Rose

I always go to the cafe a few evening a week, just because it's usually quiet and peaceful. Usually because Madison has her boyfriend over and I can read a room when they want some alone time. Madison is still my only true friend at this place, the only one who continues to provide some attention to me, while others shy away and act scared to converse. I've learned to accept this and have became such a loner in the mess of it all. I didn't realize how grateful I am for silence, how grateful I am that Madison can lay next to me on my bunk and still provide comfort and company through the silence. I think that's why we became close quickly; we both enjoyed the quiet.

My legs were not enough for me to bear the crisp air outside, not that it was freezing but the air had a tinge of frost to it at certain moments. The spring air hasn't fully kicked in but even at 8 at night, it was still quite chilly. I look inside the cafe and saw how peaceful it looked, the warm, dim lighting casting out onto the sidewalk beneath my feet through the towering windows. I popped open the door and glanced around, taking in the emptiness slowly. "Hey, Rose!" I heard a voice call, my eyes landing on a curly headed boy sitting in the far back corner. My eyes widen as well as seeing another student, Max, sitting across from him. I didn't have the energy in me to converse, and Evan seemed in the mood for a conversation. I quickly turn around without a word, quickly stepping my way back into the crisp air and down the sidewalk. I head the door fling open to the cafe and longed for him to follow me, not to call out to me. My eyes squinted shut as I walked, waiting to hear his feet stepping after me or his voice calling my name. The door opened again, not knowing if someone else exited or if had gone back inside, but too scared to turn around to find out. I sighed as I rounded the corner, my back finding the cold brick as I pressed my body against it. I didn't like to seem rude, nor was I trying to be. My mind was racing on different ways I could have handled that situation, maybe stating I didn't feel like talking, saying a small hi and finding my own spot away from them. But at the same time, he gave me a ride back home, I thanked him for his gesture, I was not obligated to continue interacting with him, nor did I feel the purpose to. I sighed again, leaning my head back and looking at the moon, the same one that peered back at me with disappointment. I hear feet walking towards me, down the same path I just trotted on when Max rounded the corner and stopped abruptly, looking me in my eyes.

I only knew Max because of him. Just because he associated with him, or perhaps used to, doesn't make Max a bad guy. Max smiled at me and shook his head. "Why are you hiding from me?" He questioned jokingly.

My eyes raided his figure, nothing alarming poked out at me. The problem my brain has with processing this trauma, is if I wasn't scared of them before, why do I act scared now? I also wasn't scared of him before, but am now, so maybe that's why my brain is always on alert. "I, I don't know." He shared a hearty laugh before motioning us forward.

"You want me to walk with you?" My body felt relaxed, so I nodded. I turned to match his step as he walked along the cracked pavement, watching his feet with every step. He was quiet for a moment and I respected that. Maybe it was out of awkwardness or pity, maybe it was because we barely knew each other besides in passing. I haven't spoke with Max since the night of that party, nor have I really tried picking him out of a crowd to talk. We would see each other and share a smile or a small wave but continue walking. He was always nice to me, even before I started school here but we were not close by any means. "So you also know Evan?" He started suddenly.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know him, just his name." My eyes follow his actions, watching as my feet dodge the cracks on the sidewalks. I see him tuck his hands deep into his jeans pockets from the corner of my eye.

"He's a good guy. Known him since I started here." He advises. "Promise you don't have to worry about him." My heart aches that he is cautious around me, my eyes meet his. "Not saying that's why you, you know, but just-"

"Right, no. I get it, thanks." I say casually. His eyes fall from mine as we walk. He was an attractive boy, very well put together for only being around 20. Sometimes, I see people and wonder how different things would be if I was with them instead of him. I remember wondering that about Max at times when I saw him, after things started getting bad. Obviously, I never pursued these thoughts as they purely were just a way to abandoned my current situation and hope for something positive. I found my eyes falling away from his features, probably staring too long but I don't think he noticed.

"You doing okay?" He asked. I nodded quickly.

"Yeah, I am." He gave me a questioning look and I offered a smile. "I promise." I enforce. "How about yourself?"

He hesitates his response, hitting his golden vape that he wafts in the air. With no wind, it just seems to glide out of his parted lips and flows behind us, disappearing as quickly as it arrived. He shrugged his shoulder. "Eh, I'm okay. Just ready to get out of here really. I put in a transfer."

"Why?" I found myself asking. Just moments ago, I felt no desire to hold a conversation. Maybe that changed because Max felt safe to converse to, to open up a bit. Sometimes I fear opening that door, leads to other doors that shouldn't be open. But maybe that's just a poor way of thinking.

