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MISADVENTURES IN PARADISE
xv. ARE YOU SATISFIED?

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   "SO... SORRY ABOUT REDWING," Riley said, now walking down the highway with Sam and Bucky by her side. They were now heading for the airport, which JOCASTA claimed was about 20 miles away.

   It must've been one hell of a sight: three superheroes in spandex and bruises walking along the streets of Munich, Germany.

   "Yeah, yeah, I'm definitely billing you for a new Redwing later," Sam mocked. He glanced toward Bucky, who had been silent for far too long. "What's going on in that big cyborg brain of yours?"

   "...It's computing," Bucky deadpanned.

   Sam chuckled. "You know what? I can actually see it. I can see the gears turning. Oh! They're malfunctioning, shutting down. Yep, they're on fire!"

   "We gotta figure out where the serum's coming from," Bucky asserted.

   "Yeah. And how in the hell, after 80 years, are there eight Super Soldiers runnin' loose," Sam pointed out.

   "You think there are only eight? No way, there's gotta be more," Riley said.

   As she spoke, a green military car drove past them. Inside were John, Lemar, and another soldier at the wheel. It slowed to a stop, honking at the heroes. John unlatched the door to invite them on board.

   "So that didn't go as planned, huh?"

   Naturally, the trio kept walking. The car picked up speed again, but rather than driving off, it drove beside them.

   "Look, at least we know what we're up against now, huh?" John went on. "And we're pretty sure it's one of the Big Three, so..."

   "There's no such thing as wizards," Bucky stubbornly said.

   "Alright, then it's aliens or androids," John proposed.

   "Or Super Soldiers," Sam added.

   "Shit. Super Soldiers... for real?" Lemar asked.

   "Wow... Alright, well, then we gotta work together," John declared.

   "Yeah, that's not happening," Bucky assured.

   "I think we stand a much better chance if we all just—"

   "Just 'cause you carry that shield, it doesn't mean you're Captain America," Bucky interrupted.

   "Look, I've done the work," John defended, only to earn a sudden glare from Riley. The heat in her eyes made him flinch.

   "You ever jump on top of a grenade?" Bucky interrogated.

   "Yeah, actually, I have. Four times! It's a thing I do with my helmet. It's a reinforced helmet," John chirped. "It's a long story, but anyway. Look, it's 20 miles to the airport. You guys need a ride. Guys, come on. Gary, stop." The vehicle halted. "Get in."

   The trio stopped walking, but instead of getting in, the two men looked at Riley. She honestly did not want to sit in a vehicle with John Walker. She didn't want to side beside him while he held Steve's shield. But maybe they could give some insight on the Flag Smashers that they didn't already know. She was willing to be civil for the sake of Sam's mission.

   So, she nodded, and they reluctantly hopped on.

   When the car drove onward, John summarized, "Okay, so we've got eight Super Soldiers on a bulk supply run. Why?"

   "Their objective is to get things back to the way it was during the Blip. From what I gather, they and their followers got screwed over after we fixed everything," Riley said.

   "Maybe they're trying to help," suggested Sam.

   "They had a funny way of showing it," Bucky muttered.

   "That serum doesn't exactly have a great track record. No offense," said John, his eyes flashing toward Bucky.

   "Having the serum doesn't make you good or bad. It enhances what's already there. The way people act is a completely different story. I'm surprised you didn't know that. It's all in Steve's file," Riley coolly said. "What's important is that we figure out where they're going and what they want specifically. I'm sure we can reason with them if we play our cards right."

   Sam nodded. "So, how'd you track 'em here — the Flag Smashers?" he asked the two.

   Lemar sheepishly rubbed the base of his neck. "Uh, no, we didn't track them. We tracked you, uh, through Redwing. We tried to track you through Stark's tech, but... you've got that stuff locked up real tight."

   "You hacked my tech?" Sam demanded.

   John chuckled. "It's not exactly hacking. It's government property." He motioned between himself and Sam as if there was any kind of relationship between them. "We're kind of the government."

   "And you didn't think to mention you were gonna show up?" Riley queried. "I know you're new around here, but you're not the one calling the shots."

   "Oh, I'm sorry. Who is?" John asked.

   "Dude." Sam sighed, nodding to the teenager. "She is."

