatively fast.

He clocked out at 4 o'clock, after tidying his office and making plans for the following day. After all, it was always good to be prepared.

After taking an elevator and walking around the building to the nearest parking lot, he entered his car and shot a quick text to Aidan, asking if they were still on for their date tonight. Once he sent the message, he began driving to his apartment.

Upon arriving, Isaiah noticed Karlos at the kitchen table, eating leftovers from the night before with his phone in hand. He looked up seeing the door open.

"What are you doing home so early? I thought you were going out." Karlos stared at Isaiah confusedly, who was taking off his coat and hanging it on the coat rack.

"I had to change. I'm not wearing my work clothes on a date."

Date.

Isaiah walked to the kitchen counter, leaving the keys there before heading to his room, removing his mask as he walked. Karlos hummed in response, using his chopsticks to grasp a piece of the sauced rice cake from his dish of tteokbokki before placing it in his mouth, nodding to the taste.

"Why not? You look fine," he called out with a full mouth.

"I don't care if I look fine. I want to look good," Isaiah informed the other with two outfits in hand.

He looks at himself in his desktop dresser mirror, placing each outfit in front of himself to see which one he likes better to wear tonight. It's rather difficult since he was very indecisive, having to repeatedly rotate between the outfits, yet it didn't help at all.

Karlos shrugged. "Okay" He took another bite of his food.

After what seemed forever, Isaiah settled for a mix of both outfit choices he's been debating between.

He took the understated white dress shirt from the first outfit choice and the navy slacks from the second outfit choice. Isaiah happened to find a sweater vest with a busy pattern in his closet, which he thought finished his attire off. After brushing his hair once again, keeping it flat for a casual look, he decided to dab a tint of lipstick, making them appear fuller.

Satisfied with his appearance, he smiled at the person in the mirror.

Before heading out his bedroom door, he grabbed his sunglasses and mask off the desktop dresser and rushed out.

"How do I look?" he asked Karlos, who was scrolling through his phone, his food almost done but likely cold now.

The second Karlos's eyes glanced at Isaiah having his arms spread out so Karlos could judge his outfit completely, his eyes slightly widened.

Wow.

Quickly, he blinked, eyes returning to their calm, nonchalant stare. "You look the same," he teased, chuckling.

Isaiah brought his arms down in disappointment. "Come on, be honest," he whined.

Karlos rolled his eyes, telling him not to stress about it, that he looked fine. With the reassurance, Isaiah smiled pleased, the panic in his eyes diminishing.

"Why are you trying to impress this guy? I thought you said you were on good terms and were just friends."

Isaiah searches for his wallet as Karlos talks to him. When he finds it, he digs through it, wondering if he had enough money for tonight or whether he was going to have to make a quick stop at the ATM.

"We are but..." Isaiah felt his cheeks heating up. "I kind of feel like he likes me," he finishes, keeping his eyes glued to the wallet in his hands he's fidgeting with.

He wasn't just talking about Aidan, Karlos knew that much. Isaiah was talking about himself too.

He was becoming just as fond of Aidan as Karlos became fond of Isaiah long ago.

He hesitated to let him go, remembering how in the many times he came back from hanging out with Aidan, he would burst into tears and Karlos would have to run to comfort him. It scared him to think Aidan was hurting him but the thing is, Isaiah never told him.

Amid the breakdowns, Karlos would ask if he had done anything to him; hurt him in any way. Isaiah's response was always shaking his head.

At one point, asking became pointless, so he stopped.

What truly scares him is to discover he's been right and one day, he won't be there to protect his best friend.

"Hmm, well call me if you need anything." Now he sounded like a mother hiding the hesitation of letting him go to not upset Isaiah. Then again, he couldn't help it. "I'm not too far from my phone."

Isaiah nodded, grabbing his keys and putting on his sunglasses and mask. "Ok. See you later."

"See you," Karlos said as he watched his best friend close the door behind him.

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Truth being, Isaiah has never felt so tired in his life. Maybe he has but he doesn't remember.

All Isaiah can count on is that he's five seconds from having a narcolepsy attack. Not literally.

It was likely the result of his lack of sleep. Or it was because of the movie showing on the projection screen in the dim room.

The film was about crimes and police chases and loud explosions that spooked him awake... and it was the most boring thing he'd ever seen.

And they talked so low!

How could Isaiah understand them??

Craning his head, he saw Aidan resting his cheek on his palm, looking equally bored but doing his best to be interested in the movie. Isaiah pursed his lips, reaching his arm over to place his hand on Aidan's knee to grab his attention.

Aidan flinches at the touch but relaxes upon seeing who the hand on his knee belonged to. He faced Isaiah with wide eyes, ready to listen.

Isaiah scoots closer to whisper in his ear. "Do you want to go?"

"Why?"

"You look bored. Are you liking the movie? Be honest."

Well no but you might be.

"Well, we paid for it, Isaiah. We might as well stay." Isaiah nodded, turning around to focus on the movie.

Aidan noticed how Isaiah's hand had not moved, now on his thigh. For the sake of it, Aidan didn't do anything about it.

