2-23-18
God fuck what the fuck
Life.
Fuck it.
It=life.

So yeah. Lots of shit. Lots of change. I'm actually really fucked up. Not like drugs. Like bad fucked up lol listening to all my old destructive music. Idk man I could try to explain but it usually never makes much sense. Long story short I'm handling my shit, I'm used to this type of bs, and I'll do what I need to do and deal w it. But fuck does it fucking suck.

So I figured I'd update to get my mind on other things and I'm full of words and thoughts and emotions and fuckkk (expect a poem tonight kidz).

Random facts about me bc why not:
I prefer dark chocolate over any other chocolate. I'm really into rich foods. Like cheesecake. And just like cheddar cheese (sharp cheddar or Colby jack. Or Wisconsin cheese ugh fuck). And dark chocolate. And wine. Fuck me the fuck up. Also obsessed with vegetables. Like for real I fucking love pizza but like get me a bag of salad and I'd honestly love you forever (side note this dude had two oranges thrown at him across the hallway and one rolled under the vending machine with like a shit ton of dust and shit and I was like "I'll willingly eat that" bc I'm a fruit hoe right and he threw me the other one. Like what. It made my day.).

I grew up on Nickelback. First song I remember knowing was Rockstar and every time I'd get into a car w the radio on, I'd stupidly hope that song would come on and of course it didn't bc it was like some pop station or whatever. But yeah. Also used to have an obsession with Usher at like 9?? We don't go there though 😂

My mom dated my uncle at one point. Wow. Fucking hick. And I mean. It wasn't her actual brother by blood so idk if that helps at all but yeah that was extremely weird. She sent us upstairs to this attic with a mattress while she drank w him downstairs and we watched the same episode (maybe there were two? Idk) of spongebob on repeat on VHS. We'd have to call her every time it was over though bc we didn't know how to make it start over and she was probs drunk as fuck. Childhood 😂👌

I love math. Numbers fascinate me. Algebra especially. I think I like it bc of all the work. Like I love long division. I just love being able to work in my zone and feel like I'm working. That's why making beats is cool bc rhythm is just numbers. And that's so fun to me.

I just had sleep paralysis for the first time ever and fuckkk. The dream itself was v traumatic and I've hardly slept much this whole week.

^new room decor. Just recently added the records, rainbow lights, and tapestry. The cans also used to follow along the wall and that corner instead of string across like they do now.

I love Bob Dylan.

I'm also in love with South America and like Brazil and Peru. I'd love to go. South American rain forests are so green too I love it so much and there's so much color there as well. I think it'd be cool as fuck. And Russia seems like it'd be beautiful as shit and I'd love to see it someday. Also love the architecture and design in Australia, it's really not like anywhere else. But I guess you could say that about every area of the world really. Culture is cool. History is cool which I never used to even remotely take an interest in but here I am. Also. I really relate to like malicious crazed rulers. Idk. Maybe just bc I'm kinda fucked up and shit. But it's cool. It's fascinating. I'd love to just read into their minds. I enjoy doing so with mass murderers and killers and shit. Fascinating shit.

Look how cool that is! It's so cool to me. Like the deforestation mixing with like the bodies together and then "sense me". Which I connect with bc I've told people before. If you wanna find me, look for me. I'm everywhere. I'm in the trees and the sky. In the stars and the cigarettes on the sidewalk. I think I understand nature and it's power and what's it's been through. I'm such an outsider. I watch so much. I'm talking too fucking much.

Also. Peep spam:

I miss your face boi, hope you're partying hard in gothboi afterlife.
Ugh. I love me some Lil Peep. He means so much to me words couldn't start to explain. I think he understood things that I've been waiting for someone to understand as well as I do. And his songs have connected to a lot parts of my life. Endless inspiration. Much love, rest easy ✨

So mannnyyy wordsss I'm so exhausted but I can't sleep. Poetry time???

Talk to you later dudes

777/XXXTENTACION
Owner Of A Lonely Heart/Yes
Nights Alone/XXXTENTACION
Rogues/Hippie Sabotage
Will He/Joji (music video is sooo good. This is all I listen to. Gonna cover it soon. Also need to post an acapella (I think that's how that's spelled fuck knows) Don't Think Twice It's Alright)
Where Is My Mind/Pixies

'My boy likes his friends like I like my split ends and by that I mean he cuts them off' - my boy // Billie Eilish
'I'm not evil by design' - needle // Lil Peep

- Randy ✌️✨

(Psa espresso does not cure depresso)