   Astonishment wrinkled his face. "Oh, I... I didn't realize they were being serious," John said, trying to laugh it off. He shifted uncomfortably, now feeling the weight of Bucky's intense stare. "...Does he always just stare like that?"

   "You get used to it," Sam muttered.

   John faltered. "Okay, look, you know... things have gotten kind of, uh..."

   "Chaotic," Lemar finished.

   "Yeah. The GRC, they're doing the best they can to get things up and running smoothly, post-Blip," John continued.

   "Reactivating citizenship, social security, healthcare..." Lemar listed. "Basically just managing resources for the refugees who were displaced by the return."

   "The Global Repatriation Council does all that. I get that. So why exactly are you two here?" Sam questioned.

   "Well, they provide the resources, and we keep things stable," Lemar clarified.

   "Yeah, violent revolutionaries aren't usually good for anyone's cause," John added.

   "Usually said by the people with the resources," Sam countered.

   "Well, we got a lot of resources—"

   "Right, but what are you doing to actually help these people?" Riley interrupted. "There's clearly an issue with resource allocation, not to mention communication, considering it's taken an entire terrorist group made of Super Soldiers forming to finally get us to pay attention to them. Isn't the GRC supposed to be helping the people directly? I'm genuinely curious! Why aren't these people receiving the help they're asking for?"

   John sighed. "If you guys joined up with us, we could—"

   Bucky was quick to say, "No."

   "Look, I got mad respect for all of y'all, but you were kinda getting your asses kicked 'till we showed up," Lemar declared.

   That struck a nerve with Riley.

   "Is that what you think? You think we were fighting to kill?" she challenged. "I don't know how they're training you, soldiers, these days, but our intent is never to kill unless we have to. The plan was to restrain and interrogate. The Avengers stand with the people, not against them."

   "So... you were going easy on them... on purpose?" Lemar asked in disbelief.

   "If she wanted to kill them, she would've. Take it from personal experience, it takes a lot more skill to save than it does to kill," Bucky defended. "Who are you, again?"

   "...Lemar Hoskins."

   "Look, I see a guy hanging out a helicopter in tactical gear, I need a lot more than Lemar Hoskins," Sam insisted.

   "I'm Battlestar," Lemar clarified. "John's partner."

   "Battlestar?" Bucky sneered. "STOP THE CAR!"

   The vehicle stopped, and Bucky stepped off without another word.

   "Look, I get the attitude. I do. You didn't think that the shield was gonna end up here. I get it, Bucky!" John exclaimed. He turned to Sam, almost pleadingly. "And I'm not trying to be Steve. I'm not trying to replace Steve. I'm just trying to be the best Captain America I can be. That's it. It'd be a whole lot easier if I had Cap's wingmen by my side."

   If Sam had any sympathy for him, it vanished instantly. "It's always that last line," he scoffed before following after Bucky.

   Riley shook her head as she stood up, causing John to challenge her, "What, you're gonna follow them, too? Aren't you supposed to lead?"

   "No offense, John, but I don't need you to tell me how to be Valor. I know it's a little jarring that Steve left this job for a kid, but we all trust his judgment way more than yours," Riley sharply said. "You don't get it, so let me spell it out for you. You can wear that suit and hold his shield, but it doesn't change the fact that you aren't what Steve wanted. Whoever chose you didn't care about what Steve wanted or his legacy. Frankly, I don't care who chose you. Steve didn't pick you. No matter how hard you try to convince us otherwise, you're just a guy in a costume. You're not Captain America."

   "That's not fair—"

   "But if you're going to try to be Cap, then the first lesson you should get through your reinforced helmet is that following your team when they need you is just as important as leading them," Riley advised. She offered them a smile. "Thank you for your cooperation, boys, but we can handle things without your... help."

   She exited the vehicle.

○ ○ ○

   The flight back to America was quiet. But it wasn't by any means peaceful. Tension suffocated the aircraft.

   Riley was doing what she always did when she felt overwhelmed by her emotions: working. Her mask concealed her face again, tiny screens flickering before her eyes. Faces and digital maps flew by, JOCASTA's robotic voice droning on in her ears.

   "The Flag Smashers are wiping their aliases from any public traffic sites. That means they've probably got more numbers than we thought, and they have the support they need to take their mission global," Riley announced. "Luckily, JO scanned that girl's face before she rudely tried to kill us. Turns out, that girl we thought was a hostage is actually their ringleader: Karli Morgenthau."