"This place is just.." He paused before continuing. "Messed up to say the least." I nodded my head and tried to rationalize what was so messed up. Was he referring to me? Was he referring to the other situation that happened over Christmas break. I dawned on me how normal things like that occurs. It's more than just inside the campus property lines, it's everywhere. My situation is no worse than the next, but is honestly not the worst there has been. I hate referring to it as "my situation", it was a hard time yes, it has altered my way of thinking most definitely. It didn't define who I was though. I see the looks people give me, some out of pity and some out of fury. Some say I made it all up, even with the witnesses saying otherwise. Some people call me dumb for settling for his expulsion rather than seeing him in jail. I wasn't out to ruin lives, my life was altered but not ruined. "Have you thought of transferring?"

His voice brings me back to reality and I realized we had both stopped walking, standing outside our dorm building. I shrugged. "No, it's not really in my budget." I only got into this college through scholarships and my mother who insisted I followed her footsteps in attending. She died in early August, right before my first semester here and now I feel if I did leave, even after everything that happened, I would be letting her down. "I actually kind of like it here."

He stared at me intently, trying to see where the lie was in my statement. Truth is, there wasn't one. I wasn't a fan of being far away from my family, living somewhere where I was attacked and now have been deemed "pitiful". But, I also wasn't having a terrible time. I still despised the people, the similarities in judgments they provide to not only myself but to others around them. That's everywhere though. He cleared his throat slowly. "Well, you have my number, you can always text me if you need anything, okay? A ride, a friend, anything." I nod at his gesture.

"I actually had to get a new phone after all that." He smiled grateful pulling his phone out and exchanging numbers.

"Don't hesitate to reach out." He said as we headed inside. His dorm was on the first floor as mine was three above, walking to the escalator he went to say his goodbyes before proceeding down the hallway.

"Max?" I called out quickly. He spun around to face me with a questioning look. I had so many questions, some from today and others from months ago, but instead I smiled. "Thank you."

♾️

The night came and went and surprisingly sleep found me well. My eyes opened, prying the sleep out of them quickly before I peer over at Madison who was already on her laptop. I check the time to see it was 7am. Neither one of us have class on Wednesdays which was a blessing, allowing us to fully enjoy each others company and ignore the world together. She hasn't noticed I am awake, intently staring at her computer screen. "Why are you awake?"

Her body jolts in surprise as she peers over at me in the dim room, only the morning sun shining in through the window between our beds. "I couldn't sleep." She grabs her computer and slides off her bed, climbing in next to me. I allow room for her to join me before getting comfortable next to her. If I learned anything from college, it was how no matter how long ago you met someone, the time you spend with them here feels like you have known them for eternity. Or in Madison and I's case, since late August. I have friends back home, who I had admired for years, have gone months without responding to my texts. Madison makes every effort to include me in what she has going on, she laid in my bed with me after I was up late crying. She came to the rescue that night after being consoled naked in a hallway by others. She blames herself for that night, for not stepping in and telling me not to leave with him when he demanded I go. She knew he was upset by the low tone of his voice and his hand gripping my forearm and he seethed his words. Even with the craziness of the party around me, my mind focused only on him out of fear, everyone else muffled in the background as he expressed his frustration out on me. "I could ask you the same thing."

My eyes peer up at her as she's smiling. "What's on your mind?" She pushes.

I shake my head and pull myself to a seated position to match her, laying my head against her shoulder. "Nothing much."

"You okay?" She asked. Sometimes that question sounds like a gun is pointed at my head, and with the wrong move the trigger gets pulled. Other times, the questions annoys me to the point my skin itches. This feels more like the gun scenario.

"Just thinking." She gives me a look, one that encourages me to continue. "You remember Max?"

"Surfer boy haircut?" I nod.

"I ran into him last night and he told me he was looking to transfer somewhere else. Said this school was messed up, and I felt he was referring to—"

"Why would he say something like that?" She enrages. "He's such a dick."

"I don't think he meant any harm by it. I think he was just sharing. He also asked if I was willing to transfer." Her eyes continued gazing at me, waiting to hear a response that she most likely will not like. Of course, that's not the answer I provided. "Obviously, I told him I wasn't." She sighed in relief and closed her laptop. I pulled my head away from her shoulder and looked at her. "Do you know a guy named Evan?"

She thinks for a moment. "Is he the one that dating that blonde chick named Kate." I shrugged my shoulders. I knew he was in a relationship, but was unsure of who the woman was. He never mentioned a name, but I could tell he was infatuated with her. "Why?"