Isaiah kept drifting off to the movie that when he finally fell asleep, his consciousness woke him up unexpectedly, scaring him.

Aidan even felt Isaiah squeeze his thigh as a reaction of a flinch.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked him, immediately picking up on Isaiah's scanning eyes, confused with his surroundings. Until it seemed to click in his head.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm good. Just a little tired."

He didn't want to lean to Aidan's side to respect his boundaries and he couldn't lean on his other side because a stranger sat there. But Aidan has proven to be an expert in reading Isaiah's mind.

"Do you want to sleep on my shoulder?" he offers.

Surprised, he shook his head. "No, it's fine," Isaiah politely rejected, a yawn suddenly escaping his plump lips.

"You look really tired, and we might be here awhile. Go ahead, I don't mind." Isaiah saw the genuineness in his eyes and gave in, leaning his head against Aidan's shoulder.

In seconds, he fell into a peaceful slumber, one arm wrapped around himself while the other stayed on Aidan's leg.

Aidan glanced at the sleeping boy then at his hand. Without much thought or hesitation, he grabbed Isaiah's hand, holding it with care.

He felt himself drifting off to sleep, placing his head on top of Isaiah's.

Their hands stayed interlocked as the boring movie kept playing in the background.

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The applauding audience woke Aidan and Isaiah up with a flinch, making Aidan let go of Isaiah's hand. He raised his head with puffy, sleepy eyes, moving his shoulder, signaling Isaiah to wake up, not knowing that he was awake already.

Aidan squinted his eyes, scanning around to see the closing credits of the gigantic screen, as well as the people getting up from their seats and leaving.

Isaiah rubbed his eyes and glanced at Aidan, repeatedly blinking to wake himself up more. Upon feeling a pair of eyes on him, Aidan craned his head to the boy next to him. Isaiah gave him a lazy smile, which Aidan returned.

Like Aidan, Isaiah looks around to observe the environment around him, seeing the emptier theater and the credits still scrolling on the screen.

"You wanna go now?" he turns back to the other.

Aidan nodded and stood up, looking at Isaiah as he waited for him to do the same. The pair walked out of the theater side by side.

They groaned when the main hallway's light dawned on them.

Has the cinema always been this bright?

Now Isaiah could only imagine how much worse it's going to be when they step outside.

He was right.

The sun practically blinded them and they had to squint and hold a hand above their eyes. Luckily, Isaiah had his sunglasses so he immediately put them on.

"You want me to drive you home?" he asked as they walked into the parking lot.

By now, Aidan had gotten used to the sun so his hand was now on his side but his eyes were still squinting. He looks at Isaiah for a second, blinking blankly before shaking his head. "No, it's okay."

"Aidan, I'm not letting you walk home alone. It's far, you know?"

Aidan nodded knowingly because that's not what he meant. "No, uh, I don't want to go home yet."

They arrived where the car was parked. When Isaiah was about to open the door, he stopped, hearing Aidan's response.

"Oh, then where do you want to go?" he asked the other who was already going to enter the car to its passenger seat.

When they were both in, they both took off their masks and Isaiah pushed on the brakes and the button close to the signal indicator, turning the engine on.

"You want to get something to eat? Something you like, it doesn't have to be fancy," Aidan blurts out after giving it some thought.

Isaiah nods, a smile on his face as he begins to reverse the car, eyeing behind himself in both directions until he could move the steering wheel and leave the parking lot.

"Mmm, how do you feel about Panda Express?" he asks, knowing it was Aidan's favorite to-go place for cheap food.

Not Mcdonald's. Not Subway.

Panda Express.

Aidan smiles and nods as he plugs in his phone to select a playlist for Isaiah to drive to.

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They ended up passing through the drive-thru, deciding not to eat at the restaurant because Aidan wanted to be with Isaiah alone.

Just him.

Isaiah was fine with that and they found themselves on the hood of Isaiah's car in the empty parking lot of a restaurant that closed early, eating their food.

Aidan ate his fried rice and chicken with speed while Isaiah took his time savoring his meal of chicken and chow mein.

Seeing Aidan eat made him feel at peace. He's reminded of the times when they were kids and he'd eat Isaiah's leftovers during lunch. Now that he thinks of it, he wonders whether Aidan's mom fed him at home.

He remembers how extremely skinny Aidan was. He still is yet Isaiah can see the improvement in his health. He smiles seeing the pout that formed as Aidan chews, happy seeing him this way: relaxed.

The sun began to sink as the only sound surrounding them was the honking of cars on the driveway.

They didn't say anything to each other, enjoying the bliss of their presence together. It kind of reminded Isaiah of the night of their reunion in the park.

It's times like this that he appreciates.

Life has its moments, he's learned that years ago and only every second does life prove that saying true. Little moments where you find yourself breaking into a small smile mean more than one thinks. And even though the moment won't last forever, a quote that Isaiah lives by reads, "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

As Aidan eats, his sleeves fall down his arms, exposing his scarred wrists.