   Bucky just complained, "Don't you ever stop working?"

   "Well, I've got other things I need to worry about when we get back. Just trying to give you boys everything I can get my hands on before we part ways," she dismissed. "They've been moving between displaced communities across Central and Eastern Europe. They seem to congregate through discreetly placed geotags online, which I'm guessing is how Torres tracked them down before, yeah?"

   "There are dozens of communities like that all over Europe," Sam groaned as he laid across one of the benches. "She could be anywhere by now."

   "Better start paying attention to those geotags then," Riley said. "You guys better keep me in the loop if anything crazy happens."

   Sam sat up. She was expecting him to say something related to the Flag Smashers, but instead, he asked, "Are you okay?"

   Pulling off her mask again, she returned, "Why wouldn't I be?"

   "Because you're deflecting."

   "Ew, don't therapize me!" Riley blurted. "I'm multitasking, geez! I'd rather do some extra homework than think about John Walker. That guy's an ass."

   Sam sighed. "He's just doing what he was ordered—"

   "I don't care," Riley emphasized. "I know you're trying to be mature about all of this, and I appreciate that, but I don't have the tolerance for anyone's bullshit anymore. Ask Bucky."

   "It's true," Bucky mumbled, almost unwillingly. He slouched in his seat, blood drying beneath his eye. None of them had bothered to clean up after the fight.

   "See? I'm not here to hold hands, especially not with people like him," she said. "I'm just trying to be honest. I know you agree Walker isn't what Steve had in mind when he said he wanted to pass down the shield. Sorry for still caring about what he wants! Now, if you'll excuse me..." She withdrew her phone from her pocket as it vibrated loudly.

   Sam's concerned gaze followed her as she headed into another corridor. She took a deep breath, gathered her focus again, and held her phone to her ear to greet Peter Parker.

   Before she could even speak, Peter was babbling at lightspeed, "Hi, okay, okay, listen. I've got an idea. Hold your drum-roll. Here's what I'm thinking: a picnic."

   "You wanna take the bad guys that are responsible for New York's power outage crisis out on a picnic? Hmm, sounds a little too comfy for me. I've got a better idea. Have you ever heard of prison?"

   "You're saying way too many words that have nothing to do with my totally amazing, super romantic date night idea," Peter retorted. "Where are you? I can barely hear you."

   "Uh, Germany."

   "Very funny. Where are you actually?"

   "I just told you, dummy. I'm on a plane," she insisted. "Long story short, I went to meet with Sam about the whole... new Captain America thing, and I ended up getting dragged into going to Germany with him and Bucky. Apparently, Sam's investigating the Flag Smashers, too."

   "Well, shit." Locker doors slammed shut in the background, vibrant chatter filling the hallways of Midtown High. "You think there's a link between his mission and ours?"

   "Nah. I kinda met the Flag Smashers today, and it doesn't look like they're interested in New York specifically."

   "Yeah, I had a feeling they weren't. Their whole thing seems a little more... global-focused, you know? Because of the borders and all that..."

   "Ah, so you've been researching them? Is that why you wanna take 'em out on a date?" Riley teased.

   "You know, the more you make fun of me, the more I'm starting to think you're actually really excited for it. Reverse psychology and all," Peter retorted.

   She didn't realize she was smiling until he managed to pull a giddy laugh out of her. The weight of the world truly meant so little to her when she was talking to him.

   "You caught me, Bug-Boy," she mused, running a hand through her messy hair. "I'll catch you up to speed when I see you later, 'kay?"

   "Pinky promise?"

   "Pinky promise," she assured. "Hurry up and get to class."

   "How'd you know I'm about to be late?"

   "Because I'm right behind you, genius," Riley said. His sudden silence made her giggle. "Did you look?"

   "...Maybe."

   "So gullible."

   "Hey, you say gullible, I say optimistic," Peter chuckled. Suddenly, there was an awkward pause. "So... um... I..."

   Surprisingly, this kept happening to them. Every time they tried to hang up on each other or say goodbye, a moment of silence arose. It wasn't a comfortable one. It was a bubble of sorts, a blank space where it felt like one of them was supposed to say something in order to fill the air, except they never did. It happened every single day, like clockwork.