"I ran into him the other day at the laundromat. He acted like he had no idea who I was." She shrugged her shoulders.

"Isn't that a good thing? Maybe he doesn't listen to the drama."

"But he hangs out with Max. I saw them at the cafe together." She purses her lips in thought before shrugging again. "Anyways, since I met him the other day, I just feel like I am seeing him so much more. Each time, he tries to hold a conversation with me and I just stare at him or I basically run away." I express this claim like I have seen him numerous times, even though it's been twice not counting the laundromat encounter. "I don't know, I just found it weird."

"Weird because he's talking to you?"

"Weird because, I think he knows more than he puts off, and I just get a weird vibe about it." She tosses her head in thought.

"I think you're reading too far into it. Just cause he knows Max doesn't mean he was friends with Colby. This school is huge." I agree with her, it didnt mean anything. Max and Colby were very good friends, but she's right, that does not mean Evan knew Colby. And if he did, what did that matter? It didnt make Max a bad guy so why would it make Evan one? "Breakfast?" She asks and I nod in agreement as we jump off my bed.

We enter the same cafe that I had narrowly escaped from last night. it was busier this morning, different groups of students crowded around at tables, engulfed in new conversations of the day. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee and baked goods catch my nose, and seem to caught Madison's attention as well, as we stride over to the counter to order our usuals.

We find a table in the far corner, sitting down with our quick food and began enjoying the scenery. Even with a lot of people, the company of Madison was enough for me. "Madison. Rose." Both our heads snap up to find Max, Cooper and Evan staring down at us. A blonde girl was latched to Evan's arm, who i presume to be Kate. My eyes watch her as she stares at her phone screen, her eyes shooting up at me before shooting me a kind smile.

    We realized Max is the one who spoke first, staring down at Madison who smiled up at him. "Hello." Madison said in between bites of her muffin. My eyes train on Evan, whose gaze meets mine in return. He flashes me a look with his eyes, one I find hard to dismember. I feel Madison nudge my arm beside me, flashing me a crazed smile before Max pulls my attention away again.

    "You guys remember Cooper? Evan?" I smile at both the boys before turning away quickly. I knew Cooper all too well. Before Madison met her current boyfriend, he was her fling. I've left them alone too many times in our dorm room for privacy. Cooper keeps his eyes adverted from Madison as he also finds a seat across from us. "Mind if we join you?" Max questions.

    Madison gave a hearty okay, I chose not to respond as Max sat next to me, Evan and Kate sitting across from me. My eyes stay adjusted to my plate but I could feel Evan's burning through me. "Did you have a good night last night?" Max asked.

    I meet his gaze to realize he was speaking directly to me, Cooper and Madison were already divulged into their own conversation. I nodded my head, keeping my eyes on him helped me feel safe and relaxed, ignoring the pressuring eyes that burned holes in my skin from the other side of the table.

    Kate spoke up quickly, "How do you guys know each other?"

    "My ex." i state blankly. Evan's eyes finally move away from mine and look at Kate, flashing her a smile that she seems to ignore. Her eyes train back on her phone before looking back up at us. "Well, i got class, and I don't want to hear Evan down my back so I'll catch yall later. it was nice to meet you, madison and.."

    Her pause is focused on me. "Rose." Evan states. kate looked down at him but didn't push the matter. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and exited the cafe. i look back at max.

    "She seems sweet." I say softly, now picking at my muffin with no more anticipation to eat it. The aromas were now making me sick. my cheeks still had the same burning sensation they have had since the boys arrived at the table. A waiter comes by and drops off a drink for Max and Evan before dismissing themself. max takes a long sip of his hot drink, still seeing the steam blow out of the lid as he pulls it away and replaces it on the table. he nods and glances at evan.

    "She can be." Madison nudges my arm, signaling she was ready to head out. She stood up first and i hesitated. Staring back at Max and Evan who both had their eyes trained on me.

    "Well it was good seeing you guys." I say standing up and following Madison. Max's hand grazed my arm in attempt to get my attention. He looks over at Evan then back at me.

    "Would you be interested in maybe coming over later? Madison too? We are all just hanging out at my dorm room. Figured you might enjoy getting out." My eyes peer down at Max, back at Madison, then towards Evan. Evan's holding a graceful smile on his lips that wasn't there before. I felt pressure building in my chest before Madison spoke up.

    "We'll be there. come on Rosie." I shoot the boys one last smile before quickly falling pace with Madison. "God. they ruined my breakfast." I stifled a laugh.

    "Oh please don't tell me you are feeling Max?" I shook my head. It was Evan I was intrigued by frankly.