Some scars were old and fading, others fresh and new. But none of them go unnoticed by Isaiah.

As much as he doesn't want to ruin this perfect moment, he can't help it. He has to ask.

"Aidan... be honest with me. Do you still..."

Yeah, Isaiah hates himself now.

Aidan stops eating, looking like a deer caught in headlights. His eyes move on their own to Isaiah's somber face. That's when his appetite disappeared.

Aidan knew what Isaiah was thinking. Denying it would lead nowhere and he didn't want to hurt Isaiah by nodding.

"I know my limits, Isaiah. Don't worry."

Now that was stupid to say because Isaiah's worries turned into a frown.

"You didn't answer my question."

Aidan felt the pressure of answering correctly.

He wanted to tell Isaiah to piss off, that it was none of his business.

But he couldn't.

Because it was Isaiah, his anchor.

"Your alternative didn't work," Aidan admits quietly.

Gently, Isaiah grabs his wrist, swallowing the knot in his throat. "How far did you go?" he whispers, examining his scars and carefully beginning to roll up his sleeve to see if there were more.

That triggered Aidan's instincts since he snatched his arm away before Isaiah could see further.

Isaiah flinches with a gasp as his action, the softness and care replaced with anxiety.

Aidan saw it. So he did his best to brush it off.

He made a promise years ago: that he'd always keep a smile on Isaiah's face.

So he forces a smile out to reassure his worried friend. "I told you," he chuckled. "Don't worry about it."

Isaiah was going to worry either way. Besides, Aidan is not allowed to tell him how he's supposed to feel.

"Come on, let's go," is all he says as he hops off the hood of the car. Aidan, confused, follows him.

As soon as Aidan and Isaiah are in the car with their seatbelts on, Isaiah takes off.

"Where are we going? We're gonna miss the sunset!"

Optimistic.

He has to remain optimistic.

He already ruined tonight and he must find a way to bring back the peaceful atmosphere. But with Isaiah's expression not changing, he accepted the black cloud surrounding them. Aidan wishes he could read his mind. But he can't.

Not now.

So he shuts up, letting Isaiah take him to... wherever.

He is surprised to see they arrived at a crafts store.

"Isaiah, what are we going here?"

"You'll see. Now, let's go," he replies after parking the car and putting on his mask.

Aidan follows, not wanting to argue with him. He notices how Isaiah knows where to go, heading straight to the painting aisle. This increased Aidan's curiosity, especially when Isaiah stopped in front of the display of red paint bottles.

He grabs a bottle, then another, then another until he has at least five in his hand.

Aidan follows Isaiah like a lost puppy dog as he buys the paint at the checkout counter, wordlessly. In silence, with millions of thoughts running through Aidan's head, none of them good, they finally make it back to the car.

Inside the car, after removing their masks, Isaiah hands Aidan the plastic bag of newly bought items.

"What's this?"

"For you," he answered, looking at Aidan. Not mad, not worried, not sad, but patient. His job is starting to come in handy.

"For what?" Aidan was still confused and although he didn't want to piss Isaiah off in any way, he wanted to know.

"When you go home," Isaiah instructed. "I want you to get a plastic bag. Add some paint in there and fill it with water. Mix until the color of the water is red and in whatever place you don't care gets messy, stab it ."

What?

Isaiah sounded so sure of himself, Aidan would think he was having some kind of psychopathic episode.

"What?"

"With a knife, stab the bag"

Okay, Isaiah... What's wrong with you?

"Isaiah, it sounds like you want me to murder somebody," he jokes but Isaiah doesn't let out a chuckle like he often did.

"It's for you to release your frustrations on something other than your skin," he explains.

Oh.

Now he understands.

It's another alternative.

"But how will it help?" he questions, more to himself than anything, looking inside the plastic bag at the paint.

"It can be like the illusion of blood right? Like you're actually... you know."

"Isaiah," He sets the bag aside to the floor. "I know my limits. I've told you this before."

"Yeah, but I'm still scared."

And Isaiah's walls broke down, making him feel weaker at the thought of losing Aidan again.

But Aidan... he promised .

He promised Isaiah, he promised himself.

"Don't be, I'm not leaving you, I promise."

And Aidan knows he can never break this promise.

Aidan leans over to hug Isaiah. It's slightly awkward since the compartment and gear shift stand between them but they didn't care. Isaiah hugs his back like he's going to disappear again, tears welling up in his eyes.

Thank you for caring, Emerald. I... really love you.

Their hug is interrupted by Isaiah's phone ringing. He apologizes and pulls away from the embrace. Seeing the caller ID, he wipes his tears and clears his throat, answering it with a lively voice to hide his emotions.

"Yeah? Yeah, I'm still with him. No, I'll be home later, ok? Ok. Bye Karlos."

A sudden urge crawls over Aidan's skin. One he recognizes and dreads.

He glances at the paint bottle bag then peeks at his wrist.

"Take me home Isaiah."

Isaiah perks his head hearing his voice, turning to look at him.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, please," he says almost desperately.

But he hides it.

He's good at hiding.