He has been standing outside for five minutes. His back rested on the wall, his head covered by the roof, underneath which he was standing. Jisung knew he had more time until Hyunjin will come, but he didn't want to be late. Raindrops were falling down in front of his face. He watched as the water landed on the ground, and then leaked down to the nearest drain. A cool wind was making him feel cold. The black denim jacket was covering his arms, but even though he still felt cold. He had time, he could come back home and change it into something warmer, but he had some reasons to stay outside. He wanted to show Hyunjin, that he isn't a coward, that he won't run away one more time.

He didn't even want to know how Hyunjin found out who he is. He wasn't worried about Chan's words. He wasn't interested in the fact that he lied to Hyunjin. His only thoughts were related to the fact, that he didn't know how to tell Hyunjin the truth. Because obviously he wanted to tell it, but he didn't know how to do it. He knew that panic attacks couldn't justify everything that he did. It was mostly his fault. He lied, he didn't tell the truth, he ran away, he sent his photo to Hyunjin. He didn't even tell the truth when Hyunjin told him all his feeling. He felt terrible, knowing that Hyunjin could feel very disappointed.

Seul was surrounded by darkness. It was already evening, but it hasn't stopped Jisung from meeting Hyunjin. It was already dark but the rain made everything even sadder. It was cold and he had a runny nose, which made him feel angry. He was very stressed and everything didn't go how we wanted it to. He should study for tomorrow's test or at least text his friends but instead of it, he was standing in front of his house, waiting for the deceived boy. And when the black car stopped in front of his house, he felt as his heart stopped beating. It was really happening and he still didn't know what to say.

Jisung sighed, wearing a hood of his grey hoodie, which he wore underneath his black denim jacket. He left the safe place, making his way to the rain. He felt as small drops started to slope on his tiny nose and his whole minor body.

"You only die once" he mumbled, crossing the street and grabbing the car's handle. It couldn't go so bad. Chan didn't like him like he liked Bang, so in the worst case, he would be alone forever. But maybe it was his destiny? "Hi, Hyunjin" he said quietly, as he entered the car. Drops of rain were falling down the pane and the car's rooftop, making a loud noise. The older was looking exactly at that — he was glancing at big water drops, which were falling down off the pane. He didn't look at Jisung.

"Hi, Jisung" the older answered as Jisung heard a motor noise. He didn't know where Hyunjin wanted to go, but it didn't matter at that moment. He only cared about how he will explain his behaviour.

The radio wasn't playing, so the drops' noise was the only thing which was heard. But maybe Hyunjin did it on purpose — maybe he wanted Jisung to feel the same way as he felt when he found out that Jisung lied. The dull drops' noise was making him feel even worse. He was bereaved in grief, shame and fear, but at that moment he realized, that he really did bad things. Jisung even asked himself what he would do if he was in Hyunjin's place. And that was the biggest problem...

His hand were trembling, his mouth felt dry, his heart was beating like crazy and cold sweat was falling down his neck. Jisung didn't care about where the basketball player was driving them to — he could only think about how to say sorry, how to explain his actions. It didn't matter where he had to do this, he just wanted to use good words, which should tell the truth.

And that was how they spent this five minutes ride — in the silence, which was only interrupted by the rain. But finally, the car stopped and Jisung saw the window of the cafe, which was placed in their neighbourhood.

"Let's go" the taller said quietly because he didn't want Han to know his feeling.

But at that moment the younger felt that he had to do something now. Hwang's car was a perfect place to talk — they were alone and no one besides the rain could interrupt them. Jisung wrapped his short fingers around Hyunjin's wrist tentatively. Hyunjin stopped his movements, still holding the handle.

"Wait" the blonde stuttered out quickly. "Can we stay here? There are too many people in the cafe".

The older's face immediately changed from thoughtful to shocked, but he nodded his head, sitting comfortably in the car seat. He turned his head to Jisung, giving him a soft sight — he really didn't know why he couldn't be mad even though the younger boy hurt him.

Admittedly there couldn't be too many people in the cafe because it was near closing hours, but the black-haired boy felt, that Jisung wasn't asking for staying in the car without any reason. And that was the reason why he turned off the motor, but he left the heating on. He turned his body to the younger's boy, waiting for the answers. He really wanted to know what was the reason for these lies, why the person he admired hurt him so much.

Meanwhile, Jisung's hands were shaking even more than earlier. He tried to clench them at the jacket's edge because he knew what would come if he won't calm down. He needed to do this, to tell him all the truth.

"I'll start from the beginning" he whispered really quietly, feeling Hyunjin's acute sight on his tiny body. "On the day, when you got my photo, I wanted to send it to Felix, my best friend. Bad luck, fate, luck, I don't know what it was, but something rendered that I sent it to you. I've liked Chan since the beginning of high school, but you know, he was like a celebrity crush for me" he laughed, even though his heart was beating very fast. He felt that he was very near to another panic attack.

"I know this part of the story" Hwang interrupted him. He didn't want his voice to sound so sharp, but he wanted to know what was the reason for Jisung's lies. "I want to know, why did you lie? Why did you run away?"

Jisung sighed, licking his lips nervously.

"I didn't tell you who I am, because I was very ashamed. You know, someone who shouldn't, got my photo. And then... lies started to grow bigger and I just couldn't stop them because I was ashamed of what I did even more" Jisung added, feeling that he was near to the main part of his talk. "At the party, I had no idea why did you walk to me. But then, I found out that you were texting about me the whole time, that you like me. I got scared because I lied to you. I ran away because sometimes I have panic..."