   "I... I'm just gonna—"

   "Yeah, you know, I have to—"

   "—go... now."

   "Yeah, me too. I... I gotta go."

   "Right. Me too. We should go." Riley cleared her throat. "Okay, I'll see you soon. Um, bye."

   She hastily pressed the bright red button on her screen, ending the call. All at once, oxygen swelled her lungs again, and she was able to drop her suddenly tense shoulders. Her back pressed against the wall as she hid her forehead with her hand, cringing.

   Truthfully, this was a new... issue. A... new bump in the road.

   See, they'd been dating for a long time now. It didn't exactly feel that way though. If anyone asked her right now, she'd said they'd only been dating for a month, which wasn't true at all. They started dating last summer on July 23rd, 2023, and it was currently springtime in 2024. Almost a year ago.

   Because of their busy lives, they were taking things slow. Painfully slow. They didn't have any other choice but to take things slow! For crying out loud, Riley spontaneously flew to Germany this morning to confront Super Soldiers! Their lives were far too unpredictable to have a romantic relationship with anyone. But they did it anyway because there was no point in pretending they didn't have feelings for each other. Against their better judgment, they became a couple.

   And it was great, but time was flying by so fast. Things were getting more and more serious between them, and now, it was coming down to the big... thing. The thing you're supposed to say to your partner when you've been dating for a while and things get more serious. Those three little words.

   I love you.

   Ew.

   It was stupid. They were just words. Growing up, Riley never said those three words to anyone. Things were different now though. She said them every day to Tony, Pepper, Morgan, and even Roman. But saying them to Peter... Well, it was different. Extremely different. And it scared her a lot.

   Time kept passing, and the pressure to say it continued to build up more and more and more. The first time it happened was Christmas Eve. Amidst all of their time-travel hijinks, an awkward pause arose where it felt like there was something more she was supposed to say to Peter, and she didn't say it. And every day since then, it was always happening to her. Every day, that awkward little pause would appear again, eagerly waiting for her to say those stupid words.

   It wasn't like she didn't... really, really like him. She liked everything about Peter, down to the way his hair looked when he woke up after a nap, and how he always texted her the strangest things throughout the day, and how his voice sounded when he said her name. If she was a normal girl, they would've said it to each other ages ago.

   But that was the problem. She wasn't normal, by any means. Her life was stained with blood and filled with death and endless fights. And if she said those words to Peter... there was no going back. That little bridge he had that linked his normal life and his superhero life would collapse, fusing his worlds together. She just couldn't do that to him. He still had a normal life to fall back on if he wanted to. She didn't want to take that away from him, and it felt like saying those three words was some sort of contract.

   Yes, the girl who swore she wasn't scared of anything had found things that terrified her: the future, commitment, love, and accidentally ruining Peter Parker's life.

   It was why she always kept him at arm's length when it came to her work. She tried so hard to let him live his normal life while she dealt with all of the shit going on in the world. He deserved a normal life. He deserved to be safe and happy. She could barely sleep at night knowing her family was safe. If she made her relationship with Peter even more serious than it already was, then she would spend most of her time worrying about him. And she didn't know what she was more concerned about: his safety or her sanity.

   It seemed selfish, but these were the things she worried about: protecting her world. And if there was no Peter, then there was no world left to protect.

   It was borderline impossible balancing the weight of two different worlds on her shoulders. As Riley got older, she understood it more. None of the Avengers knew how to balance their personal lives with their work lives. They all ended up having to choose one, and Riley feared being forced to choose.

   When Riley returned from her call, Sam and Bucky were sitting side-by-side. It made her pause in her step. She was mostly jarred by the way they were sitting — as if they were two parents confronting a child after sneaking out.

   "Well, hello to you, too," Riley said, taking a seat. She caught Bucky's intense gaze, causing her to match it. She was getting a little too good at imitating it. "So, what'd I miss?"

   "Nothing," Bucky firmly said. "Who were you on the phone with? Was it that boyfriend of yours?"

   Bucky had no clue who her boyfriend was exactly, just that he was Spider-Man. And of course, he did not like Spider-Man, not after they briefly met in Berlin a few years ago. Finding out that Riley was dating him, of all people, was... a strange day, to say the least. She still wasn't sure if he was being serious or if he was just messing with her because he found it funny.