And that was the moment when his breath stopped in his throat again.

"I have..." he repeated, but he couldn't say any more words. "Panic..."

For the third time this week, he was choking, being unable to breathe. But this time it was worse than ever because at the same time he started to cry, what he wanted to do from the beginning of this talk. Did he really have to be so terrible that he couldn't even normally talk without having a panic attack?

But in truth, Hyunjin also panicked. His eyes widened rapidly as he saw what was happening in his car. He wasn't stupid, so he quickly found out what Jisung tried to say. He was playing in the school's basketball team and heard about panic attacks many times. One time he even had to help his teammate to calm down, so he knew, that Jisung wasn't joking.

And that was the reason why he immediately pulled Jisung's smaller body to his own, even though he properly didn't know what to do. He felt that he needed to help the younger calm down. Automatically he forgot about his own distresses, sitting Jisung down on his lap. He pulled the blonde to his torso, wrapping his arms around the smaller's tiny waist tightly and clinging him to his bigger frame. The black-haired felt as if he was holding something very delicate, his own treasure. He still heard the younger's shallow breaths, so he hid Jisung's head in a crook of his neck. He laced his long fingers with smaller's blonde hair, which was sticking from underneath his characteristic beanie.

"Shh, Jisungie, calm down" he whispered with a trembling voice. "Nothing is happening. I'm not mad. I fell for you too much, to be angry".

And maybe it was paradoxical, but it helped a lot. Quiet, but so calming Hyunjin's words, his proximity, his touch, scent — it all made him breathe at a normal pace again. He didn't believe that he calmed down so quickly, that Hwang's proximity made him feel so safe, but he started to breathe slowly, feeling shivers, which were crossing his body caused by Hyunjin's touch. He was still snuggled in the black-haired boy's body, sitting on his lap in the car. There wasn't too much space, but it was alright for them. One of Hyunjin's hands was wrapped around Jisung's tiny waist and the other one was clenched in his hair. Suddenly Jisung felt that it was exactly what he wanted from the other person — he wanted to feel someone's proximity. He just wanted to feel loved.

Feeling that his breath came back to a normal pace, he lifted his head, looking into Hyunjin's dark eyes. The car was lit up only by some lanterns which were standing outside, so the older's handsome face was brightened a little. He thought that he will see the disgust in his eyes, which should be caused by his behaviour, but he couldn't find feelings like this. Hyunjin was looking at him with tenderness, with a small spark of something, which Jisung didn't know.

Nothing could cease their eye contact. Jisung still was feeling ashamed of what he did before and now in the car. He really didn't know why Hyunjin liked him. Why did he care so much about somebody like Jisung?

"Hyunjin, I'm really sorry for what happened..." the blonde boy whispered, but he couldn't end his words, because the black-haired boy interrupted him.

Because he forgave Jisung a long time ago. He didn't know why, but as he said, he was too deeply in love with him, to be angry. His sight was so innocent, tears falling down his chubby cheeks were hurting Hyunjin's heart. He didn't want Jisung to cry because of him, to panic because of him. He just wanted him to be happy.

It was an impulse, a slight desire to show Jisung, that he forgave him. When he pressed his lips to those Jisung's, obscuring his next words, he didn't keep his head right. He just wanted to make his heart's big dreams come true.

Hyunjin gently pecked his lips with a big feeling. His heart was beating so fast, coming at the same pace as raindrops, which were hitting a window. He finally did something that he wanted to do for a long time.

But the younger felt exactly the same way. Jisung closed his eyes, feeling a pleasant warmth spreading in his body. And maybe it wasn't his first kiss, but he felt as if he could explode because of the emotions he felt. Hyunjin's touch was causing other feelings, making him tremble. Hwang was playing with all his senses. At that moment he realised that he wasn't worried because he hurt Hyunjin. His heart also started to feel something to the taller boy.

The black-haired moved his hand from the younger's blonde hair to his chubby cheek, which was wet because of tears and warm because of blush. He tightened his grip on Han's waist, pulling him even closer. He moved his lips slowly and gently because he didn't want to destroy this moment. For the first time in his life, he felt that he was controlled by emotions, not by desire or lust.

Finally, Jisung also moved, clenching his hands on the older's T-shirt. He also kissed Hyunjin, moaning softly into his mouth. Hyunjin felt free from reactions which he felt normally when he was in situations like this — he didn't need to watch himself. He didn't push himself to more intense things, just feeling as if he was holding a treasure in his arms.

Hyunjin moved his lips a little bit quicker, causing a quiet moan which left Jisung's mouth. The blonde probably would care about this sound, which left his own mouth if he wasn't totally rapted by the kiss. He wasn't full of desire, but of soft feelings, which Hyunjin tried to show him.

But when the blond-haired boy couldn't breathe anymore, he moved away a little bit, resting his forehead on this Hyunjin's. His warm breath was falling down onto Hwang's lips, making them both tremble. Hyunjin couldn't stop smiling, feeling like the happiest person in the world. He was looking into his crush's eyes, which were also full of happiness. His heart was beating very fast, showing him that it was really happening — they kissed, making them fall for each other even more.

"Don't say sorry anymore, Sungie" Hyunjin asked. "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger".

...

[2344 words]

I ended translating this chapter kinda late, so I didn't check it. Again, I'm sorry for all the mistakes.