   "Why are you so obsessed with him?" Riley fired back.

   "I just think you can do better!"

   "Hold on, boyfriend?" Sam chimed in.

   "Yeah. Why do you wanna know?" she demanded.

   Sam laughed. "At ease, soldier. I'm just impressed. I didn't know you had the time to do things normal teenagers do."

   "Like what?"

   "Don't 'like what' me. You know what I mean," Sam coolly said. "I was starting to think you didn't have any friends."

   Riley scoffed. "I've always had friends."

   "Since when?"

   "Since the Avengers Initiative."

   "Those are coworkers," Sam pointed out. "Not friends."

   "Can't they be the same thing?"

   "In normal cases, sure. But your case is different. Those were all grown adults. You were just a kid. You still are," he explained matter-of-factly.

   "Is that how you see me? You still think of me as some kid?" Riley demanded, her chest tightening. "I didn't realize it would be this hard to get people to see me as more than that, Jesus. Do you even see me as an Avenger?"

   Sam held his hands up. "Relax. I never said you being a kid was a bad thing. It's sad you had to grow up like that, but your age isn't a handicap. Of course, I see you as an Avenger, and I respect you as our leader. You're not the only person who still tries to honor Steve's wishes," he assured with a calm voice.

   Riley froze. "Oh. Right. Sorry. My brain's been on fire since I found out about John Walker... well, you know."

   "Yeah... Yeah, I know," Sam said. She peered up at him again, only to be stunned by the amount of warmth and empathy in his eyes. She often forgot Sam was once a counselor for veterans struggling with trauma and stress. He must've seen cases like hers all the time. Maybe that was why he was able to maintain his composure every time someone confronted or yelled at him. "Just answer one more question, and I'll lay off, okay?"

   Sighing, Riley said, "Okay."

   "Are you satisfied?"

   She tilted her head aside. "What do you mean?"

   "Are you satisfied with this? This life? Are you sure you wanna keep going down this... hero road?" Sam queried. "You have a stable life waiting for you: Tony, Pepper, Morgan, your boyfriend, and I'm assuming you have at least one normal friend outside this hero stuff. You could leave this all behind for them. You've done it all, saved the world a few billion times, stood tall as our leader for almost a year. You could retire quietly, just like the others."

   Riley scoffed. "No, I can't."

   "Why not?"

   "Because... Because... I don't know. That's just not possible for someone like me. I wasn't born with a choice back then, so I shouldn't get one now... you know? This life is all I have. I don't know who I am without the Avengers," Riley quietly admitted. "This life is hard, but... I don't think I could ever be satisfied by a quiet life."

   Sam didn't speak for a moment, only considering what she said. It made her feel nervous, like he and Bucky were secretly making fun of her in their heads. She looked down at her hands, fidgeting with them silently.

   "You've never sounded more like an Avenger until now," Sam finally said. "These are the struggles of saving the world. Steve said the same thing to me once when we were on the run. You get so caught up in everyone else's world that you forget to live in your own sometimes."

   "Exactly," Riley agreed. "It's hard keeping up."

   "You... shouldn't worry about everyone else. We're all still here because of you, and if something happens to you, we'll return the favor," Bucky slowly said. "That's why we're a team."

   A small smile pulled at her face. "Thanks," she mumbled. She suddenly sat up straight. "How did I just let you two therapize me? What the hell...?"

   Sam shrugged, gently smiling at her. "It's my superpower. What can I say?"

   "Way to completely discredit me," Bucky argued.

   "Oh my God, please don't start again. You guys actually make a decent team when you aren't being the most annoying people in the galaxy," Riley groaned, and though they all shared a laugh and moved onto another conversation topic, Sam's words echoed in her head.

   Are you satisfied?

   Why did that seem like such a charged question?

   Of course, she was satisfied! She worked her ass off to get to where she was today. She had everything she could ever want or need: a family, a fulfilling job, friends, an amazing boyfriend. Her life was fine. It was perfect. It was paradise.

   She wouldn't be like the people who came before her. She could balance the weight of two worlds on her shoulders without anyone's help. She'd show them all. She would succeed.

   She had to succeed. Because she didn't know what the hell she was going to do if she didn't.